Defenseless Hearts (Fumbled Futures #2)

by Meagan Brandy

Don’t go when I’ve only just gotten you here.

“Should we take another walk and go sightsee a bit?” I don’t want to share him with the world. “Pay-per-view and PJs?” Parker’s smile opens up my lungs, and together, we head to our room.

“I haven’t laughed or smiled even in months, Parker. Haven’t felt like myself in over a year.” Her eyes slide back to mine. “You had me smiling within two minutes of opening the door, laughing within an hour.” Her eyes fill with tears. “It’s always been easy for you and me, Kens,” I speak low.

A broken chuckle leaves her. “Nothing about you and me is easy …” “Who we are together is easy, second nature, and it always has been. All the rest?” My eyes shift between hers. “It could be, too.”

I close my eyes, hoping this isn’t the last time she’s the last thing I get to see before I go to sleep.

And he’s not in Texas. It’s the first weekend of the month, which means his favorite flight attendant is in town and has a room key with his name on it. Better her than me, but still.

I wish he’d be the man he claims and be up-front about it, messaging me to say he’s with his whore this weekend and that he’ll be home when he gets home.

But he never would because that’s not how he works. He’s ...

I slip from my sheets and slide into Parker’s. Slowly his eyes open, and he stares for a moment before shifting back to make more room for me. I tuck into him, and his arm slides around to pull me closer. Our deep sighs match, and we fall back asleep, together, as we should.

Fuck me, she’s … perfection.

“Oh, look at you. Beautiful girl.”

I wish I could erase her fears and soak up all her pain. I’d drown in hurt if it meant she felt none.

’Cause the Kenra giggling at the birds in the trees above her, running her fingertips across the bright pink flowers that circle the small pond at the end of the hill … that’s my Kenra.

She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

His hands grab ahold of the cheap rope at both sides of me, and he bends to speak into my ear, “Which one you wanna ride, Kens?” My breath gets lodged in my throat at his words, and I swear, I must turn ten shades of red.

This is what I’ve missed. Our time together, the easy playfulness we used to have.

“That was the last time you were at the house,” he speaks low, his eyes on the frog I chose for him, before turning to me. I nod, my throat tightening. “I remember.” “You made me watch The Princess and the Frog.” I nod again, too choked up to speak.

His eyes flit between mine. “I almost kissed you that night. Right after the movie. You were starting to fall asleep, so I covered you up. The moment I did, you crawled over and laid against me. It was almost too much—to hold you like that and not be able to truly hold you like it meant something.”

“But you have to know what it meant to me, Kens.” He glances up then. “Every time you’ve ever been in my arms, from four years ago to five minutes ago, every damn time … it means something to me. You mean something to me.”

He steels his face, his eyes narrowing a bit. “I tried to wait you out. Hoped you’d give in to the things you wanted, but I don’t wanna wait anymore.”

“I want you, Kenra. Plain and damn simple.”

“You want me; you always have. I know this. So, I’m sorry if it’ll be hard for you, but I’m going all in. No more holding back. I can’t make decisions for you, but I can’t live with the regret of never trying.” “Parker—” “No talking me out of it. I need you. Want you. I’ve gotta try.”

“It won’t work, Parker.” “Maybe not,” he admits and then sighs. “Probably not, but I still have some hope, Kens. Even if you’ve lost yours.”

“You’ve got one more ride, Kens. Just you.” He taps my palm, and I reluctantly pull my eyes from his to look to the fortune cookie in my hand. “Close your eyes and feel. I’ll be just outside the door … waiting for you.”

Written there in the plainest of fonts, bolded black words mock me. Happiness is a choice.

Happiness is a choice. And I choose to sacrifice my own for the sake of those I love.

“Sometimes, in order to win, we do things we don’t always agree with. Things we think are wrong. But, Hero, a good defense can only do so much against a solid offense. If you’ve only got one play left in you, give it all you’ve got. He doesn’t deserve your respect.”

Something is off. I know it, feel it in my gut. She doesn’t love him, yet she stays. That bastard is fucking around on her, grooming her to be his perfect little trophy.

It’s not lost on me that her entire body is covered twenty-four/seven, but I’m too afraid of what I’ll find if I look past the cashmere. Because, if it’s bruises I find, I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. But it won’t be good.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” she whispers after a moment. “I fought myself that first year with Kellan, tried my hardest not to go to you at every turn but wanting to more than anything. I told myself you were my friend, so I wasn’t doing anything wrong by spending time with you, but I could never convince myself enough to actually believe it. Even though you and I never did anything sexually, emotionally, I was cheating every day, all day, because you were all I thought about.”

