There Is No Ethan: How Three Women Caught America's Biggest Catfish

by Anna Akbari

We’d sleuthed our way into finding one another, but the big question remained: Who was Ethan Schuman? How had he manipulated the three of us so profoundly?

I didn’t think of meeting online as any better or worse. It was merely another outlet for connecting with a potential partner.

and a job he described as “stealing from the rich.”

Red flag if you describe your job that way

“knew how to make a woman feel loved.”

Lol another red flag, means he is full of himself

(because “I think of you and your ovaries”)

Wait what? Lol cause he assumes all women want kids so the extra bedrooms are there?

Ethan: it’s my mother’s name

Oh no

“No, lower. If you carry my mom’s name, you better earn it.”

This guy is something else

Studies have shown that we are partial to certain names based on our own personal associations, and those influences shape how we see and connect with a person.

He admitted that her asexuality led him to cheat, which I didn’t love, but I did sympathize with finding yourself with the wrong person and not knowing how to gracefully extricate yourself.

Just divorce before you cheat.

Marriage, divorce, soulmates—we discussed it all, but the conversation never felt too-fast-too-soon. It often felt like Ethan was completing my own thoughts.

Sounds too good to be true

So I shared a photo with Matt and asked if he knew someone named Ethan Schuman. He didn’t remember that name and the person in the photo didn’t look familiar.

Uh oh

Ethan characterized himself as a “New York Republican,” which he insisted was “its own breed. We’re not of the Sarah Palin variety, and we’re not socially conservative—so we can deal with powerful women and all that jazz.”

Just no

“My friend is writing Kissinger’s new book with him,” I mentioned. “I want to date your friend.” “I’ll let him know.”

Weirdo

“Every man caters himself to the woman he’s trying to impress.”

Changing how and what we present can alter the reality of our lives and our connections.

“Watch this. THAT COULD BE US/YOU?!” I joked. “Am I in the sequel to Catfish right now??” “That’s hilarious,” he said after watching the trailer.

Omg

“The true identity is constantly unveiling itself, but it’s also constantly creating itself.”

Anna A

“I was kidding. Thought the birthday gimmick would get you to sleep with me. My birthday is July 10th, and yours?”

Ooh a lie

(he was using an Irish number as he straddled jobs and countries),

Hmmmm

Whoa. Clearly I’d triggered him.

Wow rude. Maybe she was being nosy but stop deflecting dude

It was technically an apology, and yet the language and tone were decidedly dickish.

I hate this guy so much

When pressed, he explained that it was a result of my being “more experimental, more open-minded,” whereas he was “a traditional guy who dates traditional women.”

“I think you wanted to preemptively sleep with someone in case I did the same this week,” I concluded.

He wanted to punish her for being with Surfer Dude

His words were like a knife in me. I felt like I’d stepped into an emotional blender. He was manipulating me by preying on my insecurities in an effort to diminish his own bad behavior.

Asshat

Perhaps I should have stepped away, shut down the conversation, and hit pause until we could meet in person. But I feared that leaving things unresolved might result in us never meeting. I was too invested. I couldn’t risk that.

“You should be more honest about it and just say you have loose ends,” he pushed.

You're the one slept with someone else already!!

“Trying on all sorts of identities, huh?” he replied.

That's rich coming from him

By Friday night, Ethan was still stuck in DC working, making plan B—dinner and the opera—unlikely.

Big surprise there /s

“I’m losing it,” I admitted. “It’s like a sick joke. You’re still a myth.” I felt completely out of balance.

He knocked me down, only to create an opportunity for him to pick up the pieces. It felt icky. The emotional drama was taking a toll.

So manipulative

I told him I believed him and deleted my profile.

Girl, RUN, not walk, away

He was online, a mere day after he’d promised he was done. My heart sank. Again.

Asshole

“I’M NOT MEH!!!” he replied, clearly irritated. “I’M DOING THE BEST I CAN!!! FUCKING HELL. JUST CHILL UNTIL FRIDAY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO TELL YOU.”

Reddest of flags right here

He was my captor, and I feared I had developed Stockholm syndrome. The only escape from this mental hell was meeting. No more digital limbo.

Adversity has a way of bringing people closer. I already felt a strong bond with him, and I believed this would strengthen us, not tear us apart.

“I don’t know, Anna, I guess I don’t exist.” “Well, it’s a bit odd, no?” “Yup. Completely odd,” he agreed. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” I pressed.

Asshole, I bet he doesn't even have esophageal cancer

Instead of focusing on his bad behavior or unverifiable claims, I obsessed over my own lovability.

This dude is just fucking with you

At the time, David was representing two girls who were conned by the same guy who claimed he went to Cornell. The guy wiped out their bank accounts.

Yikes

Ethan’s ability to pivot from hot to cold in an instant was chipping away at my sanity and my ability to emotionally self-regulate.

Omg this dude

“While you fuck around in the interim,” he finished.

He said he didn't want to date or meet at the moment!

He had explicitly told me to keep dating while he continued to pursue me. Those were his terms, not mine. Did he not realize I had a digital record of these statements?

Ethan’s concept of masculinity was questionable.

Obviously

I couldn’t say if my need to meet the “real” Ethan was motivated more by some lingering hope that he was the man he’d presented himself to be or simply an obsession with knowing the truth. It was probably equally both.

Anna A

Yes. And most important: I knew he was real.

I’m fucking dealing with cancer.”

No you're not

For someone who was “done” with me, he sure didn’t seem very done.

Good fucking grief

Ethan’s behavior felt… psycho.

Just a bit lol

He was thirty-six—just one year older than her—

Ah he told Anna A he was 35 in 2010

New York, DC, and Pittsburgh.

Anna A was NY, DC, and NJ

The drama continued to mount. A few days later, Ethan was back in DC and was mugged, suffering a stab wound.

I'm rolling my eyes