Darklight (Darklight #1)

by Bella Forrest

I felt myself leaning in his direction without knowing why, almost like my forehead wanted to bump his again.

Told you, you're marked.

I rose from the boulder to help him, but as I took the first step, I nearly tripped as an invisible vise tightened around my ribcage. For just a moment, breathing hurt—a dull ache, like a pulled muscle.

It starts. Your transformation begins. You're the chosen one and you've been selected to return the balance.

Maybe that was why my stomach still churned. After the moment of chest pain in the courtyard, something still wasn’t settling right.

There it is. You're the chosen one, slowly changing with heartburn.

I could recognize the difference between that and the real gratitude and cautious excitement he’d shown when I’d first told him about my and Bryce’s idea. A part of me felt a little special that I’d gotten to witness it.

Watch out, you're being manipulated.

My heart beat a little faster at the realization of how quickly my idea was taking shape.

But was it really your idea?

Why couldn't this just be a new chapter? Here a new chapter, there an excessively long chapter with mutiple section breaks. I'm 50% of the way through this book and on chapter 23 of 37.

I hoped the more I prepared I was, the lower my nerves would be.

Need an editor.

I didn’t bother to hide the paper plate.

It's a plastic plate. Get your story straight.

He looked perfectly ordinary, though that face could never be entirely ordinary.

Have we not considered a hat? Come on.

Even old Thoth set down his book to watch the “Dorian the Human” show; he stood in the doorway of his cell, arms crossed over his stomach, emitting slow, booming laughs.

Thoth makes me think of Hudson from the Gargoyles animated series.

"The transformation is complete!"

I thought we were trying to keep this on the DL.

but duty called.

"Why did the hero flush the toilet? ... Because it was his duty!"

His intention was clear.

Wasn't the whole point of this visit to test Dorian's ability so that you could justify using his ability to find culprits in the future? Taking him out to hunt down an unknown murderer proves nothing. First, he could say anybody did it (let's recall that his abiloties are still untested). Second, what evidence do you have if you do find the murderer? The word of a vampire? Again, this is why you're testing him. Ugh this author is dumb. At least successfully complete the line-up test before the murder phone call.

He looked uncomfortable to be in such close proximity to Jim,

Something I've been wondering about since they first met, what if Jim is corrupt? What if this whole situation is a setup?

Jim opened the door, and Dorian disappeared down the stairwell.

Seriously? You're that desperate to get into an action scene that you just throw logic out the window and send Dorian out chasing down a murderer in a city he's probably not familiar with, not to mention that it's a city full of evil.

Maybe I should’ve worried that the vampire would use this opportunity to pull a fast one on us, grab a quick snack of innocents, and take off into the night.

Aren't we beyond this stage? I mean you already have half of his family/clan in prison.

Let's see how this plays out."

Seriously! You're sending a vampire out to detain and arrest four guys with no evidence that they did anything! This would never hold up in court you might as well just let him kill them. Stupid! Do some research, or at least some critical thinking before you go writing this nonsense!

The CCTV snapped to a bird’s-eye view of the alley from a camera mounted on a light post.

And who the heck has been controlling these cameras? I've just been imagining they are programmed to follow Dorian's chest camera since the author wasn't creative enough to come up with an explanation. I really hope she's not getting paid to write this garbage.

I was impressed with Dorian’s speed, but also with my ability to initially catch the detail of the guns hidden beneath the perpetrators’ shirts.

Oh this is stupid! Now we not only have a vampire testifying that these four commited the murder, but his fingerprints are on the guns. And i bet he's about to single-handedly take them all into custody, making this testimony that much more believable! Grow a brain!

pounded a fist into his temples,

One fist into two temples, huh?

a swift fist to the temple

Only one temple this time? But it was so much cooler last time.

He’d proven all that I’d hoped for and more.

He didn't prove anything about the murder. He'd only shown off his superiority to humans

career criminals,

Who says they were career criminals? Mybe this was just a temporary gig while they waited for their Blue Man Group callback.

"The bullets in the alley matched the type in the hotel room,"

No further forensic testing required. Give him a badge and a gun.

Dorian waded through the water, tossing a splash at me. "Lyra," he called. "Did you see where my brother went?"

Now he's communicating with you in your sleep.

