Keeping 13 (Boys of Tommen, #2)

by Chloe Walsh

“I can’t give you anything back,” I choked out, telling him the same thing I told him last week, praying he would hear me. “I have nothing to give you in return.” “You can give me a call.” “A call?” He smirked. “And you can text me.” “Be serious,” I begged. “I am.” He stepped closer. “I am so fucking serious about you.” Oh god…

“But I’m okay now,” I hurried to soothe. “I am.” “Maybe,” he replied quietly. “But I still need the link.” “Of a phone,” I filled in. “Yeah.” He shifted from foot to foot, looking uncomfortable. “I suppose now’s a good time to tell you that I get a little obsessed with the things I love, huh?” There was that word again.

“Because it was bad enough before, when I was fighting it, but now I’m just…” He blew out a pained sigh. “I just want to be with you.” He shrugged almost helplessly. “All the fucking time.” “That might change,” I said softly, shaking from the impact of his words. “I wouldn’t hold your breath,” he replied. Don’t worry, I’m not.

“Do you even know what the sexual health clinic is used for?” “I know they’re handing out free condoms, lollipops, and bottles of lube,” Gibsie said gleefully. “That’s all I need to know.” Slapping Johnny on the shoulder, he hurried back toward the staircase, calling out, “Come on—I’ve emptied my schoolbag. We’re going to save a fucking fortune today.” I glanced up at Johnny, who was staring after Gibsie with a mildly horrified expression etched on his face. “What do you think it’s like in his head?” “A happy place?” I offered with a weak shrug.

“So, what’s going on with you and the Lynch girl?” Clenching my jaw, I leaned back in my chair and folded my arms across my chest, dutifully ignoring her. Don’t feed the crazy. Don’t feed the crazy. “Answer me,” she whispered-hissed. Give me strength… “You might as well answer me because I’m going to keep—” “She’s my girlfriend,” I spat out, losing my cool. “Now stop fucking talking to me.”

“She’s all fucked up, with a broken home and a bad daddy, and you’re a sucker for a sob story.” She added, “Just look at Gib—” “Don’t even go there,” I warned, hands balling into fists. “You feel bad about it so you’re keeping this charade up,” she continued. “I knew there had to be something more to this. It made no sense for you to look sideways at the likes of her—” “Someone swap seats with me!” I roared, causing the nurse who was addressing the class to jump and everyone else to turn and look at me.

“Take them.” “No.” “Take them.” “No.” “Yes.” “Did they adjust your medication?” “Not lately, now take them.” “Jesus, Gibs—” “Take the condoms or I’ll make a scene.” “Fine!” Grabbing two fistfuls of foil packets, I shoved them into my pockets and glared at him. “Happy now?” He grinned widely. “You will be—when you’re not caught out in a moment.”

“That little fucker.” “Lad.” Gibsie threw his head back and laughed, much to Hughie’s dismay. “I’m two inches taller than you.” Shoving his chair back, he pulled his jumper and shirt up, revealing his bare chest, and grinned. “And are these the tits you’re talking about?” he taunted, flexing his pecs. “Fine pair, aren’t they?” “You’re an eejit,” I muttered wearily. “An eejit with great tits, apparently,” he shot back with a wink. “I can’t believe you pierced your nipples,” Katie chuckled, covering her mouth with her hand. “What if they get ripped off in a match?” “Don’t look at his nipples, baby,” Hughie huffed. “Look at my fucking nipples.” Deciding to eject myself from the storm brewing around me, I leaned back in my chair, zoned out of their conversation, and waited for Shannon.

“Hey, my brother’s in that gang of gimps,” Claire huffed. “You know what they say, Claire—if you lie with dogs, you get fleas.” “Then you must be riddled with them,” Claire shot back. “Since all you seem to be doing lately is lying under Pierce O’Neill.” Lizzie’s cheeks turned pink and Claire arched a perfectly shaped brow. “Nothing to say? Uh-huh. That’s what I thought.”

“I knew that day before Easter break, when you ran out of school and he went all batshit in the courtyard, that something was going on between you. Hell, even before that, he was always watching you like a creeper.” “They were kissing,” Claire chimed in. “In his bedroom.” “Claire!” I hissed. “And in Dublin.” I narrowed my eyes. “Thanks for that.” “Well, you were.” She laughed. “Because he looooves you.” “Stop it.” I blushed bright red.

