Releasing 10 (Boys of Tommen, #6)

by Chloe Walsh

“Don’t worry. I know how to fix that thing.” I reached for the waistband of his shorts and tried to pull them down. “I’m good at it.”

NOOOOOOOOOO

“You are not allowed to do that,” he repeated in a stern voice. “You are never allowed to touch someone like that.” I felt my face grow hot. “And no one is allowed to touch you like that,”

Too freakin lateeeeeeee

“Enough!” Setting me back down, he grabbed my shoulders and shook me so hard that my teeth chattered. “There is not a monster, and your sister never hurt you!” He shook me again. “There is no scary lady and the voices in your head aren’t real!” My head snapped back and forth as he roared into my face. “You have a sickness of the mind; do ya hear me? All this madness is inside of you, Elizabeth!”

HELL NOOO

“I can’t do this again,” Dad choked out, dropping his head in his hands. “Not again.”

She is your daughter??????

I knew I was dreaming when the monster came into my room tonight because the doctors told me he wasn’t real. I’d made him all up. The scary lady, too. They were a figment of my imagination, delusions I invented inside my own head, and I think that made me feel better because it meant I wasn’t really being hurt. The scary lady wasn’t pushing me under the water in the real world, and the monster wasn’t putting things inside of my body, either. I didn’t have to fight back and scream and warn the monster that my best friend told me about the bad touch because it wasn’t happening. That made me feel so much better.

I hate thisssssss

I knew she was trying to explain what was happening to my body, but I didn’t care. Because I didn’t like having a body.

“You could never be described by a word, Liz, and especially not a boring one like normal. You know what else? I wouldn’t change a single thing about you. I love that you don’t tick that boring box.”

“You wouldn’t change me if you could?” “Nope.” “How come?” “Because then you wouldn’t be you,” I explained, wiping away another one of her tears. “And a world without Lizzie Young would be a travesty.”

It was hard to explain the comfort Hugh’s presence gave me. He made it easy to be alive. I knew that was a strange thing to think, but it was how I felt. Living was a lot easier when Hugh was nearby. When I was doing my living with him.

:')

I smiled back at her, feeling relieved, because I liked Catherine Young a lot. She was a really nice lady, and it sucked that she spent so much time in the hospital. I understood why—my own mother had explained her illness to me—and I was rooting for her to get better. I even said a prayer for her before I went to bed at night. Every night. I made sure to never skip. Just to be safe.

Sweet boyyy

“Ahh,” Liz continued to howl laughing. “He looks like Thor with his hammer!”

Omg. Omg. Omgggggggg

“What are you doing to my friend?” My voice was loud enough to startle both Caoimhe and Liz, who looked at me like I’d lost my mind. Meanwhile, Mark arched a brow at me. “What?” “With your hand,” I argued, voice rising right along with my temper. “You’re touching her.”

Periodddddd

One of these days, the grown-ups are going to see your true colors, and when that day comes, I’ll be right there to watch your fall from grace.

Unfortunate that it won't happen for another 10 yrs... :'(

“There.” Sitting back on the curb, I admired our handywork. “H plus L.” I grinned at him. “Together forever.”

“Elizabeth Eleanor Young, would you do me the great honor of becoming Elizabeth Eleanor Biggs?” “Why yes, Hugh Andrew Biggs,” I gushed through fits of laughter. “I would be delighted to.”

<3

“I’m a chicken,” she corrected, tongue poking out, as she concentrated on her coloring. “Gerard’s an egg.”

Cacklingggg

“Has he hurt you?” “Who?” “Mark.” I thought about it for a long time before shaking my head. “Are you sure?” Was I? I used to think so, but not anymore. It was the monster in my dreams all along, not Mark.

I hate it hereeeeeeeeee

“I haven’t told anyone else,” I whispered. “Not even Hugh.” “Me either,” he whispered. “Not even Claire.”

I opened my mouth to answer him but all that came out was a shaky breath, because what could I tell him? That I was plagued by the monsters my own imagination had conjured up to terrorize me? That I was tormented by sickening images and horrendous thoughts that made me want to die? Or how about telling him that I was filthy, impure, and defective? Which one was I supposed to tell him about? Which sin would be the one that drove him away?

Oh liz…:'(

Because her son was my sun. “I just want Hugh,” I strangled out, voice shaking almost as much as my body. “Just…just Hugh, okay?”

“That there’s only one boy I want as my boyfriend.” She kept her eyes on mine when she stepped closer, so close that I could feel her heart thundering in her chest. “And he’s the only boy I’ll ever say yes to.”

“Because Hugo Boss-man loves our little viper,”

He's been calling her that since before caomihe died…

The first time I took a knife to my skin was last spring, and it was the result of an accident peeling an apple.

BRO SHE'S 10!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was careful to conceal my scars from the outside world with stacks of bracelets on my wrists and oversized clothing. I protected my secret solace like my life depended on it, because in all honesty, on my really bad days, it did.

:'(

“Who’s a parasitic intruder, Thor?” Liz asked, butting his hip with hers to scoot over. “Who do I need to hurt?” “You would, wouldn’t ya?” Gibs chuckled, shoving over to let her slide onto the seat next to him. “Little viper.”

