Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

by Steve Harvey

In fact, the biggest play you have in your arsenal—the one where you walk into a relationship thinking you’re going to “change” your man, is the worst and most doomed play of them all.

men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make. No matter if a man is a CEO, a CON, or both, everything he does is filtered through his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the reward he gets for the effort (how much he makes).

His focus has always been on, and will remain on, who he is, what he does, and how much he makes until he feels like he’s achieved his mission.

And until a man does these things, women only fit into the cracks of his life.

He’s not thinking about settling down, having children, or building a home with anyone until he’s got all...

If men aren’t pursuing their dreams—if we’re not chasing the “who we are,” the “what we do,” and the “how much we make,” we’re doomed. Dead.

Encoded in the DNA of the male species is that we are to be the provider and the protector of the family, and everything we do is geared toward ensuring we can make this happen.

We want the bragging rights—the right to say, “I’m number one.” Women don’t seem to care about this so much. But for us men? It’s everything.

He can’t sit around talking with you, or dream about marriage and family, if his mind is on how to make money, how to get a better position, how to be the kind of man he needs to be for you.

The way you can help him get there is to help him focus on his dream, see the vision, and implement his plan.

If your man loves you, he’s willing to tell anybody and everybody, “Look, man, this is my woman” or “this is my girl,” “my baby’s mama,” or “my lady.” In other words, you will have a title—an official one that far extends beyond “this is my friend,” or “this is__________ (insert your name here).”

#1. He will profess his love.

If he introduces you as his “friend,” or by your name, have no doubt that’s all you are. He doesn’t think any more of you than that. In your heart of hearts, ladies, you all know this.

So, if you’ve been dating a guy for at least ninety days and you’ve never met his mother, you don’t go to church together, you haven’t been around his family or his friends, and he took you to a networking/job/social function and introduced you by your name, then you’re not in his plans—he doesn’t see you in his future.

The more he can provide for his woman and his kids, the bigger and more alive he feels. Sounds simplistic, but that is the reality.

man who truly loves you would never make you ask for money for necessities—he would make sure that you need and mostly want for nothing,

if he’s a real man, he will always put buying something for himself far below his responsibility to provide for his family.

real men do what they have to do to make sure their people are taken care of, clothed, housed, and reasonably satisfied, and if they’re doing anything less than that, they’re not men—or shall we say, he’s not your man, because he will eventually do this for someone’s daughter, maybe not you.

Keyyyyy

if a man can’t provide, then he doesn’t feel like a man, so he flees to escape the horrible feelings of inadequacy, or he’s going to bury those feelings in drugs and alcohol.

As some rap songs and hip-hop magazines tell you, these men feel they’re being “played” if they provide anything of monetary value to the opposite sex. Some men even label any and every woman who expects her intended to provide for her the very handy, decisively ugly phrase gold digger.

Vinny...

diggers. I’m here to tell you, though, ladies, that the term “gold digger” is one of the traps we men set to keep you off our money trail; we created that term for you so that we can have all of our money and still get everything we want from you without you asking for or expecting this very basic, instinctual responsibility that men all over the world are obligated to assume and embrace.

Vinny..

It is your right to expect that a man will pay for your dinner, your movie ticket, your club entry fee, or whatever else he has to pay for in exchange for your time.

When a man truly loves you, anybody who says, does, suggests, or even thinks about doing something offensive to you stands the risk of being obliterated.

#2. Protect

Once he says he cares about you, you are a prized possession to him, he will do anything to protect that prized possession.

There is not a real man living who will not protect what is his. It’s about respect.

“If you ever say anything disrespectful to my wife again, I will kill you,” he said. Now, that may seem a little extreme, but this is what real men do to protect the ones they love.

A man’s love fits only into three categories. As I’ve explained, I call them “The Three Ps of Love—Profess, Provide, and Protect.”

In fact, there are only three things that pretty much every man needs—support, love, and “The Cookie.” Three things—that’s it. And I’m here to tell you that yes, it’s that simple.