“If you ditch your brother and come home with me instead, we can do that without an audience,” Johnny told me, tone laced with amusement as he set me back down on my feet. “Huh?” He inclined his head toward Claire and Lizzie, who were both watching us, open-mouthed. “Well,” Lizzie said, composing herself first. “You just went right on in there, didn’t you?” “Aww,” Claire gushed, clutching her chest with both hands. “I love them together.” She feigned swooning before adding, “It’s like a Great Dane and a Chihuahua trying to mate, but they somehow make it work.” “Jesus,” Lizzie grumbled, swatting her arm. “You are so bloody tactless, Claire.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Johnny blew my mind by asking. “We could go now. Get it over and done with.” My eyes widened. “You would do that?” “Of course,” he replied gruffly. “Would you be allowed in there with me?” “I’d like to see him stop me,” he shot back, and then with a grin added, “And if he asks you about anything you don’t want to talk about, I’ll take a leaf out of my da’s book and jump in with a ‘My client reserves the right to not answer that question.’” Smiling, I wrapped my arms around my waist and nodded. “Okay, I’ll do it after lunch.” “Yeah?” His eyes burned with tenderness. “Well, shite, I’m kind of persuasive when I want to be.” You have no idea just how much.

Lizzie stalked right past the boys with her nose cocked in the air, smacking the back of Gibsie’s head as she passed, not stopping until she was halfway up the table and dragging out an empty chair beside her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Pierce. “Hey—what was that in aid of?” Gibsie called after her. “Because you’re a dickhead,” Lizzie shot back. “And you’re a viper,” Gibsie muttered under his breath, rubbing the back of his head. “Jesus.”

“Dee happened,” she grumbled. “Again.” Gibsie’s mouth fell open and Johnny muttered something unintelligible under his breath before shifting closer to me. “Dee?” I scrunched my brows together. “The school secretary?” “That’s the one,” Claire replied and then huffed out a pained breath. “I swear that woman hates me for no reason, Shan.” Gibsie choked on his lollipop and several of the lads sitting around the table snickered. Meanwhile, Johnny stared dutifully out the window, looking anywhere but at Claire, while Hughie glowered darkly at Gibsie.

“Lolly?” Gibsie offered, pulling a lollipop stick from his mouth and holding it out to her. Claire stared at it for a moment before shrugging, swiping it out of his hand, and then popping it into her mouth. “Sherbet?” She arched a brow. “You hate sherbet.” “Got it for you,” he shot back with a wink. “I know it’s your favorite.”

“Where’s he going?” I asked, pulling back so I could concentrate. With a heavy sigh, Johnny dropped a hand to my thigh and squeezed. “Trust me, Shan,” he said in a low tone, leaning close to my ear. “When it comes to Gibs, you’re really better off not knowing.”

I guess it helped that Lizzie had melded herself to my side and was emanating some pretty serious Fuck with me and I’ll cut your heart out vibes.

“Well,” Gibsie said in a cheerful tone, breaking the frigid silence. “That escalated quickly.” “Yeah,” I breathed. Understatement of the century.

“Fuck it—” Lowering myself back down, I rolled out my shoulders, groaning in relief when my muscles clicked and popped back into place. “I’m going over there.” “Good,” he agreed. “About time.” My mouth fell open. “But you said I shouldn’t—” “Hey.” Gibsie held his hands up and grinned. “I’m the last person you should be taking advice from.” Shrugging, he added, “I’m following your lead, lad.”

“You’re fucking insane,” I choked out. “Deranged, even. And you’ve scarred me for life.” “I’ve scarred you for life? Yeah. Sure,” he scoffed. “I showed you a piece of body art, lad. You showed me your gangrened ball sac.” “For the last time, I didn’t have fucking gangrene,” I snapped. “I had a torn adductor.” “Whatever you say, lad.” Laughing, Gibsie sauntered out of his room with me trailing after him, still visually traumatized. “But those were the most discolored balls I’ve ever seen in my life.” “I hate you,” I grumbled, hobbling down the staircase after him. “I hope you know that.” “And I love you, too,” he snickered.

