Fearless (The Powerless Trilogy, #3)

by Lauren Roberts

Kai’s arms slacken around my waist, leaving me panting up at Lenny. “It’s not worth it,” he says quietly. “Please, don’t make me stand between the two of you. Because I will.”

“Keep her out of my sight,” I order evenly. “Because you won’t be able to stop me, Lenny. You know that.” I’m walking away before a reaction can form on their faces. I hear Kai’s long strides behind me, likely following to ensure I behave myself. But that is the last thing I want to do tonight. I grab a flute of champagne from a servant’s tray and gulp down the liquid in a matter of seconds. Then I exchange that empty glass for a full one and do the same. Warmth spills into my stomach, coating my body in an intoxicating fuzzy feeling. That is all I want to feel tonight. Not anger. Not hurt. Not queenly. Just this contentment beginning to thrum through me. “Do I even want to know what you’re planning?” Kai sighs from where he towers over me. I give him a smile, noting the way it affects him. Then I shove my empty glass into his hand. “I’m planning on having fun.”

She’s lost her shoes. Well, she had. That was before I’d scoured the ballroom for them, knowing Paedyn would not. Seeing that she flung them off her feet with a declaration of discomfort, I’m sure she was quite content to never find them. Now, swaying in time to the music, she hardly notices the heels hanging from my fingers. I lean against the pillar, watching her with a smile that has rarely left my lips all evening.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I may need to cut you off for the night.” Her eyebrows rise comically, every movement exaggerated. “You cutting me off?” She leans closer, tilting her head at me. “That seems a bit ironic.” “Trust me, darling.” I sigh. “I’m well aware.”

“Are you…” I shake my head at her in disbelief. “Are you flirting with me, Gray?” She giggles in a way I’ve never heard before but would beg to again. “I’m simply thinking out loud.”

She takes a step closer. “I have a fiancé.” “And yet…” I dangle the heels in front of her. “I’m the one carrying your shoes. Though, I am worried about what it is you’ll be taking off next.” This has Pae laughing, loudly. Her teeth are bright against red lips, and I can do nothing but study the unbridled brilliance of that smile. “Why, because I won’t let you help?” I shrug a shoulder, my eyes darting across the packed room. “Because I don’t like to share.”

“Oh, I’ll still have my eyes on you when I’m drunk, darling. And that is exactly the problem.” Taking the glass I extend, she gives me a wry look. “And why would that be a problem?” I lean toward her to murmur, “We are supposed to be keeping our distance, remember? I have enough trouble doing that when I’m sober.” Something about the way she’s looking up at me has already made it difficult to think straight. This version of Paedyn seems to be even more dangerous than the one who unflinchingly holds a blade to my throat. Alcohol emboldens, loosening her lips to spew sober thoughts. And, truthfully, I’m not sure how to hold myself back from a Paedyn who so brazenly pursues me. In fact, she might even be making me nervous. I’m unused to the feeling. “In that case…” Her voice is a lazy drawl as she presses her fingers to the bottom of my glass, lifting it to my mouth. Even as she tips the glass against my lips, our gazes never roam from each other. “Let’s test that self-control of yours, Enforcer,” she croons, handing her own champagne to me. I sigh before sipping generously from her glass. “Is that not what you’ve been doing since the day we met?” She clicks her tongue. “I won’t be charmed by your pretty words, Prince.”

The corner of my mouth curls into a wicked smile. “Seems a bit late for that, doesn’t it?” “Cocky bastard,” she whispers. “Pretty Pae.”

It’s not long before I’m chuckling at the two of them attempting a dance. They have barely managed a series of steps without stumbling, and Pae can’t stop laughing long enough to even try. Instead, she seems to have abandoned the choreography accompanying this song and is now doing whatever the hell she wants. Picking up her shoes, I return to my spot against the pillar, leaning there as I watch them spin around the room. As they smile brightly, their laughter cuts through the commotion of the room, reaching even my ears. It reminds me of a time when— “We used to laugh like that all the time.”

His eyes light with an emotion I can’t quite make out. “I want to be better. Hell, I want to be great.” “And you will be.” My hand meets his shoulder, shaking it slightly. “I’m with you until the very end.” His voice is a murmur, earnest as the gaze he pins on me. “You and me, Brother.” “You and me,” I repeat.

