Hello Stranger

by Jade West

“I can see perfectly well the way he looks at you,” she told me. “If I was around a bit longer I’d damn well stand a chance of ticking off that last box on my wall. You’d make a great daughter-in-law too, sweetheart. I just know it.”

Life was shifting around me. Lost to all recognition.

“It’s Chloe you have to thank for being a star,” I said. “Yes, she is,” she replied. “So don’t you dare let her go, boy. Don’t you fucking dare.”

My smile was tinged with pain, breaths choking up with hers as she nodded. “I’ll be dying happy, Logan. So fucking happy.” Jesus Christ, I didn’t want her to go. I couldn’t speak, because my words would break in my throat. She didn’t push me, just rested her helmet against mine and held me tighter. “I’m so glad I’m leaving you with a smile on your face, boy. So damn glad.” I forced down the pain with a nod. “Stay as long as you can, Mum.”

“Your mum really is amazing,” Chloe told me, and I nodded. “Yes, she is.” She looked up at me. “Figures, since she produced such an amazing son.” “I do love your compliments,” I laughed. “You’re an amazing creature yourself, Chloe.” “Thanks,” she said, and even now her shyness showed, cheeks flushing pink. I loved her like that. Still, figures, as the girl would have said. I loved her like her.

We went for coffee downstairs, but we didn’t make it to the kitchen. We were pressed up tight in the hallway, my back against the wall as he slammed his body into mine. My kiss was ready, his was rough and deep. I loved it like that. That’s I guess what led to that first tickle of knowing. That sneaky little dance inside that wanted more. I wanted rough and deep. I wanted to lose myself to his touch. And he felt it. Holy fuck, he felt it.

I loved him with that filthy glint in his eyes just as much as I loved the doctor on the ward. Just as much as I loved the man holding me tight in bed at night.

My ass screamed. Hot. My ass screamed. Tight. My ass screamed, because it fucking hurt. But still, it wanted more. Still, it needed more. Still, I was begging for more.

He kissed me as his cock unloaded, and I felt it – love. Love from him. Love for me. Love, even in the dirty. Love, even in the raw.

Slowly. So fucking slowly. The rhythm was firm. Coaxing. My body was tingling. Wired.

“I love you,” I told him. “Seriously, Logan, I love you. I love you so much, it’s unreal. So don’t ever stop this. Please, don’t ever stop this. I wouldn’t be able to breathe if you did.” And that’s when he stilled. That’s when he tensed and pulled his body away from mine. Spell broken, his eyes primal in a whole other way, jaw gritted hard as his shutters came down. “Let’s get that coffee,” he said.

I hated myself as I walked through to the kitchen, knowing full well I’d cut her off in a moment of expression. I couldn’t help it. My barriers were up, steel strong, emotions sealed.

She didn’t speak, just stared, and it broke my heart to see her like that, so confused and so unsure.

“Sorry, if I, um… said more than I should.” I shook my head. “You didn’t.” “Oh.” The confusion on her face deepened.

“There’s no need for a sorry. There never is.” Her freckles were magic under wide eyes. Her mouth was slightly open, breaths catching. “Live in the moment with me then,” she said. “Live in the weekend with me.” Right then, in that kitchen doorway with that beautiful creature alive in my arms, I couldn’t have done anything else if I’d tried.

Logan’s ocean was as deep as I’d figured. I felt it there, calling from the darkness at the bottom, and I couldn’t work it out. Wouldn’t even know where to start. His walls were high, and the waters were fierce, and I was still bobbing along on the surface, unsure quite how to sail. My God, I wanted to. I wanted to break those walls apart and dive right inside.

She squeezed my hand a little tighter. “Please don’t buy into it and leave him like Evelyn did. I’ll be reaching the end soon, and I don’t want to see him fuck up his chance to live a happy life and end up alone. I promise you, darling, he is besotted with you. You make him sail the skies. I’ve never seen him so happy as he is when he’s with you.” I felt the tears brewing in me. “I’ve never been so happy as I am when I’m with him.” She nodded, and squeezed again. “So don’t let it go. Please, Chloe, don’t let it go. No matter how hard he tries, don’t buy into his bullshit. He’s just a pessimist, preparing everyone for the losses and not living for the blessings.” “I won’t let it go,” I said. “Is that a promise?” Her eyes were deadly serious, and so was my answer. “That’s a promise.”

