Keeping 13 (Boys of Tommen, #2)

by Chloe Walsh

“Lad, you told her you were in love with her.” He guffawed, slapping his hand against his thigh. “Right before you asked her to have your babies.” My eyes widened. “No!” His grin deepened. “Yes!” “Jesus Christ, Gibs,” I hissed, voice rising higher than normal. “Why didn’t you stop me?” “Because it was brilliant.”

“I was eighteen,” Darren whispered, running a hand through his dark hair. “I couldn’t deal.” “Yeah, well, I’m eighteen, too, asshole,” Joey spat unsympathetically. “And guess what? I stepped up and dealt. I stayed!” “Then you’re a stronger man than I am.” “I’m not stronger than you,” Joey choked out, voice breaking. “I just happen to possess a conscience.”

“I need you to come and get me,” I said the second Gibsie answered, not giving him a chance to greet me. “Please?” “Say no more” was his automatic response. “I’m already on the way.” “Thanks, lad.”

“So, when did you get home?” I asked, feeling hoarse and off-balance. “This evening.” He raised my hand and pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “Took me forever to get back to you.” His words caused a shiver to roll through my body. “I’m glad you’re back to me.” I knew I was opening myself up to heartache, not to mention the world of pain if he rejected me again, but I had to say it. “I really missed you, Johnny.” “Christ, Shannon, I don’t know what to—” Johnny exhaled a huge breath, and then proceeded to lift my hand to his mouth. “You’re okay,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of my hand, wires and all. Inhaling deeply, he placed my hand on his cheek and leaned into the touch. “You’ll be okay, won’t you?”

“I’m really not supposed to talk about this with—” “It’s me,” he told me, tipping my chin up with his fingers. Meeting my gaze, he added, “You can tell me anything, okay?” “I’m scared,” I confessed, biting down on my bottom lip. “And I don’t want to go home.”

Johnny was silent for a long time, not making a sound, just being there, being with me, sharing the weight, shouldering the pain with silent support. And I think I loved him more for what he didn’t say in that moment. He didn’t make promises he couldn’t keep. He didn’t offer more than he could give. He just stayed.

“Fuck, Shannon, that was months ago.” “I know.” I sighed wearily. “I made it worse for you,” he choked out. “You made it bearable,” I whispered.

“Because you’re not supposed to be with me?” I shrugged helplessly. I couldn’t lie anymore. Not to him, at least. He saw it anyway, the truth in my eyes, and it caused a low, pained groan to tear from his chest. “I’m so sorry, Shannon.” Resting his forehead against my stomach, he wrapped his huge arms around my waist and whispered, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

Johnny silenced me by putting his lips on mine. Stunned, I could do nothing but sag against him, giving him all of my weight and trusting him not to break me. It was a soft, innocent, almost feather-like peck on the lips, but it was everything in that moment, and it meant everything to me because it was from him. Because for the very first time he kissed me first. “I won’t,” Johnny whispered, our brows touching, his lips gliding against mine as he spoke. “I’ll always be careful with you, Shannon like the river.” Exhaling a shaky breath, he tucked my hair behind my ears and cupped my face in his hands. “I promise.” “I’ll be careful with you, too,” I told him, trembling from head to

“Just…just leave me be, Ma. Please.” There was a long pause and then the sound of retreating footsteps filled the silence, getting quieter and quieter, before spinning around and growing in volume. My bedroom door flew inward and Mam strode in. “I’m sorry, love, but I can’t do that.” And they called me a bulldozer.

“Oh, I almost forgot—” Sliding her hand into the front pocket of her apron, she retrieved a small folded-up piece of paper. “I found this when I was washing your clothes from Dublin.” Walking back over to me, she handed me the paper. “You’re a sweet boy.” Smiling, she stroked my cheek with her hand before turning back for the door. “I’m proud of you,” Mam added before closing my bedroom door behind her.

Mam rolled her eyes right back at me. “Don’t be such a drama queen.” I gaped at her, resisting the urge to scream and prove her right.

“I’m not asking you to take me to the gym. I’m not going near a bleeding rugby ball, and I’m not asking you to lie for me.” Looking him dead in the eyes, I said, “I am asking you to take me to her because I can’t fucking get there on my own. And I need to…and she needs me to…” My words broke off and I pinched the bridge of my nose. “If you don’t help me and something happens to her, I swear I’ll never forgive you for it, Gibs.” I’ll never forgive me. “That’s emotional blackmail.” “That’s the only hand I have,” I replied steadily.

