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“Someone to match my anger. A worthy opponent,
And that's why they work - they are equals
Maybe the family thing happens someday, and maybe it doesn’t. I’m not at that part yet. But right now, every day starts with me being pissed off at you. Every day ends with me being even more pissed off at you. And in the middle, you make me feel shit no one else does, and that pisses me off even more. You piss me off, Devon. Always have. But it excites me and gets my dick hard. You make me want shit I never knew I wanted, feel things I never felt before, and hope for things that weren’t ever an option.
this is like a love declaration - is Maddox starting to see how a future with Devon could work? a few chapters ago he didn't think it was possible. what changed?
Maybe the family thing happens someday, and maybe it doesn’t. I’m not at that part yet. But right now, every day starts with me being pissed off at you. Every day ends with me being even more pissed off at you. And in the middle, you make me feel shit no one else does, and that pisses me off even more. You piss me off, Devon. Always have. But it excites me and gets my dick hard. You make me want shit I never knew I wanted, feel things I never felt before, and hope for things that weren’t ever an option.
this is like a love declaration - is Maddox starting to see how a future
with Devon could work? a few chapters ago he didn't think it was
possible. what changed?
No one had ever said anything like that to me before…and I didn’t know how to handle it.
he's not used to kindness - it's what he needed to hear but who knows how he'll process it?
I hugged him back, and closed my eyes to let myself enjoy the rush of emotions I didn’t want anyone to see. I didn’t even want Maddox to see them, but for this moment in time, this instant, I’d allow myself to feel them. Just for a minute or two.
He's so good at avoiding his emotions - this is the first time we've seen him evolutionarily react to something and it's coming after somebody has let him know that he's valued. A huge change from before.
Shit got a bit sentimental, Devon got begrudgingly emotional, and the mood changed.
this is the first time they're doing something without the undercurrent of adrenaline and anger that has fueled previous encounters - more emotional and vulnerable? they're not in a pressure cooker this time, but out in the open (though still night time)
I might have been the one on my knees, but he was at my complete mercy. Just how I liked him.
it's interesting how Maddox is always the one who ends up being in control.
I opened my mouth wider, confused at how easily I abided.
so Maddox isn't completely in control - it's like they have a shared power between them - neither is the winner but they both feel like they might be.
I didn’t overly want to be submissive, but I didn’t hate seeing him dominant. Flawed, but sexy.
they're breaking out of the strict binaries that they'd seen themselves in - the world isn't so black and white anymore
He thought he was winning, and I knew I was winning, and in the end, it’d be mutually beneficial no matter who came out on top.
exactly - a battle where they both win - that's what they do for each other
“It’s not the place that fucks with me,” I admitted. “It’s just the situation. I don’t want to look after my drunk mom forever, give every penny I make to my dad and this trailer, and never get ahead. I want out of that shit, not necessarily the town.”
Devon blames the town, Maddox blames the people in it
“Why? Why risk it all for me?” “Because.”
Devon still can't comprehend
“I’m serious, Devon. I don’t want your dad ruining your life forever. Even when I hated you more, I didn’t want that. No one deserves that shit.”
always the caretaker, and he always cared for Devon - is this the first time he's telling him that though?
I started to think of my future as something that was happening right now rather than something I was striving for.
the choices we make note impact the future
Couldn’t plan a future with Devon if he was gonna end up dead at his dad’s hand. So fuck Jim Sawyer. It was time to remove him as the obstacle in my way.
Maddox knows what he wants and works to make it happen. this has always been true.
Pleasure like I’d never known before sparked through my body at an intensity that threatened delusional thoughts and false realities.
Is he imagining a future with Maddox? Sex with him feels so good he's allowing himself to want more.
He let go of me, giving me control.
Here they can switch off who is in control and who isn't - shared power
I was tackled to the ground. My face pressed into the gravel lot of the Garron Park entrance, and my arms were forced behind my back, cuffs slapped over my wrists.
this is abrupt - no foreshadowing or anything
I tuned out the rest, staring at my brother with real fear. What the actual fuck was happening? And how could I protect him from this?
he's fine with himself going to jail - he thinks he deserves it - but doesn't want that for anybody else - but yeah also what is happening?
He meant it. Maddox said he meant it. I’d die trying to stay alive long enough to hold him to that.
the one glimmer of hope - in the past he'd have given up, but now he has a reason to live and not give up hope
My image of him started to change that day we pulled into town and saw his dad hit him over losing the race.
Recognizing that they weren't so different, made him think about what was on his subconscious.
now that I knew he held such an important role, even back then, it was hard to think of a life he wasn’t in.
said this much in chapter 2, only now he realizes what it all means
He was the only person who brought any real excitement into my life. Other than my ongoing spats with Devon, all I had was the same shit over and over again.
the challenging as a way of excitement. every day was the same except for when Devon would show up. there was always fighting, but he didn't know how that would manifest - we know Maddox likes change, and Devon was the only one who changed up Maddox's routine.
Once I got over the shock and shame of actually being attracted to the guy who I was supposed to hate, it resonated, became clear, and didn’t seem too far-fetched.
again, he's not busy stewing in his feelings - there was some over thinking previously, but once those thoughts are dealt with he's able to move on and except the truth. Devon still has trouble accepting that somebody might desire him.
The fucking weasel had worked his way into my heart, and I had no idea how to get him out. I started to think I didn’t even want to get him out anymore, that he’d brainwashed me so hard I was…more than addicted to him.
A change in point of view - initially he accepted the idea that they might hook up from time to time, but now he's realizing that he's got deeper feelings and can see this lasting longer - ready to go public?
