Heartbreak Warfare

by Heather M. Orgeron

One day maybe you’ll be the one to teach him to dance.

“You aren’t the only one who broke promises,” he says, returning the pressure of my hand. “Stay.”

It’s one of the darkest nights of my life, but I relive it all for him, for myself, for the truth our relationship deserves, and when he finally gets back into his truck, I see something I haven’t seen in his eyes in a very long time—respect.

“Gavin,” she whispers as her eyes fill. As if in a trance, she rises from her seat, moving to the living room. “…former prisoner of war Christopher Briggs is in critical condition after being shot down during an explosion in a Baghdad market.” “No,” Katy gasps, grappling for the back of the couch to keep herself from collapsing to the floor. “No. No, Briggs. No Briggs!”

Something happens to me in this moment while watching my wife fall to pieces over the man I’ve spent damn near a year despising. Every ounce of anger I still harbored over their affair just evaporates as I’m engulfed with the sounds of her raw, guttural cries. Witnessing her heartbreak—the sheer devastation—it shreds me.

She begins thrashing in my arms, screaming like she’s just lost the love of her life. I’m no longer the love of her life.

Another sob bursts from her chest as I carry my wife over to the couch. For the first time since returning home from war, she allows me to cradle her into my arms. I hold her while she cries for him, her pain echoing my own. And once again, we’re both lost.

He gets you, and I get war.

“I love you.” “I know,” he replies quickly. “And I know how much.” “I don’t know what to say; I’m mortified with what I’ve done to you.” “I got to hold my wife in my arms for the first time in eight months, Katy. I needed that more than you.”

“I did something.” He pulls an envelope from his slacks and puts it in my hand. “This is for you.” Inside is a plane ticket. A ticket to Zweibrucken, Germany. I’m overwhelmed at the implication of what it means before he puts a voice to it.

“I’m letting you go.” A lone tear drips down his right cheek. “Go to him, Katy.”

“Katy,” he says, cupping my face and stroking my tears away, only speaking once they’ve quelled. “I want a divorce.” “I won’t go.” “But you want to. I think we both know you made your decision before you got home; you just didn’t want to live with it.” He pulls his ring from his hand as I let him see me break for him, for the pain of losing him. “It’s time to live with it. And if I’m honest, I’ve known this was coming since I saw the two of you together in New York. I just hoped that what we had would overpower it somehow, and now I know that what we have is lost. My Katy is never coming back.”

“This,” he says, placing a hand over my heart, “this no longer belongs to me, and I don’t want to share my wife with another man. I deserve more than this. I want more than this.”

“On our wedding day, we promised to give each other the life we deserved.” His thumb whispers over my knuckles gently. “I’m giving you the life you deserve, Katy. Take it.”

“Letting you go is Gavin’s last gift to you. You take it, and you find your happiness, Katy. If it’s with Chris, then it’s with Chris. Because it’s what you want, and whether you believe it or not, you deserve it. You’ve been living for everyone else long enough, tiptoeing around their hearts and breaking them anyway.”

“Get back to me, no matter how many pieces you’re in. Promise me.” I see the fear in her eyes. “’Cause I’ll be the fucking glue, too. I can’t lose you again, Katy.”

There are only two things in life I’m sure of: my love of this country and my love for you, only one can I do anything about.

Scottie, you are without a doubt the love of my life, and I want nothing more than for you to have everything your heart desires. Unfortunately, we both know that can’t be. You were forced to choose, and you chose your family. I could never fault you for that. I understand, even though it hurts. Consequently, I don’t get to make a choice. My country wins by default. But if I’d had the chance to choose, it would have been you. For as long as I live, it will always be you. Forever yours, Briggs

“Please, God, I don’t want to wait for him in the next life. I need him in this one.”

“L-ladies, if you’ll excuse me, it looks like I have one very beautiful, and very pissed off Texan to deal with.”

“You’re okay.” My voice cracks as I shake my head and fist my eyes, my body shuddering with relief. Briggs repeatedly swallows before he speaks, as I take a step into the room. “H-how are you here?” “I have always been with you. Even when you couldn’t see me.” He nods. “I know that.”

“Thank God,” he whispers below me. “Finally, a hot nurse.”

“Katy,” he growls low, kissing my hand as reverently as he did the first time in the hospital. “Why are you in Germany?” I look up at him, and our eyes lock. “I love you, Christopher Paul Briggs, with all the pieces left of me, and that’s why I’m in Germany.”