“I’ll come anywhere you want if you just show me that thong,” Gibsie pleaded, dropping his hands to her waist. “I’ll clean all the pots. I’ll do anything. Just one peek. That’s all I’m asking.” “You’ll come anyway,” she huffed, catching ahold of his school tie and dragging him out of her room. “You’ve got that right,” he agreed, trailing after her like a puppy dog on a lead. “Is your bra red, too?” “I’m not wearing one.” “Oh, Jesus.”

“Gibsie bought this one for her thirteenth birthday and demanded she name it after him,” I said. “She compromised and called it Gerry.” “I remember.” Johnny sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Bleeding thing cost him eighty quid. He was cutting grass for the entire summer to pay for it.” My eyes widened. “Eighty euro for a teddy bear?” Johnny shrugged. “That’s the one she wanted.”

“All because I couldn’t get a handle of myself—” “Johnny?” I squeezed out, heart skittering around wildly. He exhaled a sigh and looked at me with a wary expression like he was trying to gauge my emotions. “Yeah, Shan?” “I love you.” I had no idea why I felt the need to tell him that, but the words seemed to clamber up my throat every time I laid eyes on him. The blue in his eyes blazed with heat. “I love you, too.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.”

“You want to have sex?” he pressed, watching me warily. “Is that what you’re saying?” “I don’t know.” Nervous, I got up and stood on the other side of the bed with my back to the window, watching him with equal wariness. “I mean, I’ll do it if you want to?” “Is that a trick… What the… Are you… Fuck!” Holding a hand up, Johnny placed his other hand on the top of his head and took several deep, steadying breaths. He looked like he was about to explode as he rolled his lips between his teeth and eyeballed me. “Just give me a minute.”

I won’t take what you can’t give, and I won’t push, okay?” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Sex isn’t even important. It’s just one fucking part of it, a part that can wait for as long you want.” He was right. Oh god, he was totally right. Mortification swamped me. “I don’t think I’m ready, Johnny,” I whispered, cheeks flaming. “I know,” he replied, smirking. “And that’s okay.” There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in his voice, and I clung to his certainty. “Okay,” I croaked out, shifting closer. “You make me happy,” he whispered. “I want to stick with that. I want to stick with you.” “Johnny…” My voice trailed off as I contemplated the importance of what he’d just said. “You make me happy, too.”

You should be raging. It’s not fair. But don’t even think about taking it out on her, me, or those two kids upstairs, because we didn’t do shit to you, kid. We didn’t do a damn thing to deserve this life, the same as you, so remember that before you come out here aiming your pain at us.” Tadhg stared hard at Joey for a long moment before shuddering violently. “I don’t want him to come back,” he finally said, voice cracking. Springing onto his knees, he lunged at Joey. “I don’t want this,” he cried, wrapping his arms around Joey’s neck. “I want it to be gone. I just want it to be over!” “I know, kid,” Joey choked out, holding him tightly. “I know.” “And you left me,” he sobbed, crying harder. “You can’t leave me. I need you to stay with me.”

“Peaceful,” he noted. “And relaxed.” His eyes widened then. “You came, didn’t you?” “Lad, it’s too early for you.”

“It was satisfying,” I told him. “But fair warning—you’re lying on the wet patch, lad.” “Jesus Christ, Johnny!” Gibsie hissed as he catapulted off the mattress. “Ever hear of a posh wank? I gave you a fucking heap of rubbers.” “I’m not posh,” I snickered. “And I just got it working again. I’m not suffocating the poor bastard.” “Look at my ass!” Gibsie howled, and I had to press the pillow I was holding to my face to bury my laughter. “Look at what you did to me!” he screamed, pointing to the tissue clinging to the back of his trousers. “Take it off,” he instructed. “Take your fucking sperm off my ass right this instant!” “No,” I choked out through fits of laughter. “You came on my fucking ass!” he roared. “Your cum is touching my body.” “Stop or I’m going to bust my stitches from laughing at ya!”

