Sex Matters: From Sex to Superconsciousness

by Osho

One, love her more but don’t ask for sex. If she invites you, only then, otherwise not—at least for one month. Because your very effort will create a resistance in her. So simply love, be loving, be prayerful, but don’t ask for sex.

And the second thing. She has a very anti-attitude about the body, so don’t touch her body with any lust in your mind. When you are feeling lustful don’t touch her body. Just tell her, “I will not touch your body. I am feeling lustful in this moment.” Only touch her body when you are feeling very prayerful, meditative, with no lust—just loving. You understand what I mean?

When you are lustful, you are asking for sex, you are starved. Then the whole mind is just planning for sex. Then your touch and other things are just seductions. But the deep message is, “I am hankering for your body.” No, that moment is not the right moment—at least not for one month. When you are feeling very happy and contented and there is no need for any other’s body, then touch her body in a very prayerful mood, and she will be very happy. She will be able to see that you are not asking for the body. That is the way you can help her to come out of her condemnatory, anti-body attitude.

And the third thing: Don’t be together too much. That’s how many love affairs are destroyed. Enjoy your own space...

space alone. Sometimes meet, sit together, but don’t make it a twenty-four-hour affair. Leave her alone so that she starts having some appetite for you, otherwise the appetite is killed. It is just as when food is there in the fridge twen...

You will never transcend sex. You may become perverted, but you cannot transcend sex. Transcendence is only when you have gone into it totally and seen the momentariness of it, and seen that it is not really sex that was your longing but something else. Sex was just an excuse to experience something else. When you have experienced sex totally, you will become aware of that something else.

What is that? In the total orgasmic joy of sex, time and ego disappear. That is the greatest longing in you.

Because now the whole thing is that you can drop ego and time without going into sex. And sex can make it happen only for a moment, then darkness settles again. That light comes only for a moment.

Animal, human, divine: these are the three layers in you. The animal layer consists of sex, the human layer consists of love, the divine layer consists of prayer. It is the same energy, being expressed in

higher and higher forms: the mud, the lotus, the fragrance.

For example, if you bring a buffalo into the garden the buffalo will eat only certain grasses and will leave everything else. Her choice is predetermined; she is not conscious. She is not really choosing; the choice is mechanical, she is functioning like a robot. It is instinctive.

You can fall like Adam or you can rise like Jesus.

When you are going into lovemaking you are entering into the temple. Enter only when you are prayerful, otherwise not.

Don’t enter with lust, enter with prayer—then you will be able to know the secret of sex. Don’t enter to exploit the other, enter to share with the other. Don’t enter as if sex is just a kind of relief—that is the lowest form of sex. The highest form is not relief but ecstasy. Relief is negative.

When sex is just used as a relief, like a sneeze, that is the lowest form of it.

You should have a film of yourself making love to your wife or girlfriend, and once in a while look at the film. You will be surprised that your face looks so embarrassed. You look in such a hurry. You seem as if you have been forced, that somebody is keeping a gun behind you: “Make love, otherwise. . . .”

And remember the third thing: when the orgasm has happened and you both are so full of joy, then the last part of it is still to be completed—the appendix, the afterplay. The woman has given you so much joy, the man has given you so much joy, yet without even saying thank you to each other you go to sleep, with no gratitude. The only way to show your thankfulness is to play with the woman’s body again—afterplay—and let the woman play with your body. . . .

And since the invention of the pill, there is no problem, you need not be worried about children. Now it is completely fun, with no responsibility, with no trouble following it. Enjoy it! Put your mind aside.

When the sexual energy is released you are almost in a temple, so that is not the moment to go to sleep. That is the moment to listen to beautiful music or meditate or dance or just sit silently and watch the stars. Just become silent and aware.

And this is not the question for you to be worried about, whether you satisfy her or not. And she should not worry about whether you are satisfied or not. Simply think of yourself, and if you are satisfied, that’s good! And she has to think about herself—if she is satisfied, good!

