The Throne of Broken Gods (Gods & Monsters, #2)

by Amber V. Nicole

“I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t want to be around me either,” I muttered, curling a long strand of my hair around my finger. A star caught my eye, twinkling as if in answer. It shone so far away, yet it was one of the brightest.

“What? Are you judging me? You’re just a ball of gas. What do you know?” It flashed twice, and I reared back, dropping my legs. “Can you hear me?” One wink. I tossed my hands up. “That’s it. I’ve gone insane. Now I’m talking to stars.”

Drake wasn’t just scared of Samkiel, even though the image of him towering over me made even me pause. No, he was worried because I had someone who would protect me no matter what. I had not seen it then, but I saw it now. Pride filled me because to fall under Samkiel’s protection was something to be proud of. A soft smile curved my lips, something warm and sweet replacing the pain I had felt. Samkiel had always been there, a shield and protector, whether or not I had thought I needed it.

“The smile, the way you practically eye fucked him when he stood up, and let’s not talk about the scent in this house.” I groaned and put my fork down before covering my burning face with my hands. “Has anyone told you the smelling thing is fucking weird?” “Plenty of people.” Xavier chuckled. “Solo activities, Dianna? Tsk, tsk. You know, gods are very possessive. Samkiel would be oh so very hurt if he learned you’d rather take care of yourself than let him.”

She stopped, and it felt like everything had stopped with her. The boys’ laughter died as they looked toward us. The ocean no longer slapped against the shore, and the wind stilled as if holding its breath. They glanced at each other, everyone waiting as if my approval of her on my terms meant something to them all. “Sit. Neverra made more than enough to feed an entire city. I can’t eat it all.” The way her eyes lit up as she smiled made my chest ache. How cruel had I been?

Pleasure lit Imogen’s eyes, and she glanced at Neverra as if the compliment meant something to her. Neverra gave her an encouraging smile and winked. Did Imogen want me to like her that badly? The truth was, I liked all of them. Well, all except Vincent. He avoided me like the plague, which suited me just fine.

We didn’t love each other, not like that, and we wanted what everyone else did. That stupid mark.” Neverra smiled, her gaze going to her mark. Imogen sighed, dipping her brush back into the mask. “It means so much in our world. The one person the universe crafted for you and you alone. All the bliss and everything that comes with it. Or at least that’s what Neverra and Logan preach.” Neverra nudged her with her shoulder. “Yup. It is like a spark of electricity when you first meet. The mortals call it butterflies, but it is just your powers connecting and communicating. It is a knowing, a greeting, an acknowledgment that you have been waiting your whole life for this one person.”

“Yes, like that. It doesn’t matter if you get along or fight like enemies. They are the person you’d do anything for. You become consumed by a weird territorial drive, and no one else will do.” Neverra giggled. “Understatement of the year.”

This was it, the feeling I had wanted, needed, and searched for. Family. They weren’t cruel like Kaden, Alistair, and Tobias. They were sweet and kind. This family cared for each other. All of them had checked on me throughout the day, even when I glared or rolled my eyes.

I sighed, the ache in my chest growing. I had fun today for the first time since Gabby was taken from me. A single tear rolled down my cheek, and I turned away from Imogen and Neverra, hoping they wouldn’t notice as I swiped it away. They are like a family. A home.

Samkiel hadn’t checked in on me today. He seemed to be back to avoiding me. Not that I blamed him after everything. Maybe he’d changed his mind and only wanted to help me but didn’t want anything more. I shouldn’t care. He didn’t owe me anything. We weren’t together, and he had done more for me than anyone ever had. We had never officially been anything, really. But my heart whispered that I wanted us to be something. I wanted that more than I cared to admit.

“I guess what I am saying is I want to be happy again too, and it doesn’t mean I have forgotten about you or anything we have been through. It just means it will hurt a little less when I think about the life I used to have. He makes me happy, and I don’t feel so alone when I am with them, and I’m… I’m sorry.” And a lock on a door in a house… quieted. I opened my eyes to see my star wink back at me.