We share something then. A smile. A moment of understanding. A repairing of a bond once strained. It’s taken much grief and anger to get here, but I’m proud to say that my brother has returned to me. This is the Kitt I know and love. This is the friend I’ll spend the rest of my life with. This is the man who is marrying the woman I love.

Kitt nods to the dance floor. “I think the two of them are having enough fun for the both of us.” Indeed, they were. Jax and Paedyn had yet to stop causing a scene with their incessant spinning. “Has it been three dances? If they have any more, the court may begin to think our little brother is trying to steal away your betrothed.” “Oh, I doubt that’s the brother they’re worried about,” Kitt says evenly. Here we go.

It is the truth. I have no desire to be the wedge driven between them. But that is what I am, and I will not stop loving her because of it.

“I would know you in every life, Brother.” My words are hurried. I step in front of him, facing my other half fully. “More than any other soul. Believe that.” He smiles—a slow, relieved movement. His hand clutches my arm as he ducks his head, hiding the emotion shining in those green eyes. “And I you.”

“Are those her shoes?” I follow Kitt’s gaze to where the heels dangle from my hooked fingers. My laugh is muffled by the hand I run down my face. “She took them off about two glasses of champagne ago.” The king’s gaze crawls over my shoulder. “Speak of the devil.” I turn slowly toward the dance floor, and there she is, striding toward us with a dazzling smile between rosy cheeks. I’m breathless at the sight of her, doomed by the hope of having her. It’s a beautiful ruin, a devastating devotion. This girl holds my heart in her hands, could crush it between her fingers and still have me thanking her for the touch. And I hold her shoes.

Because I’ve set my sights on something equally as fun. The boys lean against a pillar, black suits stark beside the marble stone and— And I can’t focus on anything else because, holy shit, they look good. I can feel my smile growing as I walk toward them in as straight of a line as I can manage. They are a pretty pair, the Azer brothers. And I have the rest of my life to spend with them. Married to one and in love with the other.

I’m suddenly standing before the king and his Enforcer. Kitt and Kai. Betrothed and regrettably not betrothed.

His words are clipped. “Me? Or Kai?” I think I hear myself giggle. “Yes.” And with that, I’m grabbing them both by the arm. I don’t bother trying to comprehend their persistent protests as I drag them toward the dance floor. The sea of people parts for us, amused enough to turn to their neighbor and gossip. When I halt in the center of the dance floor, I turn to the boys. “As future queen, I hereby instate a new tradition.” I might have yelled the words. Oops. Kai is now pinching the bridge of his nose, swallowing the laugh in his throat. “Plagues, I hope you remember this tomorrow.” “Shh, I’m making a decree,” I scold. Kitt might have smiled. “We’re listening, Paedyn.” I like that he said my name. That feels like progress. I clear my throat, ignoring the many wide gazes surrounding, and— Hmm. I feel like I should be taller for this. Establish my strength and such. So where the hell are my heels when I actually need them? “I declare,” I say slowly, my spine straightening, “a dance between the three of us. Unified as one.” I don’t even give them the chance to argue. How very queenly of me.

Kai for me, and Kitt for Kai.

They laugh with me, at me, maybe, but I don’t care. This is a happiness I’m willing to sacrifice my dignity for.

I look down to my left. Kitt—crown crooked atop blond hair, smile shockingly wide, demeanor that of the boy I befriended so long ago, not the one I’d betrayed. I see hope when I look at him in this moment. A blooming companionship. I look down to my right. Kai—black hair curling over his brow, eyes bright, and dimples that I curse beneath my breath. But above all, love. It lingers in his gaze, in his touch, down to the very curve of that smile I know belongs to me alone. The room spins around me, but it’s him I focus on. Him I cling to. Long after our dance and long into the next life.

The night passes in the form of hazy flashes. My mouth hurts from smiling. My feet ache from dancing. But I’m not on my feet in this flashing moment. No. I’m in strong arms, pressed against a broad chest, smiling up at a handsome face. He tells me to stop looking at him like that. My voice sounds far away. “And how am I looking at you?” He says I’m looking at him like a promise I can’t keep. This confuses me. Or maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it makes perfect sense. “I want to tell you a secret, but I’m scared of it.” He offers to say it for me. I nod. I notice what is hooked around his fingers, dangling from the hand beneath my knees. “You found my shoes!” He whispers the three-worded secret. “You found my shoes for me.” Another murmured declaration of devotion. Tears prick my eyes. “… you found my shoes for me.” He says he loves me. Again and again.

