Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

Until you learn to trust your own actions and learn to pursue women with your own unique style and personality, you have learned absolutely nothing.

Emerson once wrote, “What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.” Seduction is the interplay of emotions. Your movement, or lack of movement, reflects and alters emotions, not the words. Words are the side effect. Sex is the side effect. The game is emotions, emotions through movement. If you learn anything from this book, let that be

Neediness is when a man places a higher priority on others’ perceptions of him than his perception of himself.

A needy man’s actions and words

will therefore be primarily motivated by impressing and winning a...

Non-neediness is when a man places a higher priority on his own perception of himself than...

A non-needy man’s actions and words will therefore be primarily motivated by embodying h...

A man’s comfort and acceptance of the possibility that some people will not like him makes people like him even more.

A needy man is constantly investing in the perceptions others have in him. He is being extra nice and friendly when he doesn’t want to be because he believes he must do this to be liked and loved. He is buying a fancy watch and season tickets to the local sports team so that he will be admired and loved. He is coming up with fake compliments or pretending to be a bad ass because he thinks it will get him attention and love.

But his intentions are different. Whereas

a needy man says and does these things for approval, the non-needy man does them simply for the pleasure of doing.

The needy man tries to control what others think and feel more than what he t...

The non-needy man is more concerned with controlling his own thoughts and feelings rather than the th...

A non-needy man will be more invested in himself than the woman he’s with.

By investment, I mean the degree to which you sacrifice/alter your own thoughts, feelings, and motivations for someone else.

By less I mean that as a man, you should not be willing to sacrifice your thoughts, feelings, and motivations for someone else more than they sacrifice theirs for you.

Neediness is a feeling. It’s intuited by women. It’s instinctual.

Consciously, the action or statement may seem harmless, but unconsciously, it conveyed everything they need to know about your status and that is this: you base your actions on a constant need for approval.

James is a nice guy. But he tends to be needy in his relationships and

has

what we would call a high level of investment with any wo...

Even when he feels that she’s being irrational or treating him unfairly, he won’t say anything because he doesn’t want her to be upset with him.

gets dumped, he becomes distraught and depressed. He’s often inconsolable and drinks too much. Usually, he doesn’t feel better again until he meets another woman and the entire cycle repeats itself.

Then there’s Jeff. Jeff has been successful with women for his entire life and has a very low level of investment in them until he’s gotten to know them well. Jeff enjoys going out with his friends and pays no attention to whether the women around him approve of him or not. At times, he says something weird or gets rejected, but it doesn’t bother him.

1) a man creates the perception that he is far less invested in her than he actually is (neediness

disguised as non-neediness), and 2) a man actually is less invested in her (genuine non-neediness).

The first method (a man giving

false impressions) occurs through what I call “performance.” The vast majority of the dating advice out there for men (and women) is performance-based advice — say this, act like this, don’t call her back right away, pretend you don’t like her, make these jokes, etc.

There’s nothing to learn or memorize. There is nothing to practice or study. It only requires one to move his yardstick for success from external goals (more dates, more sex) to internal goals (better relationships, more

emotional fulfillment, overall happiness).

Performance-based dating advice technically “works.” It’s just not fulfilling. You’re

Let me take you through a few real-life examples of seduction and look at the various factors going on in each one from a neediness/investment point of view. These examples are real, but identities have been changed and minor details altered.

Ryan would spend this time alone watching TV or maybe grabbing a beer with one of his old buddies, but it wasn’t the same.

Ryan: meet girl in a situation of low emotional investment and low neediness, entered relationship with said girl, gradually invested more and more while letting the rest of your personal life slip away, until girl leaves you and dates some other guy who is less invested than she is again.

Daniel

Overcoming your neediness comes through a change in your mindset,

your self-perception, and your self-respect.

To become non-needy, a man must develop self-respect, a healthy sense of boundaries, social competence, and healthy life habits. It’s often

painful long-term process that entails quite a bit of introspection, questioning, doubt, anger, frustration,

lifestyle changes, a...

Men who go narcissistic act like they’re more important than anybody else. They are aggressive, insensitive, and demanding. They are self-serving and don’t handle rejection or loss well.

Roy was a nice guy all through college.

The key to non-neediness is to have both: respect for both oneself and for women.

The only permanent way to attract and date more women and more attractive women is to become more attractive yourself. And the way a man becomes more attractive himself is by investing in himself, in becoming less needy.

Permanent change to one’s investment and neediness in one’s relationships with women is hard and is a process that encompasses all facets of one’s life. But it’s a worthwhile

journey. As a man, it may be the most worthwhile journey. And the key to it is probably something you wouldn’t expect. In fact, it’s something that most men turn their nose up at when they hear it. The key is vulnerability.

vulnerability in a more broad way.

Not just emotional vulnerability (although we’ll get to that), but

physical vulnerability, social vu...

For instance, making yourself vulnerable doesn’t just mean being willing to share your fears or insecurities.