I fell asleep there, next to my boyfriend’s amazing dying mum. Because that’s what he was – my boyfriend. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, to himself as well as me. I fell asleep next to my boyfriend’s amazing mum, and it was an amazing place to be. Knowing Jackie Hall was an honour I’d never forget. I just wished I had longer alongside her.

I found her asleep next to Mum, slumped in bed alongside her with the oxygen machine rumbling its rumble. It was one of the most moving sights I’d ever seen. Mum’s tablet was dropped between them on the duvet, both of them dreaming deep. I could picture it crystal clearly, them both giggling together watching some crappy TV show through the night.

“What’s your favourite novel of all time?”

“It can’t be,” she said. “No fucking way. It just can’t be.”

I felt my whole body tense up. Because she was right. It couldn’t be. There was just no fucking way. But it was.

“I still can’t believe you like Dion Fortune novels,” she said with a giggle. “I’d have never bet on that in a million years.” “Most people wouldn’t have,” I told her. “Including me.”

Sunday was slow and beautiful, every minute sinking in, glorious. I didn’t want it to end.

Her hair was a ripple on the grass, and her smile was timeless and she was everything in the world I could ever have wanted. Yet, that responsibility goes both ways. You have to give in this world as much as you receive, and I would have loved to have been that man for her. I would have loved to have soared her spirit with my own.

“I’m going to say it again,” she told me, before falling asleep. “Be pessimistic all you like, but I’m going to say it all the same.” I could feel her staring up at me, even in the darkness. “I love you, Logan. Call it a moment, or call it a lifetime, I don’t care. I just want to tell you I love you. Even more so now I know the freaky shit about you having the same favourite niche little novel as I do.”

Still, I said it. I told the truth. I looked at that girl at my side, knowing exactly the smile she was pulling, and I gave her the tiny little utterance from my heart. “I love you too.”

I didn’t want it to end, but the peak was irresistible, both of us lost in the motions. And lost in the love.

“I wish that moments could last for all time.” “Then they wouldn’t be as special,” I said. “But there are plenty of special ones, aren’t there? Plenty of moments you can feel again.” He kissed my neck. “Plenty of special moments ahead for you, Chloe. You are an incredible woman with an incredible world awaiting her.” “An incredible world with you,” I told him, and I didn’t care anymore.

He kissed my forehead with more tenderness than I’ve ever known. “Let’s just live in the moment, shall we?” I sighed and nodded. Taking my own advice as I snuggled down in his arms.

The girl was a wonder, more than I’d ever dreamt possible, and I almost found hope again. Almost pushed the darkness aside and told her my truth. Almost believed that my life was worth her devotion, whatever the cost of that might be. Luckily, I didn’t. Luckily, I held back long enough for my rationale to come to its senses.

She could have had any of them, and sure, most of them would be morons, and plenty of them would be assholes, but there would be some men out there who would be everything a girl like Chloe could want for the rest of her life. I just wasn’t that man. I could never be that man.

He was hurting so bad.

So many people, so many lives. Ours was sombre and beautiful all at once.

Thank you, universe. Thank you for the quiet.

“Gonna put my toes in the sea,” she said, and Logan nodded. “Here we go, Mum. Toes in the sea.”

Thank you again, universe. Thank you.

I was beyond choked up as I watched them there, resting tight together. The tears were streaming down my cheeks in silence, honoured to see that closeness between two human souls.

“I’m ready to put my toes in the sea,” she whispered, and there was a tear running down her cheek that took my breath. “Let’s get another tick on the wall.” “Let’s go,” Logan said, and my awe doubled to see him so steady in his pain as he prepared his mum for the final few paces. We took off our shoes and cast them onto the sand, and I helped Jackie up from her chair along with Logan. We supported her, holding her weight through every step she took. Her eyes were on the sea, resolve insanely firm to walk her own path, even so close to her last goodbye. I never ever wanted that walk to end. I’d have spent the rest of eternity walking across that beach for her.

Thank you, universe.

But it was nothing like loving the seaside as much as I loved it with Jackie Hall’s arm in mine. She let out a happy little gasp as the first wave met our feet, toes curling into the sand. Her eyes were every bit as magical as I’d ever seen them, the life shining bright from her smile. She laughed. And that was magical too. “Feels even better than I remember,” she said. “Fucking hell, it feels good.” I closed my eyes to soak in the feeling myself, and she was right. Just like always, she was right. It sure felt fucking good. “Thank you,” I told her, and she turned her face to mine. “Thank you for sharing this with me.” The life was still shining bright when she answered me with a squeeze of her hand. “Thank you for being here, sweetheart. Means the world to me.”