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The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself, Change your Life and Achieve Real Happiness
by
The Japanese phenomenon that teaches us the simple yet profound lessons required to liberate our real selves and find lasting happiness.
The Courage to be Disliked shows you how to unlock the power within yourself to become your best and truest self, change your future and find lasting happiness. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of 19th century ps ...more
The Courage to be Disliked shows you how to unlock the power within yourself to become your best and truest self, change your future and find lasting happiness. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of 19th century ps ...more
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Paperback, 288 pages
Published
January 3rd 2019
by Allen & Unwin
(first published December 12th 2013)
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Start your review of The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself, Change your Life and Achieve Real Happiness
What do we say to the god of self-help books?
Not today.Maybe tomorrow.
But this, this isn't a self-help book. And fuck it, I'm going to be brutally honest on Goodreads because you are all wonderful people. And we all need to stop hiding how we feel and have a discussion.
Disclaimer No book is a one-size-helps-all. Don't see any self-help or psychologically-directed book as the Holy Grail of "my life is now going to change." You know why? You decide to change. You did the work. The book might help ...more
Not today.
But this, this isn't a self-help book. And fuck it, I'm going to be brutally honest on Goodreads because you are all wonderful people. And we all need to stop hiding how we feel and have a discussion.
Disclaimer No book is a one-size-helps-all. Don't see any self-help or psychologically-directed book as the Holy Grail of "my life is now going to change." You know why? You decide to change. You did the work. The book might help ...more
This book was really famous in Japan, it became number one on the bestseller list in 2014. After then, it translated in Korean and it stayed on bestseller list for 33 weeks in Korea. At first time I heard this news, I doubt about this book. Because I had some biases about best sellers. But my professor just recommended this book to me, and I read it. And this book was totally different from other best sellers.
This book talks about 'Courage'. It says we need courage to be hated. Because peopl ...more
This book talks about 'Courage'. It says we need courage to be hated. Because peopl ...more
I don't know if I can get through all of this. I've never reviewed a book before I finished it, but I feel it's warranted here.
First, the title is a bait and switch as it is all about Western Adlerian psychology, not anything Japanese.
It's outdated. It's almost incoherent if you know anything about psychological or biological research of the last 80 years. Adler has the excuse of not knowing about that because he's dead. The authors of this book do not.
So far, the book is a circular argument: ...more
First, the title is a bait and switch as it is all about Western Adlerian psychology, not anything Japanese.
It's outdated. It's almost incoherent if you know anything about psychological or biological research of the last 80 years. Adler has the excuse of not knowing about that because he's dead. The authors of this book do not.
So far, the book is a circular argument: ...more
Jul 12, 2018
Bridget
rated it
did not like it
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
big-book-of-suck,
00-07-tbr-july18
Victim blaming. “Trauma does not exist” “People CHOOSE to be unhappy”. This is the worst book I have ever read. So glad it was a give away. I’ll be regifting it to file 13.
Inspiring, thought-provoking and deeper than a Taylor Swift song.
This quote kinda sums up the book. It's about returning the focus to only what you can affect, and living your own life a moment at a time.
There are some ideas here that are familiar to ...more
'All you can do with regard to your own life is choose the best path that you believe in. On the other hand, what kind of judgement do people pass on that choice? That is the task of other people, and is not a matter you can do anything about.'
This quote kinda sums up the book. It's about returning the focus to only what you can affect, and living your own life a moment at a time.
There are some ideas here that are familiar to ...more
I found the tone of this book contrived and condescending, with poorly written dialogue (although hard to know how much of that is due to the translation).
The worst faults for me, however, were the offensive, compassionaless, victim-blaming ideas such as 'trauma does not exist' (a heading of a sub-chapter), expanded on to state that a person suffering from agorophobia is choosing to do so to treated as special by their parents. Second worst would be the poor logic used to 'prove' these ideas.
...more
The worst faults for me, however, were the offensive, compassionaless, victim-blaming ideas such as 'trauma does not exist' (a heading of a sub-chapter), expanded on to state that a person suffering from agorophobia is choosing to do so to treated as special by their parents. Second worst would be the poor logic used to 'prove' these ideas.
...more
Teleology: The study of the purpose of the given phenomenon, rather than it's cause.
The past events does not define our present or future. People are not driven by past causes, but move toward goals that they themselves set.
Ever wonder what makes you angry?
