Fearless (The Powerless Trilogy, #3)

by Lauren Roberts

Let’s just… enjoy this time together.” Because we won’t get it again.

She glances up at me. Clears her throat. “I went to his rooms last night.” My blood chills. “Did you?”

My hand is quickly halted by her quick snatching of my wrist. “Did you even hear anything I just said?” “I heard you.” My hands cup her face. “I did. I do. And if you want me to tell you the sheer extent of my jealousy, then I will. But I’d rather not waste what little time we have together talking about my brother. Especially while I sit on your bed and try to stop myself from doing something rash with my future queen.” My eyes flick between her wide ones. “But when we are back in that palace, I will let you see just how much I hate that you are not mine.” Paedyn’s mouth parts. “Okay. I… um…” It seems I’ve rendered her speechless. She clears her throat before trying again. “What was it you asked?” My smile is wicked. “Your book, darling.” “Right.” She takes a deep breath.

I place a hand on her thigh, leaning in to watch her flip open the cover. Faded illustrations are scattered throughout the pages, as are several pencil markings I can’t quite make out. “My father used to read them to me,” she says softly. “This one was my favorite.” “Tell me about it,” I murmur.

She pauses on a random page, running her finger over a faint message scribbled there in crooked handwriting. I want to be powerful like her.

I shift, laying my head back onto her lap. “So which one will you be reading to me?” Her whole face lights up, and it is a beautiful thing to behold. “Really?” “I’m all ears, Gray.”

My eyes fall shut when soft words begin spilling from her mouth. I’m quickly lost in the story, in the hypnotic voice that strings it together. The rocking ship lulls me into that fleeting sense of peace while her fingers comb through my hair, tickle my skin. I picture this version of us, far in a future that will never come to pass. A happy ending in which I lie on Paedyn’s lap, listening to her read until the day I fade into a distant memory. But that is nothing more than a silly story of my making. So I revel in the present, in the moments where we hide from the inevitable. She reads until the sun tires and dips beneath the waves. Until darkness drapes the room and smothers each word on the page.

“My pretty Pae, would you like to dance?” Her smile seems to brighten the darkness. “I would never pass up the chance to stomp on your toes, Malakai.” I tug her close, hold her tight. She knows exactly what she’s doing. My name means nothing to me until she speaks it. Nothing until she claims it as her own. I kiss it off her lips, taste the very power she holds over me. My hand cups the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her short hair. She’s clutching my shirt and pulling me against her— Another chorus of stomps has us breaking apart and breathing heavy. Paedyn laughs in that intoxicating way that makes me want to pull her mouth back to mine. But she’s grabbing my hand and swinging the door open before I get the chance. I’m being tugged out into the hall and toward the double doors ahead. With a quick smile over her shoulder, she drops my hand and pushes them open.

I offer an arm to Paedyn. “Should I hold your shoes now, or wait for you to lose them?” “Maybe I’ll just throw them at you.” She smiles sweetly. “So you can find them easier.” My gaze lazily explores her face. “Vicious little thing.”

And before I’m dragged into a dance, I memorize the faces of those glaring men.

Paedyn hooks her arm through mine before we are stepping in a circle. She laughs, picking up our pace and flipping around to take my other arm. We do this until I’m out of breath, until my mouth hurts from smiling at her.

I do this for her. Every dance. Every smile. She seems so much more alive away from Ilya, away from the reminder of everything she is not. But out here, even surrounded by Elites, we are all at the mercy of the sea. I think she finds comfort in that. So I spin her in the moonlight. Smile when she laughs at my expense. And let her step on my toes.

There is little that King Edric, ruler of the first Elite kingdom, fears. But this child is a tangible nightmare in his arms.

Edric looks down at his own daughter, hate in his heart and sorrow welling in his eyes.

Ordinary, because she passed two years ago when delivering me my son and heir. That is what the kingdom will know. That is what history will know.” He glances over at his wailing daughter, expression void of any sympathy. “This Ordinary does not belong to me. It is already forgotten.” As the Mind Reader steps from the room, a lost princess in his arms, the king barks a command at his advisers. “Seal the records. Ensure that today never happened.” Then he storms from the room, having rid the world of one more useless Ordinary.

When I finally throw open the door, I screech at the figure standing behind it. “Kai!” I’m forced to yell over the storm despite my relief at seeing him. “What is—” My eyes fall to the dark shadow spilling slowly down the hallway. It takes me a moment to realize what it is I’m looking at. And what it means. Water. The waves are crashing over the ship, readying to swallow us all— His hands are suddenly on my hips, pushing me back. “You need to stay in this room!” Thunder growls all around us, shaking the very floors we stand on. Kai is kicking the door shut, closing us in this room, this watery grave. I shake my head at him, at the feel of panic rising up my throat. “No. No, I can’t be locked in here, Kai! Not now!” A crack of lightning shadows his stern features. He cups my face, holding me steady when the ship lurches. “Do you trust me?” A trickle of water seeps beneath the door. Like Death’s cold finger, it reaches for me. “Pae?” His shout forces my gaze back to him. I nod shakily. “I do. I did even when I shouldn’t have.” “I know the feeling.” He presses his forehead to mine, breathing soft words across my skin. “So I need you to stay in this room with me until we are told otherwise.”

