The Left Behind Complete Set, Series 1-12

by Tim LaHaye

By the time of the evening network news, a new international star had been born. He even had a nickname: Saint Nick.

YES! Now I can abreviate Antichrist to Santa.

Buck told Steve he wanted to hurry home to his apartment, get freshened up, get his messages, run to the office and educate himself as quickly as possible from the files, and be totally prepared for the interview.

Run-on sentence

“But, Steve, you have to agree it’s likely that Dirk Burton was murdered because he got too close to Todd-Cothran’s secret connections with Stonagal’s international group.

The best part about these names is seeing them strung together in sentences like this

gotten a hold

Ahold is one word

Rayford guessed he was half an hour behind Chloe, and he was impressed that she had left the garage door open for him.

“The bad guys know we don’t have the time or manpower to do a blessed thing about it.”

“So who’s that?” Steve called out as Buck hesitated near the bathroom door, waiting to hear all the messages before getting into the shower.

LaHaye, I will take back half of the bad things I've said about your characters if you are about to reveal a gay romance for Buck Williams and Steve Plank.

The next message had come less than half an hour later and was from Georges Lafitte,

Interpol, the international police organization headquartered in Lyons, France.

Umm, did we need this explanation? You didn't give us one for Scotland Yard. I'm willing to admit this as nitpicking. This is a mere papercut on the corpse of this story. I should just be glad it's not some new police force invented after Russian Pearl Harbor.

“What are you now?” Steve asked. “A suspect?” “I’d better not be.

You did fake your death after being the last person to meet with the victim.

He shook his head when he heard about the break-in. “It’s becoming epidemic,” he said. “It’s as if the inner city has moved to the suburbs. We’re no safer here anymore.”

Said the white guy to the other white guy

He wanted to tell Bruce to keep praying, that she must still be thinking about things. Maybe the invasion of the house had made her feel vulnerable. Maybe she was getting the point that the world was much more dangerous now, that there were no guarantees, that her own time could be short. But Rayford also knew he could offend her, insult her, push her away if he used this situation to sic Bruce on her. She had enough information; he just had to let God work on her.

Trying to figure out if Chloe's conversion will be resolved in this book, or if that'll be her arc for the whole series. My guess is that she gets saved in book 1, then fridged in book 3, because the author will have discovered that she had nothing to do in book 2. My second guess is that Rayford will die in book 2, but he'll get the honorable sacrifice treatment. That will free up space for Chloe to become a lead in the rest of the series. She'll still be second fiddle to Buck, though, because of course she would.

While they were out, Rayford bought items that needed to be replaced right away, including a TV.

First priority: restore the exposition machine!

They came home to a phone call from Hattie Durham.

Hattie has had more phone scenes than in-person ones

“Things are getting so strange,” she said. “You know I have a sister who works in a pregnancy clinic.” “Uh-huh,” Rayford said. “You’ve mentioned it.” “They do family planning and counseling and referrals for terminating pregnancies.” “Right.” “And they’re set up to do abortions right there.” Hattie seemed to be waiting for some signal of affirmation or acknowledgment that he was listening. Rayford grew impatient and remained silent. “Anyway,” she said, “I won’t keep you. But my sister told me they have zero business.” “Well, that would make sense, given the disappearances of unborn babies.” “My sister didn’t sound too happy about that.” “Hattie, I imagine everyone’s horrified by that. Parents are grieving all over the world.” “But the women my sister and her people were counseling wanted abortions.” Rayford groped for a pertinent response. “Yes, so maybe those women are grateful they didn’t have to go through the abortion itself.” “Maybe, but my sister and her bosses and the rest of the staff are out of work now until people start getting pregnant again.”

This is like a scene from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, spoofing what right-wing people think left-wing people are like. Except this isn't supposed to be a joke. Also, of course Hattie's sister works for a family planning clinic. Add it to the pile. This is the heaviest foreshadowing for a character who will choose not to be redeemed. Also also, can we confront that the scene stopped dead in it's tracks to fill us in on how the abortion market is doing. What next? An update on Hattie's brother, a baker whose gay wedding cake sales have sky-rocketed since the rapture?

