There Is No Ethan: How Three Women Caught America's Biggest Catfish

by Anna Akbari

That normally would have been her cue to walk away and never look back, but Ethan was skilled at pressing just the right buttons and displaying the perfect amount of vulnerability to somehow stop otherwise rational people from behaving normally. His masterful cunning, combined with the intensity of their emotional connection, heightened by months of anticipation, allowed her to show him unprecedented levels of understanding and empathy, and to continue talking to him, instead of writing him off.

He hadn’t used his real photos. He had stolen some photos from an older friend named Brian. He was not actually thirty-six, he was twenty-seven, and his real photos would give him away.

Are you fucking kidding me?

When Anna made one of her many unsuccessful attempts to call Ethan, Riva picked up the phone.

Oh god, what if Ethan is actually Riva? If not, who exactly is this Riva person and how does she know Ethan?

The domain had been created that day and was not registered to Morgan Stanley, but to a woman named Emily Slutsky.

Uh oh

After extensive pleading by Anna, Ethan finally admitted to creating the email address, despite having the Morgan Stanley job “100 billion %,” because Anna was overly anxious that he wasn’t coming. So, while he would eventually have his new email address, he wanted to give her peace of mind now. He was being thoughtful, really.

Such a manipulative bastard

Emily,

Who is this Emily Slutsky?

“You even have the same initials,” she noted.

Is Emily Slutsly actually Ethan? Same initials. ES

I am 28. My name is Ethan Schuman,

A third age that he's given British Anna

He explained that Emily was a distant cousin

She’d gotten pregnant while they were dating, and that prompted them to marry quickly.

Never told this to Anna A

Then, one evening, he admitted that the two had slept together again.

Ffs

And now, she found herself in that same loop with Ethan. The way he masterfully gaslighted her accusations whenever she caught him in a lie, making her question her sanity. Or the way he abruptly disappeared every time they were supposed to meet, activating her anxiety attachment wounds, only to eventually reemerge with a compelling story that demanded her sympathy. That cycle paralyzed her. She could never leave. So, despite any lingering doubts or frustrations, she stayed.

British Anna

But there was no Ethan.

Damn

Ethan felt bad for keeping Anna from dating while he sorted his life out so they could be together, so he put her on Match.com, creating her profile, filtering emails, sending her updates about users who “winked” at her or emailed her. If he couldn’t be with her, he’d look for a suitable man for her.

Wtf so controlling

Those moments of kindness eased her doubts and convinced her Ethan had to exist; this couldn’t be a scam.

So sad

That was what Ethan’s brand of psychological abuse did to her: It slowly, gradually deteriorated her to a point where she found herself accepting things that would’ve seemed unthinkable a year prior.

British Anna

He was her secret, her abuser, and her confidant, all at once.

British Anna

Angry about his latest tryst with some Irish girl and still unsure how to distinguish fact from fiction with Ethan, she called Morgan Stanley and asked to speak with him. The receptionist said she didn’t have anyone there by that name. When she told Ethan, he scolded her. Repeatedly.

Of course he don't work there

He was embarrassed and repulsed by himself. And while he never offered specifics—Why was it dark? Why did he treat her so horribly if it embarrassed him so much?—he likened himself to a psychopathic serial killer:

This person is mentally unstable, a narcissist, or a sociopath or psychopath

In his eyes, he was just as much a victim as she was. He knew this worked on her, provoking empathy and keeping her engaged.

British Anna

He’d met a sociologist at a club in New York—another Anna. They’d chatted online awhile ago and she was reaching out again, eager to rekindle.

A half truth. This was Anna A but they haven't met

But there was another element that kept her going, beyond any desire to be with Ethan: It was a compulsion to know the truth. If he was lying, she needed to ensure that he didn’t get away with it and disappear. She’d invested so much; he had to be held accountable.

British Anna

Then, one Saturday morning, a few weeks later, she got a Facebook friend request from the other Anna, the New York sociologist. She almost didn’t respond, but curiosity got the better of her. That response changed everything.

Finally!

Gina Dallago met Ethan Schuman on OkCupid on February 3, 2011.

While he was talking to Anna A

Gina was shattered. She broke it off with Matthew and started seeing a therapist.

Geez and Ethan hasn't even entered the picture yet

He was a local Philly guy known as the “Swiss Cheese Pervert,” and he wanted her to jerk him off with cheese in exchange for $50. (He needs to up that rate! she thought.)

Omg is this the Swiss Cheese Pervert from MFM

Unlike most people back then, she didn’t love talking on the phone. She preferred texting and adopted it as her go-to mode of communication as soon as it was introduced.

I can relate

She was looking for a partner, not a pen pal.

Gina

There was another Anna in his life, as well: a sex sociologist from New York who came up regularly in conversation, as she was still popping into his life.

Author

He told Gina tales about his sexual adventures with Anna and labeled her a nymphomaniac. He only dated her for the adventure she offered, but Anna grew attached and demanded that he commit to her.

Wtf

Sure enough, the next morning, Ethan reluctantly admitted they had slept together.

Lies!!!!

He didn’t take promiscuous women seriously (despite his own prolific sexual experience), and he most certainly would not be taking the nympho home to Mom.

Hypocritical asshole

Subconsciously, she knew his irrational hostility was the real red flag, but she was so confused and caught up in the fight that she couldn’t see it clearly.

Gina

It also stoked her suspicions. Why won’t he pick up the phone and talk to me?

Gina

How could she insult him like this? How dare she go over his head and check up on him? She had crossed a line.

Gina

“I can’t lie, can’t keep things from the people in my life, can’t deceive. I don’t have the face for it. If something happens with a woman, I’ll come and tell you very quickly. You won’t have to guess at it. You won’t have to piece things together or do detective work,” he assured her.

Omfg rolling my eyes

She was selfishly fixating on this phone call and not on the fact that he was suffering.

Gina it's all about his feelings

The woman began undressing Gina and pressing her body up against hers. She panicked and told her she wasn’t into women and tried to pull away. Before she could, the woman transformed into a man and started having sex with her.

This dream is insane but it makes me think "Ethan" is a woman pretending to be a man. Why else would they refuse phone calls? Plus it explains how "Riva" answered that call from British Anna.

Ethan Schuman was a woman.

Then there was the gender issue: Ethan’s style of communication, the intensity, the level of articulation, the length of the emails, the frequency of communication—it felt like… a woman.

Twenty-two days had passed since I broke things off with Ethan.

Back to Anna A

Had we both fallen in love with a woman masquerading as a man? Maybe. But why would she do that? What did she possibly have to gain? It made no sense. There was only one way to find out.

We still didn’t know who Ethan was, but we’d solved one piece of the puzzle: Ethan Schuman’s jilted girlfriends had found one another. The game had changed.

“He has to be stopped. Seriously. It’s not about being vindictive. I can’t even tell you the emotional hell he has put me through, how he’s made me doubt my own sanity and myself on levels I have never experienced. He must never ever be allowed to do this to another woman.”

British Anna

“Ethan Schuman does not exist.”

It’s generally not a good idea to tell a woman you’ve pissed off to just “relax.” That was especially true in this instance.

The Spokeo listing also confirmed another detail: Emily’s mother—like Ethan’s—was named Anna.

Emily was Ethan and Ethan was Emily.

Why would this accomplished woman torture other women?

And then it sank in: This woman who harassed and lied to us was soon going to be a doctor. That fact terrified us.