This and Every Life

by Emmy Sanders

For the hearts that dream, that love, that know no bounds.

It’s a Tuesday morning when my life changes irrevocably.

I have a duty. A life spread out in front of me, waiting for me to live it. I don’t want to. I want none of it.

My heart patters, although I cannot, for the life of me, say why.

I think it would be rather easy to be friends with Abraham Morris.

My one consolation, as I return to the only life I’ve ever known, is the promise of a few more stolen hours with Abraham.

Oh, but he’s beautiful.

I’ve never wanted another as fiercely as I want Jasper. I desire to know him. To see a lifetime of his smiles.

He’s the sweetest forbidden fruit. And I yearn to know his taste on my tongue.

“Have you ever wondered what happens when we die?”

No one should be forced to work so much harder than another for something as simple as living.

“Do you know you have stars in your eyes?” Abraham’s words are soft. Spoken low. “I can see them clearly. Your wishes.”

“Do you wish to kiss me, Jasper Sinclair?”

It rattles me to my very core. Shifts the foundation of all I know. It snaps into place the certainty that I have answers for those questions never before solved.

“Abe,” I plead. “My heart.”

“Do you wish for me to kiss you again?” Surely he must know? “I wish for you never to stop.”

I fear I did not weigh the full effect of kissing Jasper Sinclair. He’s far more potent than I imagined. A luxury so indulgent I know not how I will ever quit his taste. If this is ruin, let me be a man in shambles.

“If we are, will you fight for me, my warrior?” “With my every breath,” I promise, the certainty of it startling me.

“How long will you be away?” “A month, perhaps?” Such a long time when I’ve only just found him. I offer a smile, hoping Jasper can see it. “A month to miss you, then.”

“Will you think of me while you’re away?” His response nearly sets my heart on fire. “How could I not? Forgetting you must mean I am dead, for I cannot see how it would be possible otherwise.”

“If this is a dream, I hope I can return.”

“You’ve worked hard your whole life,” I remind her. “Now it’s my turn. Let me carry the weight. I am strong enough to do so thanks to you.”

Jasper is meant to be mine. I know it the same way I know the sun will rise every day and the stars will return at night. He was made for me. Or me for him. I’m meant to cherish him. I’m sure of it.

“Abraham.” “Yes?” “You make me dizzy.”

I have no doubt Jasper Sinclair will bring about my destruction.

I feel as if I must be going mad, Abraham. To want you so.” I twist his hand in mine, letting the sting in my throat settle before speaking. “Then we will be mad together.”

“If I don’t have another chance to say it, fare thee well, Abraham Morris. Until I can return to you.” “Be it swiftly, I hope.”

I hope, I hope, I hope.

Should knowledge and wealth not be shared equally? What benefit is it to have extra food on the table when others have not enough to get by?

I don’t understand the motives of men. Greed and pride and malice, even, to stand atop the weak in order to feel strong. What would happen if those at the bottom stood up? The thought nearly has me laughing. Surely, the men up high would topple.

Abraham’s lips meet mine, and it feels like falling.

“Don’t stop,” I beg of him, pulling him into another kiss, wondering if I could tie us together, never to be parted again. The world makes sense when Abraham is near.

“Abe,” I whisper. He lifts his head. “We won’t give this up, will we?” I ask, desperation bleeding into my tone. “We’ll find a way to keep it?” Abraham’s response is solid and sure. “Yes, my heart. No one will ever take this away. I won’t allow it.”

Do you think it’s possible to know someone before you’ve met? That’s how I feel. As if I’ve known you far longer than mere weeks. I imagine a world where our being together would be as easy as breathing.

I pray it is not only me falling down this rabbit’s warren. Please tell me you are with me? That you’ll walk by my side through these dark and dampened trails? I won’t be afraid if I have you. I couldn’t be.

The stars were out last night, my warrior, and I smiled at...

The sword in the north called to me, and I felt close to you, as if I could reach up and touch your skin. Soon. I’ll return t...

It’s easy to believe—when the rest of the world is out of sight—that we could exist just like this. Without worry. Without repercussion. Without end.

“Powerful men seek to command. Even when it comes to love.”

“I wasn’t made to resist you, Jasper Sinclair.” “I do not wish for you to try.”

“Be it swiftly.” It’s our most treasured farewell, as it’s not a farewell at all. Only a promise of meeting again. “Swiftly,” I agree, hoping for it with everything I am.

Abraham stretches a single second into many, and I swear I can see it. The life we could have together. If only things were different.

He can have the whole of me. I’d gladly lay myself at his feet if it meant even a minute more with Abraham.

I have no doubt Abraham Morris would grant me my heart’s every desire. If only he were able.

“You are beautiful, my star. If I could, I would spend eternity here with you, and I wouldn’t want for anything. I would look into your eyes and have everything I need.”

There has never been a home as perfect for me as you.”

“I feel as if we are one, Abraham. That we are meant to be so.” “We are,”

“If I could wed you, my heart, I would do so in an instant.”

I would belong to you happily, Jasper Sinclair. I already do. No matter our fortune in life, I will love you for all of our days and long after.”

“It sounds like a wonderful life.” I bite the inside of my cheek hard enough to cull back the sound that wants to escape my throat. “Yes,” I say at last. “It does, doesn’t it?”