Mountain Daddy (Mountain Men, #2)

by S.J. Tilly

“Focus.” She slaps my hand away. “You need to disappear.” My face scrunches up. “What? Why?” She leans in, lowering her voice. “Because Kendra is here.” The sentence slithers into my brain one word at a time. Kendra. Is. Here. My eyes lift over Jessie’s head to the door just feet away. Here.

Joe. Fuck. Kendra isn’t here looking for me. She’s here because Joe wants to be here, for whatever reason, and she couldn’t tell him she didn’t want to come. Because I’m certain she didn’t want to come.

I am sick to my stomach

Her heart is too big. She’ll know I’m struggling, and she’ll know I… She’ll know I love her too. And I can’t let her know that. I need her to believe me. I need her to believe she’s better off without me.

“He’s, um, drunk too.” “Seriously?”

“Where is he? I want to give him shit.”

“He’s asleep. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow....

“We had a sibling drinking contest. He lost.” Dad huf...

I feel a touch more relaxed, knowing Luther isn’t going to walk in at any moment. But this was too close of a call. And I know it’s only a matter of time before Dad has Luther over for one of their bestie breakfasts. I need to find a way to find out ahead of time. And then I need to find a way for them to do it at Luther’s house.

The emails I’ve sent back and forth with HR to schedule today have been friendly and welcoming. And… I hate it. I hate everything about it. I hate being back in a city. I hate the way these shoes feel on my feet. I hate the way this dress screams corporate lackey. I hate the idea of not seeing my dad all the time. Hate the thought of telling him I’m leaving.

But being here, standing here, feeling like I’m back in my old life. Like I’m back out east, ready to spend the day dancing to my boss’s tune… It’s not me anymore. I don’t know if I’ve changed that much or if I’ve just experienced a different way to live. A more relaxed life. And I like it. I more than like it.

I don’t want to make small talk. I don’t want to smile and laugh and act like everything is fine. Everything is not fine. Everything’s not fine, but I’m going to have to pretend like it is because Kendra will be there. Kendra.

Joe mentioned that Kendra was really upset over the fox being injured and that she was adamant about taking care of it. But Kendra has a huge heart. She’s a lover and a giver.

I’m not right for you. I swallow and tuck my hands into my pockets. Focus on tonight. Focus on the now. You can feel the bad later. I pull in a slow breath through my nose and plaster a small smile on my face.

I lift my hand, my fingers trembling as I wave. As I smile. As I pretend that seeing Luther doesn’t hurt something deep inside my chest.

At least with our height difference, I don’t have to look into his eyes. I can stare at his chest. His biceps. My gaze dips to where his sleeves are rolled up, leaving his tanned forearms bare. I look away. I shuffle with the line.

This firefighter is super friendly, just as attractive, but less my type. “Hey, hon.”

I inhale. I hold my breath. And her eyes meet mine for the first time in weeks. My Kendra Doll. She’s so perfect. She’s… not mine anymore. “Thank you.” Her soft words glide past me.

Kendra shakes her head as she pushes back her chair. “No, you guys eat.” She doesn’t look at me, just gets up and walks away, food untouched. My stomach twists.

But the part of my brain that hates me for letting her go is shouting at me for being such a fuckup. I gave her that lemon. Hand selected the wedges that looked the most perfect. The lemon juice in her eyes is just as much my fault as the sadness blanketing her shoulders.

“I’m sorry.” Luther’s quiet voice rolls across the table. I force my gaze up from my tray. “It’s not your fault.”

But beneath it… He looks miserable. He’s not teasing. He’s not grinning. His stance is rigid. Bracing. And I hate it. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to talk to him. Not now.

“I squeezed the lemons on your fish while you were in the bathroom. If it’s gotten too cold, or if you don’t like it, I can get you more.”

Kendra picks at her food, and I know I’m making her uncomfortable. Another reason to despise myself. After offering to get a round of drinks, I take my time collecting two beers and two lemonades, hoping she’ll eat some while I’m gone. I need her to eat.

The cute firefighter is still here, leaning against a wall, talking with a group of people about our age. And I consider going over there. But I’d only be doing it in an effort to make Luther jealous. And making him jealous is childish. It wouldn’t accomplish anything. And it wouldn’t work. Because he’d have to still want me.

She’s my fucking reason for existing. The reason I want to live and die at the same time.

“Thank you.” “What are you reading?”

“A book about a vampire.” I set my phone down next to my glasses. “Does he sparkle?”

“He doesn’t. But he can smell his fated mate from across the city.”

“You like it?” I lift a shoulder. “So far.”

We shouldn’t be sitting across the table from each other. We should be sitting on the same side. We should be part of the same team. This… distance. It doesn’t feel natural. And the wrongness of it makes me so sad.

I try to ask why, but no sound comes out. And I feel so frustrated with the whole thing. With all of it. That my eyes fill with emotion. I blink. Fast. Luther’s features go tight, and he leans forward, putting his arms on the table. “Fuck, Ba⁠—” “Don’t,” I breathe.

I am SICK

“Do you want to talk?”

“I don’t want to talk to you. I can’t.” Another tear and then another. “Not yet.”

“I’m sorry,” Luther whispers, and fuck, it hurts. “Please stop,”

“I want to leave.” “Okay.” He slides his arms off the table. Holding my glasses and phone, I stand. Luther rises across from me. “I’ll tell him you aren’t feeling well.”

I look up and meet his eyes. And I remind myself that this is us now. He’s not mine. I’m not his.

Rocky. It’s what everyone calls me. But not her. Except that’s what I did to us. I made us like everyone else. And. Fuck. I think I might’ve made a mistake.

I am crying

Today, I’m letting go. I exhale my breath. Today, I’m letting the bad die.

“You two are so weird.” I look at him, brow raised. “We’re weird? Have you met yourself?”

“Luther knows his stuff,”

“That’s Kendra’s...

“You sound ridiculous.” “You sound...

“And what chair i...

“At the fish fry, before you bailed.” “Bailed,”

“Not him. He’s no saint, but he’s damn close. Been forever since I’ve seen him interested in anyone.”

“If it stays this nice out, maybe we should eat outside.” I turn my head slowly to look at Dad. “What’s happening tonight?” “Steaks.”

“With Luther.” He uses his high-pitched voice again. “You’re obnoxious.”

I can feel his eyes take me in. Can feel the way they always take me in. I am good. I inhale. I lift my hand. And I smile.

She smiles, and I can feel it in my bones. It’s not brittle. Not pained. It doesn’t look forced. I exhale, releasing the breath I’ve been holding. She looks like herself.

The bright yellow of her shirt contrasts with her dark hair, and her green eyes look like they’re sparkling. She looks healthy. Full of life. My arms ache to wrap around her. I want to press my nose to her hair. I want to hold her. But I do the next best thing. I lift my hand and wave back.