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All this nicey-nice bullshit didn’t erase the past, and sooner or later, we’d have to deal with it.
They've come to an understanding, but the future is still uncertain - as noted, they have to be able to live their lives outside of the isolation where it's flourished. It's interesting - Devon talked in the previous chapter about love, but Maddox still isn't sure about that. It's almost as if Devon throwing off the cudgel of his father (family expectations?) has allowed him to become more sure of what he wanted. Maybe it was the brush with death?
Sweat dripped down my forehead, stinging my eyes and blurring my vision. My body was taut, tense, and exhausted, but it was also brimming with adrenaline and buzzing with energy.
First time we're seeing them at motocross and not just afterwards. It's again competitive but also treated intimately, a way to dominate one another with some of that leftover sexual tension (that may or may not be obvious to others)
I wanted to win just to fucking win, and it was such a new sensation that I found myself having one of the best races of my life.
in escaping his father and finding himself in a safe place, Devon is suddenly allowing himself to think about himself and what he wants and to live free - amazing how being treated kindly can do wonders for your self esteem
He looked at me, and I looked at him, and a moment of challenge suspended us on the track. Yeah, we weren’t going to go easy on each other just because we were thinking about fucking.
there's the competitive drive underlining the relationship - they need to find ways to challenge one another and this is finally an example of a healthy way to do so.
He glared at me and I loved it. Ah, this was what life was all about. A lifelong competition with Maddox Kane.
Very Anthony and Kate in Bridgerton. This is how their relationship works - they need to be in competition - it's not about winning, but being with somebody who can push you to be better
Easier to get him to do something when you make it a dare.”
yeah they do understand each other - healthy competition
He’d been the only constant in my life, even if it was hatred and contempt. I could always rely on Maddox rising up to me, and maybe that’s what we were doing now, too. Rising up to match each other in a new dynamic.
Amazing how separating from an abusive parent and not having to worry so much about safety can allow you time to reflect. This is accurate and has been apparent from the beginning of the book to both readers and most other characters alike.
Conflicted, to say the least, but there had to be a way to merge those two wants.
Setting up the challenge going forward. we're seeing what works, but it has to become something sustainable.
He was my dog on a leash,
Maddox has gone from howling wolves to a dog on a leash - but we've seen the animal side take control before, so he can't hope that that lasts forever. He can't stay an animal, fueled by fury.
Shit, he was probably over it. It’s not like I was anything special. I’d barely consider myself good-looking because I…I was just a piece of filthy, trailer park trash, a welfare recipient who lived in a…nowhere. I had no home. Who was I to think Maddox Kane would want something more with me?
this constant spiraling is EXHAUSTING
You fucked with my…heart.
Yeah of course it's Maddox who is the one to break it open emotionally
“Yes. If anyone is going to fuck with you, it’s me. I want that role.”
Protective almost - nobody can hurt you except me - and again they need to get to a healthy competitive place.
I just want to hate you, have you, fuck you, and fight with you. That’s it.
The complicated car crash of emotions that they're both feeling - they need to figure out where to go next - because they're both starting to fall but they're not there yet
This was about to become our own hotbox of fucked up desire, anger, and feelings we didn’t know how to cope with. Bring it on.
They're still alone, but in a less isolated place (though still dark) - baby steps, boys - A hotbox though - like a pressure cooker - the heat will either make something beautiful or cause an explosion. Uncomfortable time coming up that they'll need to push through.
He might not know exactly what he was doing, but he was acting on complete instinct, and it was fucking working for him.
Maddox being successful when he's not overthinking - again, a reliance on instinct versus analyzing it to death
He matched my energy with his own, and we fought a lusty battle that, for once, might result in both of us winning.
Yeah I guess sex can be competitive as well
He’d always been aggressive with me, but the look in his eyes, the tension in his body, and the need radiating from him at that moment almost scared the living shit out of me.
channeling his anger into lust - somebody in an earlier chapter (Nate?) did say angry sex was the best sex - maybe they'll prove it
With those six words from Devon’s mouth, in his rough tone, with that absolute certainty behind them, I was on the precipice of total damnation.
it's not that Devon is less dangerous, it's that the type of danger has changed, it's all spiritual and emotional danger - and a danger that they both find exciting
Yeah, our minds and our bullshit got in the way, but I knew, deep down, that this was where we’d end up.
Well, Maddox's mind and Devon's bullshit (or vice versa?) - but this is showing that Maddox had accepted this from the beginning but couldn't mentally figure out how to be there, and Devon was talking himself out of it because of his self-esteem issues. Once again, it comes down to their main flaws and how they push past it.
Natural instinct had me wanting to drag this out just because he demanded it to be fast.
And it's actually one of the times where Maddox is ignoring his brain and his instincts to focus on what the body wanted. It's confusing - almost a game of rock-paper-scissors. Maddex needs to listen to his instincts more and stop analyzing things to death. But when his body takes over for his instinct, he goes into animal mode, which can only be defeated by thinking things over and rationalizing them. It's like Maddox is a person who is pulled in so many different directions when what he really needs to do is find a type of piece that will allow his body, mind, and instincts (and heart, because of emotions) to exist in balance - each individual part is too powerful when not combined with another.
I wanted him to like it—to love it—because I didn’t want it to be a one-time thing.
Admitting that he wants this to happen. he's not ready for a relationship (yet), but he at least wants the sexual aspect to continue
For once, we worked together. Mutual satisfaction was the prize, but this goddamn connection was the price…and I was willing to pay it over and over again.
Maddox has talked about them teaming up before, but this is the first time they're actually doing it - and it's working out well for them so far!
Devon laughed and then silence set in again. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence; more like a mutual understanding of respected solitude. Or some bullshit like that.
