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Both Mrs. Allen’s stepson and biological son are listed as victims in her complaint.” Victims. Did I hear that right? They were victims?
Injustice
“Seriously,” I added. “You should call her, Claire.” “I would if she spoke more than four words to me,” my sister replied with a sad sigh. “She’s just so sad.”
Bruh… :/
“I’m here, Liz. I’m always listening.” I knew he was, and that broke my heart a little bit more because I didn’t want him to see and run. To turn away from me. To think I was dirty and tainted. Because I was supposed to be his. I belonged to him, but a part of me had been stolen. And I needed him to put it back for me.
:'(
I didn’t bother to learn her name because after half a dozen sessions, we would never meet again. That’s how it was. How it had always been. There was no regularity to these appointments. No familiarity. I could spin a new yarn each time, and they would never know.
Doing her dirty
There were moments in time, back when I was a little girl, that I thought I could be happy. Back then, contentment felt attainable. But darkness had a way of sweeping innocence up in the riptide.
“I’ll be here.” I kissed her again. “Always.” “No matter what?” “Yeah, Liz.” I kissed her softly. “No matter what.”
Make her better? It was a strange comment to make in the throes of passion,
This hurt
Sitting around the table for Christmas dinner with my sister’s empty chair was a stark reminder of how we would never be a family again. It didn’t matter how well things went or how hard I tried. I would never be enough for them to be happy. I would never be enough for my father.
I hate this :'(
That’s how I knew that I would never get over this boy. For the rest of this life and whatever followed—be it heaven, hell, purgatory, or a thousand reincarnated lifetimes—my heart would eternally beat for Hugh Biggs.
Right now, I was managing to somewhat cope with his presence in my life, but my best friend truly loved him, and when they finally made it official, I would lose her. While I knew Claire cared about me, her feelings for him far outweighed anyone else in her world, and it was only a matter of time before the scales weighed in his favor.
:'(
“What I feel for you exceeds anything the realm of love could conjure up,”
“Don’t regret me, Hugh,” I said quietly. “Never,” he vowed, embracing me with tenderness. “You’re the only part of my life I can’t plan for.” He pressed a kiss to my lips. “And the only part I can’t live without.”
:')
We had a detailed plan carved out, one that consisted of us both attending Trinity, with Hugh studying medicine, while I worked on an undergrad in English Studies. We would rent a small apartment on the outskirts of the city and survive on beans on toast until we established ourselves in our chosen careers. Money would be tight for the first few years, with me taking on the role of primary breadwinner until my boyfriend attained residency and the real money started to roll in. From there, Hugh would take on the role of provider, while I concentrated on writing my first novel. While I wasn’t
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STAWWWWPPPPPPP :'(
“You’re going to ruin me, aren’t you?” “You’re already ruined,” I teased. “I’m just going to make it worth your while.”
Oh?
“Do I need to take care of him like I took care of Caoimhe?”
OMG
Unfortunately, I could only reach Mike, who proceeded to tell me that he was waiting on a doctor to visit Catherine, who had fallen ill from the stress of trying to raise—and I quote—“the biggest misfortune to ever happen to them.” As you can imagine, that comment went down like the Titanic with me, and after an extremely heated exchange, I was told to have my mother drop Liz off at the nearest hospital because he had washed his hands of her. He had washed his hands of his mentally ill teenage daughter. My girlfriend’s father actually said those words out loud. Prick.
WHAT THE ACTUAL F*****
My parents couldn’t seem to stand me, and my father often took my mother away from the house for long stretches of time every evening. I knew why. He was giving me privacy to kill myself. He wanted me dead. They all did.
Omg…
“Please don’t leave me.” “I didn’t leave you, Liz,” he croaked, lifting his head to look at me. “You left me.”
I had broken him; this bright, beautiful, brave soul had been reduced to broken pieces. They were scattered all over his bedroom floor. He couldn’t take me back, not even if he wanted to. Because his pride would never allow for it.
I wanted to clean up my image and not be a humiliation to him every damn day, but I was still me. I couldn’t erase my past. I was used up and dirty. I always had been. There was no way of fixing that. There was no magic spell to eradicate my memories. Knowing that I’d given my body to a boy I couldn’t bear to remember made me want to hold my breath forever. It made me want to peel the skin from my bones. Shame. That was all I was left with.
:'(
Without speaking a single word, she placed the disc in my stereo and began to flick through tracks before stopping at number twelve. Then, she held her finger on the fast-forward button, skipping through parts of the song, until releasing it at 3:38.
I Love You, I’m Sorry
Rude
I had spent weeks trying to convince myself I did the right thing. That in the long run, Hugh would be better off hating me. If he didn’t love me, he couldn’t get hurt. If he stayed away from me, he would be safe.
Oh liz…:'(
“I love you,” I sobbed hysterically, sinking to the ground. “I’m sorry.”
bruhhhhh
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me get this straight.” I narrowed my eyes in disgust. “You want me to call my ex, who cheated on me with you, because she’ll answer my calls instead of yours?”
LOL
“You know why that is, don’t ya?” I said in an eerily cold tone, fully embracing the masculine superiority I had over this prick. “It’s because she’s mine.”