I nod, forcing my breath to slow. We sit on the floor, holding each other while the boat tries to throw us apart. I cling to him, every finger fisted into his crumpled shirt. He strokes my hair, whispers words of comfort. My anchor in the storm. “I have something for you,” he murmurs. Still struggling to swallow my panic, I croak, “A distraction, I hope.” “Something like that.” He unwraps an arm from me, never fully letting me go as he struggles to shrug something from his shoulders. It’s only when he sets the pack atop the damp floor that I notice it for the first time. Reaching inside, he pulls out a thinly wrapped sphere. I don’t even have to ask what it is. I know that shape. Know that smell. Honey. Tears prick my eyes. “You brought that from Ilya?” Another streak of lightning allows me to see the slight smile gracing his features. “Just for you.” Kai lets me do the honors of unraveling the sweet dough. The honey coating my fingers has a smile tipping my lips. I forget every chilling wave that tries to tear the ship apart, every fear lodged deep in my throat. It’s this sticky bun I focus on instead, and the memory of every one I’ve shared before. My eyes flutter shut when I finally take a bite. This dough holds every happy moment I’ve had in this life, and if I am to die tonight, I want it to be with this honey on my tongue. This reminder of my home—Adena.

He brushes cool knuckles down the side of my cheek. “You are forever my distraction, darling.” Water pools around my ankles, and yet, I sit here with my head against his chest. We eat this sticky bun on the floor of my cabin, in the middle of a raging sea, and somehow find tranquility in the violence. As if I’ve found the eye of the storm within him, and he in me.

That is when the boat dips into a wave, spraying water across the deck to thoroughly drench me. More laughter fills the air as I stand there, shivering and clutching the last piece of my childhood against a constricting chest. “Need some help, darling?” I spin on my heel, nearly tipping over when the ship bucks beneath us. But there he stands, hands shoved into pockets nearly as deep as the dimple peeking out at me. Damn him. Damn him. With the way he’s looking at me, I might have just mumbled the words out loud. Nothing and no one has ever devastated me more. Not the sand, the sea, the slow brush of Death’s hand. Because maybe, just maybe, he is the most ruinous thing of them all. He shrugs off his coat to reveal a fitted black shirt. “Don’t look at me like that.” Those words seem to stir something within me, a fleeting memory muffled by several glasses of champagne. The fragile thought shatters with the chattering of my teeth. “And h-how am I looking at you?” His responding grin has blood rushing to my numb cheeks. He steps close, swinging the coat around my shoulders before tugging it closed. I watch his mouth form a response I never get to hear.

My chest rises and falls beneath her back. Paedyn sits between my legs atop the bed, her spine pressed against my beating heart. I can feel every vibration of her soothing voice as she reads a piece of her past self to me. It’s no wonder she grew up to be so formidable if the women in these stories helped raise her. They are fearless, their stories thrilling.

Now, she reads yet another one of her own books, and I am more than content to listen to the words falling from those familiar lips. I wrap an arm around her waist, letting my eyes flutter shut. This is how we have occupied ourselves over the last two days. It has become our distraction during the never-ending storm that is the Shallows. The sea has yet to stop raging since early yesterday morning, and with night now falling on our fourth day at sea, Paedyn has nearly read me three books.

“What?” I ask, clutching her closely when lightning flashes into the room. “That was the end of the chapter.” I rest my chin against her shoulder, pointing to the page. “Well, there is another one beside it. So, go on.” “Kai,” she laughs out my name, and I wonder if she knows what it does to me.

My mouth twists. “If you’re going to continually lie about wanting me, at least try to make it believable.” “You know,” she says calmly, “there is still plenty of time for me to throw you overboard.” “See, I knew you couldn’t go more than a couple days without threatening me.” She turns to face me then, folding her legs so they rest against mine. “Because I know how much you like it.” “How very thoughtful of you.”

