Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

by Steve Harvey

Now sometimes, it takes a man to lose something or nearly lose something to really appreciate it.

two things had to happen to him: first, he had to find out what was important to him, and what it was like to lose it. And second, he had to come to the realization that he needed to restructure his priorities: God first, then family.

“I’m not trying to be anybody’s plaything or anybody’s woman on a string,” she said matter-of-factly, her suitcase still in her hand. “I don’t think you’re ready for what I have to offer.

Standards, respect yourself and dont let a guy bring u down or make you feel less then.

I became the man she needed me to be because she had sense enough to have requirements—standards that she needed in her relationship in order to make the relationship work for her.

On a smaller scale, she also made clear that she expected to be treated like a lady at every turn—I’m talking opening car doors for her, pulling out her seat when she’s ready to sit at the table, coming correct on anniversary, Mother’s Day, and birthday gifts,

Men are very simple, logical people; if you tell us what you like and what you don’t like, we’ll do anything we can to make sure we live up to your expectations, particularly if we’re interested in forging a relationship with you.

tell a man what you require without making it feel like you’re ticking off a list of demands.

Instead of saying you “can’t stand it” when a man shows up late, say something like, “Everybody is so busy these days—time sure is precious, isn’t it? I go out of my way to make sure that if I say I’m going to be somewhere at 7:00 P.M., I’m going to be there at 7:00 P.M., if not earlier, so that we can do what we need to do in a timely manner, and if I’m going to be late, it only takes a phone call to be courteous.”

Key

“Being a good mom is really important to me, and a part of being a good mom is making sure that my kids have a good father. I’m independent, but I realize how much better it would be for me and my family if a good man was in the picture.

Key

Instead of telling him what you like, tell him what you don’t like, and then see how he responds; let him research and dig and figure out how to get to your sweet spot.

When you first start dating

I’ve left space for you to document your list:

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get over the fear of losing a man by confronting him. Just stop being afraid, already.

a man who really has a vision for where he wants to see himself in ten years has looked into his future and seriously considered what it’ll take for him to get there.

If he says something silly like “I’m just trying to make it day by day,” run. If his long-term plan is the same as his short-term plan, get out. Immediately. Because his answer tells you that he hasn’t thought his life through, or he doesn’t see you in it and so he has no reason to divulge the details to you.

Do not tie your life together with a human being who does not have a plan, because you’ll find out that if he’s not going anywhere, sooner or later, you’ll be stuck, too.

“Oh, you think I’m kind? What about me makes you think I’m kind?” Then sit back and listen.

“I told you before—I think you’re . . .” he begins. You cut him right off and say, “No, no, I want to know how you feel about me.”

Ask this, thinking and feeling are two different things.

What you’re looking for in his answer is something like this: “When I don’t see you, I miss talking to you, I always wonder what you’re doing and whenever you come around, I just feel better—you’re the type of woman I’ve been trying to find.”

Ford and the government won’t give a man benefits until he’s been on the job and proven himself, why, ladies, are you passing out benefits to men before they’ve proven themselves worthy?

Hugging? Payment. Kissing? Payment. You getting dressed up? Payment. Going out with us? Payment. Exchanging explicit e-mails? Payment. But if he wants to sleep with you—make babies and have a family? Those are benefits.

can’t nobody find stuff out like a woman.

You know how to find stuff out about a man he may not have even known about himself.

Real men extend themselves to women they care about.

again. He might tell you something like, “Next time he calls, let me talk to him.”

If the new guy says something like, “I just can’t get into all of this,” then he’s not a good candidate for benefits.

no man wants to see his woman crying.

when a man asks for sex, and he is told no,

If he says something stupid, such as, “I don’t need to wait for sex—I can get it from anybody,” you tell him right back, “Please do.”

a good guy should be comfortable meeting the people you love.

the biggest test of someone’s children skills is whether they can talk to kids in a way that will keep them engaged and elicit a response.

someone who can take charge when the kids act like fools and they need a man to set them straight. Kids, after all, respect authority.

Single moms all over the planet have convinced themselves, with their natural instincts as nurturers and protectors in full gear, that bringing men they’ve just met around the kids is unsafe. But, ladies, here’s a secret: that’s exactly what the players who wrote the rule book you’ve been following want you to believe.

He doesn’t lose his mind when someone spills food and drinks in his car, or puts a muddy footprint on the back of his seat—it shows he’s not so fussy about messy kids (because nothing wrecks your car quicker than having kids; his seats will see the inside of a Happy Meal).

He’s capable of forgiveness, and shows that,

men will do anything humanly possible to impress you so that, ultimately, we can be with you.

we’ve convinced you all that you are not important to us.

we appreciate it when women treat us like men, when you let us know that you need us.

we have to feel needed by you in order to fulfill our destiny as a man.

It’s no secret that when we argue, we may act like we’re right, but we know that ultimately, if we want to restore the peace, you’re going to get your way.

real relationship is all about—finding that balance,

It was more important to her in that moment to prove what he already knew—that he wasn’t fulfilling his role as a provider.

making him feel less than a man wasn’t going to get her what she needed and wanted out of her man. Her actions were only going to drive him away.

when a man is young and doesn’t know any better, he’s busy being all this other stuff he thinks fits into what it means to be a man: dating an excess of women; recklessly spending his money on things he doesn’t really need, much less can afford; using his muscle instead of his brain in his quest to appear tough.

a real man provides for the ones he loves.

women who accept that it’s okay to let the guy take the lead sometime are going to win.

We know you’re strong enough to move the television set. But you should let him do it; say it’s too heavy for you—it’s a man’s job.

when you’re going somewhere with a man, let him treat you like a lady and open the car door for you.

If he doesn’t automatically open said car door, stand by the darn thing and don’t get in the vehicle until he realizes he needs to get his behind out of the driver’s seat and come around and open the car door for you. That’s his job.

Love this

add a hearty, “Baby, thank you so much for doing this for me—I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Steve, thank you so much for watching the children—you’re a great father.” Boy, I can’t tell you how good that made me feel.