NNEDV’s Comments (group member since Sep 24, 2013)

NNEDV’s comments from the Reader with a Cause group.

“[They] all understood the fleeing from war, from the kind of poverty that crushed human souls, but they would not understand the need to escape from the oppressive lethargy of choicelessness. They would not understand why people like him, who were raised well fed and watered but mired in dissatisfaction, conditioned from birth to look towards somewhere else.” (341)

Several of the characters in Americanah moved from home seeking a better life – to other parts of Nigeria, to Europe, to the United States – illuminating the circumstances that hundreds of thousands of immigrants and refugees around the world face every single day.

How does the identity of each migrating character shift between Nigeria and Europe or the United States? How, if at all, does Adichie suggest that a sacrifice or compromise of self is necessary for migrating to a new country?

Did this book change the way you think about human migration? Why or why not?

“People were saying, Oh, why did he slap her when she’s a widow, and that annoyed her even more. She said she should not have been slapped because she is a full human being, not because she doesn’t have a husband to speak for her. So some of her female students went and printed Full Human Being on T-shirts. I guess it made her well-known.” (71)

To make the case for ending domestic violence, sexual assault, and other crimes of violence against women, it is often said, “Imagine if she were your daughter, sister, mother, etc.” In response, a meme was created that says, “She’s someone’s sister / mother / daughter / wife.”

Why do you think a victim’s potential relationship with a man (as someone’s mother, sister, etc.) is emphasized instead of her personhood in order to increase awareness and support for anti-violence causes?

The intersectionality between race, sex, and gender is pervasive throughout Americanah. Ifemelu’s focus shifts between sex and gender and race through her experience and is greatly affected by her location. Why is it that Ifemelu focuses heavily on sex and gender during her time in Nigeria and on race during her time in America?

“‘If you have braids, they will think you are unprofessional.’” (146)

“Laura shrugged, as though to say that it would, of course happen in Brooklyn but not in the America in which she lived.” (203)

Americanah laid bare many, many examples of entrenched racism in modern-day America. Did any of these examples resonate with you? Surprise you?

Though Ifemelu found happiness in her relationships with both Curt and Blaine, she leaves both of them. What did Ifemelu initially find satisfying about both of these relationships?

“She rested her head against his and felt, for the first time, what she would often feel with him: a self-affection. He made her like herself. With him, she was at ease; her skin felt as though it was her right size.” (73)

What component does Ifemelu’s relationship with Obinze have that may have been lacking in the other two?

The relationship between Aunty Uju and the General is one where Aunty Uju has access to financial stability, but no control over it. How does Aunty Uju navigate a world in which her economic stability is completely at the discretion of the General?

We know that financial abuse is a significant problem for victims of domestic violence (it occurs in 99 percent of domestic violence cases). Financial abuse is a significant barrier for victims attempting to escape abuse and is one of the main reasons a victim may return to an abusive partner. Did Aunty Uju and the General’s relationship seem financially abusive to you?

After her experience with the General, Aunty Uju becomes a doctor in America, but is still burdened by the need to maintain security through her relationship with Bartholomew – despite her seeming disinterest in him. Why might this be the case?

What did you think of the book?

Corrie wrote: "Hello! I am Corrie and I just joined the group. I started a feminist book club at the beginning of the year and I am looking for a good book to suggest to our group for October as it is Domestic Vi..."

Welcome, Corrie! Any book on our RWAC shelf could work - are you looking for one that particularly addresses domestic violence? If you're looking for a fiction choice that fits that criteria, The Girl on the Train is a popular choice (and there will be a movie version coming out soon starring Emily Blunt).

The unfounded societal belief that women are incompetent or their judgment, especially pertaining to men, cannot be trusted is a theme that arises in The Girl on the Train.

How is this belief challenged or perpetuated, in TGOTT?

