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“There’s something likable in everyone,”
It’s impossible to get to know people deeply and not come to like them.
that change and loss travel together. We can’t have change without loss,
theories and tools and techniques,
accept feedback, tolerate discomfort, become aware of blind spots, and discover the impact of our histories and behaviors on ourselves and others.
helping people take responsibility for their current predicaments, because once they realize that they can (and must) construct their own lives, they’re free to generate change.
assiduously
your marriage plans have just been canceled,
cataclysmic
the presenting problem is the issue that sends a person into therapy.
“unreliable narrators.”
there’s nothing funny about what Boyfriend has said,
“avoidant.”
famous stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
“If the queen had balls, she’d be the king.” If
“the perfect is the enemy of the good,”
deprive yourself...
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How do you sleep soundly next to a person and plan a life with her when you’re secretly grappling with whether to leave? (The answer is simple—a common defense mechanism called compartmentalization.
communal
The defense rests and is also very sorry.
psychoanalyze
“The only way out is through.”
Rolodex
whatever I do, I must tell the truth.
respite
High-functioning
compassion ends up being more harmful than your honesty.
wise compassion, which means caring about the person but also giving him or her a loving truth bomb when needed.
“Before you speak, ask yourself, What is this going to feel like to the person I’m speaking to?
acquaint
call a truce with themselves.
copious
letting my freak flag fly,
“Well, you seem like you’re enjoying the experience of suffering, so I thought I’d help you out with that.”
“You’re going to have to feel pain—everyone feels pain at times—but you don’t have to suffer so much. You’re not choosing the pain, but you’re choosing the suffering.”
“Your feelings don’t have to mesh with what you think they should be,” he explained. “They’ll be there regardless, so you might as well welcome them because they hold important clues.”
Don’t judge your feelings; notice them. Use them as your map. Don’t be afraid of the truth.
colluding
The things we protest against the most are often the very things we need to look at.
perpetual regret.
kismet—in
It’s Must See TV!
“I swear, I’m gonna die.”
find joy there where she could. There were still pleasures to be had, if she could let them in.
enjoy him and love him for who he was and not focus on who he wasn’t.
as happened to an acquaintance of mine.
no patience for squeamishness—she
Refocusing,
about understanding how their early experiences inform who they are as adults so that they can separate the past from the present (and not wear psychological clothing that no longer fits).
narcissism. His self-involvement, defensiveness, demeaning treatment of others, need to dominate the conversation, and sense of entitlement—basically, his being an asshole—all fall under the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder.
