The Throne of Broken Gods (Gods & Monsters, #2)

by Amber V. Nicole

The monitor beeped a tad faster. “She was quick, faster than before. Kaden always spoke of what a perfect killing machine she would be if she just let go of her mortality. I guess her sister was just that—her mortality.” That I already knew. Gabby was Dianna’s heart, her moral compass. The one part of her that kept her balanced and grounded. Gabby could reach her far better than I could. Without her, Dianna’s world shattered, dragging mine with it.

Xavier tipped his head, studying me. “What does she smell of?” he asked Cameron. Cameron raised his head and inhaled deeply, his lips curving in a slow smile. “Cinnamon. The same as the lovely fragrance Imogen said Samkiel never brought her.” “You,” Imogen hissed, glancing at Cameron for confirmation before turning back to me. “You were the one who wore my face that day.” I held my hands up in mock surrender and wiggled my fingers in a small wave. “Guilty.”

His three heads did not falter nor look away from me, but a swirling mass of hands grabbed at mine. A shimmer of a star blinked behind him, drawing my attention. It flickered, beckoning me like a signal to a ship lost at sea. I felt the need to stop for the first time since her death. Strange.

“Now look at you. You have come fully into your own power. You could burn stars, conquer worlds, all of it if you should wish it. And all must happen appropriately to ensure what’s to come.” Unease flared in me. Roccurem caught my apprehension, and his heads stopped spinning. I let him go and put my hands on my hips. “For what’s to come?” “Your ascension.”

Vincent didn’t back down, his eyes shining with that celestial blue. “How could we? You don’t talk to us!” “Why would I?” Now that I had started, there was no holding back. “You cannot relate. You have not lost everything you knew, loved, and cared for. You have a fake crown I provided. You all have a home I made for you. You have each other. What did I gain from my sacrifice?” I knew I was spilling every damned emotion I’d kept buried these last weeks, years, centuries. I knew my words were like whips against bare skin, but I couldn’t stop. “Nothing.” My voice was barely a whisper. “I have gained nothing for my sacrifice. Nothing but nightmares, judgment, and words thrown at me like I did not give everything I am, everything I have, for you all. For the world.”

“I had a crown thrust upon me from the moment of my birth. My life is not my own. It never was. It’s a thing. My life is sacrifice after sacrifice for you, for all of you, for the millions who live, eat, and die in this universe and the next. And then my life was bound to realms I had to keep closed by my father. You can yell and scream that what I am doing is unjust. You can say that I’ve fallen off whatever path you have concocted in your head that I must stay on, but you’ve lost nothing. None of you have.” “We lost you.” Logan’s voice cut through the drumming in my head.

“I didn’t have to tell Dianna anything at first. She saw me, all of me. Just as I have seen her, she is strong and selfless. I’ve seen her run headfirst into danger for those she cares for without a single thought for herself. She’s funny and smart and beautiful, so beautiful. She’s a fighter, a warrior stronger than any I’ve ever trained. Above all, she is a woman who had no choice in the life thrust upon her. Dianna survived against all odds for Gabby, and Kaden ripped her away. Dianna is not a monster. She never was. She loves, cares, and feels, and right now, all she feels is grief, pain, and loss. I’m not… I won’t give up on her. Who would I be if I did?”

“Tell me what it is, what it does,” I demanded, lifting the sword and shaking it. “Explain to me how I’m a savior when the very blade I created ends worlds. Tell me I’m worth it. Tell me I am not the cause of our damnation. Tell me why I can’t sleep. Why do war drums and the screams of every battle echo through my skull? Tell me why my very existence is crumbling. Tell me how to fix me, Vincent, since you know so damned much. You can’t because no matter what you or anyone else wishes to believe so you can sleep better at night, it is the same thing. Dianna’s and my crimes, no matter if they are in the name of peace or not, do not differentiate. Death is death. If she is a monster to you, then so am I.”