The first thing that pops in my mind is, people get angry because of others or any external triggers, but in reality, people fabricate anger such that they can make the other person to submit. Anger is a means to achieve a goal. Anger is a too ...more
The past events does not define our present or future. People are not driven by past causes, but move toward goals that they themselves set.
Ever wonder what makes you angry?
The first thing that pops in my mind is, people get angry because of others or any external triggers, but in reality, people fabricate anger such that they can make the other person to submit. Anger is a means to achieve a goal. Anger is a too ...more
I have goosebumps finishing this book. So many strong pieces of wisdom within these pages that not only had me rethink many of the conclusions I have on life but also allowed me to put new truths into action and feel the weight in the validity of these teachings.
I will re-read this for many years to come.
I will re-read this for many years to come.
For a start, readers should know that there is no "Japanese phenomenon" here. This is psychobabble based on Alfred Adler's teachings written by Japanese authors. Framing this book as a "Japanese phenomenon" misleads the reader, and is an outright misrepresentation by the authors.
This book is loosely based on Socrates' teachings (I'm being generous here) and the Adlerian School of Psychotherapy, born out the same movement (the Vienna Psychoanalytic Society) that gave us Sigmund Freud and Carl Jun ...more
This book is loosely based on Socrates' teachings (I'm being generous here) and the Adlerian School of Psychotherapy, born out the same movement (the Vienna Psychoanalytic Society) that gave us Sigmund Freud and Carl Jun ...more
I rarely leave reviews here on Goodreads, but this book has the potential to change lives.
It introduces the reader to so many new concepts, yet in such an approachable way, that every chapter ends with an aha-moment.
Read this book if you're into personal development, if you want to completely change your opinion about happiness.
Read it if you are struggling with your introvert personality, if you have trauma to overcome and relationships to heal (especially with your parents). ...more
It introduces the reader to so many new concepts, yet in such an approachable way, that every chapter ends with an aha-moment.
Read this book if you're into personal development, if you want to completely change your opinion about happiness.
Read it if you are struggling with your introvert personality, if you have trauma to overcome and relationships to heal (especially with your parents). ...more
While I can acknowledge that this book added value to my life, I had *serious* issues with several points of this "phenomenon" which is ultimately why I am giving it only one star.
I'd like to start by saying that I listened to this on Audible and that was a pleasant experience - as it's written as a dialogue between two people, it is read in that style. If you are going to pick this up, I highly recommend the audio version.
I found myself yelling in my car at the old philosopher several times, ag ...more
I'd like to start by saying that I listened to this on Audible and that was a pleasant experience - as it's written as a dialogue between two people, it is read in that style. If you are going to pick this up, I highly recommend the audio version.
I found myself yelling in my car at the old philosopher several times, ag ...more
I didn't like the "play" format of this book. For me, it would have been much more effective in a traditional non-fiction style.
...more
My words would be worthless so I just quote:"It is similar with the shock experienced by someone who, after many years of being nearsighted, puts on glasses for the first time"
...more
I tried to like this book, I really did. I unlearned all of my predisposition and tried to embrace the school of Adlerian psychology that this book preached, but to no avail. To be fair, I completely agree with many of the ideas proposed in this book about how to live your life healthier, like the separation of tasks and that you shouldn't care about how everyone around you think of you, but that's only because I have always considered them to be common sense instead of some profound, radical id
...more
TLDR: bought a dead tree copy for my daughter. If I leave her with any useful legacy I'd like it to be introducing her to this book.
***
So, it's not that I'm not a fan of the Socratic Method, it's just that the particular format of this book is tiresome. It's written as a dialogue over 5 sessions between The Philosopher and The Youth, and 90% of my irritation is because of the Youth is written as both extremely abrasive in manner, and dense as a plank.
However the contents of the book are excellen ...more
***
So, it's not that I'm not a fan of the Socratic Method, it's just that the particular format of this book is tiresome. It's written as a dialogue over 5 sessions between The Philosopher and The Youth, and 90% of my irritation is because of the Youth is written as both extremely abrasive in manner, and dense as a plank.
However the contents of the book are excellen ...more
Apparently "there is no trauma" because you simply just choose to be traumatized and it's really just up to you whether you want to magically snap your finger and get out of this damn trauma rut.
So why dontcha already, huh?!
Okay. Not that I'm a huge fan of Adler anyway but this is brazenly taking out of context the man's writings too.