I kept my gaze on her, noting that this smile hadn’t touched her eyes, the hazel now clouded. “I may not be back tonight due to⁠—” “It’s fine. Tomorrow, remember. Just give me tomorrow,” Dianna said, cutting me off. Neverra and Imogen seemed to hold their breath, everyone waiting for my answer. I nodded. “Tomorrow.”

Winged death. It was the same thing Santiago had called Dianna, and I suppose, to them, she was. She had slaughtered Tobias and destroyed much of this dimension. If Kaden was one of the Old Ones, it would make sense for her to have his power. Power so strong it made even a giant tremble.

“Nev took Dianna something to eat. She is fine. I told Nev just to head back to our quarters.” “And why are you not with her?” He snorted. “Someone has to take care of you.”

“It’s Dianna.” “Is she okay? Have her powers returned?” “No.” I raised my hand, scratching at the back of my head. “She wishes to spend time with me. Just us. She requested a day, and she has made it clear that some of her feelings have returned for me.” “Ah.” Logan smiled widely. “So that’s why you reek of nerves? I knew it wasn’t the colossal monster in a secret prison dimension. Dianna is the only thing that has ever made you sweat like this.”

My head slammed to the table, and I lay there face down. “What if you’re wrong, and I am just seeing what I want to see? What if it isn’t real, Logan?” I mumbled against the table. Logan’s laugh only made my nerves more erratic. “They wrote war songs about you. Men and beasts alike would piss themselves if you stepped on a battlefield, and now the great and fearsome World Ender is afraid of a date.” “I am not fond of you right now,” I said.

“If you try to flee while I am away, try to hurt or trick anyone I care for, I will make sure your death lasts eons. I know how, and I can show you. It would be easy after what you did to my Dianna. Is that also clear?”

Logan stepped back, his expression hard. “I am surprised Dianna let you live after what you did.” “You care about her.” “She is my queen.” “What?” The word left my lips on a gasp. “If Samkiel so chooses, she will be. But she is also more than that.” Logan took me by the arm and led me to the door. “She saved my life twice and made it possible for me to rescue my wife from Yejedin. So, to say that I care for her doesn’t even begin to express what I feel for Dianna. She’s family now, whether or not she knows it. So let’s get you fed, and this day started, and maybe, just maybe, it will work long enough that they can have one day of peace together.”

“You were able to get away?” The grin on his face deepened. “You asked. I made it work.” I hadn’t realized how much I wanted this until I heard those words. Relief flooded through me, and I smiled back.

“Oh, save it,” I snapped. “I don’t care about my healing, and don’t use that as an excuse. We both know you went down there to kill him.” He just stared at me, confirming everything without saying a word. I slammed my spoon down hard enough to break it. “It is not your vengeance to seek!” “Isn’t it?” he snapped back, meeting fire with fire as he always did. Never harsh or cruel, but never afraid. And a flicker of flame in me bent toward him and his indomitable will. “You didn’t just lose a sister, Dianna. I lost you in every way possible. He hurt you. He will pay for that whether or not you think it’s acceptable. I didn’t tell you because you would have run to confront him. You’re a fool to think I’d let you near him without your powers. You mean too much to me.”

“Well, it’s not like you will discuss it when we get back. You’ll leave. Again,” I snapped, leaning a fraction away from him. “I am not the one who left, Dianna. You did.”

“It’s our parents and our initials. We were painting, and I wanted something to remember them by. Some symbol that we all belonged to each other. I was so sentimental then.” My hand dropped, the truth of my reality sinking in. It had nothing to do with my past, only my future.

“I have a lot of issues, and I know I can be mean and rude and cruel. I also know I will never fully heal. He destroyed a part of me. It was one of the best parts, and I will never get that back. I mean that with every fiber of my being. I know you want to help, to help me get my powers back, but when they do, if they do, I still won’t be the same girl you are chasing. The last part of my family is gone. I know you want that girl who laughed at the festival, who took pictures with you, who held you, who would have given her life for you and her sister, the one who hoped and could see the good in life, but I’m afraid she is gone too. Samkiel, I’m being as honest and open with you as I know how to be. I am a mess of jagged pieces and broken parts, but…” Samkiel’s brows bunched together, but he didn’t press or grow frustrated with me. He only watched and listened. “But,” I finally said, “every fragment, every piece of me still left, cares about you. Even the very dangerous and ugly parts.”