“And if I said please?” She stills beside the bed, her body swaying with the rolling waves. Pae’s eyes meet mine and suddenly I’m back in the palace, back to that night when I begged her to stay with me after watching her die in my nightmare. I’m reliving that moment, only this time, it’s my own selfish desires that have me needing her beside me. Swallowing, she crosses her arms. “Well, go on then.” I chuckle at her insistence before standing up right as the ship bucks violently. Caught off guard, Paedyn comes careening toward me with a gasp. I catch her against my chest, feel her body melt against mine. My head dips until our noses brush. “Stay with me. Please.” Her head shakes, but she’s wearing a smile. I nudge her nose again as I murmur, “My pretty, pretty Pae.” She laughs breathlessly. “Stay with me.” I press my forehead to her own. “Stay with me. Stay with me.” “Fine!” She laughs out the word while offering a gentle flick to the tip of my nose. “Fine, I’ll stay.” I smile for her, only her, always her. “I was prepared to plead.” She gives me a look. “You would not.” “Oh, darling, I would do so much worse if only you asked.” I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear with a smile. “Or, even more difficult, so much better.” “You know,” she says slowly, “you’re not nearly as terrifying as you seem.” “Not to you. Never to you.” I sit down beside her, feeling the ship rock viciously all around us. She looks at me, eyes as bright as the sea itself. I stare into them, memorizing...

I stop suddenly, my eyes scanning her face, the bridge of her nose— There can’t be more than ten. I jerk back, staring at the body beside me. This is not my Pae.

And something snaps in me at the sight. I unleash that piece of myself that Father carved into me. That lethal sliver of darkness he once commanded at will, having known it by name. Created it in the depths of his dungeons, in every one of my fears, in a shadowed home with my sword through an innocent man’s chest. It’s a piece of Death himself that lives within me. And now, I command it.

My sword plunges into his heart at the same moment he throws Paedyn over the railing. A scream rips from my throat, lost in the raging storm. I don’t think. I don’t breathe. I don’t hesitate to leave my sword buried in the sailor and dive toward the railing. She’s falling to her death.

Her head lifts then, our eyes locking in a moment that even time cannot contain. She stares at me with a sort of fear I’ve never seen her wear. And maybe I’m looking at her the same, like nothing has ever terrified me more than losing her. And that is when the Tele’s power flickers and dies beneath my skin.

The last thing I see is the terror on his face. Then I’m falling again. I am going to drown. Death will meet me in this watery grave, grinning as he snatches my soul from the sea.

“I’ve got you,” he pants against my ear. “I’ve got you, Pae.”

The realization that I’m likely sitting in their blood doesn’t torment me as much as I thought it would. In fact, I believe I could bathe in their remains for being the reason my last piece of Adena is destroyed.

“I’m okay.” My whisper is nearly lost in the howling wind, but I know he hears it when his eyes snap to mine. “I’m okay. I’m alive.” Tears are pricking my eyes again. “Because of you.” Water drips from his lashes, but it’s the slight indent of his right dimple that my eyes fall to. “I promised to save your life again and again. And I will, whether you allow me to stay in it or not.”

I offer him a nod. “That sounds like a good plan.” “What,” he muses, “you’re okay with the spilling of so much blood?” I run a finger down my blade before flicking my eyes up to his. “It depends on whose blood.” He’s never kissed me so thoroughly.

“Forgive me for interrupting, Captain”—Kai says this in a tone that suggests he’s certainly not asking for forgiveness—“but I still haven’t heard an apology for Miss Gray.” I have to fight the grin that wishes to form on my lips. Torri clears his throat and flicks his gaze down to where I sit. “Miss Gray,” he says slowly, “I am deeply sorry for the distress this must have caused you. And, rest assured, I will not let it happen again.”

“Sorry for killing your men, Torri. But I’m afraid they deserved it, so I’m really not.”

“I’ll deal with him when we get back to Ilya. But until then”—he pats the dagger strapped to my thigh—“this doesn’t leave your side. Even when you’re with me.” I step closer with a teasing smile. “Oh, especially not when I’m with you. What if I wish to threaten your life?” “Even after I just saved yours?” He says this fondly. I trace a finger down his thin white shirt. “Perhaps I have yet to forgive you for chasing me across the Scorches.” He pulls me close, his fingers tipping my chin up toward him. “And I would do it all again just to hear you threaten my life.” “That seems foolish,” I breathe. “Then it’s fitting.” He runs a thumb over my bottom lip. “Seeing that I am a fool.” I raise my eyebrows at him. “You told me you weren’t anymore.” His lips brush my cheek. I smile when they meet my nose. Gasp when they graze my neck. “That was pretend, darling.”

My wandering gaze falls back to the deck before landing on that familiar figure stepping out onto it. Kai lifts a hand to shade his eyes from the sudden brightness, and I can’t help but take the moment to stare unabashedly at him. His clothes ripple in the wind, pressing to the strong body beneath. Black hair splashes over his brow like the unruly waves beneath us. And those gray eyes— They are suddenly on me. He smiles in a way that suggests he knows exactly how much I was admiring him. Even after striding toward me, the smug look never leaves his face. “Enjoying the view, Gray?” “Of Izram?” I shoot back with a smile of my own. “Why, yes, I am, Azer.”

