Keeping 13 (Boys of Tommen, #2)

by Chloe Walsh

“I presumed you’d both be running around a field somewhere with a soccer ball.” “A rugby ball,” I correctly quietly. “And we were. We just had to—” “We’re on a condom run,” Gibsie blurted out, much to my horror. And then he went a step further and gestured to her five small kids. “Something your husband obviously doesn’t buy very often.” “Lad,” I hissed, mortified. “I’m sorry about him, miss,” I hurried to say, feeling my face burn. “He doesn’t have a filter.”

“Astounds you?” Lizzie countered in a sarcastic tone. “Wow. Big word, Gibs. Can you spell that, too?” “You know what?” Tossing his bag over his shoulder, he gave her a look of pure disgust. “Fuck you, Lizzie.” Having said that, Gibsie stalked out of the lunch hall, red-faced and fuming. “Are you happy with yourself?” Johnny asked, glaring at Lizzie. “Did that make you feel good? Belittling him like that?” “He’s a big boy,” Lizzie shot back defensively. “He can take it.” “He’s dyslexic!” Johnny snapped. “And you just made him feel about two feet tall in front of half the school.” Surprise flashed in Lizzie’s eyes and her cheeks reddened. “I didn’t know that.” “Well, now you know!” Pressing a quick kiss to my cheek, Johnny shoved his chair back and said, “I’ll see ya later, Shan,” before hurrying off in the direction Gibsie had gone.

“One, two, three—” His words broke off and I was lifted into the air, held there for a moment, and then lowered back down. The movement was effortless as he repeated it over and over. “You okay?” he asked, voice raspy and a little breathless, as he continued to pump my body up and down. “All good,” I assured him, holding myself perfectly still. “I’m going to go faster,” he warned me, tightening his hold on my body. “Tell me if it’s too much for you.” “I can handle it,” I promised, feeling a little off-center and dizzy. “The fuck?” Gibsie’s voice perforated through the grunting and heavy breathing. Startled, I swung my gaze to where he was standing a few feet from us with a huge grin on his face. “Do you mind?” Johnny scolded, not breaking his rhythm. “We’re in the middle of something here.” “I’ve heard of fellas using household items as makeshift weights,” Gibsie mused, scratching his jaw as his gaze trailed over us. “But using little Shannon as a barbell? This is a new thing for you, Johnny.”

“Lad, I think I love your girlfriend,” Gibsie stated when Shannon whizzed out of the sitting room. “That’s weird, right?” “What’s weird is you telling me that you love my girlfriend,” I replied, climbing to my feet. “That’s dangerous.” “You know I don’t mean it like that.” He chuckled, holding his hands up. “I’m just saying that she’s a really decent girl and I like her.” Scratching his jaw, he looked at me thoughtfully for a long moment before adding, “You did a good job.”

“Hmm.” He tilted his head to one side. “Did they break your instincts when they operated on you? You know, like when they neuter a dog and he doesn’t pick up the scent anymore? Because the Johnny I remember wouldn’t waste such a rare opportunity.” “I wasn’t neutered, you insensitive prick,” I snapped, outraged. “And my sperm swims just fine. They checked!” Twice.

“Then there’s something wrong with you,” Gibsie shot back, not missing a beat. “Because that girl is insanely sexy and you’re thinking about rugby.” “Hey,” I warned, bristling. “Don’t call my girlfriend sexy.” “Why not?” he taunted. “Don’t you think she’s sexy?” “Of course I think she’s sexy,” I spat out. “I think she’s a lot of fucking sexy.” Gibsie waggled his brows. “Is that so?” “Yeah, that is so—but that’s not the point.” Flustered, I shook my head and pointed at him. “You don’t say that she’s sexy.” I narrowed my eyes. “You keep your beady little eyes off her.” “Well, it’s the truth.” He laughed. “And I’m not blind, lad.” “You look at her?” I demanded, appalled. “At my Shannon?” “Your Shannon,” he snickered. “Yeah, I do, and it’s not just me. We all look at her—and apparently looking at her is all you do, too.”