Make love only when there is tremendous desire and passion, otherwise simply say, “Excuse me, it is not there, so what is the point?” Pretending is not good. And

People have lived for years without making love. Love is not that much of a necessity. It is a luxury, and it should be used as a luxury. It should be a rare thing, a feast. It should not be made routine; it should not be everyday food. One should preserve it for some rare occasions when you are really flowing, when there is a different space. One should keep it as a present for rare moments, otherwise life becomes very boring. Just as you eat every day and you drink your tea and you take your bath, you make love also. Then one finds it boring—everything is the same.

Because sometimes we create unnecessary problems and once we have taken them as problems we are continuously worried about them.

People are reading about the beauties and the great experience of orgasm and the great relaxation that comes out of it, so they have become greedy about it, and that’s the problem. It is not one person who is in trouble; it is almost everybody who is in trouble.

The more it is there, and the more you think about it, the more problematic it is.

because for an orgasm to happen, a totally unworried mind is needed.

My suggestion is that you drop the problem rather than solve it. Simply drop it—it is foolish! Why bother about it? Whatsoever is happening is good—enjoy it.

You love her, and she loves you, so there is no problem. When we love each other, we accept each other’s limitations too.

And if it happens, don’t try to desire it again and again. If it happens, okay; if it doesn’t happen, okay. Don’t take much account of it.

Sometimes not doing anything, just sitting, not even thinking about anything, is better than sex.

You live it with deep playfulness, meditativeness, as a gift of God, and slowly, slowly, seeing the peaks and the valleys again and again, a third point will arise in your being: the witness who witnesses the peak and the valley. Eventually neither peaks nor valleys are important. Your consciousness has gone through a revolution, you have become more centered in the witnessing soul. That witnessing is brahmacharya, that witnessing brings real celibacy. It is not against sex, it is beyond sex.

Become a witness, and don’t call it stupid. Become intelligent, see, watch, observe.

Death has to be accepted. With the acceptance of death you start accepting old age. And in acceptance there is relaxation.

Now encounter death. And to encounter death is the greatest experience in life. And if you can encounter death, you will come to know that you are deathless. To face death is the only way to know that you are deathless, that only the body dies, and you never die. And once you have known it, you are ready, ready for the journey, and when death comes, you will go laughing and dancing and singing into it.

Death takes you unawares.

It is good when you are young, because then you are foolish. It is very rare to become alert and aware and meditative when you are young. If you cam become, you have a rare genius. But if you cannot become meditative even in old age, then you are just stupid, utterly stupid.

But finally one has to come to see oneself within, not in a mirror.

You have to tell your children about it, you owe it to them. And you have to be truthful. Don’t shrink from truth—in the long run truth always pays—and don’t lie.

It is better to be truthful! But I am not saying to jump upon your children and start being truthful whether they want it or not. Now that is happening—the other extreme—particularly in the West, because the psychologists go on saying that the truth has to be told. People go on telling the truth whether the children are inquiring about it or not.

Wait! If the child inquires, be truthful; if he does not inquire there is no need, he is not interested yet.

Your misery is absolutely needed for the other world to exist. It does not exist in itself; it exists in your misery, in your suffering, in your anguish. All the religions have been doing that harm to you. They are creating more misery, more suffering, more wounds, more hatred, more anger—and all in the name of God, all in the name of beautiful words.

We have to keep the innocence of the Zorbas, of the children, of the Aboriginals. We have to be as innocent as Adam was when he was turned out of the Garden of Eden. And yet we have to learn methods of expanding the seed of consciousness to such a luxurious growth that as far as you can see, you can see only yourself flowering.

The moment your consciousness flowers in meditation there is a tremendous explosion.

Yes, you will have music, but it will have a spiritual quality to it. You will have dance, but your dance will not be sexual. You will have poetry, but your poetry will not be just unsatisfied sexual lust. It will be a fulfilled love. Your poetry will become like the mantras of the Upanishads. Each word coming out of your fulfillment will catch something of what I call godliness.

Up to now those two societies have existed. We are not going to be either of them. We are the third alternative—for the first time proposed in the world. Nobody has ever dared to think of man as Zorba the Buddha. Neither Zorba had any idea of Buddha nor Buddha had any idea of Zorba. Both are half. I want you to be a whole human being.