Nell’s Comments (group member since Mar 31, 2016)

Nell’s comments from the Twenty-Something Authors group.

You can read what I have posted, but it's going to change soon! Haha.

Also, what is Unwanted Crown? It's not listed on Goodreads.

I think I was limiting the story by just giving it one narrator. I like Aurea as a main character, but she's one person and she isn't going to be enough to narrate a whole war.

I'm going to have 4 narrators, I think.
Aurea, the almost-assassin
Ueseil, the rebel king
Twill, an Elf boy (he'll be a refreshing, innocent POV)
Grema, the personal guard of one of the antagonists

**Even MORE high res, finally learned how to export for web, lol**

I've decided to give this story a handful of different POVs, a la Game of Thrones but nowhere near as complicated. It's the best way to really showcase the world I've spent hundreds of hours building and the different characters I know inside and out.

Has anyone else successfully done this, or have any advice?

I would just throw in a quick sentence after she says "demon" giving a very brief explanation, just to let the reader know how she made such a leap.

I'm going to write my feedback here so I can write it as I read through your story.

First thing, there is a big biiiig chunk of text in the Saturday chapter, right at the beginning. I would break that up. The sentences are also all very short, I'd consider merging them in the descriptive parts but leaving them short and to the point in the parts where her thoughts would be that way. For example, when she finds her family and sees the figure, the format could stay the same. She's noticing a lot of things all at once and her thoughts would be bouncing from one thing to the other. I feel the need to point it out because it really slows the flow of the story and distracts.

How does she--and does she have a name?--automatically know it's a demon? Most people probably wouldn't jump there immediately, even with the information so obvious in front of them. Unless she isn't a normal person, and in that case ignore my question.

Also, once she meets the demon, she keeps switching from calling it "it" and "he".

You have a few things to fix but I like the idea and will read the next chapter tomorrow. :) Hope this helps!

I'm going to start reading this later today--can I comment on your website, or should I put my feedback here?

magic.

day

(You can use the < spoiler > code to hide it until someone clicks on it)

If you need any help making it, let me know :D

*Updated to high res

Thank you PinkLoki! I spent sooo many hours working on it, one of the most fun things I've ever done.

Have you started it, or is that blurb what you have so far?

Hey guys!

So, I've discovered a new passion: fantasy mapmaking. I just completed a map for my own story and I'm sad that I don't have another one to work on. If any of you would like one made, let me know. We could definitely work something out!

Alex, I have that same problem. Romance is in EVERYTHING so I always try to write stories without it, or light on it, but it never works out.

Anyway this is a nice preview. I understand the setting without being drowned in information, and I want to know more about why they're in this position if he has a girlfriend! Haha.

This folder is now visible! Once you create your own post, I'll delete this.

Hi Brieanna. Those are very interesting names; I already want to read that series based on them. :)

And hi Chris! The process of self-publishing must be a lot to handle. Kelsey is doing the same thing.

Glad to meet you both!

The rules are simple: we're going to tell a story, one word at a time. I'll start the sentence and you guys keep it going. Keep your posts to 1 word only. Feel free to end the sentence and start the next one, and before you know it we'll have an epic tale on our hands. :)

Try not to post 2 times in a row. Let others join!

First word:

Once

Kelsey wrote: "Hey, all!

I'm Kelsey, 23, and currently working on my first novel Pierce My Heart, which I'm hoping to have out by at least the end of May.

I've always played out stories in my h..."

Hello Kelsey and welcome. :)

Are you self-publishing your novel or do you have a publisher? Either way, congratulations. It's a big accomplishment and I can't wait to read it!

It may be too late for us to help you with that one, but we'll help with the others. Haha.

I made your folder so you can post whatever you want in it, anytime. Look forward to getting to know you and your work.

Your folder is now visible! After you post your own topic, I'll delete this.