Horror for Newbies
The Courage to Be Disliked: A single book can change your life

Questions About The Courage to Be Disliked: A single book can change your life

by Ichiro Kishimi

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Answered Questions (6)

Base on separation of tasks, one shouldn't take care of anybody's else tasks to be live free. Why the philosopher took care of his father when he was ill. It was not his task to do so ? I hope someone here can give me some insight.
Rebecca I understood this to mean that he took care of his father because of who he is, not because of what was expected of him or to win his father's approva…moreI understood this to mean that he took care of his father because of who he is, not because of what was expected of him or to win his father's approval. He took care of his father because his father didn't have the capacity to take care of himself at that level anymore. His was a task of love. Whether or not his father thanked him was irrelevant, but it was about focusing on his own task of love. IF his father was to reject his care, then it would be his task to withdraw from this task as to not intervene with his father's chosen path of his own life.(less)
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It’s not really possible to keep the balance sheet clean after every interaction, especially in a close relationship. Relationships remain open, with some loose ends, as they continue. I'd like all my relationships to be "horizontal" all the time, but it's not really possible. Isn't being willing to leave some loose ends open a form of having the courage to be disliked?
Michelle I can't find any personal details about the family life of each author-- further, the sex-role/gender stereotyping is much stronger in Japan than wher…moreI can't find any personal details about the family life of each author-- further, the sex-role/gender stereotyping is much stronger in Japan than where I live in USA so I wonder if my Western bias and the fact that I'm a parent also made me ask the same question. They briefly mention old age and how an invalid can still contribute to the family dynamic, but yes, I can extrapolate the role of children so some degree but he's not super-clear about situations where there's a kind of inequality. I wonder if the follow-up book will make more details known.

I also wondered about his view on children: perhaps Japanese children are different from the ones in my own family. I don't use reward/punishment in the home, but I do have to "get after" my kid to finish tasks sometimes-- just saying "your task now is to study so you can get to college later" is not going to cut it 100% of the time.

This book was full of so much great advice and so many important ideas, but we have to admit typical Western culture, at least from where I am (a teacher in a public school in the USA) it will be received differently by different people. I hope everyone who reads it will interpret and use the materials presented to affect their lives - and others - in a positive way (less)
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I’m having difficulty with separation of tasks and contribution to society. I understood separation of tasks at the beginning but when he mentioned doing this and being happy about it because your are contributing doesn’t that go against separation of tasks? In his example of washing the dishes for the family. What if that task was assigned to the husband yet he is not doing it so you end up doing it yourself.
Evita In example of dishes, why would you end up doing it yourself? The book also speaks about not intervening in other’s tasks, i.e. having confidence in o…moreIn example of dishes, why would you end up doing it yourself? The book also speaks about not intervening in other’s tasks, i.e. having confidence in other person even when he’s failing - it’s his task to deal with consequences. If you focus on your own tasks instead, then you’re happy about your contribution to others. But I’m also curious what to do when someone’s failure at his task is practically impacting you (no dishes to eat from) - should you provide sincere feedback that it’s impacting you and revise whose task it is or just wash one dish for yourself? :) Author’s explanation of “separation of tasks” was more philosophical than literal, so I’m also struggling in some literal examples. (less)
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Does anyone know what is the red symbol on the book cover? I see the same (or similar) symbol on the books by Alan Watts
CK Roji In Zen, an ensō.
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Why do people give 1 star based on ONE flaw of the book (about the minimization of your past traumas) and don't give credit for the whole book per se?
Florian A direct attack on the ego.

Lots of people see both, their trauma and their trigger reaction as a part of their personality and base a part of their se…moreA direct attack on the ego.

Lots of people see both, their trauma and their trigger reaction as a part of their personality and base a part of their self-image on that. "I suffered thru trauma, I have one or more trigger reactions, that is me".

So, a clear statement like "Trauma doesn´t exist" can feel like an outright denial of the existence of a person, instead of the reassuring message that you don´t have to stay a person whose existence is defined by trauma.

Someone I know has caused the death of a pet as a child. Ever since she has had this thing she has had to "save all the animals of the earth", carrying earthworms across streets, rescuing each and every stray cat, and so on. It´s quite a trigger, she can´t ignore what she sees as an animal in need of help and her self-image is built around seeing herself as a heroic savior.

Tell her she is nuts or anything critical and she goes berserk ;-)(less)
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