“That’s why I let Kellan act the way he did. When he acted like an ass and broke up with me just so he could hook up with someone else for a night—not that he’d admit to that then—or just treat me like crap, I would tell myself I deserved it because, really, I’d picked fights for an excuse to leave just so I could come hang out with you. When morning came, he’d be there, waiting, telling me all the things I wanted to hear. That mixed with my own guilt for wanting someone else always decided for me, and I’d forgive him …”

“Then, right after, seconds after I just took him back, he’d kiss me … and I’d close my eyes every single time, wondering wh...

“I knew deep down you’d be there, no matter what. It’s just who you were, but I couldn’t risk losing you.”

“But you did risk it, Kens. Every day, every time, every night. You were in his arms. In his bed.” “I know,” she cries softly. “And I regret every minute of it. You want the truth? I hate my life. Hate myself,” she admits.

She might be his as far as labels go, but I live inside her, just like she does me. In my bed or his, it doesn’t matter. I refuse to ever see her as anything other than mine.

“Kalani!” comes from down the hall, and she clamps her mouth shut, her eyes widening in humor. “Baby, get your ass off another man’s bed and back in the one I’m lying naked in.”

“Baby, I didn’t know what had happened. Suddenly, you were gone and—” His voice cracks, and he hugs Payton tight against him. “I thought your mom … why did you leave me there? I would have come with you if you wanted to run away. I would have come. Anywhere. I love you.”

“I think it’s cool. She’s a complete part of him now; she has his blood running through her.” “She’s sixteen,” I remind him. Nate shrugs, looking from them to me. “Still pretty cool.” I look to Lolli, whose brows are creased as she looks at Nate, but she turns before he can see it and heads for her room. Nate looks from her to me and then follows her down the hall.

“I can’t even think about any of that. It kills me. I start remembering the thoughts I had about her, the doubt I felt, and it fucking sickens me, man. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that.”

“Your sister means a lot to me, Nate. Always has. She and I grew close over the years, just behind everyone else’s eyes.” “Why?” “I don’t really know.” I shrug. “At first, it seemed strange, and then after a while, it just felt like ours.” “Fuck, dude.” He scrubs his hands down his face. “You love her, don’t you?”

“What about Deaton? Do I need to fuck him up? If he makes Payton cry—” “No, no. From what I heard, he’s good to her. Course, I’ll pay close attention, just in case.” “Yeah, me, too.” Nate nods.

“I don’t know how you do it, but you always manage to pull me from my reality and into a brighter one.” “It would always be brighter, if you allowed it,” I tell her,

“I’d make it my mission to see you smile, hear you laugh, as much as possible.”

“I haven’t felt the sand on my feet in years. Probably since the last time we went floating, and that was more like creek-water dirt. This is so nice.” “Kens … it won’t be long before everyone realizes you never take off your sweaters, and I haven’t seen you wear shorts or a dress either.” “Apparently, showing your legs is an invitation for men to look. Kellan’s people don’t approve.” “And the sweaters...

“Kenra …” I trail off when my voice cracks. “I told you I haven’t smiled in months.” She closes her eyes and tips her chin to the sky, tears rolling over her cheeks. “I haven’t felt the sun against my skin in a year.” “Does he know?” “He knows, even bought me a set of real silver blades once,” she whispers. “As long as my arms stay covered, all is well in his world.”

“My point here, Kenra, is he had to do something selfish to save himself. Why is it you can’t do the same?” “There’s a lot more at risk for me.”

I love her more than I knew a person could love someone. She might come off as bitchy and spoiled, but that’s not who she is. That’s her defense. She’s kind and warm and the best fucking person I have ever met.

“Let me ask you something; would you make the selfish choice if it took from people you loved?” “If it gave me Payton? In a heartbeat,” he answers instantly.

Parker can move forward in life, Nate can play football, my father can keep his business … so long as I keep sleeping with the devil.

“Happiness, Kenra. I wanted her happy. I wanted them where they belonged, where the best versions of themselves lived, which for those two is when they’re together. I don’t know why you’re holding on to this so badly. Clearly, you came in here to pick a fight. Just say what you wanna say. Ask what you wanna ask.”