By the end of The Girl on the Train, it becomes clear that this is a clear case of domestic violence:

“Let’s not start rewriting history. I was good to you. Sometimes...well, sometimes you forced my hand. But I was good to you. I took care of you,” he says, and it’s only then that it really registers: he lies to himself the way he lies to me. He believes this. He actually believes that he was good to me.” (306)

“He’s a master at it, making me feel as though everything is my fault, making me feel worthless.” (315)

We see emotional abuse, physical abuse, and technology-facilitated abuse in TGOTT. This is a severe case of domestic violence involving an abuser seeking lethal levels of power and control. It made for a page-turning read, but was also a stark reminder that thousands of women are experiencing domestic violence every single day.

Did you think this was a clear case of domestic violence? Why or why not?

Do you know what the leading cause of death is during pregnancy in the United States? Homicide.

“If he thought it was his baby, it gives him motive, doesn’t it?” He wouldn’t be the first man to get rid of an unwanted child by getting rid of its mother -- although I don’t say that out loud.” (205)

This statistic is shocking and doesn’t get nearly the attention it deserves. Why do you think women’s lives are considered so expendable? How can we change this attitude?

Rachel’s addiction plays a major part in the storyline, and in her relationship with Tom. Near the end of the book, she has a staggering realization:

“I kept thinking about that night...One day I was standing there -- it was evening and I was coming out of the bedroom and I just stopped, because I remembered. I was on the floor, my back to the wall, sobbing and sobbing, Tom standing over me, begging me to calm down, the golf club on the carpet next to my feet, and I felt it, I felt it. I was terrified. The memory doesn’t fit with the reality, because I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear.” (230)

Sadly, addiction can often be used against victims of domestic violence. In what ways do you think prejudices about mental health or addiction hinder women’s access to resources or support, in particular when seeking support for domestic violence?

About halfway through the book, Rachel has an epiphany:

“I am ashamed now of the secret thoughts I had. Megan is not a mystery to be solved, she is not a figure who wanders into the tracking shot at the beginning of a film, beautiful, ethereal, insubstantial. She is not a cipher. She is real.” (106)

All too often, it’s easy to forget that each data point is representative of an individual’s life. Their experience. The 1 in 4 women who experience domestic violence are real people.

Why do you think it’s so easy to forget the human side of statistics?

All too often, when horrific crimes occur, the media drums up interviews with neighbors and friends who say that the person they know “would never hurt a fly.” We see it in The Girl on the Train when Rachel observes, “I can’t believe [Scott] would have hurt her. I know that he wouldn’t. I’ve seen them together; I know what they’re like together.” (66)

We know that it’s impossible to know what’s happening in a relationship from the outside -- yet when crimes occur we hear this refrain ("but that person is one of the good ones!") nearly every time. Why do you think this is?

Motherhood is a strong recurring theme throughout The Girl on the Train.

One of Rachel’s deepest disappointments is that she can’t have children, a fact that she blames the dissolution of her marriage on: “Nobody warned me it would break us. But it did. Or rather, it broke me, and then I broke us.” (78)

Her despair leads her to believe that “women are still only really valued for two things -- their looks and their role as mothers.” (79)

What do you think about women & motherhood? How do you think motherhood affected the characters’ decisions in TGOTT?

The suspense/thriller genre is heavily male-dominated and often caters to the male gaze. How does The Girl on the Train, and similar thrillers such as Gone Girl, challenge typical tropes and suspense narratives that tend to leave out, eroticize, or minimize women’s voices?

In this book, we were floored by the levels of control and deception that characters chose to engage in around technology:

“The behaviour you’re describing -- reading your emails, going through your Internet browser history -- you describe all this as though it is commonplace, as though it is normal. It isn’t, Megan. It isn’t normal to invade someone’s privacy to that degree. It’s what is often seen as a form of emotional abuse.” (59)

Technology is simply one method that abusers will use to assert or maintain power and control over another person - we would take the quote above one step further and say that it’s a form of emotional abuse, which is a component of domestic violence.

What do you think?

What did you think of the book? Did it change how you felt about Rachel, Megan, or any of the other characters? How did it affect the way you thought about all of the events leading up to this moment? Did you guess how it would end?

Have you started reading Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town yet? What are your first impressions?

Aside from the essays mentioned above, what other excerpts, concepts, or quotes resonated or stayed with you? Why?