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“You are not allowed to hurt yourself.” I’m sorry, I wanted to tell her. I don’t know how to make it stop. Instead, I reached up and touched her cheek. Her blue eyes started to water. “Please talk to me.” Sniffling, she swept me up in her arms and held me to her chest. “Please, Liz, just one word. I’m begging you.” I’m trying.
She was only three…:'(
“What is wrong with that child!” “Mike, she doesn’t understand.” “She’s disturbed, Catherine. A blind man can see that.” “How can you say that about your own flesh and blood?” “I can’t take it, Catherine. I’m sorry.” “You’re a fucking coward, that’s why.” “It’s killing me to watch her like this.” “And you don’t think it’s killing me, Mike? The difference is I would never leave her.” “I’m not leaving her, but I have to get out of this house or I’m going to lose my mind right along with her.” “Some father you are, turning your back the minute things get tough.” “Catherine.” “Go on, then! Run
...more
wth
“Why not? It’s the truth. Half the time she’s a mute, and the other half, she’s screaming her head off and attacking anyone who gets near her.” My sister threw her hands up and screamed. “She attacked another child in her classroom, for fuck’s sake. My friend’s baby brother! She drew blood. You can’t honestly think that’s normal behavior.”
“Don’t raise your voice to your mother. You know she’s not well.” “Yeah, from another plague she brought into our lives,” Caoimhe spat. “First Lizzie and now cancer!”
Bruh…
Breaking down in front of him, my sister covered her face with her hands and screamed, “I wish I was dead!”
Uhhhhhh…:'(
“I don’t want to be me anymore.” “Why would you say that?” “Because I’m bad.”
I had to make my family love me. If I didn’t, they were going to send me away. “Stop fighting it,” a voice in my head commanded, and I flinched when the watery image of a woman’s face flashed before my eyes. “Just give in. It’ll all be better then.” Oh no. The voice was back. The scary voice. The one that made me wet the bed. The one that made me fight.
He was the only boy at her party. “I have younger brothers and sisters, too, and they throw tantrums all the time.” “Not like her, they don’t,” Caoimhe wailed into her pillow. “You clearly haven’t met Joey,” the boy replied.
Darrennnnn :'(
“You better hope the cancer doesn’t kill Mam, because if it does, you’ll be out of this house before she’s cold in the ground, and good fucking riddance.” “Jesus Christ, Caoimhe!” “I don’t care, Darren,” she screamed. “She’s a fucking lunatic!” “Caoimhe, I’m sorry—” “Get her out of here, Darren,” she screamed. “Please get her the fuck away from me before I kill her myself!”
Oh helllllllllll to the no
“Okay, okay, his name is Mark, and he’s a blow-in to Ballylaggin like me,”
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ewwwwwwwwwwwww
“Well, Mark and his dad live in Clonamore, but they’re going to be moving into town once Joe and Sadhbh iron everything out. Can you believe it? He’s going to be living with the kids I babysit! It’s like fate has intervened on my behalf because he is seriously fine.”
Literally ewwwwwwwww
“Would you like that, munchkin?” Mark asked, hand on my shoulder. “Would you like me to fix you?” Nodding, I smiled back at him. Yes, please.
I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
“Sorry, munchkin, but the boss has spoken.” He set me down on my bed and ruffled my hair. “I’ll play with you the next time I come over, okay?” Nodding happily, I watched him leave, while hoping Caoimhe brought him back soon. My very first friend.
:'(
“I’m mad!” “I know.” “I hate that asshole!” “I know.” “I don’t want to live with her!” “I know.” “I want to be with my dad!” “I know.”
Oh baby…
Claire was loud and funny, and she made me feel happy. Shannon was quiet and calm and made me feel safe.
My girlssss
Everyone wanted to sit with Claire Biggs and be her best friend, but she only wanted to sit with us and be our best friend.
“You’re different, Lizzie Young.” “I am?” She nodded and smiled. “You’re special.” “Is that bad?” “No.” She shook her head, still smiling. “You remind me of Joe.” “Your brother?” “Yep.” She nodded again. “And that’s a very good thing.”
The parallel is crazyyyy
“Claire told us you looked like a troll.” Twisting sideways on my seat, I leaned in close and took a whiff. “Claire said you were stinky.” I pulled back and frown. “But you’re not.” He smelled like soap and strawberries. “I like how you smell.” “Uh, okay?” Hugh replied with a small laugh. “Thanks, I think?”
Lolllllll
Hugh Biggs had whiskey eyes that didn’t look away.
“Your eyes are nice,” I told him, feeling my heart flip-flop when I looked at him. “I like them.” “Uh, thanks?” His cheeks reddened. “I like yours, too.” “Your face is red.” He shifted in discomfort. “So is yours.” “I know why.” I beamed back at him. “It’s because I give you the hots.” “Uh.” He looked surprised and his face turned even redder. “I, uh…” “It’s okay.” Grinning, I grabbed his hand and pressed it to my cheek. “See? You give me the hots, too.”
Cacklingggggg
“You really don’t have to dress up.” His tone was gentle when he added, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
The first time she is given a choice :'(
When his eyes landed on mine and he grinned, my heart flip-flopped again. I quickly sank back down on my seat and exhaled a shaky breath. Feeling my face burn with heat, I clutched his invitation to my chest and smiled.
