More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
when dieters figure that they’ve blown their diet, they tend to do a worse job of tracking their consumption, at the very time when the Strategy of Monitoring would be particularly helpful. By continuing to monitor consumption, a person gains a sense of awareness, and even more important, a sense of control. Counterintuitively, monitoring can even be reassuring.
“Instead of feeling that you’ve blown the day and thinking, ‘I’ll get back on track tomorrow,’ try thinking of each day as a set of four quarters: morning, midday, afternoon, evening. If you blow one quarter, you get back on track for the next quarter. Fail small, not big.”
the planned exception, which protects us against impulsive decisions. We’re adults, we make the rules for ourselves, and we can mindfully choose to make an exception to a usual habit by planning that exception in advance.
spur-of-the-moment decision to break a habit shows a lack of self-control—and we dislike feeling out of control of ourselves. By contrast, he could decide, in advance, “When I’m on vacation, I’m not going to study Spanish, then I’ll start again as soon as I’m home.” Very consciously, ahead of time, he makes a mindful exception, so that he’s in control.
Exceptions also work best when they’re limited, or when they have a built-in cutoff point. Skip the gym to have extra time to prepare for the annual retreat, not the weekly staff meeting. Make an exception for Christmas Day, not the Christmas season—Christmas is a holiday, after all.
loophole is an argument for why we should be excused from following a good habit. We aren’t mindfully planning the exception in advance, or acknowledging that we’re making an exception; we’re finding a loophole—usually on the spur of the moment—that lets us off the hook.
the ten major categories. Moral Licensing Loophole: In moral licensing, we give ourselves permission to do something “bad” (eat potato chips, bust the budget) because we’ve been “good.” We reason that we’ve earned it or deserve it.
Tomorrow Loophole: As part of my investigation of First Steps, I’d identified “tomorrow logic.” Now doesn’t matter, because we’re going to follow good habits tomorrow.
False Choice Loophole:
pose two activities in opposition, as though I have to make an either/or decision, when in fact, the two aren’t necessarily in conflict. Here are some of my own false choices: I haven’t been exercising. Too busy writing. I don’t have time to edit my draft, I’ve got too many emails to answer. If I go to sleep earlier, I won’t have any time to myself.
Lack of Control Loophole:
We argue that circumstances force us to break a habit, but often, we have more control than we admit.
Arranging to Fail Loophole: It’s odd. Instead of fleeing temptation, we often plan to succumb.
“This Doesn’t Count” Loophole: We tell ourselves that for some reason, this circumstance doesn’t “count.”
Questionable Assumption Loophole: We make assumptions that influence our habits—often, not for the better—and many of those assumptions become less convincing under close scrutiny.
set up weird mental blocks around my time. For instance, if it’s 9 a.m. and I have an appointment at 11 a.m., I’ll think ‘Oh, I have to go somewhere in two hours, so I can’t really start anything serious’ and then end up wasting my whole morning waiting for one thing to happen.” Our assumptions sound reasonable
I can’t start working until my office is clean. I’m too busy to take the stairs. It’s faster to wait in this long elevator line. All creative people are messy. I’ve already showered, so I can’t work out.
One very sneaky Questionable Assumption Loophole is the belief that a habit has become so ingrained that we can ease off:
Concern for Others Loophole: We tell ourselves that we’re acting out of consideration for others and making generous, unselfish decisions.
It will hurt my girlfriend’s feelings if I leave her to go for a run.
Fake Self-Actualization Loophole: Often, a loophole is disguised as an embrace of life or an acceptance of self, so that the failure to pursue a habit seems life-affirming—almost spiritual. You only live once (YOLO). I’ll be sorry if I don’t at least try it.
For most of us, the real aim isn’t to enjoy a few pleasures right now, but to build habits that will make us happy over the long term. Sometimes, that means giving up something in the present, or demanding more from ourselves.
“One-Coin” Loophole: One of the most insidious of loopholes is the “one-coin” loophole—insidious because it’s absolutely true. This loophole gets its name from the “argument of the growing heap,” which I learned about in Erasmus’s The Praise of Folly. According to a footnote, the argument of the growing heap is: If ten coins are not enough to make a man rich, what if you add one coin? What if you add another? Finally, you will have to say that no one can be rich unless one coin can make him so.
This teaching story highlights a paradox that’s very significant to habits and happiness: often, when we consider our actions, it’s clear that any one instance of an action is almost meaningless; yet at the same time, the sum of those actions is very meaningful. Whether we choose to focus on the single coin or the growing heap will shape our behavior. True, any one visit to the gym is inconsequential, but the habit of going to the gym is invaluable.
A year from now, whether I went to a video arcade today won’t matter. What’s one beer? By reminding ourselves that the heap grows one coin at a time, we can help keep ourselves on track.
the mere act of adding one coin to the heap strengthens a habit, just as each subtraction weakens it. So each coin is actually two coins: the healthy habit itself, and the protection and reinforcement of that habit. The habit of the habit is more important than the habit itself.
it can be helpful to keep a habit symbolically, even if we can’t keep it literally, to keep a habit in place. Someone who can’t go for a run because his wife is sick can go for a short walk. Someone who can’t write for an hour be...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
By catching ourselves in the act of invoking a loophole, we give ourselves an opportunity to reject it, and stick to the habits that we want to foster.