Though, the lack of tension clutching his shoulders tells me he doesn’t seem to mind. Still standing behind him, I can just make out the lifted corner of that cocky grin he’s wearing. I shouldn’t be surprised by this, and yet, I want to hit him over the head all the same. Kai lifts his hands slowly, showing his seemingly harmless palms to the guards. Yes, he does enjoy this. Fear is power. And where there is power, there is something for him to wield.

My eyes flick up to find a crease of concern nestling between his brows. “Are you all right?” The question is worrying enough to startle one in response. “Why, do I not look all right?” “Gray, you always look far more than all right.” He says this with a low chuckle, his voice soft enough to slip past the guards unnoticed. “But I know this is a lot. I want to make sure you’re doing okay.” “Quite the gentleman you’ve become,” I croon. “Only for you.”

He shakes his head, gaze unfaltering. “I think you know exactly who you want to be. Who you are.” His words are like a soft battle cry. “You’re the leader you always wanted for Ilya. You’re our Silver Savior.” I reach for his hand before realizing that I shouldn’t. Instead, I settle on a relieved smile and a lingering look in which I’m lost within the storm that is his eyes. It’s only when a shadow falls over his face that I rip my gaze from it.

“I’ve heard whispers of you, child. You seem much too young to have caused such trouble in Ilya.” She smiles, and I catch the glint of sharp canines. “I admire that.”

She takes her time. Of course she does.

“You’ve already broken one arm climbing a tree. Do you really wish to tempt fate again?” I smile, because I can’t seem to help it when she plays with me, but also because she remembers what I had told her under that willow so long ago. “Kitt and I were visiting Ava when that happened, you know.” I watch her eyes widen at the confession she could have only understood now. “He bet that I could never climb the willow as quickly as Ava once had, and I knew damn well he was right, but…” “But you tried,” she finishes with a small smile. “And landed face-first in the dirt.” I chuckle and carefully inch closer to the window. “It was worth it. I was visiting A, and for a moment, it felt as though she was with me.” My words have something shifting in her expression. “And if you fell now? Would it be worth it?” I reach through the window to grip the sill, my knuckles brushing her hips. “Well, I’m visiting you, aren’t I?” She flashes a worrying smile that has me adding, “That’s not an invitation to push me, Gray.” Her laugh skitters over my skin as I climb through the window, planting my boots beside her bare feet.

“That’s why you climbed through my window?” She snorts. “Because I missed yo—?” I’ve moved before even realizing. My hands are on her hips, and I’m spinning her around to face me before my mouth crashes into hers. It’s incessant. Fervent. Relief.

“And if I say that this could be your final night alive?” “Darling”—she flicks my nose lightly, wearing a cool smile—“every night could be my last.”

“You…” Her finger finds the ring on her thumb and begins spinning it swiftly. “You said ‘A’ earlier. Is that what you used to call Ava?” I nod slowly. “Yes. It was.” “That’s what I called Adena.” She blinks rapidly, as if to ward off tears before they form. “I guess I’m just not used to hearing the nickname for anyone else.” Something in my chest begins its steady ache. It might just be my blackened heart or stained soul. Or perhaps it’s the piece of me that belongs to her, and I’m simply feeling a sliver of the pain she possesses. “She was my A.” My throat tightens. “Ava was my Adena. But they don’t go far.” I gently lift her arm until she’s pressing a palm to her beating heart. “Your A lives here now.” Paedyn nods, again and again. Her voice is a choked sound as she blinks back a wave of emotions. “Don’t leave me. Please. Especially not now, but please not ever.” “Never,” I whisper, tipping my forehead against hers. Her breath hitches. “You can’t leave me. I don’t have enough room in my heart for the both of you.” I let go of her wrist to cup the face above it instead. “Death himself couldn’t drag me from you.”

“So you’re in love with your brother’s betrothed?” “I…”

“Well”—she sets the teacup down on the small table beside her—“in my experience, there is love. And there is duty. But there is never both.” My chest rises and falls quickly. “I know I can’t have her.” “Do you?” She tilts her head at me, black hair tumbling over a shoulder. “It seems as though you’ve convinced yourself otherwise.” I open my mouth, only to hear her speaking again. “There is love within duty, and duty within love. You can’t have one without the other, and yet”—she takes a deep breath, her gaze distant—“you can never truly have both. So choose, Kai Azer. The girl. Or power. And whether or not she is worth the destruction of everything you are.”

“Oh, and Paedyn?” She turns, her long fingers wrapped around the handle. “Don’t fear power. Wield it. Perhaps even let it control you.” The queen smiles sharply. “Being an Ordinary is not what makes you weak. It’s your heart.”

“You know,” he says genuinely, “I can’t think of a single reason you’d wish to escape me.” “Your arrogance is astounding as always, Kai.” “Thank you.” I cut him a glance. “That wasn’t a compliment.” “Then don’t say my name, and I won’t thank you for the sound.”