More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
a helicopter full of Richard Attenborough’s hubris.
Also on board is Jeffward Goldblum as mathematician
At this point, Richard Attenborough has flown four people all the way to Costa Rica without actually telling them why the fuck they’re going to Costa Rica. Presumably, they’ve been sitting in a tiny enclosed space staring at each other in silence for hours and hours. Nobody seems to think this is weird. Nobody is yelling at all.
then a butterfly pees its pants and it causes a landslide in Calabasas.
Turns out, Jurassic Park scientists were able to build their own “dahnasauwwwers” by extracting blood from the stomachs of dinosquitos, putting the blood in a jar with some frog DNA and glue, and then shaking it. Or something like that. I don’t know. Go ask B. D. Wong.
It is offensive how little the lawyer knows about B. D. Wong.
why must you always question B. D. Wong?
Disregarding why anyone would bring children to an uninspected monster island, everyone gets back in the jeeps and they head out for a tour.
Newman is busy fucking up everything on earth.
Dr. Grant pulls an extremely hilarious and appropriate prank involving an electric fence and some severely traumatized children. Everything is fucked.
Laura Dern: We can discuss sexism in survival situations when I get back. ROAST HIM, DERN.
OH SHIT, T. REX COMES IN AND SAVES THE DAY AND EATS THE RAPTORS AND IT IS RIGHTEOUS AS HELL. Keep this metaphor with you always—it is very useful when you have more than one problem at once. Sometimes you have to let the T. rex fight the raptors.
Scar, Mufasa’s no-good brother, who’s just chilling in a cave nursing his wasting disease.
Mufasa comes into the cave and is like, “Do not eat my toucan, please; I need him for blathering and ineffectual childcare.”
away. I guess nobody explained to Mufasa that when a hyena eats a baby lion, the hyena turns into grass, and then the antelopes eat the grass! The circle of life is way more complicated when everyone can talk.
and Timon and Pumbaa are like, “WHAT IS A MONARCHY WE ARE ANIMALS.”
So, the moral of The Lion King, I guess, is don’t push your older brother into a wildebeest stampede because someday your nephew might throw you in a hyena-infested fire? Also, the sky is full of dead lions. Being alive is a fright.
Whether or not to watch Rush Hour is the kind of sticky post-#MeToo judgment call we now have to make all the time, and there’s no map other than your own personal instincts and comfort zone. Unfortunately, due to the indefatigable vileness of men throughout history, sexual exploitation and abuse of power have pervaded all of our art and media, and everything is tainted and fucked!
People always accuse feminists of taking the fun out of everything, but can you see how it is actually Brett Ratner who did that?????
I’m sorry, but if there’s a British guy in a suit who talks in the first five minutes of your movie, he’s the villain! If it’s Tom Wilkinson, you’re fucked.
I truly do not understand the FBI’s animosity toward Jackie Chan, who has been nothing but cordial and professional this whole time, but apparently it would kill them to take him seriously for even one single second.
it is blowing my mind that “Chinese people eat cra-a-a-a-a-zy stuff!” was a socially acceptable punch line until I was a full adult!
Natalie Portman’s character claims to be a human being but is actually a genie that exists entirely within the mind of Zach Braff’s dreaming penis.
Then he goes to the airport and then he changes his mind and comes back from the airport because he realizes that without his presence she would simply wink out of existence because she is a fucking shell of a person, a marionette, an agency-free boner-golem.
(LOL @ the idea we’ll make it to 2029!).
We should not have made them like that! “We should not have made them like that” is, I think, what this entire franchise is about (?), so let’s see how things unfold.
Hey, though! Why would they give the Terminator a dick!? What’s he supposed to use it for? Also, why is he Austrian? Call me old-fashioned, but I think it’s weird not to explain why your robot is Austrian and has a dick.1
it’s Robert Patrick a.k.a. T-1000 a.k.a. Robot Patrick a.k.a. a liquid metal absolute bitch.
(why would there be a limit to how fast a liquid metal man could run?),
Eddie Furlong as a child has the energy of an old Kristen Stewart.
Disrespectfully, what the fuck is the point of a futuristic robot that can only become a knife? A robot is already like a gun! You had to make a robot less like a gun to make it a knife.
Having to think about time travel should be the punishment we give to criminals instead of prison.
Man, can you imagine if you sacrificed your life and legacy to save humanity, and then just twenty-five years later, they elected motherfucking Donald Trump to be the president? The 2016 election was disrespectful to Miles Dyson most of all, IMO!
Arnold says, “Hasta la vista, baby,” which is precious because he learned it from his dad-son-boss and now he’s all grown up, and then he shoots T-1000 with a gun and explodes him into little pieces.
DO NOT KNOW WHY OR HOW THIS ROBOT LOVES THIS TERRIBLE LITTLE BOY, BUT IT KINDLES IN ME A HOPE THAT ONE DAY WE MAY LOVE ONE ANOTHER AND OURSELVES.
Few things have shaped my existence more profoundly than the realization, courtesy of the 1994 film Reality Bites, that there are two kinds of women—Janeane Garofalos and Winona Ryders—and that I would never, ever be a Winona, the only kind that really matters. I wrote about this in my last book, The Witches Are Coming. That line of thinking fucked me up until I was about twenty-seven.
Vickie’s the only non-dickwad in this entire dang movie!
This movie’s like a Shithead Manual.
It’s possible that I hate Troy more than any other fictional or living human.
Man, there’s nothing America loves more than a really pretty woman who kind of tries. That’s the most sympathetic thing in the world. A really pretty girl who tried a little bit.
At this point in the rewatch, you realize that you are nearly a decade older than these characters, and what you’re watching is a movie about children yelling nonsense at each other.
If these weren’t attractive white people, they’d definitely have to explain how a couple of jerks who hate jobs got a free house at the end.
One thing you can say about Twilight is that it is not boring. There are a billion characters, they’re always saying some crazy shit, and they’re SO HORNY!
Something is just 2 percent off about every line and every interaction, which, taken cumulatively,
To recap, this teenager is saying that a local doctor legally adopts pairs of teenagers that he thinks would be romantically compatible, and makes them date, which they do. Absolutely no one acts like this is weird at all, Bella takes it completely in stride, and everyone forges ahead.
Gaslighting! Vampire gaslighting!!! Later that night, Bella wakes up and thinks she sees Edward inside her room watching her sleep. But he’s not. OR WAS HE? (Yes!!!!!!!)
B E L L A. G I R L. Y I K E S.
I do need to pause and say that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson perform the frick out of these goofy-ass roles, and you know what? I love them both. I do! I think they are good! Sue me! Take me to Taste Court!
(PLEASE no one let Donald Trump watch Twilight),
(Of all the weird shit Stephanie Meyer wrote in this series, “all vampires love baseball” is absolutely the weirdest.
