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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Will Bowen
Read between
November 22 - December 25, 2017
Of all the self-fulfilling prophecies in our culture, the assumption that aging means decline and poor health is probably the deadliest.
In “Complaints and Complaining: Functions, Antecedents, and Consequences,” published in the Psychological Bulletin, psychologist Robin Kowalski wrote, “Many complaints involve attempts to elicit particular interpersonal reactions from others, such as sympathy or approval. For example, people may complain about their health, not because they actually feel sick but because the sick role allows them to achieve secondary gains such as sympathy from others or the avoidance of aversive events.”
“Many complaints involve attempts to elicit particular interpersonal reactions from others, such as sympathy or approval.” —DR. ROBIN KOWALSKI
What goes into your mouth determines the size and shape of your body. What comes out of your mouth determines your reality.
Profound words with a simple idea seemingly difficult to live by without focused effort.
In my speeches I’ve asked tens of thousands of people to raise their hands if they know someone who complains frequently about his or her health. “Now,” I say, “keep your hands up if this person who complains about their poor health actually tends to be sick often.” Typically, 99 percent of the hands stay up.
Our tboughts and words create our realities.
People who complain about their pain are not only notifying the world as to their suffering but are also reminding their own bodies to look for and experience pain.
There is no such thing as “fake it till you make it.” As pithy as this trite little rhyme is, it is not applicable to personal transformation. As soon as you begin acting like the person you wish to become, you are that person. The first step to being different is to act like the person you aspire to become. It is the first step toward self-mastery. To trivialize this most important of actions by calling it “faking it” misses the point.
Faking is so wrong to use when changing the way we are is intentional. Rather, becoming something new and improved based on experience and deep learning is a far better outlook.
“We cannot become what we want to be by remaining the way we are.” —MAX DE PREE
Life is not static. Life is a constant shift. When you are sick, you’re either getting sicker or getting better.
Psychosomatic comes from psycho, meaning “mind,” and soma, meaning “body.” Therefore, psychosomatic literally means “mind/body.” We are all psychosomatic because we are all a unified expression of our minds and our bodies.
Two-thirds of most illnesses originate in or are made worse by our minds. What the mind believes, the body manifests. Dozens of research studies have shown that what a person believes about his or her health leads to that belief becoming real.
“If you have headache, or sciatica, or leprosy, or thunder-stroke, I beseech you, by all angels, to hold your peace and not pollute the morning.” —RALPH WALDO EMERSON
Alzheimer’s patients who had other physical challenges, such as high blood pressure, did not get the full benefit of the drugs they took for those challenges because, due to their diminished memory, they could not remember taking their daily medications. The mind has a powerful effect on the body.
“If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.” —ISAAC BASHEVIS SINGER
doctors estimate that 67 percent of illnesses are a result of “thinking sick.”
Our minds create our world, and our words indicate what we are thinking. Complaining about an illness will neither shorten its duration nor lessen its severity. In fact, it will often have the opposite effect.
“The concept of total wellness recognizes that our every thought, word, and behavior affects our greater health and well-being. And we, in turn, are affected not only emotionally but also physically and spiritually.” —GREG ANDERSON
“When any anxiety or gloom of the mind takes hold of you, make it a rule not to publish it by complaining; but exert yourselves to hide it, and by endeavoring to hide it you drive it away.” —SAMUEL JOHNSON
even in the midst of something as challenging as a terminal illness, we can find happiness.
He who avoids complaint invites happiness. —ABU BAKR
The best change occurred for me at home. One night my wife and I were kissing in the kitchen, and she asked me, “Have you noticed we have been kissing more than usual?”
We discovered that I used to come home and complain about work, which would put us both in a bad mood. This was not conducive to a loving relationship. My new approach of coming home and not complaining found us in a good mood and enjoying being together.
“By perseverance the snail reached the ark.” —CHARLES H. SPURGEON
unhappy relationships are most often distinguished by how much complaining occurs within the relationship.
The squeaky wheel may get the grease. But if it squeaks too much, it ends up getting replaced.
one way to dramatically improve your relationships with your spouse, friends, coworkers, and children is to begin to complain less.
They are creating their reality with their complaints.
“It is impossible to suffer without making someone pay for it; every complaint already contains revenge.” —FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE
Talking to someone other than the person with whom you have a problem is triangulation. Triangulation occurs when you experience a challenge with someone but discuss the situation with someone else. Healthy communication is speaking directly and only to the person with whom you have an issue. Triangulation is complaining, and it perpetuates rather than solves problems.
“If we had no faults of our own, we would not take so much pleasure in noticing those of others.” —FRANÇOIS DE LA ROCHEFOUCAULD
Give attention to this person first so he or she doesn’t feel the need to come and solicit it through complaining.
When someone complains to Get attention, ask, “What is going well for you?”
When someone complains to Remove responsibility, ask, “If it was possible, how might you do it?”
When a person says, “It can’t be done,” your response should be “If it was possible, how might you do it?”
Gossip is complaining to inspire envy. When you gossip, you should switch your bracelet. The underlying message behind gossip is that the gossip feels superior to the person being gossiped about and wants you to acknowledge this.
When someone begins to complain about a negative attribute that person perceives another person to possess, compliment the complainer on having the opposite trait.
“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” —MARGARET THATCHER
Elections are not won by getting enough people to vote for a candidate; they are won by getting enough people so disgusted that they either do not vote or vote for the opposing candidate. Complaining is a very effective means of garnering power.
“If you say something is not possible, what you are really saying is, ‘I don’t want it.’ ” —SADHGURU JAGGI
“That’s my gift. I let that negativity roll off me like water off a duck’s back. If it’s not positive, I didn’t hear it. If you can overcome that, fights are easy.” —GEORGE FOREMAN
When someone complains to Excuse poor performance, ask what he or she plans to do differently next time.
People complain to Get attention, Remove responsibility from themselves, Inspire envy, have Power over others, and Excuse poor performance.
The best way to get others to stop complaining is through redirection rather than confrontation.
The Indian knew how to live without wants, to suffer without complaint, and to die singing. —ALEXIS DE TOCQUEVILLE
“Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” —WINSTON CHURCHILL
talent can be cultivated and nurtured to full expression. A skill is something most people can learn if they are willing to invest enough time.
“Whether or not the particular statement reflects a complaint … depends on whether the speaker is experiencing an internal dissatisfaction.”
“Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.” —MARK TWAIN
Victims don’t become victors. And you get to choose which you will be.
