Releasing 10 (Boys of Tommen, #6)

by Chloe Walsh

“I am broken,” she strangled out, looking devastated. “I’m not good, Hugh. I’m not the girl you think I am, and one of these days, you’ll figure that out and leave.” “I won’t,” I shot back insistently, feeling fucking crippled that she had so little faith in my ability to stay with her. “I won’t leave you, Liz.” “Caoimhe left,” s...

“But he won’t always be.” Snatching up her hand in mine, I pressed a kiss to her scarred wrist. “I’m going to grow up, Liz. One day, I’ll be a man, and if that prick even looks in your direction, I’ll put him in the ground.”

“You w-would kill him?” “If he touched you? Absolutely,” I confirmed grimly. “And I wouldn’t feel bad about it, either.” “You would do that for me?” A deep shudder rolled through her body. “But why?” “Because I love you,” I urged, kissing her wrist again. “And because I believe you, Liz.” I entwined her fingers with mine before adding, “I believe he raped Caoimhe.” Shifting closer, I pressed my forehead to hers once more and whispered, “And I will never let that animal do to you, Claire, or any other girl what he did to your sister. But mostly you.” “Why mostly me?” “Because I love you most of all.”

There had been many occasions throughout the years when I had wished my own sister had loved me like Hugh loved him. I understood why, of course. I once loved him like a brother, too. Until he protected the monster responsible for my sister’s death. Until he betrayed me. Until he broke my heart.

“No, baby, no!” I felt Hugh’s arms come around me like a vise, rendering me helpless. “Please, Liz, don’t hurt yourself.” “It’s not fair!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Why did she have to die, Hugh? Why Caoimhe? Why like that? Why my sister?”

“But I’m not a good person,” I cried out, feeling broken. “I’m a bad girl.” “That’s not true,” Hugh replied, voice thick with emotion. “Every single thing about you is good, Lizzie Young, and I’m your best friend, so I should know.” “But I’m bipolar,” I croaked out, feeling my body grow limp against his. He kissed my temple. “I know.”

“You’re going to live a great life, Liz. A little complicated, sure, and maybe challenging at times, but it’ll be a fucking great one.” “I am?” “Yeah, Liz, you are.” “How can you know that?” “Because I’m going to make sure of it.”

I knew her story had changed and shifted many times since the funeral, ranging from Mark pushing Caoimhe into the water himself to him being the reason she jumped in, but that wasn’t because Liz was lying. It was because she was traumatized. All she needed was time to piece her thoughts together, but apparently, that wasn’t how the law interpreted the holes in her story.

I could feel her tears seeping through the fabric of my school shirt, but I didn’t move. Even in sleep, she cried for all she had lost, and it broke my fucking heart.

I praised, craning my neck down to press a kiss to the top of her hair. “I love you so much.” “No matter what?” She hiccupped, fisting my shirt for dear life. “Yeah, Liz.” My heart slammed against my chest bone, and I kissed her hair again. “No matter what.”

“Gibsie is my oldest friend in the world, and Lizzie is the only girl I’ll ever love.” “Oh, stop it,” Mam sighed, rolling her eyes. “You have a crush on the girl. A little less of the dramatics please, son.” “No, I don’t have a crush on the girl,” I countered evenly. “I’m in love with the girl, and contrary to your dismissal of my feelings, I assure you that not only are they very real but very permanent.”

“Don’t bother with Biggsie, lads. He’s sworn off all the talent at school,” Pierce guffawed. “Because he’s in love.” “Why don’t you shoot your shot with her,” I challenged, locking eyes on the dopey bollocks in front of me. “Or are you too much of a pussy to actually walk up to a girl and speak to her?” “I’m not interested in your sloppy seconds, lad,” Pierce laughed. “Although, I would absolutely make an exception for that girlfriend of yours.” Waggling his brows, he teased, “Be sure to pass her over when you’re done.”

“Thanks for staying with me tonight. It means everything to me.” “And you mean everything to me,” I reminded her, stroking her arm with the one I had draped over her. “Besides, we’ve rang in every new year together since 1994, and I have no plans for breaking the tradition.”

I knew he was, and that broke my heart a little bit more because I didn’t want him to see and run. To turn away from me. To think I was dirty and tainted. Because I was supposed to be his. I belonged to him, but a part of me had been stolen. And I needed him to put it back for me.

“I’m not leaving,” I vowed hoarsely. “I’m staying right here with you.” Exhaling a ragged breath, she sagged forward and rested her forehead against mine. “N-no m-matter w-what?” “Yeah, Liz.” I clenched my eyes shut and exhaled a ragged breath. “No matter what.”

There were moments in time, back when I was a little girl, that I thought I could be happy. Back then, contentment felt attainable. But darkness had a way of sweeping innocence up in the riptide. That’s what happened to my innocence. To me.

It had been two years, four months, and six days since they pulled my sister’s body from the water, and it had been two years, two months, and eight days since he left town. Eight hundred and fifty-three days of being not believed and this doctor was questioning my ability to trust? What a fucking joke.

