The Perfect Child

by Lucinda Berry

I wished I lived in a world where I didn’t know violence intimately, but I’d seen more than my fair share, given the work I did. I’d just never expected the Bauers to be involved in anything so awful.

How could I describe what the last two years had been like? It was the most complicated case of my career and had ended with the worst possible outcome.

You couldn’t practice medicine and not be affected by it. Over the years, we’d grown into each other’s therapists.

I was excited about being involved in something so unusual, but I couldn’t admit that.

“People treat their pets better than she was treated.”

I understood his sensitivity toward children. Neither of us had had it when we first married, but years of infertility problems had made us emotional about almost everything involving kids, especially young ones.

“What did you think about her when you met?” “She was a complete surprise,” I said.

continue, but it was hard to just talk freely without them asking me questions. I knew what was expected of me with their questions. Talking freely and open-endedly could result in me saying something I wasn’t supposed to.

“I know we’re always supposed to keep an open mind and not jump to any conclusions until we have all the facts about the case, but everyone assumed Janie’s parents were the ones who hurt her. Or some really sick psycho. It never crossed anyone’s mind that someone else might be in trouble. I wished it would’ve. Maybe then things would’ve ended differently.”

Sometimes I came across too clinical when I was nervous, and she was the kind of person who put people at ease without even trying.

everyone was obsessed with finding out the story about the abandoned girl. Police stood guard twenty-four seven at her hospital door, and no one was allowed to see her unless they were on a special clearance list. It was highly unlikely anyone would try to sneak in to see her, but everyone was protective of her privacy and care.

Stillness enveloped her, and Janie was never still. She moved constantly, always fidgeting.

They had no problem fighting in public, and I’d told her how uncomfortable it made me, but she never listened.

“You’re never going to guess what we found out.” He looked around the table, making brief eye contact with each of us. “Janie isn’t a toddler—she’s actually six years old.”

old-fashioned oven timer so Janie would have an idea when she could eat again. The idea was to use the clock as a cue for her in hopes that it would calm her.

“We hadn’t considered Janie a reliable source of information when we thought she was three, but all that changed when we learned she was six.

“She still refused to talk about her mother, or any person for that matter, but she opened up about where she lived.”

Officers had expected to find tubing running through glass jars and odd-size bowls, since meth was what the trailer park was most known for, but they had found a ransacked trailer reeking of urine and spoiled food instead.

There hadn’t been any activity since the day before they had found Janie.

The more time I spent with her, the less sorry I felt for her and the more amazed I was at the capacity of the human spirit to overcome unimaginable horrors.

didn’t like thinking about when she left, even though more and more of her case consultations shifted to discussions about potential discharge dates and her outpatient medical care.

she decided whether she liked you the first time you met, and apparently, it was impossible to recategorize yourself afterward no matter how hard you tried.

There was nothing that could calm them down except drugs, but just the sound of Christopher’s voice had stopped Janie. I didn’t know what to think.

She stared at me blankly—no sign of recognition.

know how badly some of these cases can tug at your heart, but you have to be careful about getting too involved.”

I had called her out of courtesy, not to ask permission.

Janie hadn’t said anything about her mother when I’d seen her this afternoon. Nothing was off or different. She was really happy today,

She said normally the Department of Children’s Services would put her in foster care until they determined a permanent placement, but there are lots of additional steps since her mother is dead and they have no idea who the father is or any relatives.

“Well, if that’s the case, then I don’t think we have anything to worry about. Nothing is going to happen with them there.”

It was the one thing that struck me over and over again about Janie’s situation. None of it was her fault. All she’d done was be born, and we didn’t get to choose our parents.

All I could think about when I spent time with her was how she’d done nothing to deserve what she’d been through.

She wanted to walk on all fours even when you held her hands,

felt like such an idiot for not considering how hard it might be for her to be restrained given her history.

We’d brought along our own spoons to eat the yogurt and pureed food with her so she wouldn’t feel different.

He had always done such a good job of being there for me—holding me while I cried, bringing me flowers, and assuring me that we were still a family even without children—but I knew it hurt him too.

I couldn’t help but share Christopher’s sense of responsibility to Janie.

I’d always been honest and up front with them about Janie’s challenges. It didn’t do any good for there to be a mismatch between a foster parent and the child,

They were only polite and nice when you were doing something they liked or giving them something they wanted. I’d been fooled before. I wasn’t going to be fooled again.

He was convinced love would heal all Janie’s wounds, but Hannah was more realistic.

“He was fully aware of her potential difficulties and problems. He just didn’t care.”

I liked Piper as a person, but she wasn’t the best at keeping us updated on all the case details, and sometimes it felt like she was purposefully trying to keep things a secret from us.

just get this feeling, like I’m being watched. I don’t really know how to explain it. But it’s more than a feeling. Both me and Christopher have seen random unmarked cars following us and parked outside our house.”

“I’m obviously going to get attached. I mean, we already are, but leaving the hospital is going to be her first step into the real world, and we want to make sure it’s a good one. She deserves that.

She liked most people, but there was something about Piper that Janie didn’t like.

A lot of the parents I work with look at foster care like a job. They do it to get a paycheck, and their families run just like a business.

It took special skills to live with kids who were emotionally disturbed, and there was never a doubt in my mind that Janie was emotionally disturbed,

I had recommended that Janie be placed in emergency foster care with the Bauers.

Her doctors had told us to lock all the refrigerators and cupboards because if we left them unlocked, she’d probably sneak into them and gorge on all the food until she got sick.

She was always so much more practical about Janie than Christopher.

Dysfunctional parenting usually spanned generations, and most of the time, the family member didn’t do any better than the parents.