Mountain Daddy (Mountain Men, #2)

by S.J. Tilly

“The brussels sprouts are in the oven. I just need to mix up the glaze.” My nose scrunches, and Kendra notices. “Is there a problem, Luther?”

“No problem.” I hate brussels sprouts. But I’d rather eat them with every meal for the rest of my life than tell her. “Sounds perfect.”

She swallows. And so do I. Lips still pressed against the smooth glass, Kendra smiles. I don’t know if she’s fucking with me, flirting with me, or putting a curse on me. But I find I don’t care. I’ll take anything over seeing her cry. I want her happy. That was the whole point of me calling things off.

Because I want her happy. Jessie’s voice echoes in my thoughts, telling me I deserve to be happy too. But as I take a sip of what was supposed to be Kendra’s beer, I feel a shimmer of peace settle over me. Kendra’s happiness will be enough for both of us.

And years and years. But I knew I’d have to do it eventually. And… Fuck. I think it has to be now. I glance at Luther as I dig my teeth into my lip. He should know too. Even if it doesn’t change anything. Even if everything between us stays exactly the same. He should know too.

“Cancer?” I lift my shoulder again and nod. He makes a sound of distress. “I’m fine.” I hurry out. “They got everything, and nothing spread. That’s why they took both.” “Kendra.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “It all happened so fast. And…” I brush at my cheeks. There’s no real reason. No excuse. Dad shakes his head, wiping away his own tears. “No. No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. Don’t apologize.” “I just…”

“I never told her.” “You… No one…?” His inhale is choppy. I never told either of them. Didn’t tell anyone. Didn’t tell my boyfriend. Never told him the real reason I broke up with him. Because I knew he wanted kids. He’d talked about it. He wanted several. And when I knew I’d never have them…

“It’s gone.” “You’re sure?” “I’m sure. I go in every year, and I had my checkup three months ago. There’s never been any signs of it coming back.”

My shoulders drop. I did all of it by myself. Every appointment. Every follow-up. Every phone call. Every medication. I thought it was what I wanted. Thought it would be easier to do it alone. Thought it would be less stressful if I didn’t include anyone else in the trauma. But sitting here, heart hurting over Dad’s reaction, I realize I was wrong. I was wrong to keep it from him. Wrong to keep it from my mom.

Crying

Dad rubs his palms over his eyes, and I finally turn my head, meeting Luther’s gaze. His face is pale. He’s sitting so still that he looks… haunted. But he’s watching me. Hearing every sentence. Taking in every word. So I answer the question he should have asked me. I tell him what he should’ve known.

“But it hurt. Having the choice taken away from me hurt. And it wasn’t fair.”

There is a double meaning to this

Barely more than ten days ago, Kendra stood there as I told her she deserved better. Barely more than ten days ago, I told her she deserved to have a family with someone else. Barely more than ten days ago, Kendra stood there as I broke my promise, as I broke her trust.

Kendra stood there as I told her it was over between us, all because I made an assumption. A horribly wrong assumption.

Wishing I could dig my fingers between my ribs and offer her my tattered heart in apology.

Crying

I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for failing you. For failing you in the worst kind of way. She breaks eye contact, finally looking away from me. How she can look at me at all… I press harder against my chest.

“I swear it.” “And you’ll tell me when you have another doctor’s appointment.” I want to demand that she tells me too. Want to insist that I’ll go with her. Want to promise her that I’ll hold her hand the whole time.

Joe lifts a hand and drags it down his face before dropping it back into his lap. “Can I give you a hug?”

I hang my head forward. What has she been going through these last couple weeks? How much must she hate me? It might even be more than I hate myself. “Quit making it weird. Come join the group hug.” Joe’s voice is gruff. I lift my head. Me?

If I were her, I’d never want to see my face again. If I were her, I would be so full of rage. Except there’s the smallest smile on her lips. And when I continue to watch her, she dips her chin. The rope around my throat tightens. She can’t… Kendra holds her arm out too. And I don’t care if it’s a hug of friendship and nothing more. I’ll take it.

And then I feel it. Kendra’s hand at the small of my back. Her fingers tangling in the fabric of my shirt. It’s more than I dared to wish for.

I want to tell Joe to get lost. I need to hug Kendra for longer. Need to hold her for-fucking-ever. But this isn’t about me. It never was. But I still managed to ruin it.

