Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts--Becoming the Person You Want to Be

by Marshall Goldsmith

That’s what makes adult behavioral change so hard. If you want to be a better partner at home or a better manager at work, you not only have to change your ways, you have to get some buy-in from your partner or co-workers. Everyone around you has to recognize that you’re changing. Relying on other people increases the degree of difficulty exponentially.

Truth. This has come up again and again in every behavior change research project I've ever worked on.

1. If I understand, I will do.

2. I have willpower and won’t give in to temptation.

3. Today is a special day.

If we really want to change we have to make peace with the fact that we cannot self-exempt every time the calendar offers us a more attractive alternative to our usual day. Excusing our momentary lapses as an outlier event triggers a self-indulgent inconsistency—which is fatal for change.

I do this. ALL the time!

4. “At least I’m better than…”

5. I shouldn’t need help and structure.

One of our most dysfunctional beliefs is our contempt for simplicity and structure. We believe that we are above needing structure to help us on seemingly simple tasks.

6. I won’t get tired and my enthusiasm will not fade.

7. I have all the time in the world.

8. I won’t get distracted and nothing unexpected will occur.

9. An epiphany will suddenly change my life.

10. My change will be permanent and I will never have to worry again.

11. My elimination of old problems will not bring on new problems.

12. My efforts will be fairly rewarded.

13. No one is paying attention to me.

14. If I change I am “inauthentic.”

15. I have the wisdom to assess my own behavior.

If we do not create and control our environment, our environment creates and controls us. And the result turns us into someone we do not recognize.

The interviewees almost always focus on my client’s good or bad behavior that they have experienced personally. Interviewees rarely mention the environment in which that behavior occurs.

The fundamental attribution error rears its ugly head once again! It would be interesting to collect this kind of environmental information in the peer reviews we do annually.

Feedback—both the act of giving it and taking it—is our first step in becoming smarter, more mindful about the connection between our environment and our behavior. Feedback teaches us to see our environment as a triggering mechanism.

A feedback loop comprises four stages: evidence, relevance, consequence, and action. Once you recognize this, it’s easy to see why the radar speed displays’ exploitation of the loop works so well. Drivers get data about their speed in real time (evidence). The information gets their attention because it’s coupled with the posted speed limit, indicating whether they’re obeying or breaking the law (relevance). Aware that they’re speeding, drivers fear getting a ticket or hurting someone (consequence). So they slow down (action).

I really like this conceptualization; it's very similar to a model my team and I developed during research on weight loss (and later applied to other behavior changes). His language is more clear than the way we talked about it. The important thing here -- in my mind -- is that there have to be _relevant_ _consequences_ otherwise, why change your behavior? Why read more if nothing good or bad that you care deeply about will happen as a result?

What if we could control our environment so it triggered our most desired behavior—like an elegantly designed feedback loop? Instead of blocking us from our goals, this environment propels us.

My husband and I try to do this in our house -- perhaps a little too much. Everything from where our outdoor dining table is placed to the transparency and placement of the fruit bowl is engineered. This is what happens when social scientists marry each other, I suppose.

trigger: A behavioral trigger is any stimulus that impacts our behavior.

1. A behavioral trigger can be direct or indirect.

Direct triggers are stimuli that immediately and obviously impact behavior, with no intermediate steps between the triggering event and your response. You see a happy baby and smile.

Indirect triggers take a more circuitous route before influencing behavior. You see a family photo that initiates a series of thoughts that compel you to pick up the phone and call your sister.

2. A trigger can be internal or external.

3. A trigger can be conscious or unconscious.

4. A trigger can be anticipated or unexpected.

5. A trigger can be encouraging or discouraging.

6. A trigger can be productive or counterproductive.

This is the most important distinction. Productive triggers push us toward becoming the person we want to be. Counterproductive triggers pull us away. Triggers are not inherently “good” or “bad.” What matters is our response to them.

Whether you’re leading other people or leading the follower in you, the obstacles to achieving your goals are the same. You still have to deal with an environment that is more hostile than supportive. You still have to face other people who tempt you away from your objectives. You still have to factor in the high probability of low-probability events. And you still have to consider that as the day goes on and your energy level diminishes, your motivation and self-discipline will flag.

Forecasting is what we must do after acknowledging the environment’s power over us. It comprises three interconnected stages: anticipation, avoidance, and adjustment.

To avoid undesirable behavior, avoid the environments where it is most likely to occur.

Successful people, by definition, are doing a lot of things correctly, so they have a lot to preserve. But they also have a baseline urge that equates steady advancement with constant improvement. They’re geared to fight the status quo, not maintain it. When they face the choice of being good or getting even better, they instinctively opt for the latter—and risk losing some desirable qualities.

Apologizing is a magic move.

Asking for help is a magic move.

Optimism—not only feeling it inside but showing it on the outside—is a magic move. People are automatically drawn to the confident individual who believes everything will work out. They want to be led by this person. They’ll work overtime to help this person succeed. Optimism almost makes the change process a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I love this -- optimism as a self-fulfilling prophecy. It reminds me of Steve Jobs' fabled "reality distortion field."

What makes these gestures magical is how effectively they trigger decent behavior in other people and how easy they are to do.

There’s a difference between “Do you have clear goals?” and “Did you do your best to set clear goals for yourself?”

We do not get better without structure.

I definitely don't. I drive my husband crazy with all of the structure I try to impose on our lives as a result. I wonder if this is different for different people (Rob claims not to need structure), or if it's really as black and white as this author contends.

The social psychologist Roy F. Baumeister coined the term ego depletion in the 1990s to describe this phenomenon. He contended that we possess a limited conceptual resource called ego strength, which is depleted through the day by our various efforts at self-regulation—resisting temptations, making trade-offs, inhibiting our desires, controlling our thoughts and statements, adhering to other people’s rules. People in this state, said Baumeister, are ego depleted.

:( This research is under an _intense_ amount of scrutiny. Everything related to this concept should be taken with a very large grain of salt. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00568/full

If we provide ourselves with enough structure, we don’t need discipline. The structure provides it for us.

It's like creating a good "user interface" for your life. If you set it up correctly, you afford all the behaviors you desire and have to endure friction to perform undesired behaviors :)

Integrity is an all-or-nothing virtue (like being half pregnant, there’s no such thing as semi-integrity). We need to display it in whatever obligations we’ve made.

I don't know if I believe this. Nothing so important seems like it can be black and white.

Awareness is a difference maker. It stretches that triggering sequence, providing us with a little breathing space—not much, just enough—to consider our options and make a better behavioral choice.

I buy this concept, but I wish he gave more tactical tips. How does one _become_ aware so we can make better decisions?