Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

see every re...

simply as some form of incompatibility. Whether she thinks I’m a total creep, or she’s crazy about me but we live on different continents, or she...

or she thinks I’m cute but has different values and interests than me — whatever the reason, if a woman ever rejects me, it’s because she’s not compatible with me. It may be a permanent incompatibility. It may be a temporary incompatibility. But the point is that if she liked me enough, she’d be willing to work at making it happen with me. And if she do...

it’s “Fuck Yes!” or no. And if I’m not getting a “Fuck Yes!” then I’d much rather ha...

For instance, men who define success

for themselves as how many women they can have sex with will waste away time pursuing and manipulating women whom they don’t necessarily enjoy or aren’t even that attracted to in the name of achieving the “success” which they’ve defined for themselves.

If you choose to believe “success” with women is determined by which woman chooses you or how much money you can provide — well, then there’s a good chance you’re going to be quite lonely followed by ending up with the nearest woman capable of tolerating you for a lifetime.

I define success in a qualitative way: maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women I prefer to be with. Success = Maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women we prefer

When we define success as finding the relationship(s) that will maximize our happiness, our approach takes a completely new light.

our success is defined by screening through as many women as possible until we find the ones we enjoy and the ones who enjoy us.

We screen through these women by polarizing them. We are polarizing them by sharing our truth with them openly and freely. And when we do this, women will either become incredibly attracted to us or they will reject us. Either way, we’ll be the happier for it.

There is no happiness inherent in owning more phone numbers than anyone else. You’re chasing validation, not fulfillment.

You are not dating them, sleeping with them, becoming intimate with them or even committing to them. Get out there and expose yourself. Open yourself up and find what makes you happy. Yes, that will mean you’ll probably get hurt. But so what? The best things in life don’t come easily.

Whether we get any specific woman or not depends on our level of investment relative to our investment in ourselves. This is non-neediness. We build non-neediness through vulnerability. We practice vulnerability by being honest.

There are three ways in which we are honest.

1) living based on our values (lifestyle); 2) becoming comfortable with our intentions (bold...

our sexuality freely (comm...

The first way of expressing our truth involves developing a lifestyle that makes us happy. The second way of expressing truth is by being courageous and fighting through our fears and anxieties. And the third way of expressing truth i...

And not communicating our thoughts, feelings, and desires freely and clearly also demonstrates more investment in others than in ourselves. This is also unattractive.

Lifestyle, Courage, and Communication: I refer to these as the Three Fundamentals.

The Three Fundamentals are: 1. Creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle. 2. Overcoming your fears and anxiety around socializing, intimacy and sexuality. 3. Mastering the expression of your emotions and communicating fluidly.

short, I refer to the Three Fundamentals as Honest Living, Honest Action, and Honest Communication.

If you’re in a job you hate with hobbies you hate and friends you don’t like, then no matter what you do or how much money you make, you’re going to have a hard time meeting attractive women that you enjoy and who enjoy being with you.

This is because the identity you have adopted does not accurately reflect your emotional needs and desires. You are not living your life honestly, which means you are not investing in yourself, which means you are needy and unattractive.

Because you’re living 40 hours a week, every week, investing your identity in what others want out of you and not what you want of yourself. This is like baseline neediness, and until you straighten this out, you will be needy with every woman you meet, preventing you from meeting the truly amazing women that you could potentially be with one day.

The more in-tune you are to your lifestyle, the more you take care of your appearance and your health, the higher the quality of women you will attract and the greater percentage of Receptive women you’ll meet.

Honest Action is overcoming your fear and anxiety around women. Our anxiety is another form in which we highly invest ourselves in others’ perceptions and avoid our truth.

you see a beautiful woman and have a desire to meet her, to not take action and meet her is a form of being dishonest with yourself. If you’re standing in a bar, and you see a woman who

catches your interest, and you keep looking at her all night because you’re afraid to do something, on a deep level, you’re being dishonest about your intentions and sexuality. You’re being overly invested in her and others’ opinions and are unable to expose your vulnerability.

If you’re afraid to ask a woman to come home with you, it’s because you are afraid of the sexual reality that you want to sleep with her — you’re more invested in her not rejecting you than you are in aligning yourself with your desires.

The reason being that once a man overcomes his fear of rejection, he’s willing to more or less pursue any woman he wants when he wants. Even if he’s a deadbeat (lacks a good lifestyle) or even if he’s terrible at expressing himself (lacks good communication skills), he will eventually

meet women who want to date him and sleep with him by no other means than pure numbers. If he’s willing to approach 500 women with no fear of rejection, eventually at least one of them is going to stick.

Honest Action correlates directly to the quantity of women yo...

Honest Communication will determine the efficiency with which you are able to attract women who are compatible to you. A man who communicates poorly or is unable to express himself clearly will lose a lot of romantic opportunities to “lost in translation” situations

vague communications, inaccurate assumptions, etc.

Where your strengths and weaknesses lie will determine not just the quantity of your results with women, but also the types of outcomes you achieve.

A man with no fear or anxiety with women will be able to approach and ask out many women, but his effort-to-reward ratio will be poor and the quality of women will be worse. Often a lot of aspiring players fall into this category — they go out 5-6 nights per

week, approach dozens of women, fail with almost all of them, but every once in a while convince a drunk sloppy girl to come home with them.

A man with great communication skills but a lot of fear and a poor lifestyle will rarely meet or attract beautiful women, but the few times he does, he will capitalize on his few opportu...

If you are scared to death of saying anything to a woman you find attractive, then the best conversation tricks, teasing and flirting lines, or even openers are not going to help you at all.

being able to communicate effectively will help guys with extreme levels of anxiety in their development because the few times they do work up the nerve to make a move on women, they will usually

almost all men who struggle with relationships fall into one of two categories: socially anxious or socially disconnected.

Socially anxious men tend to have the third fundamental down very well. They’re good at expressing themselves and are very aware of social norms and what others are thinking/feeling. In fact, in a lot of cases, socially anxious men are too aware of what other people are thinking and feeling and, therefore, have a lot of social anxiety. They’re afraid to speak to new women. They get nervous pushing things forward. They’re scared to ask women on dates.

And if she happens to be attracted to him, he’s not such a mess. But it’s the actual being pro-active and making a move that scares him to death. These men usually spend most of their time focusing on overcoming fear and little time on expression. Socially disconnected men are the

opposite. These are men who have always been a little bit “oblivious” to what others think and feel around them. Usually, they’re guys who have always kind of kept to themselves and grew up more interested in their studies or some nerdy subject than the people around them.

Interestingly, men who are socially disconnected have far less fear or anxiety when it comes to approaching, pursuing, or escalating with women. In fact, it’s because they’re so oblivious to social cues and what others ...

These men have little hesitance or fear for action, but they tend to do the wrong actions at the wrong times over and over and over, and they rarely understand why. The first fundamental (lifestyle) is all over the map and is a work-in-progress for everyone. The better your lifestyle, the easier everything else will be. And ultimately you should be working on your lifestyle for yourself first and foremost — the attractiveness to women is just an enjoyable side effect.

The idea is to become socially connected and fearless at the same time and have an awesome and attractive lifestyle. The full package. The Three Fundamentals.

Honest Communication — training yourself to express yourself openly and effectively in a dynamic and interesting way that will keep women interested in you and help you make that transition to becoming physical with them.

foundation behind all of the advice given is the idea that an honest expression of yourself and your desires as a man is the most effective way to demonstrate non-neediness and to therefore create lasting and genuine attraction with women who will make you the happiest.