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September 26 - September 28, 2025
“Glurp, glurp!” the audience yelled. “Glurp, glurp!”
You will not break me. You will not fucking break me.
“Glurp, glurp! Glurp, glurp!”
“Glurp on that, motherfucker,” I said.
That happens from time to time, that the dungeon turns a crawler into its bitch.”
“I once watched a cocker spaniel lick her own butthole for thirty minutes straight. That was more insightful than that question.”
Views: 1.7 Trillion Followers: 439.9 Billion Favorites: 42.4 Billion
Are you familiar with the concept of fan fiction?”
cockwomble,
‘Time to pay the Daddy tax.’”
“Well, shit,” I said, looking over the choices. “I guess we’re getting a pet.”
was a chicken dinosaur thing with pink, downy feathers. The monster cooed up at the cat, making a chirping noise.
getting them to level 15 is about as likely as a cheerleader from West Virginia reaching her 18th birthday as a virgin.
Views: 124.8 Trillion Followers: 2.1 Trillion Favorites: 234 Billion
The ghost of Steve Irwin smiles down upon you. Reward: I SAID THE GHOST OF STEVE IRWIN SMILES DOWN UPON YOU.
“We did it,” Donut cried, hopping up and down. “We tamed Mongo!”
And then he bit Donut right on the nose.
You will not break me. Fuck you all. You will not break me.
“Agatha,” I said. “Holy shit, she’s still alive.”
The moment I’d discovered the items, Agatha had appeared. Was that a coincidence? Was she working with the system AI?
Odette had mentioned something about a magical pet carrier, which apparently was the dungeon’s equivalent of a pokeball.
“If I was going to turn gay, it wouldn’t be with that guy.”
“He’s a dinosaur all right. Mongoliensis.”
“You called them velociraptors.”
IT’S OVER, YO
New Achievement! You read a book! You managed to make it all the way through the first Dungeon Crawler Carl book without throwing it against the wall! Reward: You get to read the next book! And great news, folks. The next book has clowns and dead hookers in it!