“Yes, the dancing,” I say slowly. “My feet are sore.” “Well, I hear you discarded your shoes rather quickly.” He nods to the heels that were hastily strewn beside my bed. I stare at them, a memory struggling to surface at the sight. But before I have a chance to recall, Kitt is standing to his feet. “You made another decree as well. Very impressive.”

He points to the bedside table, drawing my attention to what sits there, steaming in the sunlight. I hadn’t noticed the bowl in my foggy state. “Kai said you might want some of that. Again, he knows you rather well, so I took his word for it.” Despite myself, I smile at the porridge decorated with fruit. Fruit that Kai despises. Blueberries sit among the steaming oats, reminding me of that long night under the willow. “Thank you,” I murmur, lifting my eyes to his. “For bringing it for me.”

“Nothing,” she answers quickly. “I’m just happy you’re feeling better. You were very out of it when Prince Kai dropped you off last night.” I feel my cheeks redden. “Yes, not my finest moment.” “He insisted on staying in here with you.” She glances over at me bashfully. “Said he would sit in that chair until he was sure you were asleep.” I swallow. “And did he?” “Yes.” Her voice is quiet. “And long after.”

No, my eyes land on Kai’s before running over his rigid body. Fear pulls at his features, and when he dares to meet my gaze, I’m forced to once again wonder why I ever bother looking at anyone else. Those icy eyes drag over my body, feeling heavier than a touch, more meaningful than a word. I revel in his reverence. That is, until it lands on the fingers I’ve laced between his brother’s. A muscle feathers in his jaw. I can see the anger seeping out from beneath the unbothered mask he’s slipped on. So he looks away. He turns. He strides from the throne room. And I can feel myself beginning to drift without him to anchor me.

I shake my head, failing to hide my frustration. Damn pretending. Damn these Trials. Kitt already suspects that my allegiance to Paedyn runs far deeper than me being her Enforcer.

“Then I will do it,” she finishes. “I’m going with her.” There is not a hint of hesitancy in my voice. It’s a demand, a compromise I won’t negotiate. Even worse, I don’t care if my worry for her seeps into the words. I will follow her to the bottom of the sea if I must. “Kai, you can’t be serious—” Kitt starts, sounding betrayed. “I’m not just your Enforcer,” I state. “I’m now Paedyn’s as well. And if there is one thing Father ensured I had learned, it was to never let my king and queen face danger unless I was between it and them.”

“What do you think that crew will do to their Ordinary queen?” My voice drops as I murmur, “It wouldn’t surprise me if they tried to throw her overboard the second that ship reaches open water. Call it a freak accident.” I shake my head. “But not if I’m there. No one will dare touch her. And if you weren’t so damn important, Brother, I know you would be on that ship with her. But we can’t risk losing you. So risk me instead.”

“Kitt.” Paedyn is suddenly beside me, her palms pressed against the wood desk. “I wish it was you coming with me.” The words sting more than I suspected they would. Even knowing this is another moment of pretend, I feel a twinge of hurt in the heart I’ve so readily given her.

My pace is even, hopes oddly high for one who may be sailing to their death. But I am no stranger to drowning. I’ve been doing just that since the day I looked into her ocean eyes.

“Just…” I gesture lazily to the door. “Get back in there. Please.” “Hmm.” Her gaze travels over me. “It seems the Slummer taught you some manners. How ironic.” “Don’t, Blair,” I warn. “So will you share her with Kitt the rest of your life? Or find another Ordinary on the streets?” The words have barely left her mouth before I snap. I throw her back against the wall with nothing but my mind and the use of her borrowed Tele power. She gasps in surprise, straining slightly beneath my hold on her body. No Elite appreciates their own power being used against them, but I have little concern for her feelings at the moment. Each step toward her pinned body is slow, deliberate. The glare she gives me is dull, seemingly unconcerned by her current situation. But when I loom over her, she fights to tilt her head up and meet my icy stare. “Talk about her like that again,” I murmur slowly, “and you will be begging to stay locked in that room, safe from me.” Something about her gaze gradually softens in the seconds after my threat. And that concerns me. “Shit,” she breathes, mouth gaping. Her lashes flutter as she stares up at me, equally shocked and amused. “You’re in love with her.”

