Releasing 10 (Boys of Tommen, #6)

by Chloe Walsh

I smiled and touched her face. She had the best face. She had kind eyes. They were blue, just like mine. I knew the color. I knew all the colors and wanted to tell my sister that. I just…couldn’t get the words to come out. My voice wouldn’t work.

I didn’t like it when I made her mad. It made me feel bad. It made my face grow hot. It made my nails get scratchy. “No,” Caoimhe warned, attention moving to my scratchy nails. She stood up from her dressing table and walked over to the bed. “You are not allowed to do that.” Crouching down in front of me, she took my hands in hers and looked in my eyes. “You are not allowed to hurt yourself.”

I’m sorry, I wanted to tell her. I don’t know how to make it stop. Instead, I reached up and touched her cheek. Her blue eyes started to water. “Please talk to me.” Sniffling, she swept me up in her arms and held me to her chest. “Please, Liz, just one word. I’m begging you.” I’m trying.

“Not necessarily, but there is evidence to suggest Elizabeth is experiencing psychotic episodes. What concerns me is her lack of awareness and the frequent blackout episodes.” He twisted a pen between his fingers. “She appears to have no memory of what she does.”

“Does she even know it’s her birthday?” Caoimhe asked then, and it made me cross. Of course I did. I had a birthday cake, didn’t I? She laughed before adding, “She probably doesn’t even know what age she’s turning.” Planting my hands on my hips, I turned to my sister and glared. “Four.” Caoimhe’s eyes widened in surprise. “What did you just say?” “Four,” I repeated, still cross with her. “I’m not silly.” I pointed to the candles on my cake. “One, two, three, four.”

“Say something else,” Caoimhe commanded, sounding excited. “Come on, Liz, tell us something else.” I frowned at her. “Like what?” “Oh my God!” Caoimhe squealed, jumping from foot to foot as she clapped her hands. “She actually answered me!”

always answered her, but she just couldn’t hear me. None of them could. “Am I talking out loud?” I asked, confused. “You can hear me?” All three of them nodded.

thought about the medicine in the bathroom cabinet, the bottle with the name Elizabeth Young on it, and how Mammy took one out every day and gave it to me. “Am I sick like the lady?” The hot feeling grew inside of me, gobbling up the earlier excitement. “There’s something wrong with me, isn’t there?” I knew there was. I heard the voices, too. They whispered in my ear when I was alone in my bed at night.

“What’s wrong with your sister?” Mark asked after dinner when I walked into the kitchen and saw them kissing. “Selective mutism,” Caoimhe replied, filling a glass of water from the tap. “Don’t take it personal. She’s like this with everyone except family.” She took a sip before adding, “That’s why she goes to school in the city and does all that therapy I was telling you about.” She shrugged. “She can talk perfectly fine when it suits her.”

“Why, though?” He looked at me and then my sister before asking, “Why doesn’t she speak like a normal kid?” “The psychiatrists said it’s because of past trauma.” “What kind of past trauma?” “It’s not… I’m, uh, it’s a private family matter,” Caoimhe replied, cheeks turning red. “But at the rate she’s going, she’ll be thirty before she graduates.” She took another sip before adding, “All you need to know is Liz won’t rat us out to my folks.”

“Don’t be cross with me, Hughie,” he pleaded, looking up at me with those big puppy-dog, gray eyes that got him out of trouble. “You’re my big brother.” I rolled my eyes to the heavens, but I knew he was right. We might not have had the same parents, but Gerard Gibson was my brother.

I didn’t feel bad, though. I didn’t feel like screaming. Instead, I felt warm. My thoughts were nice and slow. It always happened when I sat next to Shannon Lynch. It made me want to sit with her forever.

Claire was loud and funny, and she made me feel happy. Shannon was quiet and calm and made me feel safe.

Shannon looked at me for a long time before whispering, “You’re different, Lizzie Young.” “I am?” She nodded and smiled. “You’re special.” “Is that bad?” “No.” She shook her head, still smiling. “You remind me of Joe.” “Your brother?” “Yep.” She nodded again. “And that’s a very good thing.”

When Mark draped his arm over my lap to hold my sister’s hand, I shivered all over. He noticed and gave me the special wink. The secret one he saved just for me. For when he was fixing me. It made me feel special, and I beamed back at him.