“You’re such a…a…a wanker!” I laughed because in all honesty, what else could I do? “I feel like it’s on me,” he groaned. “Is it on me?” Gagging, he twisted around from side to side, trying to get a better view of his back. “I feel like it’s touching my skin!” Glaring at me, he spat out, “I feel fucking violated, Johnny!” “It’s not touching you,” I choked out, hardly able to draw a breath at this stage, as I threw his pants back at him. “You’re grand, I promise—”

“Your son”—Gibsie paused to point an accusing finger at me before continuing—“ejaculated on me.” “He did?” Mam asked with a hopeful expression on her face. “Yes, he did!” Gibsie groaned, shuddering from head to toe. “I didn’t fucking ejaculate on you,” I shot back, torn between laughing and fucking crying. “I ejaculated and you sat on it.” “Same difference,” he barked, furious. “Same fucking results, Johnny!” “Oh, love, I’m so happy it’s working for you again,” Mam said, sagging in relief. “But you shouldn’t be interfering with yourself when your friends are over.” “What?” I gaped at her. “Are these words actually coming out of your mouth?”

“I could have had a daughter. I could have understood a daughter…” “Well, you got me,” I huffed, flopping back down on the mattress. “Dick and all.” “Jonathan!” “Whatever, Ma, you should be glad,” I tossed out, dignity long gone. “I might actually be able to give you grandchildren one day.” “Not with Gerard, you won’t.” My jaw fell open. “I’m not gay!” “It would be fine if you were,” she offered. “Thanks, I agree, but I’m still not gay,” I shot back. “I have a girlfriend.”

“Good boy. Now, bring your sheets downstairs when you’re coming down for breakfast,” she added before pottering off with Gibsie’s uniform bundled up in her arms. “And next time, be tidier about it. Over the toilet bowl works for your father—less mess.” Fuck. My. Life.

“You know, all you have to do is ask the girl out,” I said as I hobble-jogged after him. “She’ll say yes.” “I know,” he snarled, sounding even more furious. “Well, if you know, then why haven’t you done it already?” I asked, frustrated. “Because!” “Because?” I pushed, resisting the urge to jump on his back and wrestle him to the ground. “You like her, she likes you.” I threw my hands up. “What’s the problem?” When we reached his car, Gibsie spun around to face me, chest rising and falling quickly, car keys clenched in his white-knuckled fist. “Do you know what the statistics for relationships formed during childhood lasting are?” Exhaling, I shook my head. “What?” “They’re low, Johnny,” he hissed.

“That’s what’s wrong with you? Why you’ve been driving yourself crazy over that girl for as long as I’ve known you? You’re afraid it won’t last?” I tilted my head to one side. “You’re scared?”

Leaning against the bonnet of the car, I watched Gibsie stalk away, muttering the words “Charm, not harm,” over and over to himself as he went.

“Hi, Shannon,” I said when I was close enough for her to hear me. Frowning, I added, “Were you waiting out here for me?” “Hi, Johnny,” she replied in a small voice. “Yeah, I, uh, was hoping to see you before class.” She chewed on her lip, watching me warily before saying, “Can we talk for a sec?” “Yeah.” Stopping just short of her, I gave her my full attention. “Of course.” She smiled up at me and then her entire expression caved. Without another word, she let her schoolbag fall off her shoulders and walked straight into my arms. “What’s wrong?” My heart slammed violently against my rib cage as I wrapped my arms around her and held her to my chest.

The way she held me, clung to me like I was her lifeline, well, that evoked emotions inside of me I wasn’t sure I was old enough to feel. And I didn’t mean sex. It was deeper. A cord of connection channeling deep inside of me and linking to her. I hoped she never left me, because I was never going to get over this girl.

Every once in a while, I would test the waters by holding myself slightly back from her or inconspicuously stepping a few feet out of touching distance, pretending to look at something that wasn’t there, while I held my breath and waited to see what her next move would be. She skittishly closed the space every single time, moving closer and closer until she was sidled back up to my side. I did that at least four times just to make sure that this was where she wanted to be—with me—because it scared me sometimes, not knowing what was going on inside that head of hers. Every now and then, she would stop for a couple of minutes to check a shell on the sand or pretend to adjust her tights, but I knew that was bullshit. She was giving me pit stops. She was stopping so I could rest.

“Are you ready?” she asked, sounding a little breathless as a playful smile tipped at her lips. “Yeah.” I nodded, feeling the burn on my skin from having her eyes on me. “Go for it.” She held the ball out for me to take, but when I reached for it, she backed up a few feet. A small smile curled at my lips and I tilted my head, studying her mischievous expression. “Oh, so it’s going to be like that?” Shannon laughed loudly—she actually fucking laughed—and nodded. “Come and get it, Mister Rugby.”

