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The Courage To Be Disliked: How to free yourself, change your life and achieve real happiness

4.17  ·  Rating details ·  5,619 ratings  ·  745 reviews
The Courage to Be Disliked, already an enormous bestseller in Asia with more than 3.5 million copies sold, demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be.

Is happiness something you choose for yourself? The Courage to Be Disliked presents a simple and straightforward answer. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three gia
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Paperback, 288 pages
Published January 3rd 2019 by Allen & Unwin (first published December 12th 2013)
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Matthew John Good question! :)
Based on what I understood, the task of taking care of his father was indeed identified as a life task by the philosopher. However,…more
Good question! :)
Based on what I understood, the task of taking care of his father was indeed identified as a life task by the philosopher. However, it was not to gain a sense of status / recognition or because of any persuasion by external factors (living to satisfy others' lives). The presence of his father with him, by virtue of his father's being (and not tasks or contributions) was important to the philosopher and hence he wanted to invest effort into building that interpersonal relationship with his father and contribute by helping him in his old age. The whole experience also gives the philosopher a feeling of being 'useful to the community'. Hope this perspective helps!(less)

Community Reviews

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4.17  · 
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 ·  5,619 ratings  ·  745 reviews


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Lee
Oct 17, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book was really famous in Japan, it became number one on the bestseller list in 2014. After then, it translated in Korean and it stayed on bestseller list for 33 weeks in Korea. At first time I heard this news, I doubt about this book. Because I had some biases about best sellers. But my professor just recommended this book to me, and I read it. And this book was totally different from other best sellers.

This book talks about 'Courage'. It says we need courage to be hated. Because people
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Krystal
Inspiring, thought-provoking and deeper than a Taylor Swift song.

'All you can do with regard to your own life is choose the best path that you believe in. On the other hand, what kind of judgement do people pass on that choice? That is the task of other people, and is not a matter you can do anything about.'

This quote kinda sums up the book. It's about returning the focus to only what you can affect, and living your own life a moment at a time.

There are some ideas here that are familiar to me
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Nguyên ngộ ngộ
Review 1:
ui za...sách viết theo lối SONG THOẠI cực hay luôngggg
thông điệp ko mới nha, ko mới nha, nói về những thứ self-help nói đầy luôn: HOÀN CẢNH, BIỆN HỘ, TỰ DO LỰA CHỌN...nhưng cách đối thoại để lòi ra tận cùng của LOGIC thì cực đã luôn nhá

Đọc phê.

Review 2.
nếu đọc ko "vô" cuốn 7 thói quen của Stephen R.Covey,
hãy chuyển qua đọc cuốn này.
đối thoại để đẩy logic tới tận cùng!

Review 3:
má ơi, ngẫm nghĩ lại, cuốn sách này hay nhất là ở chỗ, tác giả giải thích được TỰ DO, TỰ TI, TỰ TÔN, TỰ TIN, HẠ
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Emma Sea
May 28, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
TLDR: bought a dead tree copy for my daughter. If I leave her with any useful legacy I'd like it to be introducing her to this book.

***

So, it's not that I'm not a fan of the Socratic Method, it's just that the particular format of this book is tiresome. It's written as a dialogue over 5 sessions between The Philosopher and The Youth, and 90% of my irritation is because of the Youth is written as both extremely abrasive in manner, and dense as a plank.

However the contents of the book are excellen
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Bridget
Jul 12, 2018 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Victim blaming. “Trauma does not exist” “People CHOOSE to be unhappy”. This is the worst book I have ever read. So glad it was a give away. I’ll be regifting it to file 13.
Alessandra Nigro
I rarely leave reviews here on Goodreads, but this book has the potential to change lives.
It introduces the reader to so many new concepts, yet in such an approachable way, that every chapter ends with an aha-moment.
Read this book if you're into personal development, if you want to completely change your opinion about happiness.
Read it if you are struggling with your introvert personality, if you have trauma to overcome and relationships to heal (especially with your parents).
Lumashel
Jan 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing
My words would be worthless so I just quote:"It is similar with the shock experienced by someone who, after many years of being nearsighted, puts on glasses for the first time"
J & J
I didn't like the "play" format of this book. For me, it would have been much more effective in a traditional non-fiction style.
Thao Nguyen
Feb 25, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Mình mua cuốn sách này trong thời điểm cuối năm, bản thân vừa mới nhận ra một vài mối quan hệ không được tốt đẹp như mình nghĩ, người khác ghét mình, thiếu định hướng về tương lai và cảm thấy mọi thứ thật vô vọng và vô nghĩa.

