Bowen Dwelle
asked:
It’s not really possible to keep the balance sheet clean after every interaction, especially in a close relationship. Relationships remain open, with some loose ends, as they continue. I'd like all my relationships to be "horizontal" all the time, but it's not really possible. Isn't being willing to leave some loose ends open a form of having the courage to be disliked?
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The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness,
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Michelle
I can't find any personal details about the family life of each author-- further, the sex-role/gender stereotyping is much stronger in Japan than where I live in USA so I wonder if my Western bias and the fact that I'm a parent also made me ask the same question. They briefly mention old age and how an invalid can still contribute to the family dynamic, but yes, I can extrapolate the role of children so some degree but he's not super-clear about situations where there's a kind of inequality. I wonder if the follow-up book will make more details known.
I also wondered about his view on children: perhaps Japanese children are different from the ones in my own family. I don't use reward/punishment in the home, but I do have to "get after" my kid to finish tasks sometimes-- just saying "your task now is to study so you can get to college later" is not going to cut it 100% of the time.
This book was full of so much great advice and so many important ideas, but we have to admit typical Western culture, at least from where I am (a teacher in a public school in the USA) it will be received differently by different people. I hope everyone who reads it will interpret and use the materials presented to affect their lives - and others - in a positive way
I also wondered about his view on children: perhaps Japanese children are different from the ones in my own family. I don't use reward/punishment in the home, but I do have to "get after" my kid to finish tasks sometimes-- just saying "your task now is to study so you can get to college later" is not going to cut it 100% of the time.
This book was full of so much great advice and so many important ideas, but we have to admit typical Western culture, at least from where I am (a teacher in a public school in the USA) it will be received differently by different people. I hope everyone who reads it will interpret and use the materials presented to affect their lives - and others - in a positive way
Jerodine
I think the philosopher challenges us to examine our interactions with others. We can still have vertical thoughts in a horizontal relationship. The philosopher recognises the human desire to be liked and to persuade our comrades to think and act like us and so our exchange with others may be tainted by a personal agenda to manipulate others to respond to us in a way that enhances one's self esteem. Therefore, with the aim to enhance social interest and life tasks affirming, committing one's effort to live horizontally with others opens up a safe space for relationship building without coercing yourself or others to drink the water. If others resist adjusting their vertical attitude towards you, the philosopher would encourage you to speak your mind respectfully to them without being concerned of the consequences, even if it may cost you to break off some alliances or hurt you financially . In the end, you will feel more confident to be yourself, less inclined to please others to gain belonging and more content to live your day simply but fully.
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