“Is it sore?” Tightening my hold on the blanket he had found in the boot for me, I asked, “Are you feeling okay?” “No, Shan.” Tossing the iPod on top of the dashboard, Johnny gave me his full attention. “I actually feel great.” An indulgent smile tugged at his lips, causing the dimples in his cheeks to deepen. “Better than I have in months.”

“What can I do?” I squeezed out, desperate to help him. “Can I help?” Johnny smirked. “Oh, like coach me again?” “If you want.” I shrugged helplessly. “I just want to help you.” “You can stay with me,” he replied, tone low, blue eyes achingly vulnerable. “Even if I don’t get the call.” My chest burned so hard for him that it was physically painful.

“I’m here for Johnny the boy,” I told him, cupping his face with my trembling hands. “Not Johnny the rugby player.” Exhaling a shaky breath, I leaned closer and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth before pulling back to look in his eyes. “I’ll stay for both, but I’m only in love with one.” He shuddered and closed his eyes. “You mean it.” It wasn’t a question. “You really don’t care about it.”

“Wait!” Pressing my fingers to my temples, I forced myself to breathe slowly and not panic. “Just…give me a minute.” I inhaled several deep, calming breaths before asking, “Is this a date?” Claire nodded her head vigorously. Meanwhile, Lizzie looked at me like I was a brand-new species of human. “I don’t understand you, Shan.” She sighed. “He’s your boyfriend. You spend half of lunch every day with his tongue down your throat. You’re meeting up with him on a Saturday night. Of course it’s a date.”

“Do boys even like that sort of thing?” I asked, fingers hovering over the keys. “Aoife’s always making mix CDs for Joey and he never listens to them.” “Well, Gerard makes them for me and I love them,” Claire replied.

“Ah, that’s lovely, that is.” Turning to Gibs, Mam smiled. “Isn’t that lovely, Gerard?” “It sure is.” Gibsie snickered. “You should be taking that young one to the pictures,” Mam added. “What’s her name—the Biggs girl.” Gibsie reddened and I smirked. Ha fucking ha.

“Johnny, be good,” Mam called after me. “That’s a song,” I called over my shoulder. “And a warning,” she shot back. “Keep it in your pants.” Jesus.

“I made this for you.” “Uh, okay.” I stared down at the CD case. “Thanks.” “You’re welcome. It’s a mixtape,” she explained, face burning red. “Or a mix CD.” I stared down at her handwriting on the case. Shannon’s songs for Johnny. Fuck me. “You look really nice,” Shannon said, cheeks so hot I swear I could feel the heat radiating off them as she gestured to my clothes. “And you smell great.” “Uh, thanks.” I shifted in my seat, feeling a huge swell of relief. “I love your haircut,” she added, reaching over to trail her fingers through it. “You kept the length on top.” She hesitated and moved to pull her hand back but then settled it on my cheek. “You’re beautiful.” A shiver rolled through me, her words hitting me deep, and I leaned across the seat. Jesus. “Come here.”

“If that’s what you call hand-holding, then I’d really like to know what you call the other shit,” I heard Darren say from somewhere nearby. “Maybe they’re gone beyond hand-holding,” I heard Joey muse. “I can’t always be right.”

“Do you still have those condoms?” he asked then. I glared at him. “Did you not hear a word of what I just said?” “I heard you,” he replied calmly. “Now answer the question.” “No,” I muttered, shoulders sagging. “I panicked when they fell out on top of her in Claire’s room so I just threw them in her bin.” “What a waste,” Gibsie whimpered, biting on his fist. “Ugh—right, so you need to go to the chemist. Pronto.” I gaped at him. “But I just told you—” “I know you what you told me.” He cut me off with a wave of his hand. “And I’m telling you that the road to fatherhood is paved with good intentions.” “It’s ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions,’ Gibs.”

“Why would they put pregnancy tests next to condoms?” “No clue.” I shrugged. “But they do it everywhere.” “Well, it doesn’t exactly scream out that they have confidence in their product, does it?” he continued, waving the test around aimlessly.