“They have to work. They have expenses and families.” “And aside from abortion counseling and abortions, they have nothing to do?” “Nothing. Isn’t that awful?

And another thing: the majority of family planning clinics' work is *not* spent performing abortions. It's still pregnancy-adjacent, so I would understand a dip in services, but by no means would they dry up just because they can't perform abortions.

Rayford had to admit he had never found Hattie guilty of brilliance, but now he wished he could look into her eyes.

I wish I could look Rayford in the eyes so I could punch him in the face

are you saying your sister is hoping women can get pregnant again so they’ll need abortions and she can keep working?” “Well, sure.

This scene might break me. I’m bookmarking it.

He shouldn’t waste his energy arguing with someone who clearly didn’t have a clue, but he couldn’t help himself.

“But, Rayford, that’s her job. That’s what the center is all about. It’s sort of like owning a gas station and nobody needing gas or oil or tires anymore.”

Author accidentally makes a great point about the gas industry and renewable energy

“Exactly! See? They need unwanted pregnancies because that’s their business.” “Sort of like doctors wanting people to be sick or injured so they have something to do?” “Now you’ve got it, Rayford.”

I don’t even know what to say anymore. Thank God the scene is over, I guess. I need a drink.

Marge insisted they come over right away. She said her husband liked to watch his M*A*S*H rerun at that time of night but that she could talk him into taping it tonight.

Marge and Mr. Marge have adapted to the post-rapture quite well, I see. The dead and missing are still being counted, but I’ll be damned if I miss M*A*S*H.

Carpathia smiled. “Like anyone from Europe, particularly Eastern Europe, I am amazed at your technology.

Was Romania so far behind in the 90s that television was impressive to them?

“And is it not also true that they have already named you their newest Sexiest Man Alive?”

See, I want to hate this book, but then lines like this show up. It’s an abusive relationship, but I can’t tell who’s at fault — the book, for being insulting and badly written; or me, for staying to see what funny thing it’ll say next.

“But, sir, are you saying you are not aware that People magazine is breaking tradition by, in effect, unseating their current sexiest man and installing you in his place with next week’s issue?”

“So you deny having a business rival murdered seven years ago and using intimidation and powerful friends in America to usurp the president’s authority in Romania?”

Buck was amazed at Carpathia’s thought processes and command of language.

Maybe this is the gay romance I should actually be rooting for...

Carpathia’s laugh appeared deep and genuine.

I have no idea what that is supposed to sound like. Brian Blessed’s laugh, I guess?

“I respect the proprietary nature of the original five. I propose choosing another five, just one each from the five different regions of the world. Drop the temporary members. Then you would have ten permanent members of the Security Council,

I’m guessing there’s something in Revelation about a union of 10 countries. We’re paying a lot of attention to numbered groups of countries, and it came out of nowhere, so that’s the first explanation that comes to my head. That, or there will be some plot significance to the exact number of countries in the UN.

Carpathia went on to educate the audience that it was in 1965 that the U.N. amended its original charter to increase the Security Council from 11 to 15. He said that the original veto power of the permanent members had hampered military peace efforts, such as in Korea and during the Cold War. “Sir, where did you get your encyclopedic knowledge of the U.N. and world affairs?” “We all find time to do what we really want to do. This is my passion.”

I have no trouble believing that Carpathia’s hobby is reading encyclopedias. That’s right up his alley. It’s everything in the world, but in *list form.* Carrying all of those books around would explain his Adonis-liek physique, as well...

Rayford and Chloe sat in silence before their new television, taken with the fresh face and encouraging ideas of Nicolae Carpathia. “What a guy!” Chloe said at last.

Compliment time! This is a good scene transition. End a scene with one set of characters watching a television broadcast, then start the next scene with the other set of characters finishing the same broadcast. It’s a very cinematic technique (I think the same edit in film is called a “visual echo,” but I could be wrong), and it provides better connective tissue between two disparate scenes in the same chapter.