Hey, how’s it going, babe? I need you to be outside in five…yeah, five minutes. Why? Because I’m picking you up, that’s why. Yeah, don’t waste time asking questions. Just put your coat on and meet me at the bottom of your driveway. It’s cold outside so wear the red one.” He grinned, clearly getting a mouthful down the line before saying, “I know you’re at home because I saw you watching me from my bedroom window earlier. Yeah, I know you stalk me, too. Yeah, you hate me. I know. I’ve heard it all before, babe. I love you, too.”

“Turn down the music, Gerard,” Claire scolded. “What’s wrong with my music?” Gibsie asked, looking comically wounded. “‘Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door’?” Glaring, Claire slapped his shoulder. “Really? After what just happened to her?” Leaning between the seats, she switched off the stereo. “That’s so insensitive.”

The guitar riff of Thin Lizzy’s “Jailbreak” blasted from the speakers. “Better?” Gibsie asked, waggling his brows. “More suited for the occasion, sweet pea?” “Much,” Claire replied, her tone approving. “Good job, snuffle-bunny.” “Thanks, babe.” “You’re both bleeding ridiculous.”

Reaching around him, he caught ahold of Claire and shoved her in front of both of us. “Smile, Claire-Bear,” he coaxed, keeping his hand on her hip. “No one could say no to the sun.”

know the appropriate song for this,” Gibsie said, draping an arm over Claire’s shoulder. Tossing his cigarette butt in the neighbor’s garden, he waved a hand in front of them and said, “Bon Jovi—‘It’s My Life.’” “Perfect!” Claire chirped, wrapping an arm around his waist as they strolled down the garden path toward his car. “You know what, Gerard? You can be pretty smart when you’re not being pretty stupid.” Laughing, he pulled her in to his side. “I know, right?”

“How did we fall into this, lad?” “You love his sister, and I love his sister’s best friend,”

“Fuck off, ya creepy bastard,” Joey groaned, shaking from head to toe. “Normally, I would take offense at that,” Gibsie huffed. “But considering we’re in a shower together and your naked ass is pressed to my dick, I’m going to let that comment slide because I, too, find this situation slightly creepy.”

“Johnny? Is Gerard messing with the cooker again?” Mam asked, sounding flustered. “Tell that boy he better not touch the matches. There’s a hole melted into the extractor fan from his last outing with flammables.” “That was you!” Gibsie mouthed, outraged. “No, Ma, he’s not cooking.” Shaking my head, I looked up to the ceiling and blurted the first thing that came to mind: “That was just some fella on the television.”

“Driving through Dublin city at night, all by your lonesome.” “She’s from Ballymun, ya spanner,” I grumbled. “She’d take your culchie arse out in a heartbeat.” “Boys!” Mam snapped and then sighed heavily down the line.

“Gotta go, Ma. Bye, bye, bye—” Ending the call, I slipped my phone back into my pocket and exhaled a huge sigh. “Thank Christ for that.” “I’ll say,” Gibsie agreed, dropping his hand from Joey’s mouth. “I’d say we’re in the clear, lad.” “Jesus,” Joey hissed, teeth chattering. “You’re a mammy’s boy, aren’t ya?” “Do you want to be gagged again?” I narrowed my eyes. “Because that can be arranged.”

“I can’t,” Claire said with a heavy sigh. “Not since Mam found out that you—” She snapped her mouth shut. Her face turned a deep shade of red and she gave Gibsie a look that said “And you know why” before hurrying on. “I just can’t.” I was surprised to see that Gibsie actually blushed, too.

“Well, well, well,” Johnny mused, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Looks like someone else”—he paused to make air quotes—“jumped the gun.” “I most certainly did not,” Claire huffed, folding her arms across her chest. “The only thing I jump, Johnny Kavanagh, is a skipping rope.” “Uh-huh.” Johnny arched a brow and mimicked her earlier words back to her. “You keep telling yourself that.” “We don’t all think with our genitals,” she countered. “Considering my genitals were recently sewn back on with a needle and thread, I’d say that’s very true,” he shot back huffily. “Needle and thread.” Gibsie snickered. “Nice visual, lad.” “Shut up, Gerard!” Johnny and Claire both growled in unison.

“I need you to take the lead here, Shannon,” he whispered. “You need to tell me what you want from me.” I could feel his heart hammering hard in his chest. The rhythm seemed to match mine. “Because I’m not making any mistakes with you.” Kiss me, Johnny. Kiss me. I want you to kiss me!

