Heartbreak Warfare

by Heather M. Orgeron

“If you ever get tested, remember there’s a difference between defiance and bravery. Leave your compassion out of it and show them you are a part of something bigger, something they can’t break. Remember the Soldier’s Creed.”

Foreheads pressed together, I whisper the only word that makes the moment seem bearable. “Forever.”

Mullins is habitually single and has already let me know in very clear terms that she couldn’t wait to get out here and stuff herself on the buffet of saluting soldiers.

“Nice to meet you, Scottie,” Briggs says, reaching for my hand. My eyes roll as I correct him. “It’s just Scott.” The corners of his mouth curl up into another megawatt smile, and he winks. That lone dimple makes another appearance. “I heard.” His response is accompanied by a devilish smirk.

Midway through a story involving potty training and Jones’s son peeing in one of the display toilets at Lowe’s, I get this intense feeling I’m being watched. Glancing up, my eyes connect with Briggs’s. The knowledge that he’s been watching me shouldn’t have my heart jumping like this. Almost immediately he jerks his head away, leaving me breathless, a little confused, and resentful of both.

“Could be that ‘eat shit’ demeanor you have going on, Scottie,” he says, holding my gaze when I reach his. “Maybe that’s just the vibe you’re getting from me. You know, to eat shit.” “I ate fried maggots in the Philippines. I’m pretty sure that’s close enough to shit, so I’ve got you covered.”

“You see that asshole over there?” He points to the other side of the ring. I see a guy a little taller than Briggs being taped up.

I tilt my head and lift my eyes, having no idea where he’s going with this. “Yeah?”

“I’m going to kick his ass,” he says then slides in his mouth guard, extends a glove toward me,...

“No thanks,” I say waving...

Briggs ignores him, and his eyes cover me in a brief sweep. “He called you frozen.” “What?” “Ice Princess,” Morrero mutters. “Then I’ll kick his damn ass myself if you can’t take him.”

“Briggs, she’ll meet you, tit for tat. You’re out of your league.” “Nah,” he says, winking at me. “That was fucking permission.”

“Tell the one about the husband and wife,” Morrero orders as he takes another shot. “Not appropriate,” Briggs says, grinning at his cards. “Oh, please,” I say. “Like you’ve really been holding back.” His eyes shoot to mine and hold my gaze. “Trust me, I have been.”

“Tell you what,” I offer. “You find yourself in need of a nurse, I’ll show you exactly what I’m good at.” He doesn’t miss a beat. “Jones, grab your gun, but don’t get that bullet anywhere near my dick.” Our eyes lock over the table as I shake my head with a hesitant smile.

“Just…be careful out there, okay? Watch your six, Briggs.”

“You worried about me?”

“Yes,” she says without hesitation. “Yes. Please don’t sh...

“I’ll do my best, Scottie.” “Do better than that,” she whispers before she turns and walks back inside.

chow. It’s easy for me to admit I was in awe of her that day, and since then, I’ve been spending a little too much time being in that state.

“You should box,” I remark. “Yeah?” she asks. “Why’s that?” I give her a menacing smile. “It’s fun. It’ll work some of that pent-up aggression out of you.” “I don’t have any pent-up aggression,” she says, a quizzical look on her face. “Well, then maybe it’s sexual hostility. I’m also a pretty good teacher there too.”

“Don’t you worry about me, Briggs,” she says sardonically. “I’m good. I get mine. Matter of fact, it’s time for a call with my Captain.”

“Captain?” “Yeah,” Mullins says. “As in, US Army Captain. She doesn’t like to brag, but yeah,” she says, enjoying my discomfort, “he’s a bit of a badass.” With my balls lodged in my throat from that swift kick, I swallow hard, praying like hell she doesn’t see it. She saw it.

From what I gather from wagging tongues at the clinic, Briggs is quite the ladies’ man and has one hell of a sexual appetite. I don’t understand why the thought makes me cringe.

“Missed ya, Scottie.” He leans in, resting his forearms on the counter I just wiped. “Yeah, yeah…war makin’ you soft, Briggs?” I tease, pushing him away. “Me? Soft?” he scoffs. “Hard as a fuckin’ rock.” I choke, widening my eyes at his nerve.

“Oh, and Scottie?”

Briggs isn’t the type of man you pass over; he’s a double take that makes ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ seem like an understatement.

“Yeah?” “Knew ya wanted me,”

He closes his eyes painfully. “Why did I have to go and fall in love with a soldier?” “My sentiments exactly, pot. I’ve been in your shoes, Captain. Don’t forget that.” “Just come back to me safely and in one piece, Katy.” “Trust me?” I whisper. “Always.” “Still love me?” “Forever.”

I vow the next time I talk to Gavin, to be honest. I’ll tell him I’m done with the United States Army. I’ll take pride in being his wife, a mother, and a part-time nurse, and that will be more than enough for me. Until then, I have to embrace the suck and make the best of my time in Baghdad. To help as many as I can until I get home to where my true life waits.