“Are you getting mad, Johnny?” He chuckled, arching a brow. “Hmm? Are you getting all fired up, lad?” “What does it look like?” I snarled, not bothering to deny it. “Perfect.” Springing out of the chair, Gibsie grinned. “Now that we’ve established that testosterone still pumps in your blood, go do something productive with your girlfriend.” He sauntered over to the door. “And none of that hand-holding bullshit,” he added. “You’re not twelve, Johnny, and neither is she.” “Get the hell out of here,” I bit out, jaw clenched. “Oh, and if you’re still in the air about full penetration, then I highly recommend going down the mouth-to-pussy resuscitation route.” “Jesus Christ, Gibs!” “It’s a scenic view and very rewarding.” He winked. “It’s a win-win, lad.” “Go home.” I pointed at the door. “Right this instant or you’ll be the one needing resuscitating.” “Aye, aye, Cap,” Gibsie shot back with a salute before darting from the room. “Yeah, you better run, fucker!” I roared after him, chest heaving. “Because when I’m back to a hundred percent, I’m going to strangle—”

“What do you want from me, Shannon?” I croaked out, feeling incredibly vulnerable as I stared down at the only girl I had ever loved. I needed her to tell me what to do. She needed to set the pace because I was weak around her, and I needed more than I feared she was ready to give. Gibsie had fucked with my head, and now my mind was stuck in fucking beast mode. I wanted her so damn much that I couldn’t think straight. Knowing that we were all alone only made it a million times more intense. “What do you mean?” she asked, looking fearful. “From me,” I replied, heart racing. “From this.” I shrugged, feeling helpless. “From our relationship. What do you want from me?” “Honestly?” I nodded. “Always.” “Everything,” she whispered, looking into my eyes. “Especially the broken parts.” Aw, shite. She gave my words back to me, and I was done for. Completely fucking done for.

“I just don’t want to look back in five years’ time and know that I fucked up the important parts because I couldn’t be patient.” A small smile crept across Shannon’s face. “What?” I mirrored her smile. “What’s so funny?” “You said in five years’ time,” she whispered, curling her arms around my neck. “I already told you, I need you for keeps,” I replied gruffly. “There’s no expiration date between us.” “Whoa.” Shannon released a shaky breath and beamed at me. “You say the best things, Johnny Kavanagh.”

“Oh my god, help me!” Shannon screamed, whimpering when the engine roared to life beneath us. “This is so bad.” She grabbed the wheel, looking all wide-eyed and panicked. “What if I crash?” “Don’t crash,” I shot back. “Now put your foot on the clutch and I’ll change the gears for you.” “Don’t let me die,” she begged, as I slipped the car into first. “I won’t,” I promised. “Don’t close your eyes, baby.” Reaching over, I pulled her hand away from her face. “Look straight ahead.” “I am, Johnny,” she wailed. “I am going to die!”

“I’m doing it!” Shannon exclaimed, eyes bright with excitement as she whizzed around the back of the house, using my driveway like it was her own personal racetrack. “Slow down,” I begged as she took the corner of my house with more speed than was necessary. “Please god, Shannon, just slow it down.” “What’s wrong, tough boy?” she teased. “Are you scared?” Fucking terrified… “Oh my god, did you see that?” she squealed in delight. “Did you see me slip into fifth by myself?” “I saw,” I choked out, gripping the oh-Jesus handle for all I was worth. “Can we be done now?”

“Last time,” I choked out, clenching my eyes shut only to think better of it. “Watch out for the—” My words broke off and I held my breath as Shannon swerved. “Pothole,” I finished, exhaling a shaky breath. “This is exactly like GTA,” she said, laughing. “Except there’s no restart button,” I groaned. “So please don’t kill us.” “It’s like you said.” She giggled, pushing the pedal to the metal. “I’ve got this.”

“Yeah, can I get a portion of cheesy bread with that orange dip and a large pizza with no mushrooms and extra pineapple?” Johnny looked over at me and made a gagging motion before saying, “Yeah, I’m sure, lad. Pile on the pineapple.” “Hey—” Stretching out, I poked him with my toe and whispered, “Don’t judge me, Mister I only eat chicken.” “The world is judging you,” he whispered back as he snatched my foot and placed it on his thigh.

“You’re so pretty,” I whispered, biting down on my lip as I sagged against him. “You don’t need to diet.” He paused midkiss and pulled back to stare at me. “Did you just call me pretty?” “Yes.” I smiled. “What’s wrong with calling you pretty?” “Everything,” he replied, looking appalled. “Shan, you can’t call me pretty.” “But you are pretty,” I teased. “You have pretty eyes, and pretty hair, and a pretty smile.” Johnny gaped at me. “I’m offended.” I laughed at his horrified expression. “You are a pretty boy.”