“I always knew there was something between you, but…” Her laugh is slightly crazed. “You’re completely in love with her.”

Blair takes a single slow step toward me. When my gaze finally climbs up to her awaiting one, the shake of her head is pitying. A sharp smile settles on her lips to mirror the one I’ve seen her give since we were children. “Oh, you are fuc—” “Prince Kai!”

No, peace implies that all is well in my life. But there are wrongs to be righted and forgiveness to be earned. I refuse to die until I’m satisfied with the way I lived. I groan. In the end, it is the imminence of death that manages to drag me from my bed.

I knock hesitantly on his door. My heart pounds wildly in anticipation. I’m not normally the one to do this, and I doubt I’ll ever do it again because of how annoyingly nervous I— The handle turns. And when the door opens, I almost expect to be met with a cocky smile, a mess of black hair, or a familiar set of lips that have tasted mine. But everything before me is unsurety.

This is the chocolate I used to steal for Adena on special occasions. The last of which was her birthday, though we hadn’t known it would be her last at the time.

It’s time he knows. Kitt opens his mouth again, but I’m already moving, already gathering my courage alongside the folds of my shirt. Determination overrules my sudden desperation to hide this marred piece of myself. But if this man is to be my husband, he will soon see every bit of brokenness that makes up my being. So I might as well start with the scars on my heart. I shift in front of him, forcing the tremble from my voice. “He doesn’t control me. He haunts me.” My hand lifts to tug the collar of my shirt down, down, down…. I know the brand is visible when his face pales. “Is that…” He swallows. “Is that an O?” I don’t bother looking down at the jagged letter that defines me. “For Ordinary.” Kitt is shaking his head now. “I… I don’t…” “After trailing his blade down my neck,” I say flatly, “he promised to leave his mark on my heart, so I never forget who broke it.” He raises his hand, as if wishing to run his fingers over the scar before thinking better of it. “This is not the man I knew.” “The man you knew didn’t exist.” His eyes trace that mangled circle of flesh. “I’m sorry.” My voice is hoarse. “I am too.”

“You’re not the girl I knew during those Purging Trials,” he says softly. “Not anymore.” His words don’t startle me like I thought they would. Because he’s right. I’ve already mourned the girl who died alongside Adena in that Pit. Something broken staggered out of the Bowl Arena that day. And I have only been stronger for it. “And you are not the boy I knew either.” My throat is dry, but I scrape the words off my tongue. “Now, I want to know this king you’ve become.” Kitt’s voice is light despite the weight of his words. “I worry for what you will find.”

“He did.” Calum gently hands me the four thin books. “I believe you even wrote a few notes in there as a child.” “I can’t imagine I had anything important to add,” I say, laughing lightly. Quickly flipping through one of the books, I find a small rose sketched onto the inside cover. The words “For Paedyn” are scrolled beneath it in vaguely familiar, looping handwriting. He eyes me carefully. “You’d be surprised.”

“Unfortunately not,” he sighs. “But do try not to miss me too much. I’ve stationed extra Imperials with you while I’m gone, so you certainly won’t be feeling lonely.” “Oh, yes, I look forward to not a single moment of privacy.” The humor in Kitt’s voice dissolves quickly. “Please come home, Kai. I can’t have you dying on me too.” I look away, as if that could save me from this awkward intrusion of their conversation. Still, I hear the Enforcer’s earnest response. “I’ll be back. Death fears me, remember?” I can hear an inkling of that cocky bastard slipping into his voice when he says, “And when I return, we’ll celebrate with another dance between the three of us. So long as Paedyn doesn’t purposely step on my toes this time.” “I have no recollection of that,” I state defensively. “It must have been subconscious.” Kitt laughs, and the sound bleeds into his next words, all of them aimed at his brother. “Well, she kept trying to jump onto my back, remember?” “And then blamed her failed attempts on the ‘constricting dress,’ ” Kai adds with a punch-worthy smile. “Trust me, I remember. The moment replays every time I close my eyes—” “All right, that’s enough,” I huff. “Remember this conversation when I suddenly push you overboard.” “Oh, you can try, Gray,” Kai mocks with a crooked grin. “But don’t blame your constrictive sleeves when you aren’t able to.” Kitt’s laugh nearly drowns out my words. “That’s it. I’m getting on this damn boat.”