“So you never know, son,” Dad teased. “One of these names could be the name you say on your wedding day.” Shuddering, I gaped at him in horror. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

Hugh Biggs had whiskey eyes that didn’t look away. Instead, they stayed right on mine, warm and kind and chasing away the scary feeling in my head. Caoimhe always told me to stop staring so hard at people. She said it was creepy and weird. But this boy didn’t seem to mind.

Hugh shook his head and turned to leave, only to swing back around and lean in close. “I think you’re right,” he whispered, breath fanning my cheek.

I blinked a few times, not entirely sure if I was seeing her properly because this girl didn’t look like the other girls on the bus. She didn’t look like anything I’d ever seen before. She sort of resembled a ghost. Or an angel. Something different. Something special.

“You’re Dr. Sattler,” I finally found my voice and said, eyes raking over her costume with approval. “From Jurassic Park.”

When the fear in her eyes was replaced with hope and her small hand tightened around mine, I felt a tingling sensation surge through me. While my brain seemed confused by the tingling, my heart assured me that it was an important feeling. That she was important.

Focusing all my attention on the boy sitting beside me, I let my eyes roam over his face. Golden skin. Yellow hair. Kind smile. Eyes like Daddy’s whiskey. Soap and strawberries. Hugh Biggs.

“I like you, Hugh Biggs,” I blurted out, feeling the heat bursting out of my chest. “I think.” I watched him carefully for a reaction, and when he tried and failed to hide a smile, I felt my heart slam against my chest. “I don’t think I like you, Lizzie Young.” He looked out the window when he whispered, “I know I do.”

“All in favor of Liz joining the gang, raise your hands.” Everyone raised their hands. I beamed with happiness. “Then it’s official,” Hugh said, turning to smile at me. “You’re one of us now.” “I am?” “That means we keep each other’s secrets and stick together, no matter what.” My heart leapt. “No matter what?” “Yeah, Liz.” Hugh smiled. “No matter what.”

He was always checking on me. It used to be okay, but I wasn’t so sure anymore. I didn’t think I wanted him to keep checking on me. I didn’t want him to fix me again. Not ever again.

“Only for a little while,” he coaxed, wrapping his big hand around my throat. “You can handle it.” He pushed me onto my back and dragged my nightie up to my waist. “Like the other times.” Shivering, I clenched my eyes shut and thought happy thoughts. I thought of Hugh.

“You’re a good boy, Hugh, and I know you’re so emotionally mature that I don’t need to ask, but please keep an eye out for her.” Mam stroked my cheek and smiled sadly. “She’s a very fragile little girl who needs looking after.” “I’ll do it,” I vowed, casting a glance out the patio window to the blond girl twirling around in circles in her denim dungarees. “I’ll look after her, Mam, I promise.”

When I got out, I sat back down on the edge and smiled at him. “I have a crush on you.” At least, that’s what Caoimhe said it was. I didn’t know what was happening until I explained all about the flutter-cups. She laughed and told me that I had my first crush.

“Do you have a crush on me, too?” “Jesus.” Blushing, he dipped under the water, reappearing a few seconds later and a lot farther away. “Wait!” I called after him. “You didn’t answer me.” “Yes,” he called over his shoulder as he swam back to our friends. “My answer is yes!” I sprang to my feet and clutched my chest, unable to stop the grin on my face from spreading. Because he had a crush on me, too. Hugh Biggs liked me back.

“Because I trust you,” I told him. “You make me feel safe.” That seemed to confuse him because his brows furrowed together. “You’ll always be safe with me.” “I know.” I splashed him with my hand. “No matter what, right?” “Yeah, Liz,” Hugh chuckled, splashing me back. “No matter what.”

When I reached the lounge and locked eyes on the familiar, dark-haired teenage boy sitting on my couch, with my sister on his lap, a wave of unease washed over me. I couldn’t explain why I felt so uncomfortable or why the hairs on the back of my neck shot up whenever I laid eyes on him. But it always happened. I felt like Peter Parker with Spidey senses, and mine told me that Mark Allen was not good. Not good at all.

“You know the way Gibsie is going to ask Claire to marry him when they’re grown-up?” I shifted closer until our knees were touching. “Do you think you might ask me to marry you?” Hugh stared at me for a long time before saying, “If I asked you, would you say yes?” “Yes.” I nodded eagerly. “I would definitely say yes.” He smiled. “That’s good to know.”

Hugh stared down at the face of his watch for a long moment before turning his attention back to me. And then, with red cheeks, he leaned in close and kissed my cheek. “Happy New Year, Liz.”

