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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Will Bowen
Read between
November 22 - December 25, 2017
After years of being despondent, she finally consulted a Buddhist monk, asking what she could do to find happiness. His response was simple and profound. “Change the way you see things,” he said. “If it is raining, give thanks that there will be demand for your son’s umbrellas. If the sky is clear, celebrate that people will come and buy salt from your other son.”
Life is an illusion. Our perspective is a delusion. Choose the delusion that brings you the only thing that matters—choose to be happy.
By changing your words, you have reshaped the way you think. It has now become Unconscious (you don’t notice) for you to be Competent (not complain).
“No one ever complained their way to the top.” —FRANK PERDUE
Because you have spent so much time checking yourself against complaining, when you hear it coming from someone else it’s like a clanging cymbal during a moment of sacred silence. Even though the person’s griping isn’t pleasant for you to hear, you won’t feel compelled to correct the other person. Rather, you’ll simply observe the complaining, and because you neither criticize nor complain, the person won’t need to justify and perpetuate his or her behavior.
“Greatness does not approach him who is forever looking down.” —THE HITOPADESA
There are three things that dictate a person’s level of income: 1. The demand for what you do 2. Your ability to do what you do 3. The difficulty in replacing you
“Complaining is a form of manipulation.” —GARY ZUKAV
The Seat of the Soul,
“Venting angry feelings increases aggressive inclinations, it does not decrease them.” —DR. BRAD BUSHMAN
“Our research clearly shows that venting angry feelings increases aggressive inclinations, it does not decrease them.”
In an article posted on The Inquisitive Mind—Social Psychology for You (http://beta.in-mind.org) Bushman writes about catharsis theory—the psychological term for venting anger: Catharsis theory holds that expressing anger produces a healthy release of emotion and is therefore good for the psyche. Catharsis theory, which can be traced back through Sigmund Freud to Aristotle, is elegant and appealing. Unfortunately, the facts and findings do not show that venting one’s anger has positive value. It harms the self and others.
this whole idea of getting anger out is a myth that has been accepted and popularized by counselors, psychologists, and the media for decades.
“When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.” —THOMAS JEFFERSON
“Catharsis, Aggression, and Persuasive Influence: Self-Fulfilling or Self-Defeating Prophecies?” that Dr. Brad Bushman coauthored with Ray F. Baumeister and Angela D. Stack, the researchers state, “Participants who read a procatharsis message claiming that aggressive action is a good way to relax and reduce anger subsequently expressed a greater desire to hit a punching bag.”
If venting our anger made us happier, then wouldn’t the biggest complainers also be the happiest people?
“Those who do not complain are never pitied.” —JANE AUSTEN
Rampant complaining is something we no longer need but have yet to evolve beyond, because, as we’ve discussed, we derive psychological and social benefits when we complain.
“A mind stretched by a new idea never shrinks back to its original dimensions.” —OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES
No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. —FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE
turning the complaints into gratitude
there’s always going to be a lot of work to do, and all I can do is my best.
I can’t control everything that happens at work or in other parts of my life and that complaining won’t help the situation.
human nature and how to better acknowledge the invisible fabrics that provide the rhyme and reason in our society.
thinking about what you say, how you want to say it, and evaluating your intentions.
find a way to correct my pupils without complaining.
We talk about what kind of results they get when they do what they do and whether or not the result is what they want. If it isn’t, we figure out together what to do instead to achieve their goals.
I have realized that I can’t stop complaining in just one area of my life, I have to live it, and that has made me see wonderful new possibilities in all things where other people might see only problems.
one of the stipulations was “no sarcasm.”
“My habit now is to seek the positive, speak the positive, and live the positive.” —ANITA WIXON
Not wanting to change my bracelet, I’ve carefully thought through statements before I say them. Now, instead of expressing a negative, I switch it around and state what outcome I want or just make a neutral, factual statement without any blame or negatively charged energy. There’s so much I don’t even feel the need to say out loud.
“I feel more peace, moving through my day giving others the benefit of the doubt and bouncing back from minor irritations that before would have truly bugged me.” —BARBARA WAYMAN
I’ve let go of venting,
Since I managed to get through twenty-one days without complaining, I think the greatest benefit I’ve noticed is it is easier to embrace people who don’t share my values and to accept events I can’t control. I don’t have to work as hard now at letting things go. I find myself gently gravitating away from folks who seem to enjoy criticism and finding fault, toward those who look for the best. A great reward has been several blossoming friendships with kindred spirits I may never have known without completing the twenty-one-day challenge.
“I find myself gently gravitating away from folks who seem to enjoy criticism and finding fault, toward those who look for the best.” —MARTY POINTER
humane and effective coaching approach.
“My thinking and conversations are more oriented toward thankfulness and solutions, which attracts more of the same.” —GARY HILD
practice only one method of response to the daily workload: extreme gratefulness shared in the most positive way. If I’m tempted to criticize, I stop and strive to present what I have to say in more of a teaching or instructional way, and people seem to feel more appreciated and heard.
“When you stop complaining it takes your consciousness higher into being more grateful.” —MARTI LEE
“Do I need to weed out anything that sounds like a complaint because the weeds in a conversation will eat away the nutrients of my loving words?”
I did it! It took me three months, but I made it twenty-one days in a row without complaining. And I’m still funny—at least my kids think so.
learn how to start a conversation without a complaint.
The kids’ rooms are a mess. Tell me, does complaining about a teenager’s room ever really get it cleaned any faster? The weather—well, what can I do about it? And the list went on and on as I realized just how negative my thoughts and words tended to be.
How many a man has dated a new era in his life from the reading of a book. —HENRY DAVID THOREAU
If you have spent your life focusing on clouds, soon you will begin to see the sunlight that shines brightly behind them. If you have been plagued by dissatisfaction, you will begin to find peace and joy. If you have seen only problems, you will begin to discover new possibilities. If your relationships have been discordant, you will begin to experience harmony. You have planted a seed. It may seem to be just a small acorn, but in time it will grow into a majestic oak.
changing my focus.
“Whatever you do first this morning, that you will continue to do all day.”
when we do things for others out of compassionate generosity rather than selfishness, we experience great rewards.
begin each day as we wish the remainder of the day to unfold.
GOGI: Garbage Out of your mouth, Garbage Into your life!
