Better Than Before: How to Make and Break Habits - and Build a Happier Life from the no.1 New York Times Bestselling Queen of Self-Help

by Gretchen Rubin

(I find it much more satisfying to walk with a purpose: to go to a favorite coffee shop, to hike to the top of the mountain.)

“I do ‘Commercial Cleaning.’ When a commercial comes on, I do a chore—wash six dishes, put a load in the dryer, dust

the dining room.

Once the commercials are over, I si...

“But how will that make a difference?” I asked, skeptical. “You’ll see.” She sounded so confident that I decided to give it a shot. And this simple pairing—walking and carrying—is surprisingly effective.

I’m walking from the front door to my bedroom, so I bring the book that needs to be shelved. It seems like a small thing, but it definitely cuts down on the clutter in my apartment.

Sitting is the new smoking;

Plus I noticed that walking around boosted my concentration and energy level.

These habits were little things on their own, but their combined weight was massive.

And when we understand ourselves better, we can do a better job of shaping our habits.

I want to plan for the future by saving for retirement. I want to enjoy the present by traveling.

When I face values that seem to conflict, I first remind myself to consider whether this conflict might be a false choice. Can I choose both?

noncommittal response,

Hallmark Channel.

Many people keep secret blogs.

So, instead of saying “I’m stressed,” I press myself to identify exactly what’s bothering me. “I work at home, so I feel as though I should be working all the time.”

Once I’ve spelled out the problem in words, the greater clarity usually helps me to spot a solution.

The more specific I am about what action to take, the more likely I am to form a habit. A habit to “be more mindful,” for instance, is too vague to be a habit, but “have a moment of gratitude every time I walk into my apartment building” or “take a photo of something interesting every day” are concrete actions that can become habits.

That’s why some of the old familiar pill bottles have been replaced by blister packs with compartments clearly labeled with the day of the week.

Identity One regrets the loss1 even of one’s worst habits. Perhaps one regrets them the most. They are such an essential part of one’s personality. —Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

The thing is, I’m Italian, I love great food and wine, I want to enjoy myself.

In a flash, I saw that there’s me, Gretchen (now-Gretchen, want-Gretchen), and there’s my manager.

I imagine myself as the client, a fabulous celebrity—and like all fabulous celebrities, I have a manager.

I’m the client, and my manager is the executive who works for me—very appropriate, because my manager is my executive function.

She’s sometimes so focused on my future

that she forgets that I need to have a little fun right now. My manager is helpful, but in the end, I’m the one who must “Be Gretchen.”

The most important thing I’d learned during my study of how we change our habits? We can build our habits only on the foundation of our own nature.

What’s more, if we don’t consider these differences among individuals, it’s easy to misunderstand whether and why a habit-formation strategy is effective.

Sometimes we do make a complete transformation; it’s not an utter fantasy. But usually we end up in a place that’s better than before. And that’s enough.

A. J. Jacobs,

I feel uncomfortable if I’m with someone who’s breaking a rule—using a cell phone when a sign reads “No cell phones”—even if that person isn’t going to get in trouble and isn’t bothering anyone else.

It’s just as important to keep my promises to myself as it is to keep my promises to other people.

If I want to make a change in my life, I’ll make it right away. I won’t make a New Year’s resolution, because January 1 is a meaningless date.

It’s very important for me to make well-reasoned decisions; in fact, other people sometimes become

frustrated by my demand for information and...

It really bothers me when I’m asked to do something for what seems to b...

I question the validity of the Four Tendencies framework.

People often turn to me for help—to edit a

report, to take over a carpool run, to speak at a conference at the last minute—because they know I’ll pitch in, even when I’m swamped myself.

I’ve given up making New Year’s resolutions, because ...

I get frustrated by the fact that I make time for other people’s priorities, but struggle to make time for my own.

In my life, I’ve adopted some good habits, but I often struggle without success to form others.

I do what I want to do; I’m true to myself, not other people’s expectations.

If someone asks or tells me to do something, I often have the impulse to refuse.

Other people sometimes become frustrated because I won’t do what...

I enjoy a challenge as long as I choose to accept it and can tack...

If I’m expected to do something—even something fun, like a woodworking class—I have the urge...

takes the fun out of an activity ...

If you’d like to volunteer as a Super-Fan, email me at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com. From time to time, I’ll ask for your help (nothing too

onerous, I promise) or offer a little bonus.