below before he offers a mouthed “good luck.” “Kai!” The shout rings through the air, carried on the wind. Kai whips around, scanning the wall of Imperials on the other end of the dock where a tangle of limbs attempts to break through. “Kai! Wait!” But he does nothing of the sort. Instead, he’s striding toward that familiar voice, shoving Imperials aside to reach the lanky boy. Even from this distance, I can see the tears brimming in Jax’s eyes. He stands there, panting before his brother. And when he opens his mouth, the choked sob that escapes it makes my breath catch. “Don’t go,” he begs Kai. “Please don’t go. I might never see you again—” A hiccup cuts off his words at the same moment Kai wraps his arms around the boy, holding him tight. He’s saying something I can’t hear, something that is likely meant to be a comfort. Jax squeezes his eyes shut as he grips the back of Kai’s shirt in his fists. “My parents never came back,” I hear him say, voice breaking. A piece of me shatters at the sound of it, at the grief already filling his voice. Jax has lost so much, so young. And I am watching him beg Kai not to be the next person he mourns. Sniffling, Jax lets himself be pried away from his big brother. More hushed words are exchanged before Kai ruffles the boy’s hair for what may be the last time. Then he turns slowly, solemnly, and strides back to the ship.

With a subtle hand at my lower back, Kai guides me to the head of the ship where we watch the sails unfurl above us. Just the sheer amount of cloth would have Adena gawking. And I cling to that thought, that image of my smiling A.

“You’re going to be fine, Pae,” Kai murmurs beside me. “Right,” I say distractedly. “I know.” “Is that why you’re giving yourself splinters?” Dragging my gaze from the distancing dock, I look down at the hand I’ve clamped around the railing. “I’m just… nervous.” He leans his forearms on the rail. “You usually are around me. Don’t hurt yourself over it, darling.” I turn to face him with a scoff. “I’m nervous about the journey, you prick.” “Not even twenty minutes on the sea and you’ve already come up with a new nickname for me.” “I’m sure many more will come to mind in the days ahead.” His eyes roam over me, and I’m reminded how much I enjoy the feel of it. “I missed you,” he finally murmurs, voice low. Something flutters in my chest, and it might just be those nerves he determined I feel around him. “I never left.” A shake of his head. “And yet, I felt the absence of you all the same.” He looks out at the water, his gray eyes mirroring the sea before us. “I suppose that is my sentence for the rest of this life.”

Before I can question what emergency that might be, the first mate is walking away. My doubt forms into a single sentence. “What are the odds we survive this journey?” Kai runs a hand through his windblown hair. “You tell me, Little Psychic.” I roll my eyes. “I’m sensing that we may end up in the sea before even spotting land.” He smiles, and suddenly, the frigid water starts to seem like a good idea. “Then I’ll swim for the both of us.”

Likely since Ava died.

I’ve been continuously reminded of just how dangerous it is to be alone with my own thoughts. So I have no choice but to be with her.

Paedyn’s voice is muffled behind the wood. “Yes?” “Would you like some company?” I call back. “Is it yours?” “I’m afraid so, darling.” “All right, come in,” she says, sounding amused. “By turning the handle, not kicking down the door.”

“See,” she says sweetly, “that wasn’t so hard.” I give her a look before sprawling onto her bed, my head in her lap. “Are you drinking away your boredom?” she muses, looking down at me. I shake the bottle still clutched in my hand. “I was. And then I remembered that you are a far more appealing distraction.” She rolls those bright eyes at me. “Did you come in here just to flirt, Azer?” “Darling, I haven’t even started.” Groaning dramatically, she snatches the bottle from my hand. “Then I’m going to need this.” “Don’t act like you don’t love it.” She takes a swig of rum, twisting her face at the taste. I’m laughing before her lips have even left the bottle. She coughs and sputters and shoves the liquor back into my palm. Composing herself, Pae looks down at me with watery eyes that may just be a drop of the sea itself. “There are a lot of things I pretend not to love.”

“You’re far better at pretending than I am.” Her smile is sad. “I’ve just had more practice at it.” I shut my eyes for a long moment, reminded of the wearisome life she’s endured. “I know.”