But we can’t do that when we’re sharing this hug with my dad. And we can’t do that because we aren’t a we anymore. So instead, I whisper back, “I’m glad too.” Another few seconds slip by, then Dad sighs. Loudly. “I need ice cream.”

I can feel how badly he wants to say more. Ever since dinner. Since I told them what happened. I could see it written all over his face. And I get it. It was an unexpected turn of events. For him. And I get it. It’s a lot to unpack. Especially after… And knowing Luther, knowing the type of man he is, I can only imagine how much he’s beating himself up right now.

I think about what I want. I think about everything Kendra said. I think about the meaning of the word regret. And I wait until forty minutes have passed. I open my door. I climb out of my truck. I walk down the driveway. I take Joe’s spare house key out of my pocket. And I unlock the front door.

WHAT

“Luther?” The tall, wide-shouldered man steps into my room and closes the door behind him. “I’m sorry.” His voice is quiet. And broken. I don’t think. I just climb out of bed and go to him. “I’m so sorry,”

“Looking back on my life, I’d do a lot of things differently. But pushing you away…”

“Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do. I thought I was… Fuck, Kendra. I don’t deserve another chance with you. And I’m not asking…”

“I just… Can I hug you agai...

“I’m glad you’re okay.” He says the same thing he said before, only this time, his hand cups the back of my head as he holds me against him. “I need you to be okay.”

I inhale his scent. And I don’t know if this next part is a mistake or not, but I need the comfort just as much as he does. “You can stay.”

I want to tell her I love her. Want to tell her I’ve loved her this whole time. Beg her to believe me. But that’s just it. I need her to believe me when I say it. And I don’t think she would right now. I poisoned the trust she had in me, and I need to earn it back. So instead of telling her how much I love her, I press my lips to the top of her head.

Kendra’s body goes soft against mine as sleep pulls her under. And I hold her tighter. I cling to her. I grip the hand she has on my chest in my own. I’d like you to stay. This is so much more than I deserve. She’s so much more.

But I tried living without her already, and I was no good at it. So I might not deserve a second chance, but if she gives it to me, I’m going to take it. I’m taking it, and I’m never letting it go.

She’s such a stunning creature. Beautiful, smart, funny. Strong, tough, independent. She doesn’t need me. Maybe never will. But that’s okay. I don’t need her to need me. I just need her to want me. I want you to stay. I close my eyes as I replay her words. There’s so much to make right, but it’s a start.

“Hi.” I keep my voice low. Her cheek lifts in a wary smile. “Hi.”

“Yeah. I overslept.” She turns her head to look at the clock, seeing that it’s after six thirty and knowing this is late for me. “Must’ve been tired.”

“What are you⁠—” When we’re front to front, I wrap both my arms around her and hug her to me. One of her hands is trapped between us, but the other slides around my side to my back. “I’m okay, Luther. I swear.”

“I’m sorry.” I force the words through my tightening throat. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. And I’m sorry I didn’t know. And I’m so fucking sorry, Baby.”

“I’m sorry I’m such an idiot. I should’ve talked to you. I just… I’m too old. Too jaded. Felt too fucking unworthy to steal your future and keep it as my own. But… I can’t let you go. Even though I tried. Even though I should.”

“I’m not… I won’t ask you for anything right now. I want to, but I won’t. Not yet. Just know that I’m not done. I’ll make...

“You hear me, Kend...

Crying

“Tell me, Baby.” His lips brush against my neck with every word. And I shouldn’t go there. I shouldn’t let myself pretend it’s like it was before. But it’s Luther. And he’s here.

“I hear you, Daddy.” I whisper it so quietly. Barely more than a puff of air. But I feel Luther harden against me. His muscles. His body. His… It’s all hard. One hand slides up my spine to cradle the back of my head. “That’s my good girl.” He holds me to him. “My perfect girl.”

“What?” “That’s playing dirty.” His eyes move to my forehead. Then he leans in and kisses it again, his lips lingering longer this time.

“Lock this after me, okay?” “Okay. But…”

“You can just wait in here for him to leave. So you don’t have to…climb out.”

“Don’t tempt me, Baby. I haven’t earned your sweetness yet.” Heat fills my belly. “That’s not what I meant.”

I want him to come back. I want to see him. My poor, broken heart wants to forgive him. And my body wants his attention. But I know I need to be careful. I can’t just lose myself in the comfort of him. We need to talk.

Baby Doll: Good morning. Again.