When we distract ourselves, we purposefully redirect our thoughts, and by doing so, we change our experience. Distraction can help us resist temptation, minimize stress, feel refreshed, and tolerate pain, and it can help us stick to our good habits.
making a purely mental shift can be difficult, so distraction works best when it involves physical activity: walking around the block, woodworking, or cleaning out the kitty-litter box. Of course, if it’s an enjoyable distraction, such as playing catch with a child, so much the better.
Although people often assume that cravings intensify over time, research shows that with active distraction, urges—even strong urges—usually subside within about fifteen minutes. So now whenever I’m tempted to break a good habit (or indulge in a bad habit, two sides of the same coin), I say to myself, “I can leave my desk—in fifteen minutes.” The delay of fifteen minutes is often long enough for me to get absorbed in something else. If I distract myself sufficiently, I may forget about a craving entirely.
This checking habit was inflamed by the phenomenon of “intermittent reinforcement.” Usually my email isn’t very rewarding, but occasionally—and I never know when—I get an email that’s great. This kind of unpredictable, variable, instantaneous reinforcement is the hallmark of many powerfully habit-forming actions, such as playing slot machines. Checking is also rewarding because it offers the possibility of resolution, which people crave—I get replies to my emails, I learn the definition for “claustral,” I see that 150 people commented on my post. And that feels good.
Checking certainly yields rewards from time to time, but I didn’t want a habit of constant checking, and delay helped me nip this habit in the bud. Now when I feel myself reaching for my smartphone, or clicking over into email and social media on my desktop, I tell myself, “Wait fifteen minutes.”
studies suggest that distraction works best if it directs our minds to something absorbing and pleasant, rather than distressing or highly arousing.
Distraction can be helpful, but it can also be distinctly unhelpful.
It’s easier to change my surroundings than to change myself.
The fact is, I can’t write for three hours straight, or for even forty-five minutes. I need a lot of breaks. It’s a Secret of Adulthood: To keep going, I sometimes need to allow myself to stop.
rewards can actually be dangerous for habit formation.
a reward teaches me that I wouldn’t do a particular activity for its own sake, but only to earn that reward;
We’re extrinsically motivated when we do an activity to get an external reward (a carrot) or to avoid an external punishment (a stick); we’re intrinsically motivated when we pursue an activity for its own sake. Drawing on intrinsic motivation makes us far more likely to stick to a behavior, and to find it satisfying.
several sources of intrinsic motivation: Challenge: we find personal meaning in pursuing a goal that’s difficult but not impossible. Curiosity: we’re intrigued and find pleasure in learning more. Control: we like the feeling of mastery. Fantasy: we play a game; we use our imagination to make an activity more stimulating. Cooperation: we enjoy the satisfaction of working with others. Competition: we feel gratified when we can compare ourselves favorably to others. Recognition: we’re pleased when others recognize our accomplishments and contributions.
The Four Tendencies can help us figure out which intrinsic motivators might resonate most for us. For an Upholder, a habit that’s a source of control might have special appeal; for a Questioner, curiosity; for an Obliger, cooperation; for a Rebel, challenge.
extrinsic motivation undermines intrinsic motivation, so rewards can turn enthusiastic participants into reluctant paid workers, and transform fun into drudge work.
Many assume that offering a reward will help people to jump-start a healthy habit, which will then persist after the reward fades away. Not so. Often, as soon as the reward stops (and sometimes before it stops), the behavior stops. When
If I tell Eliza that she can watch an hour of TV if she reads for an hour, I don’t build her habit of reading; I teach her that watching TV is more fun than reading.
The second reason rewards pose a danger for habits is that they require a decision. A habit, by my definition, is something we do without decision making; making a decision such as “Do I get my reward today?” “Do I deserve this?” “Have I done enough to earn the cash bonus?” or “Does this time count?” exhausts precious mental energy, moves attention away from the habit to the reward, and in the end, interferes with habit formation.
With my own habits, I’ve decided not to decide. I do an action without debate, without evaluation, and without reward. Just as I don’t reward myself for brushing my teeth or buckling my seat belt, I don’t consider Power Hour, exercise, or posting to my blog to be exceptional accomplishments that merit a reward. These actions are habits that run on automatic.
The third danger posed by rewards? This one took me much longer to recognize: the risk of the “finish line.” Setting a finish line does indeed help people reach a specific, one-time goal, but although it’s widely assumed to help habit formation, ...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
This pattern puzzled me. Shouldn’t working toward a specific goal create a habitual practice and supply an emotional satisfaction that would strengthen the habit? Shouldn’t the reward of crossing a finish line give people more psychic energy to persevere? I was surprised—almost to the point of disbelief—to observe that finish lines didn’t have that effect.
A finish line marks a stopping point. Once we stop, we must start over, and starting over is harder than continuing.