I wanted him in my future, and I think…I think I wanted him as the biggest part of my future.
Realizing that he can't go back to what they were before - amazing dramatic irony for this whole section because we know that Devon has been arrested but Maddox has no idea (yet) - he thinks this is just a regular day, when really everything has changed, and he's going to have to step up or a be a bystander.
I got a strange feeling when I walked through Garron Park and the front porches were all vacant.
almost post-apocalyptic? the scenery has changed, and we're getting ready to head into the final act
“We’ll get them out of this. The whole park is coming together to speak against Jim.”
again, the community bands together as a way to take down the tyrant
“I’m in, Xavi. Whatever the fuck it takes, I’m in.”
Maddox wants to save Devon, but he can't go in all fists and arms and elbows, he needs to think through this logically - external forces will change how he behaves but he's doing it to save the person that he loves
Someday, Devon was going to be mine. My boyfriend.
after spending the chapter hinting at it, and then realizing he might lose Devon forever, he finally decides that he wants Devon - it took the threat of losing Devon to make him certain about what he wants, no more hesitation
I’d resigned myself to this role in life, the one where I was trapped, stuck, not allowed to hope, and destined to become my dad. But now that the possibility of more was being threatened, I realized hard and fast there was so much more I wanted to live for.
Yep! This has been clear throughout - now that he realizes he doesn't have to be his dad, he wants to fight to stay - but it's good he finally realized what was going on. That's the thing about jail, he had nothing to do but think
I wanted to do things—not monumental things, mind you—but things!
He's finally accepting that he deserves a future and is thinking about what he wants, not just endless possibilities running through his mind
I wasn’t the same piece of shit my dad was. Nate and I watched each other’s backs to ensure we didn’t fall into his shadow.
Finally he's realizing it!
But sitting here in this fucking holding cell made me wonder if it didn’t matter, anyway. We ended up here regardless of how hard we tried not to.
he can't totally escape his fears, but he's working on it - but still giving into the doom loop almost immediately
There were good people, but none of them would help a guy like me.
And yet we've already seen countless people help him, and we heard last chapter that the entire community is coming together to pitch in money to bail them out of jail.
Yeah, he fucking loves you in whatever weird way he can. You’re allowed to keep your competitiveness and your rivalry and still care about each other.
And that's what Devon has been grappling with - how can they be who they were and who they want to be? Maddox has realized it and said it from almost the start - they need to be together. It's Devon who can't accept that people might want to stand up and be with him
He’d been admitting things to me in roundabout ways since this whole thing started, but I was too dumb and low on myself to pick up on it.
pretty much, which is why his constant pity parties have been so exhausting
“I’m a piece of shit asshole from Garron Park,” I told Nate.
This is him realizing that who he is and what he does is a sense of strength; he can do more than silently defy authority as long as he's got a group to assist him. Working with others makes you stronger.
“I’m a piece of shit asshole from Garron Park,” I told Nate.
This is where Devon stands up and claims his identity - being from Garron Park doesn't have to be a bad thing, or mean that he'll end up like his dad. There is finally hope.
I didn’t really have a Plan B if they decided to be douches, but I knew this was the answer we needed.
wants to go in fists blazing but knows that it won't work
“You’re going to tell me what Jim Sawyer gave you to pay off his debts,” I ordered.
So my question is how does Maddox know who the loan sharks are? Can't he just call the cops on them?
“Then I’ll owe you the fifteen grand you would have been able to move it for.”
maybe not the smartest move, but he's got to rely on somebody (his father?) to make this happen - he can't fight, he has to use his words
Turned out, the boat was being kept in a warehouse owned by the goddamn owner himself.
oh it's an insurance scheme
We’d already taken a shit ton of pictures for proof and had a few guys from Garron Park guarding the warehouse until we could get the cops there.
Working with the community against a common enemy to keep one of their own safe - it probably helps that Maddox has a reputation for kindness, he can use his social capitol to get help.
Andrea got a friend to check the arrest warrant and the charges written up against the Sawyer boys.
I get that they all know people, but one of the cops? Either way - it's again knowing the right people and being kind can get you the information and not just being the toughest person in the room. This is something Maddox needs to learn (and that some of the others - namely Devon's dad and his crew - will never learn, and that's why they'll fail).
He didn’t seem like he even had the balls to come after me when this was all said and done.
that's convenient
I looked at Steven, an idea forming that was insane. “Sell us the O’Malley building, the docks that go with it, and all the mechanical shit inside it for a quarter of what it’s worth.”
he listened to Devon and wants to do something for him - again taking over as the guy who takes care of people
When I slapped the ownership in Patrick’s hand, I told him where the boat was, and then I told him to forget my face and never talk to me again.
this feels like a very rushed conclusion - but this was only part 1 - now they have to take down Devon's dad. but the time apart also clarified both Devon and Maddox's feelings for each other, and gave Maddox a chance to solve a problem with his mind, not his fists. does that mean Devon is going to have to step up to save Maddox now, by using a quality of Maddox's? At the very least hopefully Devon stops wallowing now that there's proof that Maddox cares for him
I wanted him, respected him, hated him, needed him, and was damn near addicted to him, but was that love? More like obsession.
It is love, but Maddox has never felt real love before so he doesn't know what it is
Xavi hopped off the tailgate and ran at Nate like they were a couple of long-lost sisters meeting for the first time after plotting their union for months on the internet. Good Lord.
I'm... honestly not sure about this visual. It's been less than a day that they've been apart... are they overly excited? Has he been watching reunion videos? Either way, it's more of Devon putting people (and objects) down when he's unhappy - and of course he's unhappy, having been put in jail by his father.