“I think—” Pausing, I dropped my head and clutched the sill. “I’m going to cry.” “That’s okay,” Johnny told me, standing so close behind me that I could feel his thigh against mine. “It’s okay to cry.” “I don’t want to do that in front of you again.” Exhaling a ragged breath, I clenched my eyes shut and choked out, “I don’t want you to see me fall apart all the time.” “Well, you don’t have a choice,” he replied, turning me around and pulling me into his arms. “Because I’m not leaving you.”

For the first time in my life, I had someone who was just for me. I didn’t have to share him with my brothers or my friends. I didn’t have to compromise or double-check. He was mine. Just mine.

I savored every minute I got to spend with him at school, and even then it was never enough. The kisses weren’t enough. The hand-holding wasn’t enough. The nights I snuck out of the house to drive around in his car with him until the sun came up weren’t either. Nothing seemed to be enough when my body and heart continuously screamed out for more.

Hooking my arm through his, I rested my cheek on his shoulder and whispered, “You’re going to make it, Johnny.” “Don’t put money on it,” he replied quietly, hand moving to his thigh. “I don’t think it’s going to happen for me, Shan,” he added, voice barely more than a whisper as he adjusted the bandage I knew was strapped to his thigh beneath his school trousers. “Not this summer.” “I do,” I countered, sliding my hand down his arm to link with his. “I know it.” Entwining our fingers, I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

Holding my face in his hands, he leaned back and stared at me. “I can wait.” I gazed at him, feeling more in this moment than I had my whole life. I could feel his heart hammering against his chest like a caged bird fluttering wildly, matching the rhythm of mine.

“Open the door, Shannon,” Darren demanded, banging loudly. “Right now.” “Fuck off,” Johnny mouthed, giving my bedroom door the middle finger. “Asshole.” Stifling a giggle, I darted off the bed and pushed open my bedroom window. “You can climb out here.” “I can’t jump down,” Johnny hissed, gesturing to his crotch. “My dick.” Now I did laugh—loudly. Johnny narrowed his eyes. “It’s not funny, Shan. I only just got it back working.” “He’ll kill you if you go out the door,” I mouthed back at him.

Dangling Shannon’s bra from her fingers, Mam arched a brow. “Care to explain?” “Would you believe me if I told you that was mine?” I offered weakly. “It’s not your size,” Mam growled before taking aim at me with the bra. “In my house!” she wailed, slapping me over the head with Shannon’s bra. “And then I went to tidy your bedside locker, and guess what I found in your drawer?” She took another swipe at me with the bra. “A box of condoms!” “Unopened because I didn’t do anything—” Diving into damage-control mode, I tightened my hold on my towel and ducked around her. “Ma, we didn’t have sex, I swear to god!” “I’m taking the lock off your door,” she warned. “I mean it, Johnny. You can’t be trusted.”

“And I’ll be so proud of you.” “Then why are you sad?” “Because you’re my baby.” She sighed heavily. “And it’s hard to watch you fly from the nest.” “I’m not jumping from any nest,” I shot back. “I’d die on my own.” “Johnny,” Mam admonished in a sad tone. “I’m being serious.” “So am I.” Wrapping my arm around her, I gave her shoulder a squeeze. “I’m being deadly serious. I wouldn’t make it a week without you.” She smiled. “You think?” I nodded. “I know.”

“I feel good, Shan,” he replied, eyes bright and full of excitement. “How was I looking out there?” “Like a big bright shining star,” I told him proudly. “You were the best one out there by a mile.” Smirking, he leaned forward and kissed my cheek. It was a soft, sweet act of affection and more intimate than if he had stuck his tongue down my throat.

“I swear to Christ if you brought some girl back here—Oh fucking god!” he roared, spinning around, only to give me a perfect view of his parents. “What are you doing?” he choked out, horrified. “Ya freaks!” Mrs. Kavanagh was sitting on the island countertop and Mr. Kavanagh was standing between her legs. Naked. “Oh, Johnny, love, you’re home early,” his mother replied. “Ma!” Johnny hissed as he set me on my feet. “What are you… Oh Jesus, what the fuck are you letting him do to you?” Clutching his stomach, he gawked. “I’m going to be sick.”