“He is something,” Rayford agreed. “It’s especially nice to see somebody who doesn’t seem to have a personal agenda.” Chloe smiled. “So you’re not going to start comparing him with the liar the pastor’s DVD warned us of, somebody from Europe who tries to take over the world?” “Hardly,” Rayford said. “There’s nothing evil or self-seeking about this guy. Something tells me the deceiver the pastor talked about would be a little more obvious.”

Rayford, you need to just stop and think on that last sentence for a solid 30 seconds.

The phone rang. It was Hattie, eager to talk to Rayford.

Oh, no, another Hattie phone call. What straw-man argument are we burning down this time?

“Can we talk about this when you come for dinner?” “Let’s talk about it now.”

Rayford and Hattie already talk like a married couple, and she’s supposed to be our temptress or something

Rayford paused, groping for words.

Whyyyyyyy?

“Rayford! Are you brushing me off?” “If I was brushing you off, I wouldn’t have invited you to dinner.” “With your daughter at your home? I think I’m getting set up for the royal brush.”

“And I do feel bad about your wife, Rayford, I really do. You’re probably feeling guilty, even though we never did anything to feel guilty about.

All I hear when I read Hattie’s dialogue is Vivien Leigh doing the voice

“That’s something I would like to talk with you about, Hattie.” “You can answer it right now.” Rayford sighed. “Yes, there were times I wished it was something more.” “Well, glory be.

“I can see what that’s all about, Rayford. You can’t tell me I wasn’t going to get the ‘let’s be friends’ routine.”

Hattie [peering through binoculars, smiling]: “Rayford, you magnificent bastard, I read your BOOK!”

“Hattie!” “Good-bye, Rayford.” “Hat—” She hung up.

You go girl. You deserve better.

“I wouldn’t do this for just anybody,” Steve Plank said after he and Buck had thanked Marge and headed to separate cabs. “I don’t know how long I can hold them off and convince them I’m you pretending to be someone else, so don’t be far behind.”

Two sentences in a row that need to be broken down into smaller sentences. Seriously, who edited this book?!

Buck was willing to try anything to keep from being extradited and framed for Alan Tompkins’s murder, and possibly even Dirk Burton’s.

Anytime three or more of these ridiculous names are in the same sentence, it is comedy gold

“Listen, Eric, I told you I’d call you first with what’s shakin’ here, but if you try to horn in on this or follow me, I’m gonna leave you dry.”

I LOVE IT

Buck yanked Miller to his feet and put him in a headlock. “You are a clown, Eric.

“Oh, hello, Mr. Williams,” Carpathia said, noticing Buck. “Or should I say Mr. Oreskovich? Or should I say Mr. Plank?”

I hope Buck takes on like 50 more fake IDs by the end of the book. Then, Carpathia can spend an entire page listing them. “Or should I say... Marimack Partridge? Or should I say... Huey Goblong? Or should I say... Maximus Riddlepith? . . .” Listing that many names in a row, I’m sure Carpathia would love it! I definitely want this to be the romantic climax of their story. The moment they realize that they’re perfect together.

Rayford felt terrible about Hattie Durham. Things couldn’t have gone worse.

But not much worse.

How would he get to Chloe now? His real motive, even for talking with Hattie, was to communicate to Chloe.

Me, just now: “Hey Siri, how do you spell duchebag?”

“It’s really hard when it’s your own daughter.” “I can imagine,” Bruce said. “No, you can’t,” Rayford said. “But it’s all right.”

Is it just me, or has Rayford turned into an even bigger dick since he became a Christian?

The bodyguards were posted out front, while Carpathia invited Rosenzweig and Buck into a private parlor for a meeting of just the three of them. Carpathia shed his coat and laid it carefully across the back of a couch. “Make yourselves comfortable, gentlemen,” he said.

Alright, this scene can go a couple of ways, and I’m down for all of them...

“It is amazing, is it not, that all those different international meetings right here in New York over the next few weeks are all about the worldwide cooperation in which I am interested?” “It is,” Buck said. “And I’ve been assigned to cover them.”

It’s at this moment that I had a premonition of the remaining 9 chapters being entirely about the religious meetings. Just scenes of meetings, stretching on and on. And I was frightened. Then, I remembered that Buck is doing the whole rogue-journalist story, and I had hope. It’s not too late. This story can still have a plot.