“Samkiel has returned from the council and the remains of his home world, with Lady Imogen at his side.” I kicked at the chair Elijah’s lifeless body slouched on and folded my arms. “That’s nice. It seems they are inseparable again.” Did you love her? I did not love her, nor is she my anything you previously stated. Liar. “Jealousy is a powerful emotion, too. An indicator of another.” A small snarl left my lips, and I glared at Reggie. “I am merely doing what you requested. You asked me to keep an eye. I have kept several. I know the current whereabouts of The Hand if you wish to know.”

I rolled my eyes a fraction harder than normal. “I’m sure Imogen is helping all she can with his desperation.” I felt Reggie’s eyes on me. “If you think Lady Imogen’s return will make Samkiel give up on you, you are sadly mistaken. He summoned Oblivion for you.”

“You will have a choice. One you must make. Choose out of selflessness, and the path is set. Choose vengeance, and well, the outcome will be devastating.” “Another damned prophecy?” I groaned, rubbing my brow. “Not a prophecy, a path, a choice. One only you can make.”

He deserved that because he was good and kind and honorable. I knew I couldn’t be selfish with him as I had with Gabby. I’d held her back, not letting her live the life she wanted, the life she deserved, until it was too late. And that one harrowing truth rang loud and clear in my ears, heart, and soul. I’d known it the second she died, and vengeance consumed me. Samkiel and I were not meant to be.

“That maybe your feelings for Samkiel are far stronger than you recognized?” My lips curled into a snarl. “I feel nothing.” “Your reactions suggest otherwise.”

“I know you hear me perfectly, yet you refuse to listen. I understand your grief for your sister, but why does feeling for Samkiel hurt you as badly? What else have you buried?”

“Kaden.” I nodded, the reality of the situation seeping in. “It was always so funny to me that he claimed to not care about her, yet he destroyed anyone who even attempted to get close to her.” “It’s more than that. More than I am allowed to say, but in simplest terms, Gabriella was her heart, Samkiel is her soul, and Kaden has orders to destroy both. I am afraid he has accomplished his task.” “How romantic.”

A madman ripped everything and everyone from Dianna by force. She did not just lose her sister. She lost friends, shelter, and a home. Now, she has nothing and no one⁠—” “She has you, and that’s a lot. You have saved countless others. You’ve saved us, and you can save her, too. Just please try to be level-headed about this.” “I am trying. That’s the problem. All I know is I feel this immense ache, and it screams at me to do something. I know it’s her. I can’t explain it, but I know it is.”

“I am telling you now to watch the next words that pour from your lips, for they may well be your last.” “You are the problem.” My lip curled as I damn near drove the blade through his throat. Roccurem did not flinch as it pressed into the flesh between his collarbones. “She fell in love with you as you did her. That is the problem for so many.”

“What’s your plan, Roccurem?” “When she comes for the city. Let her in. You must stay on this path for it all to work.” “For what to work?” I growled. “Everything,” he said. His eyes opened, two above and two below where the natural ones sat. They were all white and opaque. “You are running out of time.” He looked at Xavier behind me. “You all are.”

I swallowed, knowing he was about to leave and even my power could not summon fate. “How?” I snapped. “Tell me how.” The growing mass at his feet grew, encompassing him. He dissipated into the cosmos, but his last words rang through the room. “Kaden took her family from her. Give her one back.”

Xavier had been on my team when Samkiel split us all up, but Xavier was always with me. I was pretty sure we’d been inseparable since joining The Hand. We just clicked.

“Leave the mortals alone, Cam.” “But they blush so easily.” Not that Xavier cared. He was more interested in men. “You just love to tease them.” I winked at him. “Maybe.”

I’ve never fought a King of Yejedin, and from what Samkiel said, she’s a Queen. She ripped my guts out and barely seemed out of breath.” Xavier looked away. “Yes, thanks for reminding me again.” “Sorry.” I forced a smile. Xavier was just as protective of me as I was of him, even if his current boyfriend wasn’t a fan of our relationship.