Mình sẽ xếp cuốn sách này vào những cuốn sách phải đọc lại ít nhất 2 lần/năm cùng với cuốn 6 tỉ đường đến hạnh phúc. Nó đã giúp mình rất nhiều trong việc cân bằng mọi thứ, và khi đọc xong, bạn sẽ cảm thấy rằng "Đúng thật, cuộc đời thật đơn giản".

Sống hết mình với người khác
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Nishant Nikhil
Dec 30, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
The content of this book is amazing.
I remember me discussing with Himanshu, Abhishek and Ankit, a lot of things which are related to the book. This book gave words to those musings and structured a lot of mental models for me. It made me wonder about a lot of experiences I had and am having. One advice: start acting the way this book suggests at least for the time span of the read.
Few lessons:
- Your past doesn't determine you, it is how you make of it.
- Don't rush for answers, arrive at them. (*
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nananatte
Aug 12, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2018-favorites
ตลกมาก และ Thought Provoking สุดๆ
อานแลวขำคะ ซึงในความขำนีกขีดไฮไลทกันมากมายสนุกสนาน

แนวคิดจิตวิทยาแบบแอดเลอรทีอ.คิชิมิ อธิบาย อานแลวเหมือนโดนเอาฆอนทุบหวทุกครึงหนา เราวาถาเปนเราไปนังคุยกับ "คุณนักปรัชญา" กคงอยากถามกระโชกโฮกฮากแบบ "คุณชายหนุม" แหละนะ เพราะอานๆ ไป กไดแตอุทานวา "หา?" แทบจะตลอดเวลา

คือเนือหาดีมากกกก แหวกมากกก ตองเรียกวา "แปลกและแตกตาง" ดีกวาคะ เกิดมาไมเคยไดยินอะไรพวกนีมากอน
อยาโดนชือหนังสือหลอกคะ เลมนีดีคะ (เราเปนคนนึงทีเหนชือหนังสือเลมนีแลวขอบาย ทีอานนีคือเพราะคนรอบตัวชมกันเปนทิวแถว แล
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Anh Dũng
#2ndTime #Inline #Hospital #OnBus #FeelSoSoStrong

"Imagine all the people living for today" & "The future not our to see" Hai câu trong 2 bài hát yêu thích ^^,

Nghe tựa đề quyển sách vậy thui, chứ thực ra phải là "dám hạnh phúc", mà chắc cái đề đó nó hơi chuối và yếu đuối nên chắc tác giả không lấy làm tựa thui. Đọc quyển này mình rút ra một điều: chỉ cần can đảm xíu thui, bạn sẽ làm cho tương lai bạn không biết đâu mà lần, tội cho mình của ngày mai nhưng kệ nó đi, hôm nay mình sướng là được.

T
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Reba
Dec 21, 2017 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: did-nt-finish
I found the tone of this book contrived and condescending, with poorly written dialogue (although hard to know how much of that is due to the translation).

The worst faults for me, however, were the offensive, compassionaless, victim-blaming ideas such as 'trauma does not exist' (a heading of a sub-chapter), expanded on to state that a person suffering from agorophobia is choosing to do so to treated as special by their parents. Second worst would be the poor logic used to 'prove' these ideas.

Sandhya Chandramohan
Alfred Adler is the relatively unknown 3rd giant of psychology after the likes of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung but with arguably the most ground-breaking work of any. Adlerian psychology feels counter-intuitive at first glance in many ways, but one powerful idea after another it makes it's case, creating one of the strongest, most foolproof frameworks ever for thinking. I don't think I will ever go back to being the same person again, now that I have read this book.