“Cover your ass, Da,” Johnny roared. “My girlfriend’s in the room!” “Sorry, Shannon.” “That’s okay.” “No, it’s not,” Johnny corrected. “Nothing about any of this is okay.” Mr. Kavanagh moved to pick up his clothes off the floor and Johnny let out a demented scream. “Don’t fucking pull out,” he choked out. “I don’t want to see it.” Johnny covered my eyes with his hand and pulled me in to his chest. “Don’t look, Shan. Honestly, baby, keep your eyes closed. I’m scarred for life.” “Relax, Johnny,” Mr. Kavanagh replied in an amused tone of voice. “Relax?” Johnny spluttered, dropping his hand from my eyes. “Are you serious right now? I eat my fucking dinner on that counter—not anymore, apparently. No, I’m never eating in this bleeding kitchen again.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” I whispered, slipping my hand into his. “It’s, uh, kind of normal.” “Normal?” Johnny spluttered, eyeballing me with unrestrained outrage. “Shan, there is nothing normal about those two…two…geriatrics!” I laughed into his face. I felt bad, but I honestly couldn’t help it. “This is funny for you?” Johnny accused hotly. “You’re supposed to be on my side here, baby!” “I am,” I coaxed, holding his hand with both of mine. “I’m always on your side.”

“Do you want to get out of here?” Gibsie asked then. “I’m bored.” “You’re always bored,” Johnny shot back. “Because you’re boring,” Gibsie countered. “If I’m boring, fuck off home and find someone else to torment,” Johnny grumbled. “I can’t,” Gibsie mused. “You might be a boring fucker, but I’m awfully fond of you, and I always miss you too much when we’re apart.”

“I haven’t killed you yet, have I?” Gibsie huffed. Johnny arched a brow. “‘Yet’ being the appropriate word, lad.” “Now you’re just being ungrateful,” Gibsie countered. “I drove your ass around for weeks when you broke your dick—and I kept you alive!” “Thank you so much for driving me and my broken dick around and keeping us both alive, Gerard,” Johnny said, rolling his eyes. “How can I ever repay you?” “You’re more than welcome, Jonathan,” Gibsie replied with a grin. “And you can repay me by not ejaculating on me again.” “What?” Claire and I both laughed in unison. Johnny narrowed his eyes. “You’re so fucking dead.” “It’s a long story, girls,” Gibsie snickered, diving for the door. “I’ll tell you all about it in the car.”

I’d been to the cinema countless times with Gibsie and Claire down through the years and was more than prepared for the argument that ensued when I asked the dreaded “What are we going to watch?” question. It was the same fight they had before every bleeding film. Like an old married couple, they threw down right there in front of the ticket booth. “You’re wrong, Gerard,” Claire growled, folding her arms across her chest. “I’m telling you, we need to go see The Wedding Date.” “I’m not listening to you,” he declared, glaring right back at her. “Not after The Notebook escapade.” “That was a great movie,” she choked out, clutching her chest. “You have no taste.” “You cried!” he spat out. “For days!” “So did you!” she shot back. “Louder than me.” “Exactly,” Gibsie ground out. “Which is why I’m not listening to you again.”

I don’t care.” “You’re lying,” he accused. “It’s not fine and you’re going to make me suffer.” “Do what you want, Gerard.” “Stop mind-fucking me!” “Fine.” “Don’t say that.” “Fine.” “Fine!” He threw his hands up in the air. “Fucking fine. You win.” Turning to the man sitting behind the counter, he said, “Two tickets for The Wedding Date please, and a container for her to store my balls in.” Sighing wearily, he gestured over his shoulder to me. “And that poor bastard behind me will have the same.” “Yay!” Claire squealed happily and wrapped her arms around his waist. “You’re going to love it.” “It’s not fair, but whatever,” Gibsie muttered as he paid the man and handed Claire the tickets, stepping aside for me to pay and collect Shannon’s and my tickets. “Doesn’t ever matter what I want.” “You’re the best.” Pressing a kiss to his cheek, she stepped back, waving the tickets in the air. “I’ll share my popcorn with you.” “Hmm,” he grunted, with his nose cocked in the air. “I’m not hungry anymore.”