This book read a lot like other pseudo-scientific books like this whole law of attraction stuff that's been running rampant in the past 10+ years. Ironically the ...more
So why dontcha already, huh?!
Okay. Not that I'm a huge fan of Adler anyway but this is brazenly taking out of context the man's writings too.
This book read a lot like other pseudo-scientific books like this whole law of attraction stuff that's been running rampant in the past 10+ years. Ironically the ...more
Nov 25, 2018
Stephie
rated it
did not like it
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
psychology,
audiobook
Got halfway through and had to give up. The book is set out as a Socratic discussion, but I didn’t like that. It felt condescending rather than interesting.
I don’t think I agree with many of Alfred Adler’s ideas as represented in this book, particularly his views on trauma, which he says “does not exist”. Maybe that’s a helpful way of thinking for some people, but it doesn’t sit well with me. His ideas might be more nuanced, but if they are, I don’t think the book did much to convey that. It wa ...more
I don’t think I agree with many of Alfred Adler’s ideas as represented in this book, particularly his views on trauma, which he says “does not exist”. Maybe that’s a helpful way of thinking for some people, but it doesn’t sit well with me. His ideas might be more nuanced, but if they are, I don’t think the book did much to convey that. It wa ...more
This book is insulting to the field of psychology and to humanity in general. The premise is that abuse and trauma just need to be forgotten and people just need to move on because they're choosing to be traumatized.
If you don't enjoy critical thinking and just want to brainwashed then this book is for you. ...more
If you don't enjoy critical thinking and just want to brainwashed then this book is for you. ...more
Alfred Adler is the relatively unknown 3rd giant of psychology after the likes of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung but with arguably the most ground-breaking work of any. Adlerian psychology feels counter-intuitive at first glance in many ways, but one powerful idea after another it makes it's case, creating one of the strongest, most foolproof frameworks ever for thinking. I don't think I will ever go back to being the same person again, now that I have read this book.
Adlerian psychology is opposed ...more
Adlerian psychology is opposed ...more
4.75
Sometimes a book comes into your life at the precise moment that you need it. For me, this is one of those books. This does not mean that I completely agree with all of the ideas that were explored (particularly in relation to the rather flippant and simplistic explanations of self-harm or the fact that its discussions failed to address psychosomatic disorders as a potential exception to some of the arguments). However, this book provided so many light bulb moments to me and related to my cu ...more
Sometimes a book comes into your life at the precise moment that you need it. For me, this is one of those books. This does not mean that I completely agree with all of the ideas that were explored (particularly in relation to the rather flippant and simplistic explanations of self-harm or the fact that its discussions failed to address psychosomatic disorders as a potential exception to some of the arguments). However, this book provided so many light bulb moments to me and related to my cu ...more
Find my full review here: https://bound2books.co/2019/08/02/wha...
I bought The Courage to Be Disliked because I was curious to learn more about what the book had to offer. There has been an explosion of self-help literature in the 21st Century, and it probably has something to do with our chronic feelings of loneliness, burnout, and fear of not fitting into society. Japanese ways of thinking have also become extremely popular due to the rise of Marie Kondo. So this book seemed to hit all the rig ...more
I bought The Courage to Be Disliked because I was curious to learn more about what the book had to offer. There has been an explosion of self-help literature in the 21st Century, and it probably has something to do with our chronic feelings of loneliness, burnout, and fear of not fitting into society. Japanese ways of thinking have also become extremely popular due to the rise of Marie Kondo. So this book seemed to hit all the rig ...more
The content of this book is amazing.
I remember me discussing with Himanshu, Abhishek and Ankit, a lot of things which are related to the book. This book gave words to those musings and structured a lot of mental models for me. It made me wonder about a lot of experiences I had and am having. One advice: start acting the way this book suggests at least for the time span of the read.
Few lessons:
- Your past doesn't determine you, it is how you make of it.
- Don't rush for answers, arrive at them. (* ...more
I remember me discussing with Himanshu, Abhishek and Ankit, a lot of things which are related to the book. This book gave words to those musings and structured a lot of mental models for me. It made me wonder about a lot of experiences I had and am having. One advice: start acting the way this book suggests at least for the time span of the read.
Few lessons:
- Your past doesn't determine you, it is how you make of it.
- Don't rush for answers, arrive at them. (* ...more
"The courage to be happy, also includes the courage to be disliked."