But that’s what they told me happened. The worst thing by far was hearing that not only did I tie a horse rein around my neck and throw myself off the upper loft in the haybarn, but Hugh broke his elbow when he fell over the ledge trying to cut me down. He did end up cutting me down and saving my life that day, and he never once held it against me, but I did. I held it against me and would never forgive myself for putting him in harm’s way.

He nodded slowly, while his thumb grazed my pebbled nipple. “You feel perfect.” Gently palming me, he leaned in close and recaptured my lips. “You feel like mine.” Because I am.

“It’s not just the thoughts.” Her voice was small and broken. “It’s the slips and the gaps and the urges.” Hearing her admit this out loud broke my fucking heart, because she was voicing both of our fears out loud. We’d had an amazing summer. Months of stability and calm. But we both knew that, at any moment in time, the shift could happen. “If you slip again, I’ll be there to pull you back.” Stroking her cheek with my thumb, I nuzzled her nose with mine. “And if you lose track of time, I’ll be there to ground you.” Unable to stop myself, I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips. “And if you feel the urges, I’ll be there to protect you.”

Startled, I moved to pull my hand away, but he was unyielding. Turning my hand over, Hugh continued his mission of killing me with his touch, thumb tracing the jagged edges of every self-borne scar I had inflicted on my flesh. He didn’t falter and he didn’t recoil. He touched my skin with a reverence that could never be matched. Not in a hundred thousand lifetimes. That’s how I knew that I would never get over this boy.

When his hand came around my middle, palm flattening against my lower belly, I couldn’t stop myself from sagging against him, absorbing the heat of his body against mine. My hand moved to cover his instinctively, like I had been programed to respond to his touch. Because his touch was good. It was safe. It was so fucking right.

Their chemistry was undeniable, and it caused a familiar swell of sadness to grow inside of me because I knew there would come a day when I would lose her entirely from my life. Right now, I was managing to somewhat cope with his presence in my life, but my best friend truly loved him, and when they finally made it official, I would lose her. While I knew Claire cared about me, her feelings for him far outweighed anyone else in her world, and it was only a matter of time before the scales weighed in his favor.

This boy was a hot commodity at Tommen, he was a high-valued rugby boy, our school’s star fly half, and I reveled in the knowledge that his eyes spent their days on me. I was the girl on his mind.

At the time, I didn’t understand the infatuation, nor had I any inkling of how deep the roots of my feelings for this girl would go. Young and green, I went into it blindly, falling hard and fast for the girl with the lonesome, pale eyes.

I could think of was sitting on it, needing to feel him stretch my body to make him fit. Because I needed this boy to finally claim my body as his. That was the only way I could make it all go away. His touch was the only thing that could erase the monster’s.

Hugh filled my cup up with the very things I had been drained of in my nightmares. Instead of inflicting pain, fear, and harm like the monster had, my boyfriend instilled power, trust, and respect inside of me.

“I had the best night,” I told him with a huge smile. “I don’t remember feeling this happy.” Ever. “I love you, Hugh.” “I love you, too, Liz.” “No, I mean I really love you,” I said, gripping his broad shoulders. “Heart and soul.” I smiled. “Body and mind.” His head snapped up from where he had been focusing on cleaning the aftermath of his cum shot, and he looked me right in the eyes. “If anything was ever to happen to you, I wouldn’t be able to go on.” His words were sobering and hit me like a sucker punch to the heart.

“Don’t regret me, Hugh,” I said quietly. “Never,” he vowed, embracing me with tenderness. “You’re the only part of my life I can’t plan for.” He pressed a kiss to my lips. “And the only part I can’t live without.”

There wasn’t another person on this planet I could give myself to like I had given myself to her. She could do whatever she wanted to me, and I would lie down and take it. Because I was stuck on her like glue.

Which begged the question, how could Johnny relate to what I was going through with Liz? How could he understand that a girl came before rugby for me? He couldn’t. Maybe one day, a girl would walk into his world and bring him to his knees, like Liz did to me, but until that day came, it was easier to say nothing.

“And I’m not leaving you, either.” His hands drifted up to cup my face. “Just look at me, baby.” His thumbs caressed my cheeks tenderly. “Hmm?” He stepped closer. “Come back to me…” “Does he know all the ways I’ve had you, munchkin?” “He’ll never have your firsts, munchkin…” “All of those belong to me…” “I’ll make sure Biggs knows just how big of a whore his little girlfriend is…” “And then I’ll kill him…” A lone tear trickled down my cheek and I leaned into his touch. “I can’t.”

Shrugging, he added, “Besides, I don’t like blonds.” “You don’t?” Feely asked, eyebrows raised in surprised. “What can I say?” Kav replied with another shrug of his shoulders. “I’m more of a brunette man.”

“God, I feel so much, Hugh.” Smiling, I closed my eyes, stretching my arms out as far as they could go. “It’s like the sun is kissing my skin. Can’t you feel it, Hugh? Is it kissing you, too?” “Yeah, baby, I can feel it. Just come down, please.” “I love you so much, Hugh.” “Liz!” Inhaling the deepest breath I could, I let myself fall backwards and waited for the water to embrace me. It didn’t come. The only thing I felt was a pair of strong arms around my body as he pulled me to safety. As he pulled me back to him. Back to the here and now. Back to life.