“If you thank me for buying you a bleeding Coke, I’m going to throw a tantrum worse than Gibs.” Handing her the Coke, I pulled the door of Screen One open and gestured for her to go ahead of me. “I mean it, Shan.” “Like the one in the kitchen earlier?” She snickered, hurrying inside. “With your parents?” “Ugh.” I shuddered and followed after her. “Don’t remind me.” “It’s okay,” she teased. “When the lights go out, I’ll make you feel better.” “Do you promise?” I muttered under my breath. “I promise,” she whispered, squeezing my ass. Jesus…

“You hit my dad,” I croaked out, feeling numb, as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and steered me toward his car. “I did,” he bit out, tightening his arm around my shoulders. “A lot,” I whispered, knotting my fingers in the side of his hoodie. “He deserved it.” “He did.” “Are you okay?” “Are you?” “I don’t know.” “Me either.”

“Closer,” I begged, rolling onto my side. “I need you.” His arm came around me, pulling my back flush against his bare chest before settling his hand against my lower belly. “I’m right here, baby.” His breath was hot on my neck, and then his lips were on my skin, pressing soft, hot kisses to my neck and collarbone. “You are not your father’s daughter, and there’s no orchard in the world far enough from the tree your apple fell from.” His arms tightened around me, the heat from his body cocooning me. “He won’t break you, because I won’t let that happen. Not ever.” “I love you, Johnny Kavanagh,” I choked out, clenching my eyes shut as I grabbed his arm and held it to my chest. “Most in the world.” “I love you back, Shannon Lynch,” he said quietly in my ear and I felt the connection I had to him in the deepest part of my soul. “Most in the world.” “For keeps?” I breathed. He kissed my shoulder. “For keeps.”

the feelings she evoked from me were addictive. Fuck addictive, I was obsessed with my girlfriend.

“We’re fine,” Tadhg growled. “I’m hungry,” Ollie piped up. “And we didn’t have dinner because we don’t know about the cooker.” My heart cracked in my chest, but I masked it with a small laugh. “Yeah, same here,” I told them, trying to put them at ease. “I don’t know much about cookers, either.”

“Have you tried her spaghetti? It’s my favorite.” “Not yet,” I replied. “I must ask her to make it for me sometime.” “You should,” Ollie agreed. “It’s really good.” “Hey, you know what I really like?” I said. “McDonald’s.” Their eyes widened and I hurried to say, “Do you want to go?” What the fuck are you doing, Johnny! “With you?” Ollie asked, eyes wide. Say no, asshole. Say fucking no! “Yeah,” I replied. “Now?” Tadhg piped up, sounding reluctantly excited. You’re going to jail, Cap… “Yeah,” I choked out. “Why not.”

“I’m in trouble,” I choked out when I reached him. “Big trouble.” “I know,” Gibsie replied, eyeing me with suspicion. “I can tell by your face. What the hell did you do?” “I took them!” I choked out, pointing at my car. “You took what, Johnny?” Gibsie asked warily. Swallowing down a groan, I grabbed his arm and dragged him down the path toward my car. “Them,” I choked out, pointing to the three blond boys looking out at us. “You took them,” Gibsie said. “You just went ahead and took some kids?”

“You don’t steal children,” he hissed. “It’s like the fundamental rule of life.” “I wasn’t thinking.” “You have issues,” Gibsie accused, sounding horrified. “You have serious fucking issues with taking things that aren’t yours. You’re like a kleptomaniac but with humans!”

“It’s so bad, Johnny,” I whimpered, removing my jacket. “Like, the worst kind of bad ever.” “Oh, mine’s worse, Shan,” he muttered, pacing the floor. “Trust me. It’s like insanely bad.” “Can you just look at mine first?” I begged, feeling close to a panic attack. “I stole your brothers, baby!” he blurted out and then froze. “Sorry,” he squeezed out. “I love you.” Grimacing like he was in physical pain, he added, “Please don’t break up with me.” “Huh?”

“Yeah, well, I’m shy,” I huffed, flopping down on his bed. “How can I just show someone that?” He shot me a disbelieving look. “You don’t count,” I snapped, flustered.

