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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Steve Peters
Read between
June 14 - November 5, 2018
Step 6: Reflection and activation
who would you like to put in charge?
Change what can be changed and control what can be controlled.
If you really can’t manage, then call on someone appropriate to help you.
Step 7: Smile
Smile when y...
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The simple steps described are helpful for minor crises and immediate and transient stress but they need modifying for major stress and serious incidents.
Sometimes it is not that easy to move on because your Chimp will not agree to move on,
AMP. This is the power to Accept, and then Move on, with a Plan.
Accept – in order to accept something unpleasant, it helps to get it off your chest.
Move on – decide when you think you have exercised your Chimp enough and want to move on.
Plan – this is CRITICAL to moving on.
The plan must address how you will alter your emotions as well as practical issues.
Starting from where you are and what you have got and then moving forward is very encouraging and rewarding
These individual stresses are nearly always related to the way in which you perceive the situation and the beliefs that you are holding,
if you have to make a decision and there is no more information to gather then the time is right to make it.
the Chimp will do two things. It will stop you from making decisions for fear of getting it wrong and it will also make the consequences seem catastrophic,
establish a routine for decision-making so that it becomes an Autopilot.
gather all the information possible
Accept that some information may never be available
Look at the consequences of making each choice
Tell your Chimp to stop making it into a catastrophe and get some perspective
try laughing at yourself
If you still can’t decide then there can’t be much difference between the choices,
if you hold an expectation that anything in your life will remain constant then it is very likely to be a source of stress when it doesn’t.
A common source of stress is when a person holds fixed expectations of what should happen or what should be done.
make a distinction between problems that are your responsibility (chicks) and problems are the responsibility of others (goslings).
Have realistic expectations
life is not fair; stress will happen; things will go wrong.
‘Change’ represents a behav...
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looking ahead and avoiding obvious stress
Accept and Move on with a Plan
actively look for solutions
Nearly all situations are only emotionally stressful
deliberately practise slowing down your thinking as a way of managing the Chimp.
write down anything that you can see that is causing or contributing to the stress.
divide up the solution areas into three parts: 1. Your own perceptions and attitudes
circumstances and setting
Other people ...
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Chronic stress from yourself is usually based on Gremlin activity. These Gremlins are learnt unhelpful behaviours,
Some people suffer with the ‘Mushroom Syndrome’. Instead of mushrooms they grow worries. If there is nothing to worry about then they find something.
accept that solutions to problems take time
Most worries are trivial in the long run
Relaxing is a powerful worry remover.
When events have put you into a stressful situation then it is wise to have a plan to address them.
Be proactive and change what you can, or see if there is someone who can help and then ask them for help. If all fails, then move into AMP (Accept, Move on, Plan).
look to yourself first when dealing with others,
Most people are reasonable if you approach them in the right way.
Never beat yourself up if you handle stress poorly.
Remember, if you are not getting it right then it is a hijack by the Chimp. It is not you failing!