:')

Graphically explicit posters of naked girls adorned the walls, and he had a bunch of instant photos littered on his nightstand. I didn’t bother investigating those because whatever piqued Mark’s interest would be of zero interest to me.

I just know Lizzie is in that pile of photos :'(

“He’s too busy ‘working out’ to bother checking on you. You should have heard the way he roared at me when I knocked on the door. He was raging that I disturbed him.”

We know what that workout was… :'(

I tried to tell Sadhbh about the bullying, but she wouldn’t hear a word said against her precious stepson.

What a b*

“You’re my best friend.” Her breath hitched. “What about Patrick?” “What about him?” I replied, keeping my eyes on hers. “You’re the only one who really knows me, Liz.” “Same,” she replied, looking up at me with lonesome, blue eyes. “Nobody gets me like you do.” “I’m going to keep you safe,” I promised, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Always.” “No matter what?” “Yeah, Liz,” I confirmed, not truly comprehending the vow I had taken upon my young shoulders. “No matter what.”

I tried so hard to keep my cool, but when they targeted Gibsie, I lost it. He was so sweet and gentle, and he didn’t deserve to be picked on all because he didn’t want to play their stupid game.

Of all the things in life I could depend on, it was the doctors’ inability to fix me. Because they didn’t listen. They didn’t ask the right questions. They didn’t believe me. So I stopped believing in them. I knew what would happen next. It was the same thing as last time. They would either up the dosage of my current medication, or they would try a brand of chemical-dependent poison. It wouldn’t work. Because broken minds like mine were immune.

Fire those DOCTORSSSSSS

Because if I had a hope of being normal, then I had to fight for it. And I would. For him.

“But I had to go, Dad, I was running out of time—” “Don’t you dare say it!” her father roared. “I’m already fully aware why he took you over on the boat to England. I don’t need you verbalizing my worst fucking nightmare out loud!”

Holy… helllllll noooo

Today is a good day. And I’m not bad. Because my dad loves me. I can be lovable.

“I’m happy.” “Good.” My response seemed to relieve his tension and he visibly relaxed beneath me. “Because I want you to be happy, Liz.” “I’m always happy when I’m with you.”

<3

I couldn’t let go. Nothing in this world could trick me into releasing this boy. Not my thoughts. Not my mind. Not my broken pieces. Nothing.

Hugh kissed carefully, like he knew exactly the kind of way I liked it, which was surprising because I didn’t even know how I liked it until he put his mouth on mine. It was the best first kiss ever.

“I heard he’s some hotshot from Dublin.”

Ayyyyyyyyy

Please Jesus, don’t let it land on the touchy-feely redhead.

Katie?? Is that you girl???

This girl and these lips would haunt me for a lifetime.

I wanted to do that again. Every day. For the rest of forever. And I think he did, too.

Honestly, if I could put her on my Christmas list this year, I’d retire from asking for gifts for the rest of my life. If I could just have Liz. Just her.

Awwwwwwww :')

Exhaling shakily, I stepped back to his side and sank down on my knees. Without saying a word, Hugh reached for my hand and raised it to his lips. Keeping his eyes on me, he turned it over and pressed a kiss to the scars covering my wrist.

Shivering violently, I watched him kiss my shame away. Because those scars on my wrists depicted the ugliest parts of my mind. But Hugh kissed each one like they were beautiful. Like I was beautiful. Like I was still me.

“Because I’ve been wanting to ask you to be my girlfriend since 1994, and I don’t think I can hold it in another day.” “I’ve been waiting to say yes since 1994,”

Period

“Cap?” Claire narrowed her eyes. “Why do you call him that?” She looked around innocently. “Does he wear a lot of hats or something?” “Yeah, Sis,” I laughed. “That’s why.” “No, he doesn’t wear a lot of caps, Baby Biggs,” Feely explained, clearly taking pity on my baby sister. “We call him cap because he’s our captain.” “Of what? Your imaginary ship?” Lizzie chimed in with a snicker. “I can see it now: Captain Fantastic and his flock of fanboys.”

Lol these nicknamessss

“You mark my words, Biggs, one day in the future, when you’re all grown-up, I’m going to hunt you down, and I’m going to put a bullet in your head.” “Oh yeah?” Still smiling, I locked eyes on him and warned, “Or maybe, one day in the future, when I’m all grown-up, I’ll hunt you down and put a bullet in yours.”

Ayyyyyyy

When Hugh was around, everything in my life stabilized. It was as if he held my world in his hands and forced it to stop spinning, giving me time to catch my breath and get back up on my feet.

“Where are you off to in such a hurry, mister?” “I, uh, I, uh…I, uh…” “You, uh, uh, uh, what?” Mam mocked, hands on her hips. “You were sneaking off to the treehouse with your girlfriend, that’s what you were uh, uh, uh doing.”

LOL

“She always has nightmares, Hugo,” she remained him. “And in case it passed your attention, my sister’s more than capable of looking after herself.” “Maybe, but this was a bad one.” “They’re all bad, bud,” my sister replied. “I should know. I’m the one she keeps awake at night with her screaming.”

So WERE able to hear her…sick and twisted