Well, I didn’t need to sleep anymore, either. I was running on magic, like Superwoman. I was invincible. Nothing could stop me. It was so freeing. It was exhilarating.

“Wanting what’s mine.” I pressed a kiss to his throat. “But you’re mine, aren’t you?” I kissed him again. “And I’m yours.” “Then fucking act like it,” Hugh finally snapped, snaking an arm around my waist. “Because I won’t tolerate the kind of bullshit I saw back there.” Reaching up, he smoothed the hair off my face and then forced me to look at him. “Do you hear me? If you betray me, there’s no coming back from it. Not for me. Bipolar or not.”

“Believe me, Liz, if I could fix you with sex, I would fuck you forever.” “Why can’t you just try!” “Because I’m afraid.” “Of what?” “Of you, Liz. I’m afraid of you!” “So you’re afraid to fuck me because you’re afraid of me?” “No, Liz, I’m afraid to fuck you because I don’t know which version of you I’d be fucking!”

When the light came on, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. Rooted to the spot, while my brain struggled to comprehend what my eyes were seeing, I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.

“I didn’t mean it, Hugh.” Frantic, I entwined my fingers with his and stepped closer. “I was drunk, okay? I was looking for you. I thought it was you! I love you. I love you; I do. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” “You fucked him, Liz!” he roared, losing his cool. “Pierce O’Neill! My own goddamn teammate! You fucked him. So don’t stand here and tell me you love me.”

“I do love you, Hugh!” “You don’t know the meaning of the word.” He seethed, chest heaving. “I loved you, Liz. Me.” He slapped a hand against his chest. “I fucking loved you enough to put you first. Even when it was hard to do the right thing. I fucking did it. Because that’s what someone does when they love someone. They put that person first.”

“I’m so sorry.” Violent sobs racked through me. “I just wanted to forget.” “Forget what?” he demanded hoarsely. “Me? Was I so fucking bad to you that you had to do this? You couldn’t wait?” “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” I cried, feeling hysterical. “You’ve been perfect to me. I’ve never had someone care about me like you have.”

“Yeah? Well, newsflash, Liz, it’s not all about how you feel,” Hugh shot back, chest heaving. “I was in the relationship, too, and I wasn’t fucking ready for sex, okay? I gave you nine fucking years of my life, and you fuck a randomer in my bed?” “I don’t know how it happened!” I cried out, grabbing my hair. “I just…I wanted to feel good.”

“So your need to feel good made it okay to cheat on me?” “Hugh.” I couldn’t breathe. “I didn’t mean to; I swear to God! I think I’m drunk and I just…” I sho...

“You can’t keep doing this to me,” he cried hoarsely, battling to capture my hands that were touching him everywhere. “Liz, you’re fucking killing me.” “I’m not trying to,” I sobbed uncontrollably. “I just…I fuck everything up.” “I thought I knew who you were,” he whispered brokenly. “I thought I was what you wanted.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “I was wrong.” “Don’t say that,” I cried, trying to kiss him and feeling devastated when he dodged me. “I do want you. You’re all I want.”

“This is over, Liz.” No. No. No, no, no, no, no! “Please, Hugh,” I strangled out, feeling my world fall apart. “Please, I’m begging you!”

“This is over,” Hugh repeated, voice cracking as he sucked in a shaky breath. “You can stay in my house tonight, and I’ll stay with Gibs, but you need to be gone in the morning.” He sucked in a trembling breath and roughly wiped his tears away. “And you need to delete my number from your phone.” “Hugh,” I cried out, feeling weak. “Please don’t stay that.” “It’s too late, Liz,” he said, backing away from me. “There’s no coming back from this.” “I love you!” I screamed after him. “You’re my best friend! How am I supposed to be without you?” “Maybe you should have thought about that” was all Hugh replied before he turned around and walked away.

“She fucked him, Gibs.” “I know, lad.” “My girlfriend fucked my teammate.”

“This pain won’t last forever.” “It will,” I cried, trembling violently. “I have loved that girl since I was seven years old.” “I know you have.” “No, you don’t know, lad. You have no fucking clue what I’ve been through with that girl. I have loved with every fucking beat of heart. I’ve spent my life completely devoted to her.” A hoarse cry ripped from my chest. “How could she do this to me, Gibs?”

Gibs was quiet for a long beat before saying, “Maybe she was having some trouble,” he said carefully. “You know, like the trouble she used to have after Caoimhe died?” “That doesn’t excuse shit,” I cried, feeling truly broken inside. “Because she had a choice, Gibs, and she chose to ruin us.”

“I fucking begged you to take your meds, but you couldn’t do that one thing for me.” “So because I don’t want to feel dead inside, I’m the bad guy?” “No, Liz, you’re the bad guy because you fucked my friend!” he roared, vibrating with tension. “You’re the bad guy because you broke my fucking heart last night!”