Wait…period
“You think because you scratched an itch for her, you’re better than me?” Instead of losing it, like he expected me to, I smirked. “You dumb shit. If I wanted to fuck her, I could do it right now, but the difference between the two of us is that I don’t take advantage of vulnerable girls. Because I’m a man, asshole, and you’re a boy.”
CLOCK ITTTTT
“Now, you listen.” Slamming him roughly against the wall at his back, I leaned in close and hissed, “You’re going to stay out of my face, and I’m going to stay out of yours. You don’t talk to me unless it’s on the pitch or class-assignment related. You keep your hands off her when I’m around, and if I hear a single word of her private business or anything she says or does in your presence getting around school, I will take it as a personal attack on me, ya hear?” “Ye…ah,” he strangled out, turning red. “You keep your goddamn mouth shut about her being vulnerable or any of it,” I threatened.
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Dayummmmmmm
“Where are your parents?” I asked, following her inside the room that had been like my own for years. “Are they out for the day?” “I’m not sure,” she replied, peeling off her drenched school jumper as she moved straight for her bed. “We’re not exactly on talking terms at the moment.” My brows shot up. “Even Catherine?” “Dad doesn’t let me get within a ten-foot radius of Mam,” she explained with a sigh. “He thinks I’m dangerous.”
Let's hear it for the man of the year…
“Forever.” This was a bad idea, and I needed to stop. Just…not yet. “Not a chance, baby,” I growled, nuzzling her cheek with mine. “You threw away forever with me for temporary with him.”
“I can’t live without you,” she cried, holding on to me as tightly as I was holding her. “I don’t want to.” “Maybe, when some time has passed, we can be friends again,” I offered, hating the words as they came out of my mouth. Because I could never be just her friend. This was the girl I wanted beside me every day for the rest of my life. “I’m always going to love you.” “No matter what?” “Yeah, Liz,” I whispered, dying inside. “No matter what.”
:'(
“You!” Feely roared. “Fucking you, Hughie!” “What about me?” I demanded, beyond confused. “What in the name of Jesus did I do out of the way to you?” “It’s always fucking you,” he slurred, shaking his head. “You always come fucking first.”
Ooooof…first Lizzie and now Katie…
I knew he was crying. I could see the tears. I could hear the agony in his voice. But I didn’t care. I felt nothing in this moment. Nothing but intense hatred toward my entire family for allowing the monster in our house. “Where the hell were you when I was screaming for you!”
Exactly
“Your mother fights so hard to be here,” Dad said, nuzzling her hand with more affection than I’d ever seen him express. Tears trickled down his cheeks as he spoke. “And every day you don’t get better, you push her closer to the grave.”
I'm sorry? Come again??? You are blaming your daughter for your wife's condition?????
There was no decision to make. All the pain and hurt could wait. I could put the betrayal and resentment on ice. Because, at the end of the day, I still wanted to be near her, still wanted to hold her hand, still wanted to kiss her lips. Every inch of me still longed for every inch of her, and I couldn’t turn my feelings off. What I felt for her wasn’t expendable, and it hadn’t shown up overnight. My love for her had had nine years to deepen and grow, and the roots went deep. It wasn’t something that could be rooted out and tossed away. She was imbedded in the foundations of who I was as a
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<3 :'(
“I can’t handle this,” Dad cried, wiping his eyes with his hands. “My daughter is dead, and my wife is sick. I don’t know what to do for this one.”
Bruh...be an actual father????
Everyone and everything I came into contact with ended up ruined, and I didn’t need to bring any babies into the world and ruin them, too.
:'(
“So, I heard the fifth-year girls plotting a scheme called ‘operation binding thirteen,’”
Ayyyyy
“I know you need to stay away from me,” she breathed, body racking with tremors. “And I know why you can’t be my friend anymore, but I just want you to know that I am so grateful to have had you in my life.” A pained sob escaped her when she said, “I’ll never have a greater friend, Hugh Biggs, or a greater love.”
Crying. Throwing up. Waiting Room is literallyyyy playing rn :'(
“It’ll be okay,” I strangled out, reaching over and snatching one of her hands up. “We can still be friends.” “No, Hugh, we can’t,” she replied sadly, entwining her fingers with mine. “You can’t be friends with the person you’re in love with.” Tears trickled down her cheeks. “And I’m always going to be in love with you, Hugh.”
“I want you to have the best life imaginable. Nobody deserves it more than you.” “Liz…” “And I want you to move on from me,” she said, choking on the words like they physically pained her. “I don’t want you to feel guilty about it or think you’re doing something wrong, because you aren’t. Because you are too amazing of a person to spend your life stuck on a fuckup like me.”
The sadness in her eyes was killing me, and I had to fight every instinct inside of me to not pull her into my arms. Because it felt like I had been programmed to protect this girl. The only problem was, I needed protection from her. Because no one could hurt me like Liz could.
“I’ll always love you, Hugh Biggs,” Liz said when she rounded the table and stopped in front of me. Inhaling a quivering breath, she leaned down and pressed a kiss to my cheek before whispering, “No matter what.” And then she was gone.