“I hurt you, punishing you for someone else’s mistakes, and I’m sorry. I couldn’t push Gabby away, but I can you. It wasn’t fair. I just,” I paused, forcing out the words that broke my heart, “I just didn’t want to stick you with a horrible life, too.” Something sparked behind his eyes, as if my words caressed some broken part in him, too. I didn’t apologize. I never did. Only to Gabby and now to him. Twice. I hoped he could see that and understand what he truly meant to me. “Dianna,” he paused, seeming to gather his words, “there is no life with you in it that would be horrible. Horrible is living without you.”

“I need you to understand what you’re doing. What you are asking for. I know what I said before about you using me, but I lied. The second I touch you, once I take you completely, there will be no other. I will not share you. There will be no other lovers. I am not Kaden. I will demand you and only you. Do you understand? You mean too much to me. If we do this, you are mine, and I will not share you.”

“My Dianna,” he whispered against my lips before pressing kisses to the tip of my nose, my cheek, and then my brow.

It was so nice and lovely. This was everything I wanted but had always been too afraid to hope for because I knew it was out of my reach. I never got sweet gestures, flowers, or romantic poetry. Yet here Samkiel was, making my dreams come true. My heart swelled so much it damn near burst.

“You deserve to be worshiped like the goddess you are,” he said, pressing another kiss to my brow. “I’m n...

“I do not want a quick fuck from you, Dianna. I am very serious about my intentions.” His hand cupped my chin, tilting it up. “I will take my time with you, but if at any point you wish to stop, tell me. Do you understand?” he whispered, his breath warm against my ear.

He smiled against my lips before pulling back. His eyes met mine, and I didn’t need my powers to know that something monumental between us was about to change. It felt like the world knew it and held its breath in anticipation.

“Tell me what pleases you, Dianna.” His teeth tugged at my earlobe, sending shocks of pleasure to my lower belly. “Tell me what you crave, what you need. Tell me what you like so I can do it better than anyone you’ve ever had.” “You. Just you.” The words left my mouth on a breathless whimper.

“Sami?” Male satisfaction filled his smile. “Call me that once more.” “Make me come, and I will.” “Not yet.” Samkiel cupped my jaw, the kiss he gave me brief and rough. He pulled back just enough to whisper against my lips. “The first time you come, I want it to be on my tongue.”

“Dianna, baby.” He stretched my name out as he moaned. “Did I hurt you?” Hurt? Pain? All fleeting, all temporary. But this, what I felt for him? That was eternal. “Never,” I panted, biting at his bottom lip and squeezing my muscles around the steely part of him that was lodged so deeply inside of me. “Now fuck me, please.”

“Mine,” he moaned. “You are mine.” “Yours,” I gasped, his claim vanquishing the ugliness of my doubts and fears, the painful echoes of rejection and loneliness. I knew they would rise again—the scar was too deep, too vicious not to—but this man kept hold of his own.

“Tell me you want me.” My voice came out in a breathless whisper, my fingers digging into the thick muscles of his arms. He rested his forehead against mine. “I always want you.” “Tell me you need me.” I needed to hear and feel it, and I didn’t care how it made me sound or if it made me weak. I was so tired of being used. Being unwanted. Being alone. “Always.” He panted. “I can barely breathe without you, Dianna.”

“I used to dream of what my destiny would be, my future. Everyone has an amata. It was written before the universe had form.” He rose above me, his hand cupping my jaw, his thumb running across my cheek. “You are very special to me. No one feels like you. No one else can ruin me so completely. I know without a doubt that if I had an amata, even if they were alive today, I’d still choose you. It will always be you, Dianna.”

