Wild Card

by Elsie Silver

For the ones who were told their dreams were too dreamy but who went on to make them come true anyway. And for my awful high school English teacher, Mr. C, who looked me in the eye at sixteen years old and told me I’d never be a good writer. Thanks for the motivation.

“It is what it is.”

She carries herself with a confident ease, wearing soft, feminine curves like she invented them.

They’re so vibrant, I swear they trend toward a lavender tone.

“Oh, thank goodness you’re here. This man desperately needs a lime margarita. Extra sour.”

a defiant backbone, unfailing optimism, the desire to chase my dreams…and

Watching them is like digging a finger into an old wound. One that just won’t heal, no matter how hard I try. No matter how much work I put in. I yearn for that relationship.

“So you’re like a hero hero,”

the only thing I see in his eyes is appreciation.

I barely know her, but I’m pissed off that anyone could make her feel that way about herself.

Don’t live life with regrets, Sebastian.”

She warms me.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The snow. Each flake has its own unique shape. That hush of quiet it brings to the world. You have nowhere to be. You’re safe and warm. Peaceful.”

tired is kind of relative. I have been more tired. And there are worse things to be than tired. I’ll let my body rest tomorrow. Tonight, we make memories.”

This is me. I still want to be silly sometimes. I love to explore. I like to look at the glass as half-full. Hell, I will happily make lemonade. I’ve worked too hard in recent years at accepting and loving myself to let one random, grumpy guy in an airport make me second-guess who I am⁠—

You’re too big. You talk too much. Your optimism is obnoxious. They’re hard insecurities to shake, especially when they were planted so young, reinforced by the words I grew up hearing. But I’ve come to embrace these parts of myself. Most days, I believe they are some of my best qualities. Other days, I hear my dad’s voice in my head. And I hate it.

“I’m kind of nomadic and move around a lot. I don’t have a home base.”

“I don’t care. I’ll figure it out. I want to see you again.”

he’s a persuasive motherfucker.

I’m sure I wouldn’t have been a good parent at fifteen, but I’d have shown up the best way I knew how.

A bigger part of me feels paralyzed by the injustice of it. The missed years. The missed opportunities.

Tripp plays with Eddie’s last name on his jersey.

Ouch

A night I think about more often than I should. A night during which we barely touched, and yet it rivals the intimacy of any night I’ve ever spent with a man.

To the outside observer, it would appear that I’m staring at the guy I showed up here with. But they would be wrong. I’m staring at his dad.

It’s bizarre. It’s cruel. And it’s a lie.

Maybe it was just a little bit of magic. Inexplicable and undeniable all at once.

“Easy, girl. Don’t eat too much.”

“The fuck did you just say to her?”

“That was plain rude.”

It’s like I’m dating Dr. Jekyll—and Mr. Hyde has just come out to play.

what’s worse is he’s out there disrespecting you to your face, and that makes me want to break something…”

I may not know him well, but I ache for him all the same. I would have chosen him.

Pregnant. Something she told me she never wanted to be. Something she clearly just didn’t want to be with me.

for what it’s worth, when doomsday hits, he’s not invited to my bunker. But you are.”

“You’re an idiot.” “A happy one,”

Makes me realize all the domestic milestones I’ve missed out on in my life. Not because I’m averse to them, but because I’ve been thwarted at every turn.

Watching these boys makes me feel like I’ve missed out on something integral. Something I don’t know that I’ll ever have. It’s feeling like that ship has sailed.

I could sense his appreciation humming in the air around me. It’s something I’ve never felt before.

that motherfucker is going to owe me

“Though you know, if someone was desperate enough to steal my winter boots, it strikes me they might need them more enough than I do.”

I grew up feeling like I had to bend over backward not to anger my father. Seen but not heard is what he requested of me.

“I’m a big girl. With a big truck. And above-average driving skills. You can take your bad energy elsewhere, Bash.”

you are certainly not acting very enlightened.”

“Go look at something purple! It’ll help support your crown chakra!”

“You say Savasana, I say nap,”

everything purple reminds me of Gwen’s unusual eye color.

“Only you could make giving me a kidney about yourself. Oh please, Clyde, let me give you a kidney so I can feel better about myself,”

You’re more depressing than I am, even though I’m the one who’s dying.

That you, kiddo?

never work for free. To never sell myself short or question my value.