We followed him, falling into the same formation we had assumed thousands of times. He went in first, something we had all argued against in the past. We had been trained to walk before the gods and protect them, but Samkiel had never been like them, not for one second.

“You really do love her,” Camilla whispered. “Where is she?” “You’re right about one thing.” Camilla struggled, but Samkiel didn’t let up. “She is enraged. I didn’t lie, Kaden found her, and I don’t know what else he said besides the engagement part, but it set her off in a big way.” “I am not betrothed to Imogen.” “She doesn’t believe that.”

Samkiel was still every bit the god I remembered, but so different now. Ever since his ascension, he had slowly slipped away, not just from me but from all of us. Gradually, he rebuilt himself until he was everything his father had wanted him to be. Samkiel became a king unlike any other.

“You already know the lengths I will go to keep those I care about safe.” She paused. “I do care for Imogen. Tremendously. And she was right. I did not realize how much I truly missed her until she returned. So, thank you for that. I guess I realized when I kissed you all I thought about was her.” No growl left her throat this time, and I realized with anguish twisting my heart that she had been waiting for me to say such things. It was confirmation that she was nothing special, that she was replaceable. It proved that the devastating words Kaden whispered to her were true. Pure and utter devastation crossed her face, and I had caused it. Agony ripped through me, but at the same time, hope flared like a bright, burning star in my chest. It was pure and more potent than any pain. And it held a blistering confirmation. She still cared for me.

“You have made me very desperate and have left me no choice. Again.” Dianna’s hand clasped over Imogen’s throat, and she lifted her. Imogen choked, her feet dangling. “The only way you will have me again will be in ashes.” “Never.”

“You will have to be more specific, akrai, on what exactly I ruined. Your mood?” I taunted her. “Your panties, perhaps?” Her brow furrowed, and I saw the shock in her eyes at hearing me call her my heart in Eorian. Satisfaction filled me and made the time spent learning the ancient language worth it.

“How many do I have to kill for you to give up on me?” There it was, a final split in the armor she built so diligently around herself. Her expression twisted, and I could see that she hadn’t meant to respond, the words slipping out. “You could make a river of blood run down these streets, and I would still try because I know you, the real you, not this version he created.”

She lowered her blade just a fraction and huffed. “You’re wrong.” “If I’m wrong, then so was Gabby, and I know she wasn’t. She wouldn’t give up on you, and neither will I. We can do this dance until this world burns and the next takes its place, but I will still choose you.”

“I’ll carve that damned heart from your body,” she said breathlessly. “Then you’ll leave me alone.” But she stopped a fraction from my chest, her hands and arms trembling as she panted. “Do it.” I angled the tip of her blade above my heart. “If you are truly gone, I refuse to live in a world without you, so you’ll have to angle it farther to the right. That’s where a god’s heart lies, and mine already belongs to you, so do with it what you will.”

I lunged up. Dianna let out a startled squeak and withdrew the blade. My hands cupped her face, taking advantage of her parted lips to slam my mouth over hers. Her fangs nicked my lip, and I groaned at the pinch of pain. She didn’t stop, but the world did as I kissed her with every bit of longing and desire I had for her. I poured all the desperate need and love I had felt while we were apart into the kiss. I gave her everything to make her see, make her feel.

She sagged in my arms, and I cradled her against me. “It’s okay. It’s okay. I got you.” “Wha—” She stared up at me. “I’m going to help you as I promised. Your burdens are my burdens, remember?”

I tugged at my chains and snapped my teeth at him. “Wouldn’t your betrothed be upset if you kissed another woman?” “There’s my jealous girl.” “I’m not jealous,” I hissed, jerking forward hard enough that the chains bit into my wrists.

“Gods, you have no idea what it does to me to know you care just as strongly for me as I do for you. What’s that word you like to use so much? Oh, yes. You fucked up, Dianna. You kissed me back, which means my Dianna is still in there, buried under all that grief and hate. I will stop at nothing to have you back again. Nothing.”