So when we walk back in our house, we want to be able to let our guard down. All we want, really, is to hear you say, “Baby, how was your day? Thank you for making it happen for us. This family needs you and wants you and is happy to have you.” We’ve got to feel like we’re king, even if we don’t act kingly. Trust me, the more you make us feel like we’re special, the more we’ll give in return.

A man needs that from his woman—he needs her to say, “Baby, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you do for me and the kids.”

Thank you, baby. I appreciate you. You don’t know how important that is for your man;

We don’t care about anything else; we need the cookie. We need to be physically engaged with the woman we love,

If I’ve talked to the Lord and tried to get you motivated to give me some of the cookie and you’re still coming up with reasons why you just can’t be intimate with me, something is going to change.

When men dont get sex..

She liked watching television. He liked to have sex. She was always too tired to have sex. He was tired of not having sex. So while she unwound to her favorite shows, he unwound out of the house—with another woman.

We cannot survive without these things—not for ninety days, we can’t. You may not like what I’m saying, but ask any man about these words and whether they’re true, and that man will tell you this one simple thing: it’s true.

Men cant go without sex for 90 days...

we men aren’t in the talking business; we’re in the fix-it business.

you’re telling your girlfriends, “He won’t talk to me,” and “I can’t get him to open up.” But opening up is not what we do. Profess, provide, and protect

any man with sense knows that when mama’s happy, we’re all going to be happy.

When your man comes over, tell him, “You know, I just can’t stand this kitchen this way. The color just throws me all off, the cabinets are all wrong, they don’t go with the stove and I can’t get my mind right in here when I’m trying to cook.” If he’s all the way in it with you, he will say, without hesitation, “What color you want this kitchen to be, baby?” Tell him “pink,” and see if by next Saturday the whole kitchen isn’t painted pink, cabinets and all.

Test 1- to see if hes really all about you

the more experienced man—the one who can read his lady’s moods and tell when something is wrong—is going to ask her what’s up, and no matter how many times she says, “nothing,” he’s going to ask again and again until she starts coming clean and opens up, though, in his heart of hearts, he will be hoping to God there’s really nothing wrong, and if there is something wrong, he will be able to just fix it because he doesn’t want to see her pout.

Lol boshi

For women, it would go a long way if they respected the encryption of manhood—that we’re too focused on who we are, what we do, and how much we make to spend a whole lot of time sitting around pondering things that can’t be fixed.

Hero...

when a man approaches you, he has a plan. And the main plan is to sleep with you, or to find out what it takes to sleep with you.

a man always wants something. Always. And when it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things: (1) if you’re willing to sleep with him, and (2) if you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him.

Vinny was fixed on this

he’s talking to you to determine exactly how much he has to invest to get what he wants.

When a stranger approaches you

if you tell him up front you have requirements—that you need his time, his respect, his attention—then he knows you’re expensive, that he’s going to need to put in work to get the cookie.

High valued women

When you’re not aware that all men have plans, you’re not placing requirements on him, and if you’re not setting any ground rules, then you’re essentially telling him that you’re open for his rules. You’ve established that you don’t care how often he calls, when he comes by, how often you all talk, and whether he opens your door; this means that he’ll call you when he gets ready, he won’t be opening any of your doors, and even though you asked him to be there at seven, he won’t show up until eight—all because you didn’t (a) acknowledge that a man always has a plan and (b) act accordingly.

Boshi..never listens to your requirements and always oversteping boundaries

when it comes to relationships, you’re either being kicked or you’re potential long-term material. It can’t be both.

What’s your price? If you let him know up front, he will let you know up front if it’s too high a price for him to pay. And then you can move on.

men are, by nature, hunters, and women have been put in the position of being the prey.

Never go desperate and chase a man

make me feel like I’m wanted”? Flowers, jewelry, phone calls, dates, sweet talk—these are all the weapons in our hunting arsenal when we’re coming for you.

Doesn’t have any rules, requirements, respect for herself, or guidelines, and we men can pick up her scent a mile away. She’s the party girl who takes a sip of her Long Island iced tea or a shot of her Patrón, then announces to her suitor that she just wants to “date and see how it goes,” and she’s the conservatively dressed woman at the office who is a master at networking, but clueless about how to approach men.

When your just a game, a.k.a "sports fish" to him.