Defenseless Hearts (Fumbled Futures #2)

by Meagan Brandy

To the one who holds the weight of others in silence, your strength amazes me.

All those little telltales are there, but I need none of them because, somehow, her feelings radiate off her body and seep into mine. It’s always been that way for me and my secret friend. My secret everything.

I couldn’t turn her away if I tried. And, as much as I wanna hate her, be cold toward her, I can’t. Won’t. Because, at the end of the day, no matter where life takes us, something pushes us right back here, with her standing right in front of me.

“Welcome to California, Kens.”

She has a power over me no one ever has. One I’m betting no one ever will.

“I miss you, Parker.” “Do you?” “Yes,” she admits quietly. “Just not enough?”

Kenra Monroe is in California. In my house. But not as mine, not that she’d ever be. That has been clear since day one.

“There’s a Monroe in my bed, and it’s not the one I’m fuckin’.”

Now, if it came down to me and Nate, my ass would be grass, and I’m okay with that.

“You can’t have her here … but you don’t want her to go.” I tilt my head, nodding.

You’re not the most perceptive person, but you did pick up on that,” I tease. She throws a chip at me, making me laugh. “What?” I grin harder. “It’s true. Everyone could see Nate had it bad for you for weeks before you two made it happen. Everyone but you.”

But it was also the second time Kenra Monroe walked away from me for Kellan Vermont.

God, I remember every second. I fell for the blond-haired, blue-eyed boy next door that night, but I was too stupid to know it.

“Get over it. She got dicked, dick delivered its dick spit, and now, little dicky deserves dinner.”

“Look, you have a brother close by who misses you, and his girl is inside this house right now, driving herself crazy because she knows the hurt it’ll cause him when he finds out. Hurt that she’ll then feel because she loves him.”

“You’re not mine, Kens,” I gently tell her, pain I didn’t mean to show clear as day. “And that’s a problem for me.”

“Parker Baylor”—Lolli gives a small, proud smile, pulling her blanket to her chin as I stand—“always the hero.”

She belongs under the sun with flip-flops and a smile. She belongs here. With me.

Right before I exit the room, she stirs, and I’d swear, I heard her whisper my name, but I don’t look back to see if she’s awake because the thought of her dreaming of me hurts too much to bear.

Pressure builds on my chest while I watch him ignore everyone around us as he makes his way to her, and her eyes track him just the same. She shifts to stand right as he bends to scoop her up, squeezing her tight against him. She laughs into his neck as he laughs into her hair before she pulls back and looks to him. It’s only for a second, hardly a glance, but I feel the I love you that neither has spoken but both communicate in that moment.

I glance at Nate, finding him and Lolli in their own world. He’s maneuvered himself, so he’s behind her, and she sits between his legs. One of his arms is on the outside of hers, caging her into him, as he eats around her with the other. Every few seconds, he runs his hand down her arm, brushes her fingers, whispers in her ear, something. Every single time, she smiles even though he can’t see it. But he knows because, after she does, he smirks to himself. They are completely and utterly entwined.

She’s infectious. Everything about her screams to everything in me.

“I know you’re afraid, and that’s okay. You had a bad experience last time, and it left a little scar. You said you could never do it again. Well, I wanna show you that, yes, you can. We’re gonna take the bad and replace it. I wanna erase the bad with a good.”

“Hey.” I turn to her, running my knuckles over her cheek, and she brings her wide eyes to mine. “I’ve got you. Trust me.”

She is, without a doubt, everything I could ever want. Kind and gentle but spunky with a splash of sass. She smiles with her heart and hurts with all she is. She’s more than I ever knew a person could be. She’s the light I’ve never known but now crave.

“You wanna take away the bad?” “Yeah, Kens,” I admit, my voice quieter than intended. “All of it. Any of it. Always.”

“Can’t really explain it. All I’ve got is, because I want to. Maybe because you never judge me, and you know everything about my fucked up life. Maybe because, when I get rocked on the field, you show up to make sure I’m all right. Or how you think of me on days you should be spending time with your own family, all because you know I don’t really have one of my own anymore. Because you share all of yourself with me. Your happy, sad, mad. You give me these things, do these things for me, because you want to. Because, even though you haven’t said it out loud, you like me on a deeper level than friendship calls for.”

“You do all these things because you want to. Well, I wanna wait for you to need me like I do you. Because I want to. Because you’re worth it.”

“And if I’m not?” Her forehead creases slightly, and I give a half smile. “If I mess up or disappoint you?” “I’ll want you regardless,” I answer honestly, instantly, and she stares ...

“That’s quite a promise there, Safety,” she whispers, her hand on the rock, shifting to touch mine. “It...

“Kalani whooped that ass.” “Lolli,” Nate corrects on a growl. Mason winks at him. Kalani is Lolli’s real name, but only Nate and her aunt call her that; it’s their thing.

“He’s not just good. He’s damn good.” Lolli brings her eyes back to mine. “I want him. Bad.” “Dude!” Mason cries right as Nate snaps, “Baby!” All the girls laugh.

“We all have hard days, Kens. We all have weak moments, but you have to find your strength and reach for it.”

“You need someone who will be there for you, Kens,” I quietly tell her, staring at the ceiling. “You need someone to take care of you, not hurt you like this all the time.” “And what do you need, Parker?” she whispers as she slips into slumber. You.

“Thank you for being you,” she whispers

And I can’t accept that, her unhappy and feeling like she is missing out on something, so I’m bringing formal to her.

She went with him.

I should tell them this isn’t the place, that the setup inside the house, the lights and food and music, is all for a girl who never showed.

Tonight, I’m getting plastered, anything to erase the mental image I’ve cooked up of Kenra dancing in Kellan’s arms.

There’s a freak under here all right but not the kind anyone would want to find. The kind you hide.

“This is one of those times where I should really shut my mouth, but I’ve never been real good at that. I’ll probably get in mad trouble for this—from both boys—but I just …” She trails off, her gaze narrowing. “Why did you come here, Kenra?”

“She needed my help, and I wasn’t about to leave her to figure it out on her own.”

“I know we haven’t gotten to hang much, and I’m sure, under normal circumstances, things would be different, but I don’t like stupid shit. You and I both know you could have dropped Payton at the door or gotten her a...

You came here, and you stayed. I know you two have unf...

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t know everything,” Lolli admits. “But I know enough to be concerned. You trip him up. Bad. Your relationship isn’t mine to understand; only the two of you know what this thing between you really feels like, but you have to know you’ll knock him on his ass this time around. And if you do, be prepared for someone else to step in and catch him as he falls.”

“I need you to figure out what you honestly hope to gain from all this before you leave. Then, either stay away or only come back if he asks.”

“I don’t want to hate you, Kenra,” she whispers when she reaches me, and tears cloud both our eyes. “And Nate would be real disappointed if I did. Make up your mind on how things end. If not for your own sake, then for Parker’s.”

I used to be a girl I could be proud of. I used to be honest and kind, and I used to love. Now, I’m a liar. Selfish and weak. It’s okay if Lolli grows to hate me. It’s okay if they all do. Because no one could possibly hate me as much as I hate myself.

I’ll have a veil, but it might as well be black. I’ll have rose petals, but all I’ll see is blood stains I can’t erase. And the groom, he’ll be waiting at the altar with the heaviest of chains and a keyless lock. My wedding day will be the day I say good-bye to myself completely.