Hello Stranger

by Jade West

“It’s Logan,” he said. “My name is Logan.” Logan. I knew it was Logan. I’d heard it was Logan. But it was a whole other thing hearing it from him. A personal introduction.

I took it all. I craved it all. I wanted it all.

He had me. Every part of me, claimed by every part of him.

He came as I did, grunting as I moaned, hips slamming hard, and it was everything. He was everything. I didn’t know myself as he calmed his movements and lay still. I knew then that I could never be without this, not ever again. Not without losing my mind.

I climbed up his body when he was done and he pulled me into his arms, and again, I felt so safe. So safe and so wanted there, without any words. And that’s where I slept. Prosecco hazed and glowing bright, before the lights were even out, I fell asleep, as comfortable as I could ever feel. I belonged there.

No Dr Hall – sorry, Logan – to be seen. Logan. I’d fucked Dr Hall and now he was Logan.

I hoped he wasn’t all set to pile me out of the front door and never mention our hook-up again. Because he could do. He could draw a line under it and say thanks, but no thanks. It wouldn’t be anything more than a one-night stand then. No biggie, I suppose. Except it would be. It would be plenty big enough for me.

She relaxed against her pillows. “Chloe.” She paused, her hands still squeezing mine. “It’s nice to meet you, Chloe. Please tell me I’ll be meeting you again.” My hands squeezed hers right back, and I knew something. Just from her smile, I knew something. I liked her. I liked her a lot. “I hope so,” I said. “I really hope I’ll be meeting you again.”

“Lovely to meet you, Chloe,” his mum said as I took a few steps away. “Lovely to meet you too, Jackie,” I said back, and gave her a stupid little wave that I’m sure made me look like a dumbass as I left her room. I could feel Logan following me until his mum’s voice shot out at him. “Don’t you go anywhere yet!” She was laughing that cackle of a laugh. I turned back to face him and he was smiling at her and then at me. I loved to see him smile like that. His eyes were so intense as they fixed on mine. “Head on down. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Tidy. He was so damn tidy. I was smiling at that too. As if I’d ever found neatness a horny quality in a guy in my life. Every damn thing about Dr Logan Hall was horny as hell.

Please, universe, dish me out another winner and let me stay awhile.

I knew it was coming before he spoke. I could see it in his eyes. “Chloe…” he started, but I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to hear it. My voice did me proud in that second, it really did. “Please, don’t do it,” I told him. “I know it was a mistake and shouldn’t have happened and all that, but please don’t say let’s just forget about it and I’ll see you on Monday and nice to know you.” I took a breath. “Because it’s more than that to me. Since the bookmark thing, and then seeing you worked at the hospital, and then coming to the same ward… I mean, it’s too weird to ignore, right? And I get it, that you’re my boss and it’s not professional, but I really liked it. And I really like you.” I took another breath. “And I even like your mum now, too. So please don’t send me away and say goodbye.” I stopped myself, and he was staring at me, so intently it took my breath. “What makes you think I was going to do that?” he said.

I prepared myself for round two of questioning from my mother. Predictably, she was ready to roll the very moment I was over the threshold. “Please tell me she’s still downstairs?” she asked, and I nodded affirmation. “Yes. She’s still downstairs.” “Good,” she said. “Don’t you dare give up on that sweet little thing, Logan. I’ll be turning in my grave if you give up on that little darling.”

“I saw it for myself,” she told me. “I saw the way you looked at her, and I sure as hell saw the way she looked at you. Compatibility can kiss my sweet ass. You’re besotted with her.” Her words slammed me. I felt it deep. And with the slam was that whisper of something inside, something I’d given up on a long time ago. “Tell me I’m wrong,” she said, and let go of my hand. “Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll shut my mouth.” I couldn’t tell her she was wrong.

I poured her another juice. “Want another slice of toast?” She shot me a smirk. “I want another slice of meeting Chloe, please. That’s top of my list for today.” I pictured Chloe downstairs, nosing through my book collection. Then I pictured Chloe upstairs, spending time with my mother and all her buzzy eccentric ways. “I’ll see how long she’s around for. Maybe she’ll venture up for another hello.” “Good,” she said, and settled herself down. “I’m sure we’re going to get on like a house on fire.”

“Cross my heart,” she said, and laughed. “The rest of the saying can get fucked.”

“My mother is keen to see you again,” he said, and that made me tingle a proud little tingle in my stomach. “I’m pretty keen to see her again too.” “Guess that’s the day sorted.” He laughed that easy laugh again. “She doesn’t usually stop when she starts. You’ll know her entire life history by the time she’s finished with you, and she’ll know yours.” And yours, I hope, I thought, I hope I’ll know yours.

“I’m glad I’m a visitor,” I said, and he nodded. “I’m pretty damn glad you’re a visitor too,” he replied. “It’s not quite the weekend I was planning, but it’s a pleasant surprise.” Weekend. I noticed he said weekend. Fuck yes, universe!