I was beginning to understand why Gibs wanted to be with Claire all the time. If she made him feel the way Liz made me feel, I didn’t blame him.

I was feeling. I could feel again. I didn’t have to scream to make the lady go away, either. She disappeared when he found me in the tub. She was afraid of Hugh. Because he was good. Because he was brave. A brave knight.

A wave of relief washed over me, and I gripped the blanket draped over me, allowing my heavy eyelids to close. Mark didn’t fix me this time. Hugh did. And he didn’t have to hurt me to do it…

In that moment, I vowed to never sit back and do nothing. I would never be a statue like Mark or incapable like Sadhbh and Keith. For the rest of my life, I would help. I would save people. I would bring them back to life. Like my father brought Gibs back from his watery grave. Like my mother brought his heart back to life.

Removing the hand he was resting on top of mine, he placed it on my cheek instead. “I love you.” My heart thumped like a drum in my chest because this was the first time he said those words out loud. “You do?” Nodding slowly, he stroked my cheek with his thumb and exhaled a shaky breath. “I just thought you should know.” A shiver racked through him. “In case anything happens and I don’t get to tell you.” “What’s going to happen?” “Maybe nothing.” He exhaled a shaky breath and whispered, “But you never know what tomorrow could bring.”

“What about my heart?” He laughed softly. “Your heart works just fine.” “But what if it breaks?” “That won’t happen.” “How come?” He turned another page before saying, “Because I won’t break it.” “But what if someone else breaks it?” “Not going to happen.” “How come?” “Because I’ve got it locked away safe and sound.”

“What if it gets broken?” I teased. “You can’t fix your own heart, silly.” “Then you better keep it safe.” “I will,” I vowed, holding out my pinky finger. “No matter what.”

“After a great deal of investigation and having spent many hours working with Elizabeth, I’m confident to say that, while it’s rare, your daughter meets the criteria for early-onset bipolar disorder.

It had taken two long months to see my friend again, and now that I had my arms around her, I was afraid to let go.

“No.” She shook her head. “They never hurt me when you’re around.” Sniffling, she moved so close that her body was pressed tightly to mine. “They’re scared of the brave knight.” “I’m the brave knight?” Tearful, she nodded. “Am I still your lady?” “You’ll always be my lady,” I promised. “Milady.”

“Because then you wouldn’t be you,” I explained, wiping away another one of her tears. “And a world without Lizzie Young would be a travesty.”

My best friend had a beautiful, complicated, and brilliant mind, and I knew I had enough love in my heart for her to remain right by her side. No matter what.

“Because I don’t fear him.” “You don’t?” “No, Liz, and you shouldn’t either,” I replied. “Because I would kill him before I ever let him hurt you.” “You would?” “Without a doubt.” “Why, though?” I shrugged. “Because you’re my best friend, and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to protect you.” Her blue eyes softened when she whispered, “I love you so much, Hugh Biggs.” Reaching out, she covered my hand with hers and smiled. “I wish you could stay with me forever.”

Leaning in close, I kept my eyes trained on hers when I pressed my lips to her wrist. I had no clue what to do once my lips were there, so I just stared at her for a long beat before asking, “Is that okay?” “Perfect.” Liz slowly withdrew her hand from mine and exhaled a shaky breath. She then proceeded to blow my mind when she kissed her own wrist in the exact spot I kissed her. “What are you doing?” My heart thundered so violently that I thought it might explode. “Why’d you do that, Liz?” She kept her eyes on mine when she cradled her wrist to her chest and whispered, “Because I wanted to know what it felt like to kiss you.”

“Danny’s a dick,” Liz chimed in, moving to stand beside me. “And if he gives you guys shit for this, I’ll take off my shoe and stab him with it.” She looked at me and winked. “Especially you, birthday boy.” Oh fuck. My poor, poor heart.

“I told him the same thing I tell any boy who asks.” So there were other lads. What was I thinking; of course there were others. Fuck. “Which is?” “That there’s only one boy I want as my boyfriend.” She kept her eyes on mine when she stepped closer, so close that I could feel her heart thundering in her chest. “And he’s the only boy I’ll ever say yes to.”

The first time I took a knife to my skin was last spring, and it was the result of an accident peeling an apple. The slice of the knife through my fingertip brought an instant onslaught of pain and blood. But it also brought a strange sense of clarity. I remembered because that was a bad day and afterwards it was bearable.