I awoke to the bugle and that creeping ache in my chest again. My dad had fought heartburn for the past few years, so it was likely my turn now.

Nope, you're changing because you've been chosen to restore the balance to the worlds and join the ranks of the vampires forever.

But this also meant that the vampires would be around people who weren't carrying handguns, and they’d potentially have to fight their urge to feed.

Seriously! We're suddenly worried about this again? I wonder what the original plot behind this story was with so much back and forth between trust and mistrust for the vampires.

I loved to see Bryce progressively put more and more trust in the vampires.

Ohp! Now we trust them gain!

We also need two everyday outfits for women around Gina and Lily's size, if you could—

This clothing donation is another thing I'm surprised didn't happen on day 0 with the blankets and pillows.

“I’ll see you in a few minutes.” Not “I’ll see your group;” he’d said, “I’ll see you.” My heart swelled. I must have entered the stage of attraction where I read too much into offhanded remarks.

Uh... Yeah. What is this, middle school?

Kane, meanwhile, simply attempted to murder the entire room with his eyes.

Hey! Don't joke about something like that; they might be able to do it.

a couple of others I hadn’t had much chance to talk to yet.

There are vampires you still don't know yet? Good grief! Shouldn't that have been a Day 1, name tag stickers meet-and-greet event?

Apparently humor crossed species lines.

Apparently...

"Captain Bryce has arranged for the soldiers to use golf carts once we get there, so you'll be able to move quickly,"

Because golf carts are so fast.

For the first time, nerves traveled down my spine. How difficult would this be for the vampires compared to past missions? Would their hunger distract them? Or overwhelm them? The citizens here hadn’t been vetted by the FBI and Bureau training; they could be a grab bag of darkness.

Didn't this thought cross her mind a few pages back? Now we're back to not trusting them again.

I was the first human to zip down,

What about the security guards that just went down?

Though, given what I’d seen of Dorian’s speed in Las Vegas, they were probably holding back.

Probably...

"Targets not to be seen again,"

Why are we tagging them if they're leaving for good and we're not going to be able to track them anyway. We should have discovered this by now unless they're not digital tags.

I slammed my foot on the gas pedal, launching Zach back into his seat.

Seriously? First, where was he sitting? He'd have to have been sitting up on the seat back or standing in the cart for this to happen, and golf carts aren't usually that tall. Second, is it a forward-facing back seat? Otherwise the back seat is typically rear-facing, backed right up against the front seat and she would have launched him over it and out of the cart, but again, there's not usually that much open space inside a golf cart to allow an armed soldier to pass through to the back seat, no matter what kind of turbo jet engine they have installed. Please research before you write. This is painful.

I hated having to keep my eyes on our path, because I could feel Dorian looking at me.

You could always take your eyes off the path and go out in a spectacular blaze of glory, ending this torture for all of us. Please consider it IRL before you write another book.

"They smelled humans—you were upwind, and apparently rather odorous—and they were confused by our appearance. They also didn't like the golf carts," Bravi said, tugging at her T-shirt again. “Well, and that giant one was a cranky old bastard.”

All this and we didn't even get a chuckle from the team?

When we’d gotten underway, I made my way over to sit beside Dorian.

Why!?

The humans spent the first few minutes of the flight back commending the vampires on their performance on the course,

Because there wasnt time for that during the chatter that was going on before.

"What I'm proposing is far more complex than the test I gave you last time. This situation lacks thorough intel,

Becuse the last test had so much intel.

"All right," Bryce said. "If Clave accepts

When did he become just Clave and not Mr. Clave or Dorian?

We've used tracking devices on the vampires before—we'll just tag them again. They take ‘em off, trial period’s over."

Seriously? This is ridiculous at this point.

Our caution needs to be displayed so there’s less blowback about doing a side mission without their approval.

Why don't you just get the board's approval then?

"Well, then," Jim said. "How does a vacation to the heartland sound to you?"

Sounds like this was a wasted trip to Vegas if you ask me.

Captain Bryce, Dorian, and I reconvened in Bryce's office to discuss Jim's proposal.

We couldn't have finished this conversation in the last chapter? I mean, the last mission chapter was super long, why break up this one?

"Stomach problems." Dorian gave me a questioning look,

There it is. You're changing. No stopping it now.