“I’d better shower first,” I said, and he laughed. “Use my toothbrush and all that jazz.” His eyes were sparkling for a moment, and they reminded me of his mother’s upstairs. I hadn’t noticed that before – the similarity. “I’ll use your toothbrush and all that jazz,” I said, and it was nicely awkward standing there, fingers twisting in front of me even though I was doing my best not to look nervous.

“Honestly,” she said and pointed over again. “Go take a look. Can’t have you in that thing all weekend now, can we?” All weekend.

“Synchronicity,” she said when I got to the Gina’s leaving party bit. She patted my hand. “You a believer in synchronicity, sweetheart?” “I believe in loads of stuff,” I told her. “People think I’m a bit dappy for it most of the time.” “Never stop believing in it,” she said. “No matter what people think, never stop believing in it. I never have. It’s where your heart sings loudest, when that belief in the world comes true.” She was just like me. The eternal optimist.

She cleared her throat before she spoke again. “So, what do you know about my boy?” I smiled before I answered. “Nothing very much,” I said. “Apart from that he’s a fantastic doctor and a big reader. Both of those things are brill.” I left the great in bed stuff unsaid, but she laughed and hinted at it for me. “Pretty damn good at other stuff too, I imagine. Or you’d have been off like a shot this morning.” I knew I was blushing beetroot, and she laughed at that as well.

It was a while before I climbed the stairs to pull the sparrow from the clutches of my nosey mother, but clearly that didn’t matter. Those clutches were welcome. I’d known that would be the case.

I held her tight, and we collected ourselves together. Flesh to flesh. Wrapped up in limbs and needs and wants, and so much still unsaid. She was the one to open the door to the unspoken and set the wheels in motion. “Your mum told me a lot about you,” she said.

The nights when Mum had fallen asleep exhausted beside me and I was still awake, my young mind churning with what-ifs you should never have to contemplate at five years old. What if I die? Will it hurt? Will an angel come for me? Tossing and turning and watching Mum sleep. What will Mummy do if I leave her? How sad will she be? How much will she cry then, when I’m in heaven? Who will hug me like she does when I’m not alive anymore?

The whole experience of the treatment, and the hospital stays, and the pain was intense. Petrifying. It took over eight hundred days until I was given the all clear. I still remember that rush of utter relief when they told me it was done. No more drips, no more consultations, no more days wandering around hospital wards with other kids trying to smile like me.

“Because I’m not leukaemia, or kidney loss, or grief, or losing my hair. I’m a doctor living his life, who happens to like the gym, and walking up hills, and reading too many books for any regular person, and who works far too many hours to be sane.”

It was her absolute focus on the positives, genuinely. That absolute love and joy in her face when she focused on my Ben Nevis climb and not my chemotherapy, and it wasn’t a gloss over it, don’t make him sad by talking about his bodily failures and the shit that goes along with them – it was the plain truth in her seeing me as the same man she dashed across Harrow for on a Friday night. I relaxed. She relaxed. We lay together and breathed, and I wondered where the hell this was going, for both of us. But it didn’t matter. I didn’t care. Not in that moment. All that mattered to me was having her there in my arms.

And she laughed again, and that’s when I knew it for certain. I was in love with her. I was in love with everything about her, even the things I didn’t know.

If I didn’t know I was in love with him before spending some time with his mum, I sure as hell knew it after. He was right. He wasn’t leukaemia or chemotherapy or one kidney or missing hair. He was him. He was Logan. I was in love with Logan Hall.

Logan laughed. “You want to climb a mountain right here and now, do you? Push a wheelchair up a hillside and get Mum singing hallelujah at the top?” He wasn’t expecting it at all when I stared back at him, cool as a cucumber. “Why not?” I kept my smile as my words registered, and he was thinking. I could see him thinking.

“It would be a long drive, and quite a climb.” I shrugged. “So what?” “And we’d need to prepare her…” I shrugged again. “So, let’s go ask. See what she says.” His smile stayed on his face, and he tipped his head, staring right back at me. “You’re serious? You want to drive with me across country to some hills you climbed up as a kid, and push my mum’s wheelchair up a pathway until we reach the top?” “Yeah, that’s what I want,” I told him. And I was serious. I was as serious as it ever gets.

“I suppose it’s feasible,” he said “Let’s do it then,” I said, and he laughed. “We can’t do it today.” “Tomorrow, then.” He laughed again. “Then you’d best go ask my mother.”