Adlerian psychology is opposed
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Ray Li
Mar 03, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A very gentle introduction to Adlerian psychology and the setting for this is amazing. Truly a great read and definitely makes you think more about the world around you and how your perspectives can really be changed if you just allow yourself to.
Toàn Phan
Feb 28, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
HAY!

Có nhiều cách nghĩ lạ, có thể áp dụng ngay và lâu dài.

Trừ 1 sao vì dàn trang tốn giấy nha :))
Ongorn
Aug 05, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
อาจารยมหาลัยคนนึงเขียนเรืองจิตวิทยาแบบแอดเลอรไว
นักเขียนคนนึงไปอานเจอเขาเมือสิบกวาปีกอน แลวพบวาเนือหาบางอยางสันสะเทือนจิตวิญญานของเขา
กเลยรวมมือกับอาจารยทานนัน เขียนหนังสือเลมนีออกมา ในรูปแบบการถกปัญหา ทีสุดทายแลว วาดวย
"เราจะอยูบนโลกนีอยางมีความสุขไดอยางไร"

เพราะขึนชือวาเปนปรัชญา มันจะดูเปนนามธรรม บางอยางขัดแยงกับสามัญสำนึก และอาจนำไปปฏิบัติไมไดจริง
แตเมือเขียนใหมี ตัวเอกเปนเดกหนุมหัวดือ เกลียดตัวเอง ระแวงคนทังโลก เขามาถกปัญหากับอาจารย
เดกหนุมกจะทำหนาทีถามแทนคนอานในจุดทีนาสงสัย ขัดแยงแบบทีคนอานอาจเหน
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Sarah
Aug 11, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
Despite the cringeworthy title, this ended up being a brilliant book. I think I'll go back to it often.
Jo-Ann Duff (Duffy The Writer)
Recently I've been drawn to books which encourage me to look at myself, and hopefully make me a better 'me'.  The Courage To Be Disliked had a title I just couldn't go past, and when I read that over 3million copies had been sold, I couldn't pass it up.

The Courage To Be Disliked is a unique book.  It has taken Japan by storm, using the theories of renowned 19th century philosopher and psychiatrist Alfred Adler to create a string of conversations between a fictional philosopher and a young man. T
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Napon Theerapisute
ในมุมนึงถือวาเปนหนังสือทีใชได แตกไมมีอะไรแปลกใหม เพราะจริงๆ แลวเนือหาทุกอยางทีอยูในหนังสือ มันกคือสิงเดียวกันกับทีหนังสือพัฒนาตนเองเลมอืนๆ เคยเขียนมาแลวนันแหละ เพียงแคมันถูกฉาบทับไวดวยทฤษฎีของแอดเลอร และนำเสนอแนวคิดโดยใชบทสนทนา แทนทีจะใชการเลาเชิงสังสอนแบบหนังสือพัฒนาตนเองเลมอืนๆ

การใชบทสนทนาในการนำเสนอกดูจะเปนอะไรทีเหมาะกับเนือหาของมัน เพราะการถกเถียงไปๆ มาๆ กนาจะเปนวิธีทีมีประสิทธิภาพในการใชคุยกันเรืองปรัชญาชีวิต

และความไมแปลกใหมกคงไมใชขอดอยอะไรมากมาย เพราะสวนตัวกคิดวา การพัฒนาตนเองมันไมจำเปนตอง
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Alfie Yee
Alfred Adler? Was my first thoughts when I picked up this book. It was explained that the he was among the 3 titans of modern psychology and proponent of Teleology that contrasted with the aetiology principles of Jung and Freud. Like Aristotle and Kant before him, Adler believed that the individual should find meaning in life through the reference of one's purpose and contribution to community rather than reference the causes and effects of one's background or history to explore his future i.e: ...more
Vivek Aithal
Sep 16, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
As you all must be aware, everybody loves me. Especially people who do not know me. So, what is this book even, you ask?