I didn't know how much I needed to read this book until I read it. I know it's in the so-called "self-help" category but in my opinion, this is NOT a self-help book, at least not as we know it. Although the title implies not being concerned about what others might think of you (if they ever do), fortunately, this is not the only thing discussed here, it's actually one of the many. Yet the book isn't lost in its own context which ...more
I didn't know how much I needed to read this book until I read it. I know it's in the so-called "self-help" category but in my opinion, this is NOT a self-help book, at least not as we know it. Although the title implies not being concerned about what others might think of you (if they ever do), fortunately, this is not the only thing discussed here, it's actually one of the many. Yet the book isn't lost in its own context which ...more
I audibly groaned when this book opened with a provocative and a little scandalous chapter that claims “there is no trauma”, claiming we all have complete control of our lives and can forget about and set aside the past and past traumata if we just want to. I’ve read something similar from a different author a couple of years ago and was really appalled by the impertinence and lack of empathy, which tended to slip into the realm of victim shaming, and really don’t need to read another book on th
...more
Despite the cringeworthy title, this ended up being a brilliant book. I think I'll go back to it often.
...more
Alfred Adler? Was my first thoughts when I picked up this book. It was explained that the he was among the 3 titans of modern psychology and proponent of Teleology that contrasted with the aetiology principles of Jung and Freud. Like Aristotle and Kant before him, Adler believed that the individual should find meaning in life through the reference of one's purpose and contribution to community rather than reference the causes and effects of one's background or history to explore his future i.e:
...more
Well this was a refreshing read! Not at all what I was expecting and quite unlike any other 'self-help' book I've ever come across. I really liked the book's presentation style, which basically takes the form of a conversation between a discontent youth and an erudite philosopher well versed in the teachings of Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler. Back and forth the two go, duking it out, with the cynical youth on the offensive, countered with quick ripostes from the astute philosopher.
Beforehan ...more
Beforehan ...more
A very gentle introduction to Adlerian psychology and the setting for this is amazing. Truly a great read and definitely makes you think more about the world around you and how your perspectives can really be changed if you just allow yourself to.
I change and the world changes. Wonderful book.
Aug 28, 2019
Andreia Fernandes
rated it
really liked it
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
2018,
psychology,
audible-2018,
true-self,
nonfiction,
audible-2019,
self-development,
2019
You do not live to satisfy the expectations of others. If you are not living your life for yourself, who is living it for you?
A deep explanation of Alfred Adler's "Individual Psychology Theory." LOVED IT!
If you like this book, you may like Solitude: In Pursuit of a Singular Life in a Crowded World. ...more
A deep explanation of Alfred Adler's "Individual Psychology Theory." LOVED IT!
If you like this book, you may like Solitude: In Pursuit of a Singular Life in a Crowded World. ...more
| topics | posts | views | last activity | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Talk Wordy To Me: The Courage to be Disliked | 5 | 31 | Apr 30, 2021 12:52AM | |
| Radical ideas in this book | 3 | 117 | Apr 26, 2021 03:16AM | |
| Play Book Tag: The Courage To Be Disliked - Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga - 3 stars & a doodle | 4 | 14 | Dec 18, 2020 09:45AM | |
| The Hun's Book Club: The courage to be Disliked - Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga | 1 | 9 | Mar 08, 2020 11:10AM |
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Ichiro KISHIMI Philosopher, Adlerian psychologist and translator of English and German languages. Born in 1956.
M.A.in philosophy from Kyoto University. Director of the Japanese Society of Adlerian psychology. Former counselor at Maeda Clinic in Kyoto and has taught philosophy and ancient Greek at various institutions such as Kyoto University of Education and Nara Women's University.
He presently t ...more
M.A.in philosophy from Kyoto University. Director of the Japanese Society of Adlerian psychology. Former counselor at Maeda Clinic in Kyoto and has taught philosophy and ancient Greek at various institutions such as Kyoto University of Education and Nara Women's University.
He presently t ...more
Articles featuring this book
Every December, as we wrap up our annual Goodreads Reading Challenge, we ask our book-loving colleagues a simple yet incredibly tough...
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“Do Not Live to Satisfy the Expectations of Others”
—
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“A healthy feeling of inferiority is not something that comes from comparing oneself to others; it comes from one’s comparison with one’s ideal self.”
—
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