Logan was behind me, footsteps loud and calm, but I jumped right in, heart racing fast. “Do you want to climb a mountain tomorrow?” She put her pen down and leaned closer. “What, sweetheart?” I pointed to the list on the wall. “Climb a mountain,” I said. “Do you want to do it tomorrow?” She was trying to fathom what I was saying, her eyes wide on mine, and Logan chipped in after me. “Chloe wants us to head to the Malvern Hills tomorrow and push your wheelchair to the top, and I said to her that–” “Yes!” she said, cutting him off. “Yes, I want to climb a mountain tomorrow! Count me right in!”

It was when we were facing each other in bed in the dark that he spoke low and quiet to me. “Thank you for caring,” he said, “for Mum.” “Making sure she gets her ham sandwiches isn’t really caring for her,” I said. “Oh, it really is,” he said, stroking my hair. “Shit!” I said, suddenly realising. “What?” “Biscuits. She wanted biscuits for afters. What are her favourites? Have you got any? I mean, if you haven’t got any, her favourites, I mean, we’ll have to stop somewhere on the way. She –” “Stop!” he said and touched a finger to my lips. “Custard creams. She loves them. I can’t stand them. But I know there’s a tin that’s full and there’s backup packets of the bloody things in the cupboard.” “Urgh,” I pulled a face and shuddered. “I hate custard creams.” “Something else we have in common,” he said. “We can hate custard creams together. Start a club even.” I laughed.

“This is why I love you, Chloe. You’re such a hilariously cute little soul.”

“I love you, too.”

Climb a mountain. I’d seen it so clearly on Jackie’s bucket list, and helping make it happen was an honour.

I may not have known him, not truly. I may have known barely a shiver inside the gale of his soul, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered around Logan. Nothing but instinct.

“I climbed a mountain!” she cried. “I’m on the top of a fucking mountain!”

And then it was there all over again. The pulse of need for the man standing in front of me on the landing. The nerves right the way through me. The shiver of want through my spine. His eyes were as dark as I’d seen them. His jaw was as firm as I knew. My fingers twisted. Twisted. Twisted. Nervous. My words caught. Stumbling. He closed the distance. His hands were hot. His mouth was hotter.

We were silent for long minutes before he spoke, and I felt the atmosphere changing. I could feel it in him, brewing, brooding. Those reservations still eating him up deep inside. “Jesus, Chloe, I really have no idea where we can go with this. It’s unprofessional, and impractical, and so many red flags on so many levels. A whole load of them we’ll never win.” It didn’t sound like him talking. Didn’t sound like the man I’d shared such an amazing time with. He sounded like a man that needed convincing. My heart was rocking, but I said the words. “So tell me it’s over,” I said. “Look me in the eyes and tell me we’re over.” He looked me in the eyes, but they told me anything but that we were over.

But my life wasn’t clockwork. Not anymore. My life had been hit with the beautiful tornado that was Chloe Sutton.

I watched her leave, wondering again just how the fuck this could work, the feelings made all the worse under the fluorescent reality of working life. The girl was a youngster, buoyant and effervescent. She had a life stretching ahead, crying out for happiness and fun. I had anything but that ahead of me.

“My availability is great. Super great. Just tell me what you need.” He tipped his head, and his smirk was amazing, eyes sparkling like his mum’s. “How about I need you to come home with me this evening?”

“How’s your mum?” I asked, and he took a moment to answer. “Alive.” “Alive and as well as possible, or alive and not doing so well?” “Alive and not doing so well.” He paused. “She hasn’t stopped harping on about you all week by the way. She thinks you’re a divine little thing.” “I think she’s pretty damn awesome too.” “I gathered,” he said. “Two of you eternal optimists bouncing up against the eternal pessimist at every opportunity.”

The moment is now, Chloe. It’s always now. Not about reliving the past or dreaming up the future, it’s in the here and now. Enjoy as many of those moments as you can, because they never come twice, my love.

“Chloe, sweetheart.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I’m so fucking glad you’re here. Was worried you’d got fed up with us after climbing the damn mountain last weekend.” “Hardly,” I said, and leaned in close. “How are you feeling?” Her eyes were sparkling much less brightly than the week before. “Shit,” she told me. “I’ve been either retching, wheezing, or sleeping all week.” Seeing how weak she looked in bed that night, I fully believed her.

“Thank you for making him so happy,” she told me. “Believe me, Chloe, I haven’t seen him anything like this happy in years. I thought I’d take my last breath before I ever saw him smile like that again.”

“You can talk about it, you know,” she told me. “About you and him, I mean. I’ve still got a good pair of ears on me, even if the rest of me is bloody useless.” I shrugged. “I don’t know what to say, really I don’t. I hope I get to make him a load happier. I will try if he lets me, just not so sure he will.” “He’d best bloody well had do,” she said. She pointed to the last line on her bucket list, and I felt the flush burning me up. Get a daughter-in-law. “I know my time is running low,” she said, “so I’m sure I’ll never get to see him say his vows with a pretty little thing like you. But to know he’s happy when I say my goodbyes… that would be worth more than a hundred more years of life in me, I promise.”