Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

by Douglas Stone

Asking others what they think of you, and how they can help you, is not the only way to learn.

Try asking them questions about themselves:

People enjoy talking about their own thoughts and experiences.

letting someone far enough into your life to help you transforms the relationship.

the interaction itself creates connection and shifts both of your roles inside the relationship. You become someone humble, vulnerable,

and confident enough to as...

This can be helpful, but you can’t “metric” your way around the fact that feedback is a relationship-based, judgment-laced process.

“The Myth of Performance Metrics,”

coaching is a relationship, not a meeting.

They need people who can be honest mirrors to help them see themselves when they’re not at their best, and supportive mirrors to reassure them that they can get better.

too many workplaces suffer from mutual appreciation deficit disorder.

Highlight Learning Stories

Cultivate Growth Identities

Hold a session on the difference between fixed and growth identities;

peers helping one another to see their blind spots and process feedback for what’s right,

Second, make the challenge of “pull”—the work required to recognize our triggers and find a way to learn—discussable

discussable during feedback conversations.

A

growth identity provides a way of hearing the feedback. It doesn't mean you always take it.

Discuss Secon...

Create Multitrack Feedback

Leverage Positive Social Norming

talking about negative behavior often has the unintended effect of reinforcing it as the social norm.

highlighting good norms does more to change disliked behavior than calling out bad norms.

organizational culture is really a collection of subcultures, and those subcultures can vary tremendously from manager to manager,

MODEL LEARNING, REQUEST COACHING

make your endeavor to learn explicit.

Encourage people to discuss your blind spots with you.

Shift from blame conversations to joint contributi...

AS GIVERS, MANAGE YOUR OWN MINDSET AND IDENTITY

BE AWARE OF HOW INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES COLLIDE IN ORGANIZATIONS

“spotlight effect” or egocentrism.