This might be the first time they've ever relaxed around one another. No agenda, just a new understanding. Out of the dark and into the light. Out of the trailer and into the world. They left the pressure cooker and have come out feeling some sort of mutual understanding that threatens to transform into something more.
I just fucked Devon Sawyer. And I didn’t plan on stopping.
It's still all about sex, for now, but we see the growing and changing of their relationship. they want more from one another, and now they've got to figure out what exactly that means.
I didn’t want to get rashy. Like an irritating itch that wouldn’t fuck off. I’m sure he needed his space, and I sure as shit needed mine, so staying together in his small bed probably wasn’t the best bet. We were bound to start fighting again sooner or later.
Thinks everybody will get tired of him and nobody wants him around - again, communication are those point is super important! But also shows he's turning a corner - he doesn't want to annoy Maddox
Guys like us didn’t get lucky breaks. Fortunes weren’t on our side.
This is not a place where good things happen - foreshadowing something big coming down the pike?
“What’s your big plan in life?”
At the start of the book he had no plan - he still doesn't have a plan but he's starting to want things - MAJOR growth, will eventually lead to a plan
“Survive,” I scoffed. People like me didn’t get to hope for more than that.
Still thinks he'll become his parents and no point in planning for a future that he will never be able to imagine.
And don’t limit yourself just because you don’t think you can get it. Just because we’re poor doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to dream.
This feels a bit like poverty porn but at the same time it is correct. And nobody has ever really asked Devon what he wants before (maybe Maddox)
Probably not. I hoped not. He fucked me in the ass and we were still fighting, so if that didn’t change anything, nothing would.
he enjoys the competition - why he and Maddox work so well together is that they make each other better. they push each other to be better
Honestly, it was a way for us to party together, blow off some steam, and let out some of our more physical frustrations, so half of us didn’t end up in prison.
The community watches out for each other - but also fighting as a thing that's done at a party - this is a violent place and violence has become normalized. still it's also used to protect each other
Maddox and I had fought at this thing every few months for years. It was a good chance for us to beat the shit out of each other with a crowd around to hold us accountable.
Even before they had systems in place so that they wouldn't go too far and permanently injure one another - so they didn't hate each other - and as their fighting was always somewhat sexual and foreplay, they were able to share their feelings in a supportive environment.
We stood there together, but not really together. Just beside each other, waiting our turn, being close because we fuelled one another’s fire.
learning how to be together in silence - learning that they can make each other better by being around one another
I hated that fucking scar because of how he got it, but damn if it didn’t make him look harshly beautiful.
I think this is the first time that we're hearing about a scar on his face?
“What do you want, Sawyer?”
mirrors the question that Nate asked earlier in the chapter
We shook on it, and when our palms connected, the challenge was clear. Neither of us would back down from this fight. There’d be no holding back.
One of the first times they've communicated their wants around others - more comfortable in the relationship?
At this moment, I didn’t give a shit that the dynamic of our relationship had changed. All I wanted to do was win.
This is the new normal of their relationship
That was who we were together—competitors, rivals, equals.
this is all the same as before - it's more that they've realized that they make each other better
We were mad at each other, but for the first time, there was a teasing, almost playful undertone to it, and it was throwing everyone off.
Harnessing their anger in a healthy way
I should have hit harder, damaged him more, fucked him up a bit better.
we're seeing more and more that there is a lot of rage lurking under the surface for Maddox - he needs to channel it productively because he'll snap and something bad will happen (to Devon's dad?) He needs something to help him work on his anger.
Insecurities consumed me.
Well at least he finally recognizes it. please can we figure out a way to deal with this?
She wouldn’t fight him on it, piss him off, challenge him, or refuse him anything. She’d submit, making him feel powerful, and comply with his every demand.
Again, they both need the challenge. It's what works for them. Julie doesn't challenge him - and we know from the start of the book that Maddox doesn't care about her (she didn't even get a name until she showed up in person) - and he doesn't trust her because she was leading him on. The games Maddox wants to play are ones where the rules are clear from the beginning.
All I was capable of was bringing him down in life and adding more stress to his already stressful existence. I was nothing.
this is some impressive spiraling though, and fun to watch out in real time
She was semi-put together, had a job, and even had hopes and plans. She was more than me. More than I’d ever be.
He's recognizing what he needs to do - come up with hopes and plans for the future. There is something low level thematically relevant about this that has been going on in the background. Goals make you happy and desirable? Worth paying attention to.
“Didn’t you fuck Devon last year?” he asked her. “Weren’t we supposed to be together then? So good together, at that.”
We know that Maddox values loyalty - he says as much in chapter 2. Things can never work out with her because he'll never trust her. He at least knows and expects dirty tricks from Devon, but not betrayal. Even when they were fighting they were honest about their intentions.
Maddox wrapped his arm around my chest and pulled my back to his front.
This is the first time Maddox is opening up to someone other than his brother - first inkling of going public?
“I know most of it is my fault, but there’s no point in dragging this out. You deserve better than both of us anyway,” he laughed.
It's interesting contrasting Maddox with Devon (again) - Maddox acknowledges that he fucked up, but doesn't let it define him as a person or bring him down into an existential crisis.
My mind was still catching up. He picked me over her. Holy shit.
this might be a first? somebody publicly choosing Devon
“You can’t give up on a future that—” His laugh cut me off. “A fucking future? What the hell do you know about my future, Sawyer? You think you know what I want, you dumb fuck?”
there's a lot more talk about the future in these past few chapters, especially where Devon is concerned. it's building to something, but... what?
“You know what I want out of life, Devon?”
he's known what he wants, and he's offering Devon a place there, giving him a vision of the future that includes him - letting Devon know that he's not unlovable