“I have a guild along with half the city to rebuild and several continents of mortals with questions. Cameron and Xavier will be your guards until I return, and then we are going to the remains of Rashearim. There, I can hold you, and you won’t be able to hurt anyone, least of all yourself.” “Am I to be executed then, god king?” A smug smile curved his damn lips. “You know my name. Say it.” “No.”

“I do not love her. I know you wish it for me, but it is not there. My heart does not sing for her when I see her, nor would I burn worlds for her, carve out stars, or lock myself away from others as you have if she passed. I do not feel for her what you felt for my mother. I do not share with her what Logan and Neverra have.”

“The council sees a detriment to your rule if you do not marry. So, I sought information from the fates. They said that one was born but did not survive. They are dead, Samkiel. Whoever your amata was to be has perished. It would make sense, given that others would seek to stop the union if you had an equal. Your power alone is far too…”

She had asked me once if I had an amata. I’d told her then how unkind the universe was, how cruel it could be. But, hearing her down there, knowing what had changed between us, I knew I was wrong. The universe was not cruel. It was brutal.

Her eyes burned ruby red. She pushed up on tiptoe, her hand cupping the back of my head as she lifted her lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around her, one hand tangling in her long hair. My mouth took hers, my fingers fisting in her curls, holding her in the kiss. I slipped into the inbetween, taking her while I could. I knew I couldn’t keep her, but damn the old gods, I would try.

“What are you doing?” Alistair glanced at my hands. “What do you mean?” “You smell like her.” “That’s because I fucked her in an alley. Why would I not?” “You know what I mean.” The stench of death filled the room as Tobias appeared at my side. “You’re infatuated with her,” he sneered. “She is a beautiful girl, yes.” Tobias scoffed. “She is not yours.” Rage erupted in my gut, and I slipped the coin into my pocket. “I made her. She’s mine.”

“We just need to meddle a little more with that spell for it to work. Don’t you agree, Azrael?” The long-feared Celestial of Death stared blankly ahead, his arms behind his back. I patted his shoulder as I strode out of the room.

My hand hovered over a thick book, shock rippling through me. “Why does he have this?” I grabbed the thin strip of black and white photos, drinking in the images. “I think you know why.” These were the damned photos from that booth. Something in my chest fractured at the memory.

“Are you alright?” Reggie’s voice ripped me from the memory and back into the real world. I wiped at the tears gathered in my eyes and the moisture on my cheeks. I shook my head, trying to calm my emotions. And a lock on a door in a house rattled. “Peachy.”

Fuck. My heart ached, and I tried to push those damn feelings back down, but they threatened to swallow me whole.

Samkiel twisted again on the bed, a small moan escaping him. Nightmares. That’s what the dream eaters had incited to feed from, and I knew Samkiel had plenty. “A thousand plus worlds he has seen, yet when he dreams, he dreams of you.”

How could life have been so cruel as to show him to me, tease me with even the slightest possibility of a future, and then spit in my face with a cold and brutal reminder? He and I were not the same. Not an epic, sweeping tale. Not one of the romantic stories Gabby so loved, but enemies. One born from light, the other crafted from darkness. Samkiel was right. The universe was cruel.

My eyes stung, holding back emotions I didn’t want to process. By the time Samkiel woke up, I would be long gone. I didn’t know why, and I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t keep from pressing my lips to his. It was a soft, quick goodbye kiss to the man who, regardless of everything, kept trying to save me. “Maybe in another life,” I whispered before pulling away.

“You slaughtered hordes of Ig’Morruthens,” Dianna whispered, and I saw the one thing I never wanted to see from her: fear. “Yes.” I nodded slowly, but couldn’t she tell? Didn’t she know by now that I would never hurt her? Didn’t she know I would allow no one to harm her? She was everything to me. How could she not see?

“Not a monster, god king, only broken,” Roccurem whispered in my head.