“Tonight, it’s a shitty pizza,” he said. “Because I can’t drive and all the good spots in town are closed early on Mondays, but I’ll do better next time.” “I don’t need better,” I said softly. “I like pizza.” But I love you. “Maybe not, but you deserve better,” he said quietly.

“Why did you go with him?” Smiling back at him, I slipped my hands under the woolen blanket and snuggled deeper into the couch. “If you’re not into these kinds of films?” “Because he’s my best friend,” he replied, chuckling to himself as he stretched his legs out on the coffee table. “And he’s done worse for me.” “Like what?” “Like breaking out of hotel rooms in the middle of the night to come see me.” Johnny turned to look at me then. “Like bringing me to see you today.”

I won the battle of the best-friend versus boyfriend, and it felt fucking fabulous. Round one to me.

“No, it’s not the meds.” It’s the fact that I’ve spent days rehearsing what I want to say to you in my head, and now I can’t get the words out. “I don’t know what happened to me.” You happened to me, and now I’m completely fucked. “I’m just running on empty, I guess.” Because we’ve been sitting here all night and still haven’t addressed the elephant in the room.

“How are you feeling…about me?” Her eyes widened. “About you?” “Yeah.” I swallowed. “About me.” Shannon was silent for so long that I was afraid she wasn’t going to answer me, but then she started to speak. “Sometimes I feel like I’m stranded,” she confessed in a small voice, dropping her gaze to where I was holding her legs. “Like I’m stuck in the same place and I’m drowning.” Clasping her hands together, she continued to speak, to gut me with her truth. “It’s like I’m watching the water rising, and it’s coming higher and higher. I can see it closing in on me, taking me under.” Shivering, she bit down on her lip. “It’s terrifying.” “I bet,” I replied gruffly, trailing my fingertips up and down her jean-clad knee, unsure of what else to say and terrified of saying the wrong thing. “And then you walk in and it recedes.” Tipping her chin up, she looked me dead in the eyes and exhaled a shaky breath. “You show up and all the bad just…goes away for a little while.”

“That’s how you make me feel,” she whispered, blue eyes burning their way right down to my soul. “Better. Alive. Free. Safe. Important. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in days, and that’s only because you’re here—because I’m with you.”

“Johnny?” she asked then, shimmying closer. “Can I ask you one more thing?” “Yeah…” The word came out all gruff, and I had to clear my throat before trying again. “Yeah, Shan. You can ask me anything.” “Are you ever going to kiss me?” Holy fuck.

“I just feel like we should have a conversation—” Johnny tried again, breathing hard against my lips. “About where we both stand.” Resting his brow against mine, he lightly kissed me again before finishing, “Just so we’re on the same page.” “Really?” I breathed, sliding my hands under the hem of his T-shirt and shivering when I was greeted with hot, toned flesh. I had to stifle a moan when I felt his abdominal muscles tighten and contract beneath my touch. “I, uh, I guess…” Distracted and overheated, I shook my head, desperately trying to clear my lust-filled thoughts. “Are you sure?” “No,” he groaned, sounding pained and conflicted. “I just think that maybe we should.” He continued to rock against me as he spoke, angling those magic hips to cause maximum damage to my nerves. “Talk, that is.” He stared hard at me for a long, strained beat before exhaling heavily. “About us.” A huge tremor rolled through his powerful body. “Ah, fuck it—” And then he was back, kissing me, moving against me, making me shiver and tremble.

“I don’t just like you. I fucking—” Shaking his head, Johnny rubbed his jaw before looking back at me. “Shannon, I love you.” I stopped breathing. “You love me?” He nodded slowly, blue eyes locked on mine. “Like, a crazy fucking amount.” “Really?” “Really,” he confirmed. “And I’d ask your permission, but I didn’t even ask mine.”

“I love you,” he went right ahead and rocked my world by saying again. “Present tense—as in I mean it now. And maybe I shouldn’t be saying that, maybe I’m fucking everything up by telling you that when you’re in the middle of your family stuff, but it’s the truth.” He shrugged helplessly. “I’m in love with you. I think I’ve been that way for a while now—a long fucking while, if we’re being totally honest.” Exhaling shakily, he added, “And that scares the shit out of me worse than the thought of not making the U20s. You scare me more than anyone I’ve ever come up against on a pitch.” “Wow.” I released a shaky breath. “I can’t believe you just said all that.” “I know.” He looked a little sick when he said, “Dick move, huh?” “I love you back,” I blurted out, feeling a flood of heat rush through my body. “Like, a crazy fucking amount,” I added, giving his words back to him.