Courage to be disliked was an inward journey in identifying 'life-lies' as Adler calls them, and the power they hold in the stories I create for myself as an excuse to not act. It was quite difficult to accept certain claims of Adler's given my current state of intuitions, cemented by aetiological/Freudian philosophy of causes and effects. While there are remarkably insightful
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John
Jan 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I change and the world changes. Wonderful book.
Ian Stewart
Jun 08, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Something like an introduction to psychologist Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Freud and Jung who I, and apparently many other people, had previously known little about. If you’ve read any Dale Carnegie or Stephen Covey you’ve already had your own little introduction. It seems Adler was an influence on them.

With my own background reading I was reminded of Stoicism’s rejection of “things you can’t change” in understanding the world and Adlerian Psychology often felt to my mind like a more systema
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Proud Anangosolporn
เปลียนมุมมองความคิดของเราในหลายๆเรือง เปนการเอาความคิดตามหลักจิตวิทยาแบบแอดเลอรทีซับซอน มาเขียนในรูปแบบของบทสนทนาไดอยางเขาใจงาย เปนอีกหนึงเลมทีรูสึกดีทีไดอาน ...more
Trung Thieu
Apr 30, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Một cuốn sách hay mà chắc chắn tôi sẽ phải xem đi xem lại nhiều lần.
Ngắn gọn về cuốn sách thì tác giả đang diễn giải thế giới quan, lối sống theo quan điểm triết học của Ông Alfred Adler (Individual Psychology, đừng để cái tên nó đánh lừa).
Muốn nói dài dòng hơn thì cũng khó, vì chỉ đơn giản trích dẫn ra các khái niệm thì sẽ khó có thể hiểu được giải thích đằng sau. Còn nếu lấy các kết luận ra thì cũng sẽ khó để hiểu được vì nó thường trái ngược với thế giới quan theo trường phái triết học của Si
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Stephie
Nov 25, 2018 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Got halfway through and had to give up. The book is set out as a Socratic discussion, but I didn’t like that. It felt condescending rather than interesting.

I don’t think I agree with many of Alfred Adler’s ideas as represented in this book, particularly his views on trauma, which he says “does not exist”. Maybe that’s a helpful way of thinking for some people, but it doesn’t sit well with me. His ideas might be more nuanced, but if they are, I don’t think the book did much to convey that. It wa
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Sean Goh
Aug 01, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Thought-provoking, like a dash of cold water to the face. Worth re-reading slowly to let the philosophical points percolate through the "self-acceptance => confidence in others =>contribution to others => meaning and self-acceptance" framework set out in the last chapter.

___
The argument concerning traumas, that because something happened to you in the past the way you are is not your fault, is typical of aetiology (study of causation). However, to Adler, we are not determined by our ex
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Ampassacha Rakkhumkaeo
'กลาทีจะถูกเกลียด' เปนการจัวหัวหนังสือทีทำใหนาสนใจเลยทีเดียว การดำเนินเรืองโดยใชบทสนทนาถกเถียงเปนแนวคิดทีดี เพราะถาเปนแบบเนือความปกติ คงจะสรางขอโตแยงในใจผูอานในระหวางทีอานไปไดเชนกัน เปนหนังสือการพัฒนาตนเองทีอานแลวอยากทดสอบแนวคิดนีซักตังวามันจะใชกับโลกนีไดจริงมัย แนะนำใหอานใครอยูรานหนังสือหรือมีหนังสือแลวกเริมตังแตวินาทีนีกไดนะ ...more
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Radical ideas in this book 1 15 Jan 27, 2019 11:09PM  

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66 followers
Ichiro KISHIMI Philosopher, Adlerian psychologist and translator of English and German languages. Born in 1956.

M.A.in philosophy from Kyoto University. Director of the Japanese Society of Adlerian psychology. Former counselor at Maeda Clinic in Kyoto and has taught philosophy and ancient Greek at various institutions such as Kyoto University of Education and Nara Women's University.

He presently t
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“Do Not Live to Satisfy the Expectations of Others” 21 likes
“If one really has a feeling of contribution, one will no longer have any need for recognition from others. Because one will already have the real awareness that “I am of use to someone,” without needing to go out of one’s way to be acknowledged by others. In other words, a person who is obsessed with the desire for recognition does not have any community feeling yet, and has not managed to engage in self-acceptance, confidence in others, or contribution to others.” 16 likes
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