Without a word, Mam walked over to the side of my bed, and I watched in horror as she bent down and retrieved the condom box. Fuck. My. Life. “Opened,” Mam growled as she stalked back to where I was slumped and tossed the box on my lap. “Now, where is the girl to go with the johnnies, Johnny?” I hung my head, knowing that I was thoroughly fucked. “Uh…” “I’m here, Mrs. Kavanagh,” Shannon croaked out, peeking out from between my legs. “Sorry?” “Shannon.” Mam blew out a ragged breath. “Come on out from under the bed, please.” “I kind of can’t, Mrs. Kavanagh,” Shannon squeezed out. “Why not?” “Because I’m kind of naked,” she choked out, blushing. “And Jesus wept,” Mam wailed, covering her face with her hands.

“I know I’m not supposed to be here, but I had to keep my promise.” I stared at him in confusion. “What promise?” “I told you when we slept together, we would sleep together,” he said gruffly. “And I know I made a balls of the first part.” With a vulnerable look in his eyes, Johnny shrugged and gestured to my tiny bed. “But do you think you can fit me in for the second part?” Oh God. This boy. My heart.

“I’ve never done that before,” he admitted quietly. “Done what?” “Taken anyone’s virginity.” He exhaled a heavy sigh and the vibration from his chest rippled through me. “I was so scared of hurting you, Shan.” “So, I’m your first first?” I asked sleepily. “You’re my everything.” Whoa. “Night, Shan,” he whispered. I closed my eyes and grinned. “Night, Johnny.”

“Jesus, I’m dying,” I groaned, pressing my hand to my chest. “Gibs, I think I’m having a heart attack.” Shaking my head, I tried to breathe, but my lungs wouldn’t fill. “I’m suffocating!” “You’re not dying.” He laughed. “This happened when you got accepted into the Academy, remember? You hid in our tree house crying like a bitch, shouting that you were going into cardiac arrest and begging anyone that looked at you to call an ambulance. Happened when you got the call up for the U18s too. You took to the bed with stroke symptoms. And you didn’t die then either, lad.” “This is worse, Gibs,” I choked out, clutching my arm. “So much worse.” “Because this is bigger,” Gibsie explained calmly. “So much bigger.” Sitting down beside me, he placed a hand on my back and began to rub. “It’s your adrenaline spiking, lad.

“As if the woman doesn’t hate me enough—” Tearing away from the house, he reached over and switched off the stereo. “You had to go and push it, and put more bleeding notions in her head!” I wish he would put more notions in your head, Johnny Kavanagh!

“Fine!” Gibsie huffed. “I didn’t want the roast spuds anyway. My mam’s are better.” “Gerard,” Claire coaxed. “It’s okay. You can have dinner with me.” “Can I eat you?” he asked, sounding playful once more. “If you’re good,” she replied, patting his shoulder. “What?” Gibsie’s voice rose so high, it was almost girlish. “I mean—” He roughly cleared his throat several times before adding, “What?”

“What?” Gibsie frowned. “That was your mam?” “Yes, asshole!” “Ah, lad, I’m so fucking sorry,” Gibsie choked out, slapping a hand across his mouth. “I thought she was a dog.” “Not making it any better, Gibs,” Johnny mused, lips twitching. “I didn’t mean that she looks like a dog,” Gibsie quickly corrected. “But she was so soft and furry—” “Repress it,” Johnny ordered. Gibsie frowned. “Hey, is that why your parents won’t—” “Won’t let you step foot inside the house anymore?” Feely filled in, giving him a dirty look. “Yes, Gibs. That’s exactly why.”

“Do something before dinner?” I didn’t want dinner unless he was on the menu. “What kind of something?” I asked, voice a little breathless as I traced my fingers down the hard ridges and grooves of his stomach. “What have you got in mind?” “I don’t know,” he replied gruffly, hands moving to my ass. “We could play a little GTA? Or talk?” He squeezed tightly and I moaned. “Whatever you want, Shan.” Dropping his face to my neck, he suckled hard on my flesh. “Shite, I think I marked you,” he muttered, jerking his head back, eyes locked on my neck. Grinning sheepishly, he added, “Sorry.” “Sure you are.” He looked about as far from sorry as a person could get. “I believe you.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Shannon Lynch,” he admitted in a husky voice. “You make me lose my head.” “Good,” I teased. “I like it when you turn your brain off.”

for once in my life I was fighting back. Something had changed inside of me, I felt it the day I woke up in that hospital bed, lucky to be alive, and I refused to take any more. I wasn’t going to be pushed around by her or anyone else.