“You need me?” “You think it’s the other way around, but it’s not,” he told me. “I need you, too, because you calm something inside of me. You make me feel good. Like I don’t have to…” His voice trailed off for a moment as he clearly pondered what he was trying to say. “You make me feel like I’m enough as I am,” he finally admitted. “Like if this is the furthest I go, if I don’t make the squad, then it’s okay.” “You are enough,” I breathed, wrapping my hand around his neck. “Just as you are right now.”

“You’re such a good person, Johnny Kavanagh, and you don’t even know it. You don’t see how little rugby has to do with how special you are. But I do. I see it, and I know.” “See?” He clamped his hands on my hips and exhaled shakily. “You say it and I believe you.”

“Can I borrow a hoodie?” For fuck’s sake. Mam’s eyes bugged in her head. “And who is that?” “Ah, that would be Joey,” I muttered, rubbing my jaw. “And who is Joey?” “My brother,” Shannon offered weakly. “Are there any more Lynch children in my house, Jonathan?” “No,” I muttered, not meeting her eye. “I only took two.”

“Come on.” Nudging the plate toward Shannon and Joey, Mam smiled encouragingly. “I’ll be insulted if you don’t try one.” Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as they silently communicated with one another. Not one word was spoken, but I knew something was passing between them. And then they both moved in synchrony for the scones. Thank Christ for that. Relief flickered in my mother’s eyes as she observed the Lynches devouring the scones from behind the rim of her coffee mug. Her tear-filled eyes shifted to me and I gave her an “I know” look.

as I watched my mother make small talk with the both of them, I was grateful. Grateful that she was here. Grateful she wasn’t losing her shit with me for having a girl sleep over. Grateful that she was my ma.

“It’s okay, Johnny,” she replied with a small sigh. “I’m okay.” No, no, no! “Just…” Exhaling a pained breath, I leaned back on my seat and tried to think of something, anything to stop this, but came up empty. “You’re sure he’s not coming back?” I finally asked, still holding on to her hand. “You’re sure you’re safe?” I turned to look at her. “I can’t take it.” My voice cracked. “Not knowing.”

Shaking my head, I swallowed down a million fuck-you’s and turned to look at Shannon who was hugging Joey. “Shannon Lynch?” I called out, ignoring the rest of her fucked-up family. “I love you back.” Sniffling, she lifted her chin from Joey’s chest and looked at me all red-eyed and blotchy. “S-still?” “Still.” I nodded in confirmation. “Like, a crazy fucking amount.”

“Do you hear that, son?” Dad laughed, slapping a hand on my shoulder. “The doctor says you can pull on your balls again.” Fuck. My. Life.

I’m not going anywhere. And I meant it. I promise. X Just text me when you wake up, let me know you’re okay. X I miss you. X Can you call me? Can I call you? Are you free to talk? X

Barrettsfield RFC hammered Ballylaggin into the ground at the weekend.” And just like that my bad mood worsened. “Barrettsfield?” My voice was laced with disgust, not masking my horror. “Jesus, lad, they’re second division.” “He doesn’t need to worry about it,” Gibsie interjected, tone serious for once in his life. “It’s just a game, lads.”

“My sister doesn’t want you,” Hughie sneered. “Claire can’t stand you. She only puts up with you because you’re friends with me.” “She wasn’t saying that last night,” he replied, completely unfazed. “When I was—” “Filter, Gibs!” I barked. “Jesus Christ, lad! Filter.”

“I was just biding my time, and practice makes perfect.” Gibsie laughed and then groaned when Hughie’s fist connected with his jaw. “Lad, not the face. Your sister likes me pretty.”

“But I am a bad idea for you, Johnny,” I replied shakily, needing him to hear me, giving him the out that, if he had sense, he would take. “I’m a lot of trouble.” “I like your trouble,” he countered, stepping closer. “My life is complicated.” “I want your complications.” My breath escaped in a rush. “You do?” He nodded slowly. “You asked me what I wanted? There’s a lot of things, but in a nutshell, I just want you.” Shrugging, he added, “And I’m kind of hoping that you’re going to say that you want me, too.” He laughed nervously.

Was he asking me to confirm I was his girlfriend or was he asking me to be his girlfriend? Or was he asking me if I thought I was? Oh god, I didn’t know and my mind was reeling, my heart too cautious to make the assumption for fear I was reading this whole thing wrong. “I don’t know,” I finally replied, heart racing wildly. “Am I?” Johnny touched my cheek, his knuckles grazing over my skin with a featherlight touch. “I really fucking hope so.” “Yeah?” A deep sense of relief washed through me and I whispered, “Me too.” “And I’m yours.”