Wild Card

by Elsie Silver

“Fuck it,” I mutter. Then I kiss her.

“Fucking perfect. And so fucking off-limits.”

“That he was a fool to let you get away. But that it was just as well because I could fuck you better.”

“Listening to him talk about you made me want to come home and take you just to prove to myself that I could. Does that make me jealous, Gwen?”

I don’t want to be the thing that damns you. It’s not fair.”

Deep down I know this isn’t some meaningless fling.

Clyde: I can’t believe you dated this guy. He’s a full-blown douchebag.

“Fair. Not my monkeys, not my circus.” Then I turn to Clyde and point. “You are my monkey, and this is my circus, and I’m here to make you your scrambled eggs. Right?”

Clyde eyes me suspiciously as Tripp inserts himself into our conversation. “I may not be your monkey anymore, but I’d really like to be part of this circus too.”

Gwen: Stay safe out there.

“Is this the game where we pretend there’s nothing going on between the two of you?”

It’s just that I’m invested. I worked really hard to get you both under one roof.”

“Don’t act so surprised. I love that big doofus like he’s my own, and to be frank, you’re feeling an awful lot like my second doofus.”

“Gwen, I know you believe in all this stuff, and that’s great. I also believe in a lot of things that other people don’t, but don’t let that stop you from going after what you want. Sometimes things won’t just fall into your lap because the universe provides or whatever.”

“Clyde, that’s his son. He really wants a relationship with him, and that will be infinitely more complicated with me in the picture.”

All the best things in life are complicated.”

“Gwen, listen. I’ve known him for years now, and he might be one of the best people I know. Prickly and ornery and set in his ways, but good.

He’s been hurt. He’s been told a few too many times that he isn’t good enough. Between his ex-wife and Tripp’s mom, he’s learned the hard way that people use him as a stepping stone to the life they really want. He expects to be left behind.”

“And those are tough wounds to heal. Especially for a man so paralyzed by all his own regrets.

when he met you? You shook him up. It changed something. It changed him. And I reckon that if you have the fortitude to keep at him, he might just soften up for you. It won’t be easy. But nothing worth having ever comes easy.”

I need a sign of life.

You’re being a petty little bitch. Just admit it.

You just have to honor that. You’re allowed to be tired. It’s normal to be tired.”

“You got this,”

“I don’t know if I do,”

“I’ve got you, then,”

I’m still grieving a relationship I’ll never have. I’ve spent years making peace with the fact that no matter what I do, he’ll never give me the approval I want. Because I defied him, and for him, that’s the ultimate insult.

It’s the simple things. It’s building a life with someone. I’d settle for just that. But it can’t be just someone. I think deep down I want it to be the one. I’ve been hurt too badly for it not to be. And when I think of the one, I think of her.

“Well, if you can’t take care of yourself, then I will have to treat you like a small child. And that means you’re taking a nap. Your body needs it.”

“Kid, you are one big shitty attitude. When I close my eyes and try to envision you, I see a frown floating in the abyss. Except when you’re around Gwen.

It’s burned into my mind! You’ve scarred me.”

“I’ve been playing matchmaker for months with you two.

What my girl wants, she gets.”

Walking away almost killed me before. Now, I feel more desperate than ever for her to see me. It’s true—I don’t want to get hurt. But nothing would hurt more than missing my chance with Gwen.

I hate him.

that’s not perfect for me. That right there is proof that you don’t know me at all. You telling me to keep my shoes on at your party is proof that you don’t know me at all. You thinking there could be anything between us at all now that I know your stories about your dad being a deadbeat are not true is proof that you don’t know me at all.”

don’t tell me how to think, feel, or behave. It pisses me off.”

“Just trying to keep you safe.”

“My head’s been in the gutter since the first time I laid eyes on you.”

You’re my first, so be gentle with me,”

I’ll never forgive myself if I let you get away again.”

She’s all soft, pale skin and full, feminine curves. I could look at her for days, spend hours getting lost in this body.

She says it like it’s ours, not just mine. Like she considers it home too.

I think I’ve spent enough time not touching you.”

Less than thirty minutes ago though, he certainly was not concerned about being delicate with me. And I am captivated by both sides of him. He kisses me back, so full of longing that it makes my chest ache.

my girl

On a hot, sunny day, there’s nothing better than a crisp glass of pinot grigio.

It has me realizing that just because the marriage I grew up around wasn’t healthy doesn’t mean that healthy marriages don’t exist.

nobody else should be looking at you this closely. That’s my job.”

made for me.