That was all I needed. I laughed so damn hard that Logan joined in. I wiped the tears that prickled at the corner of my eyes as I sighed. “Oh, thank the old dead gods. Do you have any idea how sexual tension smells? It’s not great.”

He didn’t turn toward me, but I suspected those damned white eyes were out. “It will be painful.” I grinned. “Eating? Highly unlikely.” “But it is necessary for what has to occur. I wish there were another way, but it seems even that cannot be avoided. You will lose so much, young hunter. You all will. I do hope you treasure your family while you still have them. I did try. Remember that.”

“I think it’s a lot of stuff, honestly. They both have lost a lot. I think that word symbolizes death to them more than anything else. Think about it. Who were the last people they said it to? Samkiel to his mother and father, and Dianna to her sister.”

“Elianna? Seriously? Of all people?” My lips curved in a slow smile. “Oh, are we judging now? Let’s not forget you were no saint before the ever-gorgeous Neverra walked into your life.” “This isn’t about that. It’s about Xavier.”

He took a step forward. The moonlight illuminated him, and I realized Samkiel was stark, fucking naked. “Holy gods, dude! Put that weapon of mass destruction away!”

“Death will hopefully give you the peace you did not have in this life.” “Save your pity, royal trash. You cannot fool me. None of you could, and I know why you smell like the General’s beast, why you find comfort with it. You are nothing but a monster to us, too.”

“Thank you for that, by the way. The clothes and you all keeping the council busy.” Neverra smiled. “That’s what friends are for, to help their friends get laid.”

“It wasn’t just any dream. Tobias said something when we were in Yejedin, and in the dream, there was this chant, over and over, and… It felt so real.” Neverra stopped, bristling with protective energy. “What did he say?” she asked, her voice taking on a steely edge. I swallowed, not meeting her gaze even if I could feel it boring into me. “That Gabby is not my sister.”

“What does that mean?” she asked, her brow furrowing as she focused on the records that listed my mother, father, and Gabby but not me. I flipped to the next page and found a separate document used in Eoria and eventually across Onuna—a right of ownership for a child that wasn’t yours. It had my name neatly written across the top. I placed the pages down, my stomach twisting. “It means,” I swallowed and sat back, “that Tobias was right. I was adopted.”

“It’s yours,” I said, touching the hem of the shirt. “I see that. I think I might prefer this over the small lacy items you wear, but only slightly.” Samkiel closed the distance between us in two long strides and bent to kiss me. I turned my head, shaking it. “Hey,” he cupped my chin, turning my face toward him, “don’t do that. Don’t pull away from me. We are not going back to that. Kiss me, Dianna.”

“Does this mean Gabby isn’t my sister? I mean, I know what I’m looking at, and I know what it says, but⁠—” “This changes nothing. Nothing, Dianna. She still is and will always be your sister. The same one you grew up with, the same one you experienced life with, the same one you died for, lived for, and fought for. Blood is the least of what makes a family. Trust me.”

I did trust him. Samkiel would always tell me the truth. I leaned forward and grabbed the neckline of his armor. Pulling him toward me, I kissed him. Once. Twice. Three times before I sat back down. “Now you kiss me?” “I needed to tell you what I had done before you kissed me. You needed to know because I did not want you to feel deceived or manipulated. I know what that is, and I would not have you feel that at my hands, Samkiel.” I gave him an angelic smile and started to gather the documents. “Plus, you were being nice.” “Thank you for protecting my heart, Dianna,”

“I already showered. You’re the one who got home late.” I placed the cloth down and turned toward him, leaning back against the counter. Suddenly, every bit of his attention focused on me. He stilled, water flowing over the carved muscles of his chest and thighs. “What?” I asked, cocking my head. “Home?” he asked, his voice husky and low, but I heard him. I hadn’t even thought about it. The word had slipped out easily. I stared into the deep gray of his eyes and realized that he had become my home. I didn’t bother trying to hide it. I was a terrible liar, anyway. “That’s what it feels like with you.”