What I didn’t intend on was freezing up in the middle of the aisle when my sister pointed out her. Holy crap. This was my sister’s friend? This is Lizzie?
Ayyyyyy
I blinked a few times, not entirely sure if I was seeing her properly because this girl didn’t look like the other girls on the bus. She didn’t look like anything I’d ever seen before. She sort of resembled a ghost. Or an angel. Something different. Something special.
When I introduced myself and we started to talk, I couldn’t hear a word of it. I had no clue what was coming out of my mouth. I was too distracted by the sound of my pulse drumming in my ears and the way my eyes enjoyed looking at this girl. It honestly couldn’t be helped because sitting in front of me was the prettiest girl in the world.
:')
Gibs was always looking at her, and on the rare occasion he wasn’t, Claire was looking at him. Our mothers called it harmless puppy love, but I wasn’t so sure about that. I had a niggling feeling they would always look at each other like that.
Hehehehheeheeeeee
“Just keep backing up,” Feely whisper-hissed, moving backward in the direction of the house. “Maybe your mam won’t see us.” “Yeah,” I tossed back with a forced laugh but made no move to follow him. I had no intention of running away from this girl.
“I like you, Hugh Biggs,” I blurted out, feeling the heat bursting out of my chest. “I think.” I watched him carefully for a reaction, and when he tried and failed to hide a smile, I felt my heart slam against my chest. “I don’t think I like you, Lizzie Young.” He looked out the window when he whispered, “I know I do.”
<3
The other boy’s name was Gerard Gibson, and he was so funny.
:'(
He was always checking on me. It used to be okay, but I wasn’t so sure anymore. I didn’t think I wanted him to keep checking on me. I didn’t want him to fix me again. Not ever again.
Poor baby…:'(
“Hmm.” Mark didn’t look happy. “I don’t know how I feel about you cheating on me, munchkin.” “What do you mean?” I asked, confused. “I don’t want to share you.” A shiver racked through me. “Share me?”
WTH
“I’ll do it,” I vowed, casting a glance out the patio window to the blond girl twirling around in circles in her denim dungarees. “I’ll look after her, Mam, I promise.”
I sprang to my feet and clutched my chest, unable to stop the grin on my face from spreading. Because he had a crush on me, too. Hugh Biggs liked me back.
“You are a crazy girl,” Hugh laughed, hooking an arm around me when he swam back to me. “What would you have done if I didn’t swim back for you?” “I knew you would,” I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck as he swam us over to the shallow part.
Is this a metaphor for them :') ??????
of the couch and lifted her onto it before turning back around. “Don’t touch my sister again,” I warned, standing in front of her. “Not ever again.”
Clock itttttt
Normally, I would kill my sister for hugging me, but not tonight. Instead, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and kept her close.
Keeping her safe…BUT WHAT ABOUT LIZZIE :'(
He was pretty. So pretty. “Hey, Hugh?” “Hm?” “I like you.” “I like you, too, Liz,”
A few minutes later, Sadhbh came running out of the house. The smile on her face was bigger than any smile she had ever given Joe.
For. The. Streetssssssssss.
Climbing onto the mattress, I rolled onto my back and settled into the familiar position, arms at my sides and legs open, waiting for this boy to do what Mark told me all boys did. Except he didn’t. Instead of taking off my clothes, Hugh covered me with a blanket and stepped away.
I'm sick to my stomach....
Mark didn’t fix me this time. Hugh did. And he didn’t have to hurt me to do it…
Brooooooooooo :'(
First Holy Communion and First Dead Body
Diabolical…
“Daddy’s coming, Beth,” Sadhbh continued to scream, and it made my skin crawl because it sounded like impending doom. “Hold on, baby girl. Daddy’s on the way!”
Stopppp
“I can’t swim,” Keith cried, holding on to Sadhbh, who seemed to be in a state of delirium. “I’m so sorry. I can’t swim.” Meanwhile, Mark stood to the side, with his arms folded across his chest.
Trashghhghhhggggggg
“Gerard’s going to die if we don’t get him help,” Keith argued back. “We have to go, Sadhbh, love.” “He’s already dead.” “Shut up, Mark.”
I hate them. I hate them. I HATE THEM....
“I love you, Claire,” I heard myself cry, holding her so tight, I was sure I was hurting her skinny, little body, but I didn’t care. She was alive and I had to feel that in this moment. After holding Gibsie’s lifeless body, I had to touch something alive. “I love you. I love you. I love you!”
Screaming. Crying. Throwing up.
In that moment, I vowed to never sit back and do nothing. I would never be a statue like Mark or incapable like Sadhbh and Keith. For the rest of my life, I would help. I would save people. I would bring them back to life. Like my father brought Gibs back from his watery grave. Like my mother brought his heart back to life.
Period
He went back to school right after, which I thought was so brave. Claire said he could have taken the rest of the school year off, but he didn’t do that. Instead, he got back up and faced the day. It made me proud to be his friend. It made me think I could be brave like him someday, too.
Damn
Removing the hand he was resting on top of mine, he placed it on my cheek instead. “I love you.”
He was doing remarkably well considering his world had fallen apart two months ago.
Yea he's dealing with double trauma at this point. I hate it here :'(
want to be a cardiologist.” “And that’s a heart surgeon, right?” “Yep.” I pulled up on my elbows to get a better look at him. “Why?” “Because there’s too many broken hearts around here.”
Awwwwwwwwww :'(