We are nothing alike, but I’ve never in my life been accused of being a lousy judge of character. She’s the type of woman who puts family and country first, the kind that, if you’re lucky enough to find, you marry. That’s why she’s already been snagged and married, dickhole.

She doesn’t want to raise suspicion, but the truth is, we didn’t even touch, and that took a fuck-ton of restraint on my part. I can’t remember a time in my life where my dick has been that hard. Her whimper alone will haunt me for years. I had to rub it out twice after leaving her, just to calm down. No, we won’t be friends anytime soon, not with that kind of fire between us.

From this moment forward, I swear to stop whatever it is I started with my bullshit. Scottie really is a good woman. And in different circumstances, if she was free, I have no doubt she could change the game for me. But as things stand, it’s already over. I’ve got enough blood on my hands to deal with and don’t need that shit on my conscience.

With a chest full of dread, I yank the door open and find Jones’s body consumed by flames. I will never, for as long as I live, be able to erase the stench of my best friend’s burning flesh from my memory.

Not for one fucking minute do I believe that either of us is getting out of this situation on the outside of a body bag. But, I will fight for her with everything I have, even if it costs me my last breath.

She is my mystery, my question, and answer, my wife, my reason for wanting a forever. From the minute she approached me at that crowded bar, I knew half of that truth.

“Choose me. When they asked you before, you refused to answer, and they fucking beat you unconscious. I’d rather die than see them touch you again.” His voice cracks as our eyes lock. “I can’t watch this.”

“I can’t, Briggs. I can’t do this.”

“You don’t have a choice. I’m making it for you, and then you do whatever you ...

“I love you, Mullins,” I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut. “It’s okay, Katy,” she croaks assuringly. “It’s okay!” “No!” Briggs shouts. I hear him struggling, his chains rattling. “H–her,” I say as guilt and sorrow lodge themselves in my throat. I pull my eyes closed tighter and choke on a sob while silent tears pool in the dirt beneath my eyes. I wait for the shot, but it never comes.

Months ago, I re-enlisted to be a role model, to save soldiers, and today I became a murderer.

“It sounds like a setup for a joke, doesn’t it?” he asks with a pain-filled exhale. “Three Texans get captured in Iraq…” “With no punch line.” I can feel the hurt in his voice. “Not this time.”

“Katy,” he says softly as more commotion sounds above. Sensing the tension in his posture, my gaze finds his. I’m searching his depths for fear. Instead, I’m lulled into their warmth. In his eyes, I see it, the peace he’s made with his fate as my soul begins to scream with loss. “No,” I beg. “Please don’t say it.” “Being here with you was worth every minute…just to know you. I’m so glad I know you.” “Briggs…we don’t know…” Desperate breaths come fast as I search for words that matter, and fear stifles them. “It was worth it. You are worth it.”

“Briggs,” I fight to keep my voice even and only wait a single breath because it’s all I have. “If I ever run…” I’ll run for you. “I know.” His whisper brings me relief as his fingers brush a lock of my hair just as he’s drug past me. It’s subtle, nowhere near intimate, but it’s enough. A moment later I’m backhanded into my own reality.

“Just fucking kill me too!” I shout. “Please, for God’s sake, take me too.”

That night I walk in a pasture filled with horses, next to a little boy with amber eyes and a dazzling smile. He leads me to the edge of a field as he points to the setting sun and tells me I’m free. So I run, and he runs with me.

Relief rolls down her cheeks, and everything I felt being drug up that ladder comes back full force—respect, awe, admiration, and something I have no right to feel but can’t fight for a second longer. I’ve been fighting it since the first night I laid eyes on her. Right or wrong, I feel it, and something in her expression tells me she does too. Right or wrong, something is shifting or has shifted, and I don’t want to lie to myself anymore. That fight is gone.

“I thought you were…I thought you were g-gone. Fuck.” She shakes her head as she laughs without any humor. “I wanted to die. I asked to die. I didn’t want to be here without you. It’s wrong, isn’t it? I wasn’t thinking of anyone but you.”

And I know with certainty, despite the pain, despite the setting, I’ll have a prayer ready if we make it through one more day. My prayer will be selfish—sinful even—and I know it will go unanswered, but I’ll pray for it anyway. I’ll pray for my own glimpse of heaven. I’ll pray for her.

Something’s wrong. Frantically I attempt to clear my haze, searching the bunker, only to find her pinned beneath one of our captors next to the ladder. Crippling fear consumes me. Scottie’s filthy pants lie in a heap on the ground, the bare skin of her legs is on full display. I can’t let my eyes wander further without feeling like I, too, am violating her. There’s no question as to his intent as he lifts the hem of his long black shirt, and the buckle of his belt begins to rattle. His panting breaths echo throughout the confined space, suffocating me.

“Scottie, look at me.” Her head lolls to the side, her beautiful tortured eyes, red-rimmed and dripping silent tears, find mine across the bunker. She mouths my name. Briggs. I nod, swallowing hard. I’m here. I’m right here, I mouth back.